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Thread: Partner does not a child

  1. #1
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    Partner does not a child

    Hello everyone,

    I want to say thanks to anyone reading my story.

    I've met a very sweet man during fall last year, and are engaged. We click very well, and share many things. Past and current matters.We share the same humour, we were raised in the same area. We have similarities when it comes to political choice, and spirituality, and subjects we both have interests in. Ofcourse not everything but many things, and we have great chemistry....

    He is 20 years older than I am. He is 60 and I am 40 years old. Never had a child because I was not ready to have one, or when I wanted an ex
    did not want one. I am not the youngest to start a child and I am not really ready right now in the moment, but do want one. More so, I am a little afraid I would miss one later in life. I am not 100 percent sure, but do have this feelings. When I was single I did not really wanted one. But now I am with my current partner I want one. He does not want kids. What should I do? I worry that if I go ahead to have one through donor etc I am not sure if it will be healthy or would have the energy for one.

    Anyone who experienced this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Maybe do more research and speak to your doctor about your concerns. Your doctor will give you a full work up and discuss with you any health concerns in your age group. Make an informed decision, not one only based on internet science and WebMD or forums of 40+ mothers. Speak with your doctor and see what your options are.

    If this person you are engaged to doesn't want children you also need to discuss that with your partner. Hiding that information is manipulative in the long run. Imagine finding out something about your partner later on that causes a divide. Be honest about it and confident enough in yourself to go your separate ways if you are not innately happy with your fiance. This is a decision between the both of you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does he have grown kids? Do you live together? Why not wait until you know each other better before making any sort of decision. Particularly if this is a rebound situation and you are fast-tracking since your last relationship which ended last fall. Most importantly, he does not seem open to adoption and you would need your overall health evaluated.

    My advice about recovering from the last relationship remains the same. [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Princess70
    I've met a very sweet man during fall last year, and are engaged. He is 60 and I am 40 years old. now I am with my current partner I want one. He does not want kids.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would not wait too much longer . You are already at the upper limits of fertility.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I thought you broke up in May.
    [Register to see the link]

    Or is this not the guy you argued with and slapped in the face several times?

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am almost 54 and I can tell you right now I certainly wouldnít have a kid at 60 I could be dead in the ground before the kid is even 10 years old . I would never never never never never never have a kid at 60.

    That is already past the age of most first time grandparents . My mom was a grandma at 51 I even waited until I was 30 to have my son.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I agree, no kid anywhere near close to age 60. You may not live to see the kid start kindergarten and definitely not graduate college.

    At 40 you are close to your limit age wise and there's no guarantee you can get pregnant anyway. You may want to rethink this or find a younger man.

  9. #8
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    Thank everyone,

    To boltnrun, yes it him. We spoke about it and I apologised and have been in therapy since. I have been suffering from a depression and in therapy right now since.

    @ Wiseman, yes he has one child he does not see since his ex does not want to. A very complicated situation but I fully trust his story on what happened.

    @ Rose Moss, no I do not intend to do that. Because I fear the consequences. My age, possible problems concerning the child and a double break-up.

    Since he does not want one, and I have been having a little doubts due to the heavy responsibilities and whether I would be there due to health etc.

    But I am a little worried that I might miss out on a chance of having one ever..... But I do love him a lot, and would do anything even if it would mean giving up on my wish.
    But maybe I do not fully realise the heaviness of this, and he has been suffering from a depression years ago. I am not ready now as I am in therapy sorting myself out. But what if I feel very ready after one year or two? I have not had any embryos frozen or anything of that sort. And I am hesitant to having ivf even without him because I may not handle the emotional consequences.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If you donít feel you can handle the emotional consequences of having a child on your own please donít consider having one. Children are a lifetime commitment whether you have a partner or not. They are a lifetime commitment till you die. Being a parent never ends not even when they leave home.

    If you are having therapy for huge emotional upheaval and depression please reconsider. Children need happy healthy parents both of which who want them.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Please continue with therapy. You can't be slapping anyone in the face, especially your child, just because they say or do something you don't like.

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