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Thread: Angry at me for being voice of reason

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I'm sorry to hear this.

    I'll echo the others in that I wouldn't isolate this incident as the sole cause for her seemingly impromptu decision. I don't know you, and beyond this incident and your very vague description, I don't know your marriage. None of this is to exonerate you from introspection. Do your best to secure your finances and get representation. I however wouldn't underplay the significance of the incident. In pretty much any context, and in particular this one, it takes a very mentally unhinged individual to grab a weapon and charge at young adolescents. Insofar as a capacity to threaten or in fact very possibly inflict violence unto children is concerned, that's a character trait, not a marriage issue.

    If she's serious about her decision, expect her anger issues to fully translate into the divorce proceedings. Should she return and you still desire to work things out with this ticking time bomb of an individual, marriage counseling for the both of you and anger management for her should be a must.
    ^^^^^ This is spot on, especially this: In pretty much any context, and in particular this one, it takes a very mentally unhinged individual to grab a weapon and charge at young adolescents. I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope things work out for you, one way or another.

  2. #22
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    You dodged a freight train yikes. She has major issues and you need to consult a lawyer TODAY. Protect your money.

  3. #23
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    My husband would have followed them, grab them, and make them apologize. But he'd never physically hurt kids, just scare them a bit, but he'd also wouldn't do it with a weapon. So instead of yelling at the kids, you treated her like she was a maniac about to give some kids a beatdown. I wasn't there, but it sounds you just assumed she couldn't handle herself, and she thinks you weren't there to defend her. So, I don't know. But I'm sure that's how she sees it. She just needs time to cool down. And in the meantime, you should get your own user id; don't use the same ones to access the account.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    My husband would have followed them, grab them, and make them apologize. But he'd never physically hurt kids, just scare them a bit, but he'd also wouldn't do it with a weapon. So instead of yelling at the kids, you treated her like she was a maniac about to give some kids a beatdown. I wasn't there, but it sounds you just assumed she couldn't handle herself, and she thinks you weren't there to defend her. So, I don't know. But I'm sure that's how she sees it. She just needs time to cool down. And in the meantime, you should get your own user id; don't use the same ones to access the account.
    Yes but in this situation he first had to deal with his wife's imminent violence with a bat/weapon against these kids before dealing with the rest. I'm sure his adrenaline was going. If she'd simply gone over there and told them off my sense is he would have accompanied her and backed her up. It required quick thinking in a tense situation. I agree that he should have explained to her that of course he felt badly that she was hit/injured and of course they should apologize even if they didn't aim at her, but in the moment he had to make sure she didn't hit them with their bat.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2

    She's not going to leave you over a group of vandals. She's going to leave you because things have been brewing for quite some time.
    - This is correct.

  7. #26
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    Totally missed the post about her leaving him. OP, it's not about this one instance. She probably had one foot out the door, and this just happened.

    You say you never fight, or see her too angry, but that she has anger issues. She may have felt she could not be herself around you, or always bottled up her feelings around you till they explode like what happened at the park.

    Either way, lawyer up; she may have been planning over handling the assets for some time. I am sorry this is happening for you.
    Last edited by tattoobunnie; 10-21-2019 at 03:14 PM.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes but in this situation he first had to deal with his wife's imminent violence with a bat/weapon against these kids before dealing with the rest. I'm sure his adrenaline was going. If she'd simply gone over there and told them off my sense is he would have accompanied her and backed her up. It required quick thinking in a tense situation. I agree that he should have explained to her that of course he felt badly that she was hit/injured and of course they should apologize even if they didn't aim at her, but in the moment he had to make sure she didn't hit them with their bat.
    "in the moment he had to make sure she didn't hit them with their bat." I agree. What was he supposed to do?

    He said that she was "livid" and that "she has some anger issues". She conducted herself in a most irrational way, IMO, and he did what he felt he had to do.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    My husband would have followed them, grab them, and make them apologize. But he'd never physically hurt kids, just scare them a bit, but he'd also wouldn't do it with a weapon. So instead of yelling at the kids, you treated her like she was a maniac about to give some kids a beatdown. I wasn't there, but it sounds you just assumed she couldn't handle herself, and she thinks you weren't there to defend her.
    I'm sure you are correct in your analysis which of course shows how irrational she is if she would leave him over this and would be so emotionally immature to think that he wasn't there to defend her against children that were running away from them in fear. (I wonder what she was screaming at them while running at them with a bat before the Op stopped her?) Anyway, this incident isn't their first rodeo I'm sure and when push comes to shove (no pun intended) he's better off without her in his life, I think he will soon realize.

  10. #29
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    Your wife was operating at the same emotional level as the kids she was going to attack... all the way to getting angry with you for not, as she saw it, defending her. That really belongs in the realms of school playground brawls.

    However, the consequences in adult life for this kind of behaviour are horrendous, and you did her a favour by stopping her impulsivity.

    If she is using this as a justification for leaving you, then you need to accept it and defend yourself and your finances as best you can. However... I see two possible scenarios here. One is that she's been building up a pile of resentment for ages and this was the tipping point. OR that she's punishing you, hoping you'll grovel and then she'll 'forgive' you and come back.

    Neither of these is a promising scenario for your future life together.

  11. #30
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    I would get a lawyer. She needs a lot of help. Anyone who wants to hit kids with a bat needs some kind of mental health service.

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