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Thread: My boyfriend didnt cheat, but definitely crossed a line.

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend didnt cheat, but definitely crossed a line.

    So here is some context, currently we are dealing with the COVID-19 situation and because of this I hadn't seen my boyfriend for over a month. Weve been together for two years and overall things have been great. I can admit I do have trust issues based on previous relationships and things from my past and that's a problem I am trying to work on. However he's never really given me a reason to 100 percent not trust him. Yes, he does have a lot of girl friends and it does kind of make me uncomfortable but at the end of the day I cant and don't want to control him. Sometimes though I do get very insecure and I hate to admit it but I have looked through his phone before, only twice in the two years we've been together because I always feel awful doing it. But sometimes a feeling of burning curiosity comes over me and i just do it, mostly as confirmation that he hasn't done anything because for the most part I don't really think he is the cheating type.

    Well, just this week I was able to see him again after so long (well long to us, the most we've gone without seeing each other was like a week and a half) and that was really wonderful. However during the time apart I was worried of a distance forming between us because as time went on it felt like he didn't really want to talk to me as much and i don't know he just seemed distant. and i got a little insecure because what if the physical distance made him lose interest or something? i don't know but something felt a little off for me.

    Yesterday he spent the night at my house and we were hanging out today just relaxing. Well he fell alseep in the livingroom, his phone was in my room charging, and due to me having such an odd feeling about what was going on when we couldn't be together i went on his phone. I wasn't expecting to find anything as always, however this time I did. It was on his snapchat, there was a girl he was messaging and no shame to any kind of sex workers but she was a girl who clearly sold pictures of herself and I'm sure you can fill in the rest. what made me notice it was that her username said "[her name] ($ for nudes)", so obviously I was like what the..? The chat was only him messeging over a span of a few weeks, she seemed to be ignoring him or something. It was just messages like "oh i found your snap through a group chat you looked amazing" and "i can see your reading my messages why arent you responding" and such. it just seemed very fishy so i confronted him about it and was like what is this, who is this, what were you trying to do. and all the while he wasn't responding, just shaking his head no. I asked him why he wouldn't explain what was going on and eventually he said I'm not going to explain something that didn't involve anything wrong. I just wanted to know what his intentions were with her and what was up. he ended up getting really mad at me and said he didn't even want to look at me. so he left to go home. I don't know if I did something wrong because he got so angry (which he never really does, i was shocked when he said he didn't want to be around me) or what going on. I just don't understand because he was the one who had sketchy stuff going on, if it wasn't sketchy or wasn't what it looked like then why couldnt he just explain it?

    I know he didnt cheat but a boundary was definitely crossed and it is very hurtful. Because he knows without a shadow of a doubt that doing that kind of stuff is a no-no in our relationship. I let a lot slide, but that is something I am not comfortable with. So the fact that he would do that anyway just makes me feel like he doesn't value my feelings.

    I don't really know what to think, so thoughts? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend has a secret life. He not only has no qualms having a lot of girl "friends" but also enjoys his sleaze on the side; the tramp mystery woman on his cell phone.

    You can't trust him. He is two faced. There's a face for you and another face in his world without you in it.

    Emotional cheating is betraying your trust in him. He doesn't have integrity.

    My husband and I don't have extra opposite gender people in our lives and we both agreed to this principle and unspoken code of honor, respect, devotion and loyalty to one another. (We're fine if other couples have opposite gender friends if they agreed to it and they are entitled!)

    You need to think long and hard. Only you know whether or not your relationship with your boyfriend can endure or not.

    No, he doesn't care how you feel. He's extremely selfish, self-centered and self-serving. He won't change for you. He only knows how to deny and do as he pleases despite what you think. Your opinion and wishes do not matter to him.

    Either accept your boyfriend as he is flaws, character defects and all or be with a MORAL man who knows how to treat you with respect, love, consideration, empathy and virtues you hold dear. Think about it. Don't you deserve better?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    When you feel the need to go through your boyfriend's phone the relationship is over IMO.

    Either you had some idea he might cheat or you haven't resolved your "trust issues". Either way, this relationship is a no go.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He is not who you think he is

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  6. 05-01-2020, 09:00 PM

  7. #5
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    I really detest going in to other people's belongings - I've had a coworker who did this to me, an ex who did this, a roommate who did this- so I'll do my best not to project.

    If you can't trust the person you are with, then you shouldn't be with that person.

    A strong relationship is built on trust and respect (of each other and each other's personal properties) and when you breach that trust, there is no going back.

    You crossed a line too and you paid a price for it.

  8. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What a jerk! He does wrong and instead of owning up to it, he turns the tables on you. Don't buy into it, it's not your fault. He was the one doing wrong and his anger is from being caught.

    Don't go running after him, you will only end up looking weak.
    You need to seriously decide if you want to remain with a man like him.

    For the record, he was cheating. If you're in a relationship, you don't go looking at someone else's naked pictures nor do you try and chat them up.
    I'm not sure if it's society or because you might be insecure, but when the heck did you ever get the idea that what he's doing, might be okay?
    He is being disgusting and yes, it is a type of cheating.

    But at the end of the day, only you can decide if you want to stay with him or not. But don't chase and don't beg. Despite what he tries to make you believe, it was him who did wrong.

  9. #7
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    He couldn't explain it because it was already all there: he's looking for other women on the side, and got caught. The anger is simply a deflection of the guilt. He doesn't know what to say because he knows he can't deny it, and he's not mature enough to take accountability.

    Your suspicion that something was off was correct. Going through his phone wasn't great, but you found what you were looking for. The bigger problem is that you've discovered that he isn't in fact committed the way you hoped.

    I would not continue dating him. He's not the guy you thought he was.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I will preach what I always do, and if it's not everyone's cup of tea, so be it. NO one is going to look out for you. NO one will save you from a liar and a cheater, so if it means looking on his phone, do it!!

    You need to be careful in this day and age, and god knows what he might bring to your bed if this is the type of filth he is into.

    If something doesn't feel right and his phone is there, look, by all means. You will save yourself a lifetime with a loser who will only lie to you and hide things from you.

  11. #9
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    Yes, normally i would feel very bad for looking at his phone because i don't want to be seen as that crazy jealous girlfriend, it seems like people who look through there partners things are portrayed that way. but in this case honestly im glad that i looked instead of continuing on oblivious to what was going on behind closed doors.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I don't view it that way. In this life, people will lie to you, hide things, etc. What would you rather do, choose to look to make sure it's all good and feel slightly bad over looking, or don't look and spend many years with someone who is lying, cheating and might even be bringing you STD's?

    For me, the choice is obvious. Because I tell ya, no one is going to fix anything for me if I choose to not look and some man destroys my health and my life.

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