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Thread: Masturbating to other people

  1. #1

    Masturbating to other people

    So the other day I was watching TV with my gf. She asked if I masturbated to people who werenít her... (I categorically stated it wasnít her friends or anyone either of us knows or knew personally)... Iím talking celebrities, movie stars, models etc. Iíve been, completely honest with her from the start of our relationship so I was honest about this too. Maybe Iím wrong to do that ...

    Anyway, so sheís now upset I said yes, I would think of other women whilst masturbating and canít seem to get over the thought of me picturing other people and not her, (although I do and have said so, that I think of her too).

    She thinks itís wrong, disgusting, immoral. She said it makes her feel disgusting. She thinks itís weird I still masturbate in the relationship anyway.

    Any ideas how to diffuse this? Am I wrong? Is she wrong? What can I do to calm her down?
    Last edited by Theblackduck; 12-04-2018 at 09:56 AM. Reason: Explanatory edit

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How old is she? This sounds like quite an immature conversation. Is she particularly religious or frigid or conservative about this? Without knowing the real issue, you won't be able to "diffuse it". Is it jealousy? Prudishness? How is your sex life?

    Stop the ridiculous TMI dressed up as "completely honesty". Learn tact and diplomacy and when to simply keep your mouth shut and change the subject. Just let it blow over and most of all stop the TMI and ridiculous topics such as "who do you masturbate to"? Try to elevate your conversation above the frat house. Learn to deflect defuse and find better answers , change the subject etc.
    Originally Posted by Theblackduck
    She asked if I masturbated to people who werenít her. Iím talking celebrities, movie stars, models etc. Iíve been, completely honest with her from the start of our relationship so I was honest about this too.

    She thinks itís wrong, disgusting, immoral. She said it makes her feel disgusting. She thinks itís weird I still masturbate in the relationship anyway.

  3. #3
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    Why would she ask you such a ridiculous question? Is she extremely insecure?

  4. #4
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    Yes, it all sounds very silly. Though I can see that couples who really feel secure with each other might ask that question out of curiosity, or even share their sexual fantasies.

    I'm a great believer in not asking questions if you don't want to hear the answer, but people do this... and in that context, there's nothing wrong with denying it altogether. It's not as if it has any detrimental effect on your relationship, or is anything she needs to know.

    There's not a lot you can do to resolve the situation, other than leave it to blow over. She shouldn't have asked the question, and you shouldn't have given her the answer.

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  6. #5
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    How old is she?

    She has NO REASON to be upset, as it is normal. Is she always so insecure? I am wondering how good your sex life is?

    Do not try to calm her down, as she is the one that is in the wrong. If you do, you will be enabling her ridiculous behavior.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    She thinks itís weird I still masturbate in the relationship anyway.
    Imagine if a man said this to a woman. Your lady's got problems, hopefully with youth as a bad excuse for it.

    Honestly, I'm elated that you answered her goofy ass question honestly. Saves you the trouble of guarding your search history should you accidentally neglect in cognito mode while having the misfortune of dating someone who would ask and raise a stink over such a question. And it's probably best you don't catch yourself in a dynamic where you've gotta protect her from herself. No, don't be having dinner with her only to blurt out, "lol guess who I beat off to earlier this week," but you're under no obligation, even out of practicality, to lie to her or to suffer the same fallout by refusing to answer.

    This was quite clearly a no-win situation. It's not about a lack of tact for your part. It's simply a question a grown and emotionally mature woman isn't going to ask in the first place, at least not if she doesn't want to hear the answer or not without an actual purpose. Don't catch yourself lowering expectations of women as adults (or at the very least peers, should the former not be the case here). I might half respect your girlfriend even if it were a deal-breaker and thus she actually treated it as such and left you. But nah, apparently she's fine hanging around and brooding, calling your actions "immoral, disgusting, and wrong," going as far as to shame you for masturbating at all. I know where I'd be were I in your shoes.

  8. #7
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    Yeah, being honest in a relationship doesn't mean answering every single question thrown your way or saying things that will hurt your partner. You have to be diplomatic and think of the consequences. You should have said you don't fantasize about anyone else but her. Or better yet that you don't do it anymore. But anyways, you fell into her trap.

    So now you've got to say a lot of nice things to her, such as there's no one else but her in your life, and that you're sorry you hurt her, and so on. She may come around eventually after being mad on you for a while.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Yeah, being honest in a relationship doesn't mean answering every single question thrown your way or saying things that will hurt your partner. You have to be diplomatic and think of the consequences. You should have said you don't fantasize about anyone else but her. Or better yet that you don't do it anymore. But anyways, you fell into her trap.

    So now you've got to say a lot of nice things to her, such as there's no one else but her in your life, and that you're sorry you hurt her, and so on. She may come around eventually after being mad on you for a while.
    He should not have to lie. She should not have been asking the question.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    He should not have to lie. She should not have been asking the question.
    Agree with Holls but to add she should not have asked the question, if she was gonna berate and shame you for your answer.

    Which you had no way of knowing she would do, so answered honestly.

    Only to be shamed and berated for it.

    Another woman (more open minded, more secure) may have been turned on by it!

    Apparently since she's still there, your answer was not a deal breaker, however there is nothing stopping you from considering her poor attitude a deal breaker.

    Not the fact she's against masturbation while in a relationship, but the way she shyt-tested you, and then shaming you when she didn't get the desired response.

    This type of woman does not bode well for a LTR Imo.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Agree with Holls but to add she should not have asked the question, if she was gonna berate and shame you for your answer.

    Which you had no way of knowing she would do, so answered honestly.

    Only to be shamed and berated for it.

    Another woman (more open minded, more secure) may have been turned on by it!

    Apparently since she's still there, your answer was not a deal breaker, however there is nothing stopping you from considering her poor attitude a deal breaker.

    Not the fact she's against masturbation while in a relationship, but the way she shyt-tested you, and then shaming you when she didn't get the desired response.

    This type of woman does not bode well for a LTR Imo.
    Totally agree.

    I am really curious to know how the sex life is?

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