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Thread: Sleeping around before becoming exclusive even after 2.5 months

  1. #21
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    I don't think he's asking for validation. I don't think he cares in the least what the OP thinks of his choice to experiment with a variety of sexual partners - much less a need for validation. All he's saying is "I am planning to do this and I'd like you to be one of my sexual partners." I'd dismiss the whole "just broke up" thing -that's beside the point -who cares why he wants to experiment with a variety of sexual partners.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't mean "validation" quite like that. OP brought things up. He said "Here's my deal," with total transparency. If that deal doesn't fly with OP, but if OP pretends otherwise and keeps engaging, the deal is "validated."

    If OP wants a different deal to be "validated" through romance, it's not going to come with this man.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Oh my goodness, this guy is a real peach. Girl/Guy he's just keeping you on the hook, telling you enough to make you think there is a possibility. That's breadcrumbs and bs! He is not interested in a relaitonship with you or anyone...he's just filling his dance card. Why can't him being on Tender while on a date with you not a deal breaker? Egad!
    Last edited by smackie9; 10-23-2019 at 01:14 PM.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I don't mean "validation" quite like that. OP brought things up. He said "Here's my deal," with total transparency. If that deal doesn't fly with OP, but if OP pretends otherwise and keeps engaging, the deal is "validated."

    If OP wants a different deal to be "validated" through romance, it's not going to come with this man.
    Oh ok -I see validated as an affirmative act not just passively going along with something. For example when I tell my husband something that happened at work, and he just says "ok" I don't feel validated unless he also says "I agree with the approach you took" or "I see why that was frustrating, I would feel the same." I thought you meant the OP's sex partner is asking for validation of his choice to sleep around. I want the OP to know that IMO he doesn't give a darn what the OP thinks - that he would like the OP to keep having sex with him doesn't mean he needs validation of his choice, he just desires to keep having sex with the OP and other men who might catch his fancy on Tinder or otherwise.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    TiWi, what's your experience like with relationships in general? I can see this being very discouraging and I'm sorry you're going through something like this. As a general rule, do not continue dating another person who has just come out of a break up. You won't be on the same wavelength. This is very basic in terms of dating. Keep it clean and consistent with your dates and learn these red flags.

    You're tripping on a lot of wires here. Check yourself for a little while and hit pause. This is not going the way you want it to for several reasons. You're too emotionally attached for what it's worth. Let things settle and simmer for awhile if you need to collect your thoughts.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's very clear in actions and behavior that he prefers a high risk for STD lifestyle. No confusion or dilemma. Take your chances if you want, but stay safe and worry about you and your health.

    Get to a STD clinic for advice support and testing and education on the risks of male-male sex. [Register to see the link]

    Originally Posted by TiWi
    I asked him that whatever sex experiment he wants to try he can try with me then what is the need of seeing others for sex, he had no answer.

    he was receiving messages on tinder even during our date. I asked him why so much active on tinder, he said he had sex chats with people 2 weeks back but never met anyone.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by TiWi
    Thanks a lot for your opinions. I tried asking a couple of my friends and their answers were no different.

    I again had a talk with him today and he said sorry for making me feel bad by saying whatever he said. He gave a reasoning of why he said that, because in his past recent relationship he wasnt sexually happy and he said if he goes through the same thing again he'll be heartbroken for life. I asked him that whatever sex experiment he wants to try he can try with me then what is the need of seeing others for sex, he had no answer. Also, he was receiving messages on tinder even during our date. I asked him why so much active on tinder, he said he had sex chats with people 2 weeks back but never met anyone. He said sorry for putting me in this state where he doesn't know the answers and still trying to heal from past breakup.
    He said he doesn't want to rush into something beautiful. He even said if he thinks of dating, I'm the only one for sure.

    He seems transperent and honest but at the same time confused. I'm in a dilemma, how to deal with this? Is it a right idea to leave him in this broken state even after knowing that he has recently gone through a breakup and knowing that I kind of like this guy and have fallen for him.

    Please help!
    He is stringing you along, and you are going along for the ride.

    Dude, stop being a doormat. This guy has no intention of having any future with you. He needs to work through his break up, and wants to fool around.

    Are you his therapist? When are you going to put your needs first! Show yourself some value.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 10-23-2019 at 02:14 PM.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by TiWi
    He seems transperent and honest but at the same time confused. I'm in a dilemma, how to deal with this? Is it a right idea to leave him in this broken state even after knowing that he has recently gone through a breakup and knowing that I kind of like this guy and have fallen for him.
    OP, this is you giving yourself an excuse to stick around.

    He doesn't need you to rescue him, protect him, or make sure he's okay. He's fine. He just doesn't want to be sexually exclusive with you. He's out there having his fun and being quite bold about it in front of you. Yes, he's being honest. That doesn't mean you should hang on. And he's not going to fall apart if you call it off. I don't mean to be insensitive or unkind, but you're not that important to him, emotionally-speaking.

    If what you're looking for is sexual monogamy, you're not going to get it from this guy. He's not in that place. It stings, but there is no dilemma here, expect for the one you've written in your mind to give yourself permission to keep going with him. Keep going if you want, but know that he will be having sex with other guys and won't be fostering a serious relationship with you. Sound like fun?

  10. #29

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    I'm pretty new to relationship scenario. Never knew how to handle it when it comes to a person recently out of a breakup. How should I get out now? Should I remain friends with this guy? Should I keep meeting him once in a while? Or should I cut him off completely. I don't really think of anything bad to him, it's just that we might not be the perfect match.

    Is this happening naturally after his breakup or is he that person? Do people naturally tend to do such things after a breakup irrespective of the person they are? Just trying to understand him as a person without the hope of getting into a relationship with him.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TiWi
    I'm pretty new to relationship scenario. Never knew how to handle it when it comes to a person recently out of a breakup. How should I get out now? Should I remain friends with this guy? Should I keep meeting him once in a while? Or should I cut him off completely. I don't really think of anything bad to him, it's just that we might not be the perfect match.

    Is this happening naturally after his breakup or is he that person? Do people naturally tend to do such things after a breakup irrespective of the person they are? Just trying to understand him as a person without the hope of getting into a relationship with him.
    Your problem is you're sad. If you're not as affected by his confusion, it might not be a bad idea to remain friends but you're sad and confused. That means you're probably emotionally attached to this person and the way he behaves around you will affect you badly if it's not in the way that you want (if his feelings don't reciprocate yours).

    If you can say that you're not affected by his actions or the idea of him sleeping with someone else or being with another partner, then there's no reason to stop speaking to him or ending communications. I don't think that's the case for you, though. Don't hang around as a friend to him just to snoop on his personal life or bother him about his sex life. It won't be fair to either of you as people.

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