A flakey perfect guy.

[Video]

So I am online dating and it generally goes normal - chat, meet and either make a friend or it just mutually disappears.

I then matched and met with a much older guy and felt a connection with him. Not sure if he was just a good looking man.

Before our first meeting he had made me feel bad for not messaging him in a few days but I realized he is the type of person that jokes around. We finally decide to meet. Initially we agreed on the Friday night. He cancelled as it was raining (storming) and he got lazy. Which got me little disappointed but didn't take too much into it. He postponed for the Saturday which I immediately said no as I had a prior event (was my mum's birthday). So we decided on the Sunday.

On Sunday morning he called saying that he had sprained a nerve on his back at the gym (and he has a problem with his back). I understood and said no problem, wished him well and just carried on. He then agreed to meet on Tuesday, which he cancelled as he had a last minute meeting at work and then finally agreed to meet on the Thursday. And he met after I followed up if we were still on.

The meeting was really wonderful. I got nervous but he seemed to be the perfect guy for me at the meeting. Matured, good looking, family driven and career driven. We left the night with a little peck on the lips. I messaged him when I was back at home and told him I had a good time. He replied the same.

A week went by and I didn't hear from him so I messaged. He again "joked" saying how I could ignore him for so long. I apologized and also in a witty way asked him where is the rule book on who must text when. He ignored the comment and said he was going to bed.

I tried being witty all a long and also tried my best not to be needy. But also I did tell him that he scares me and I doubt myself but I really showed I wanted to try.

After a few days after again seeing me on the online dating he message. We chatted and again tried remaining cool. So we decided to meet again. He was going to visit me at my place on the Saturday. Because I really liked him and wanted to impress him I prepared to cook for me. On Saturday I messaged in the morning to confirm if we still on. As per default and not hearing from him in the last 2 days I thought we were. After few hours he replied saying he has the flu and apologized for not messaging earlier. Yes my heart fell. My immediate response was sorry to hear that and hope he feels better.

Sitting with a very sad and disappointment feeling alone in my apartment looking at all the prep I did to cook for him I messaged him saying that I didn't think that this was going to work out and that I was disappointed as I was gonna cook for him. He replied saying I am hitting a man while he is down. I then replied that he was a big boy and will be ok. He  then deleted my number.

Although I told him off I still feel bad. Was I showing him a needy attitude that disgusted him. Why did he keep cancelling on me? I am generally a happy and confident person. Yet he made me doubt everything I said.

I now am sad and still want to message him. But I know it's my ego. But I did like him in person.

Did I just let a potential guy go?

[Kwothe28]

What potential? He clearly isnt interested in what you are offering, otherwise he wouldnt barely fit you in for a date(probably because he has a dozen dates already) and would show up for your offer for a house visit. 

You did good by not playing his games and finishing all of this. Stay dignnified and dont contact him. Your ego will thank you for that later. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Video said:

Did I just let a potential guy go?

No, because he doesn't appear to have been very interested in the first place. 

You did well to just cut this off. It's disappointing, but this is most certainly not the perfect guy for you. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Video said:

Although I told him off I still feel bad. 

Sorry this happened. Please delete and block him from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

He's rude, nasty, stood you up repeatedly and according to you "he scares me". 

Please don't chase after horrible men, no less invite them to your place for the second meeting to impress them. 

 

[Batya33]

As my former boss used to say no one gets sick mroe than once on a Monday. Which of course is a bit extreme but you get the point. And as my mom used to say. Don’t reschedule with a man who cancels because it’s raining. Now where we grew up typically no driving needed for a date and we weren’t talking like tornados or blizzards but again … 

He’s either highly unlucky the very times he plans with you or he’s shady. Not just flaky. I pick the latter. 

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, Video said:

Did I just let a potential guy go?

Naaah. He was already gone, he just never told you.

Most people are not our match, and this is true for everyone. It's important to grasp this to avoid discouraging yourself about it. Just like not every acquaintance will become your best friend, only certain people will 'click' and have the ability to see you through the right lens.

Relax into being yourself, and the right partner for you will recognize you.

[Cherylyn]

Yes,  he perfected the art of flakiness with you.  Consider him history and move on.  He's a waste of your time and energy.

[Capricorn3]

Girl, you dodged a bullet. I see nothing perfect about him, but I do see a lot of flaky and just plain meh.  Block and move on.

[Andrina]

13 hours ago, Video said:

A week went by and I didn't hear from him so I messaged.

There would be absolutely no reason a guy who was into you, after a first date, would let that amount of time go by without reaching out to you. 

You'd already put up with all those cancellations, and then after a week with no word from him, you call him? Please, have some self-love and learn when to cut bait. A guy who is into you makes it crystal clear. Only that type of guy is worth any effort, whatsoever.

[kim42]

It would be a big red flag for me if I didn't hear from a guy a week after out first date. He seems to be very flakey, I don't find his behavior respectful.

I understand you're disappointed but I wouldn't lose more time with him.

 

[lostandhurt]

This guy was NOT flaky, he was playing his game.  These guys look for insecure women to add to their call list.

 Now if you would have allowed this he would have continued to reel you in until you would stick around no matter how inconsiderate he was. 

 Good on you for for giving him grace and being understanding but also good on you for putting a stop to his inconsiderate behavior.  You didn't know who he was or what he was about so you gave him the benefit of the doubt until there was no doubt and cut him loose.

 You did absolutely awesome so hold you head high and feel good about how you handled the whole thing.

Lost

[poorlittlefish]

In my experience, anyone who cancels a first date is unlikely to be sufficiently interested and won't be reliable.  Two times in recent weeks I've had the frustration of someone cancelling or stalling for pretty pathetic reasons and I told them they weren't going to be right for me, just as you did.  The difference was that I immediately deleted and blocked them because I no longer have any tolerance for being messed about or listening to excuses.  Set better standards for yourself.

[smackie9]

OP I hope you are feeling better and have moved forward. You did the right thing btw. Whatever his deal was, it didn't feel right. 

[Tinydance]

Well you're saying this guy is really good-looking and he seemed to charm the pants off you. I think he's probably doing it to lots of women and has many options on the go. He cancelled even initially meeting you like four times right? And he was only letting you know at the last minute. You were chasing him and pushing to meet so finally he met you. Then he cancelled on you again which to be honest wasn't surprising. My guess is he has many women on the go. Or he was talking to someone else he liked more. 

I know it's the 21st century and everything and women can pursue guys but don't pursue someone who is very clearly blowing you off.