Gerhard

I'm here.....Cape Town, South Africa. (yeah i know, that's taking long distance relationships a bit too far)

Tell me about it man. I've had relationship drougths that makes the Sahara dessert look like a jungle. Perhaps you try too hard, just let it be. Talk to girls, be friendly with them in a non "I want a girlfriend" way. When you're ready for a GF, she'll come to you !! That's the way it works.

I posted here with more or less the same problem about 5-6 months ago. You'll probably get alot of advice, BUT, the only true remedy is time. Nobody can give you a magic spell to cast that'll make all the pain go away. Only time will ease the emptiness you feel right now. Not to make this about me now. We were together 4 years when we broke up. I was crushed, same as you feel now. Took me about 3 months before I started to feel good about myself again, 3 months of Hell that was, but the human spirit is tough. All you can do now is keep busy, try a brand new hobby, join the gym, take up a new sport, just do something you've never done before. I know it seems impossible for you now, but believe me, time will heal. Good Luck man.

I need help again. See, there's this girl at the gym that I like, she works as a personal trainer. She's very pretty and very friendly and most of the guys have a crush on her. a Personal trainer friend of mine who works with her, said that she told him that she finds me attractive and friendly. Problem is, I'm to damn shy to do something about it. We don't really talk to each other, just say hi when we pass and sometimes look at each other and smile. You would think that that'll be enough for me to do something, but I just kinda choke up when I think about talking to her. Ask me to talk to anyone girl on this planet, just not the one that I would really like to. Somebody please tell me that I need a kick in the rear !! How can I be comfortable around her without choking up like a 14 year old ?? I'm 22 and she's 20. Thanks for the (coming) help.

I also had a fling with a 16 year old last year (no sex !!) and I'm 22 myself. They are very much into exploring right now and probably feels flattered that a older guy shows interest in them. From my experience they're not on the same wave length as a older guy and that you're probably better off with a girl that is a bit older and more settled in her ways. She might be an exception and worth pursuing. I honestly don't think that a 6 year gap is too much. If there is mutual respect, interest and love (hopefully), I don't see why not.

What do you mean you want to marry her ?? You don't even know her. After all this time you probably build this image in your mind about her and now your in love with that. The only way you going to find out is to confront her directly about it. Don't mention that you wanna marry her, that's the surest way to scare her away for good. You have her number, so you gonna have to bite the bullet and just phone her. Once you said a few words, most guys tend to relax because it's never that bad as we think it is. Ask her if she remembers you and just ask her how things are going. I don't know if it's such a good idea to sak her out on a date immediately, first try to build up a friendship and try to take things from there. Try to relax a little, she is just another human and won't bite (if you luckly she will someday ;-) ). I know this sounds very hard to do because you are a shy person, but remember, nothing in life really worth having comes easily. Good luck man !!

huh ??

It's difficult to say. My thinking is, if they can do it once, they can do it again. Nevermind the coming back to you. She showed that she was willing to break trust and step on your feelings, just so that she can go running back to her past. I guess it all boils down to what you want. If you wanna give it another shot, then you should go for it !! Pity we can't make 'em sign contracts ;-). On the other hand, I don't know if you could trust her 100% again, if it was me, I would be able to go up to 99%. There will just always be that thoughts of wondering if she'll do it again. Perhaps she was just confused and needed to make sure that you're the one for her. I can go on and give scenarios here, but at the end, nobody understands the intricacies of the female brain. I guess it's just like everything in life, you can only do so much and then leave the rest to chance. You should have a serious chat with her and let her know that she's going to have to work to win your trust back. Sorry I can't be of more help, best of luck and let us know how things are going. Gerhard.

The answer above says it all !!

Funny how they always wanna be friends after they rip your guts out. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think they should even try if they do something like that. You have it far worse than I thought. I truly feel for you man. Doesn't matter what anyone say, you gonna struggle rebuilding your life. I think running back to her ex immediately is just away of coping with her pain, and frankly, very very cowardly. How dare she leave you with that kind of broken trust. I can't speak for you, but you should absolutely NOT take this woman back. We just always do don't we ! There is no easy way of dealing with this Jonathan, I don't know if you are Christian or Muslim or Hindu or whatever, but the higher power will NOT put something in your way that you cannot handle. We just think that we can't. When she left me, 3 weeks later, she was kissing another guy (just a fling) in front of me !!! I really think we're better off without these kind of people. I know, easier said than done, life has thrown you a horrible curve ball straight to the face, you just gotta kick back so hard with a kind of strength that I know we all have inside us. I also had sleepless nights and lost about 15lbs. I promise you, no matter how hard it seems now, you'll understand one day. I realised yesterday after months and months of anger and hurt that, hey, I'm actually glad you're not in my life anymore, of course it still hurts a bit, that's just the disappointment I still feel, but I'll survive, and so will you. Keep on posting here. Anyone reading this, please read Jonathan's story on "From the Brokenhearted guy (thanks for the advise)" that's supposed to be me, but the second part is his. There are far more clever me than me out there, perhaps you can advise better. Thanks and good luck J.

Funny how they always wanna be friends after they rip your guts out. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think they should even try if they do something like that. You have it far worse than I thought. I truly feel for you man. Doesn't matter what anyone say, you gonna struggle rebuilding your life. I think running back to her ex immediately is just away of coping with her pain, and frankly, very very cowardly. How dare she leave you with that kind of broken trust. I can't speak for you, but you should absolutely NOT take this woman back. We just always do don't we ! There is no easy way of dealing with this Jonathan, I don't know if you are Christian or Muslim or Hindu or whatever, but the higher power will NOT put something in your way that you cannot handle. We just think that we can't. When she left me, 3 weeks later, she was kissing another guy (just a fling) in front of me !!! I really think we're better off without these kind of people. I know, easier said than done, life has thrown you a horrible curve ball straight to the face, you just gotta kick back so hard with a kind of strength that I know we all have inside us. I also had sleepless nights and lost about 15lbs. I promise you, no matter how hard it seems now, you'll understand one day. I realised yesterday after months and months of anger and hurt that, hey, I'm actually glad you're not in my life anymore, of course it still hurts a bit, that's just the disappointment I still feel, but I'll survive, and so will you. Keep on posting here. Anyone reading this, please read Jonathan's story on "Brokenhearted guy (thanks for the advise)" that's supposed to be me, but the second part is his. There are far more clever me than me out there, perhaps you can advise better. Thanks and good luck J, I pray for you tonight !!

The fact that he asked you out is already a good sign, at least he liked you allot back then. I'm a guy myself and our pride gets hurt sometimes when we're rejected. I know this is hard because I'm a little shy myself, but you have to tell him how you feel. Try to show up wherever he might be sometimes. If he participate in sport, go to the field or court and support him, I'd appreciate that if some girl did that for me, I'm sure he'd feel the same. You can try the more direct approach and tell him directly about your feelings and that you were to shy to say yes back then. We guys appreciate it allot if girls also ask us out. Just try to imagine that you're confident and not shy and just tell him. If he's says no thanks, at least you know and can try to move on. If he says yes........think about it. Good luck !!

Hey man, hope you're feeling ok. I went through exactly the same situation although we didn't live together. She dumped me via email, and that was also because of her ex. There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel better or to make you except it in record time. No matter how bad you feel now, time will heal !! It took me 6 months before the anger subdued, I'm still struggling with the hurt a bit. Making radical changes in life style does wonders. Taking up a new sport or hobby fanatically takes your mind away from things. Try to be among friends or family members who love and respect you. Every little thing you do to forget and move on, brings you closer to exceptance. Keep on posting here, just knowing that other people care enough to answer makes a person feel good, Good luck !!

Thanks for listening and caring enough to answer you guys. I think she had enough chances to get it right with me. Any effort has got to come from her side now because I think I've done enough. She'll always be special to me, but I'm not going to bend over backwards for her anymore. One of you are going through the same situation and asked me how I coped with the loss. Well, at first you don't. You feel used and it hurts allot. You can't just stop loving the person although you try not to anymore. I'm not ashamed to say that I choked up a few times (I tried to be alone then). It's difficult to say, you just cope, you keep on figthing everyday never giving up. Then one day you just wake up and you smile again. I guess time does heal old wounds. I don't know yet if the scars go away, hopefully they'll fade as time goes by. So all I can say to you man, hang in there, whatever happens happens. Write all your feelings down and post them here, we all will try to help you. Thanks again !!

I would really appreciate some advice. Especially from the women. Last year I fell in love with a fantastic girl. At the time, she was with her boyfriend of 5 years. She got interested in me as well and broke up with her guy. We got together and everything was wonderful for 3 months, then one Monday morning, after a wonderful weekend together, she sent me an email to tell me that she wanted to be alone now and still loved her ex, even though she didn't wanted to be with him anymore. I was shattered, had difficulty to sleep and all the other stuff brokenhearted people suffer from. I swallowed my pride and kept on trying but just got shrugged off. I finally excepted it and moved on with my life. We still saw each other regulary because we're both sports persons playing for the same provincial side. Then over the holidays we lost contact for something like 3 months. Then I got an email from her being all friendly and sweet and very interested in what I've been up to, I just answered it back in a kinda rude way (I was still a bit upset). When saw each other again the other day, she kept on staring at me. We didn't speak a word to each other, things are more than strained between us to say the least. She now sent me emails at least once every 2 weeks asking about me, how work is going, what I'm up to, if we can still play tennis mix doubles together etc. She couldn't have cared less for 4 months, why the interest now ?? Her ex moved away and I think is not a big factor anymore. I still have some feelings for her, but am I reading the signals wrong here ?? Should I just let it go ?? I'll appreciate any advice very much