Not sure whether to go on a date on Friday because he seems quite dull

[Amandatorimeating]

It's from OLD. I'm probably sounding very picky but he just seems to have no imagination or passions.

We were talking about films and he couldn't even tell me a film he'd seen recently or a film he'd like to see. He told me genres he liked but that was all, he couldn't even name a series he was watching, just mentioned watching the footy.

He doesn't seem to be reading a book ATM.

His messages were funny, interesting and charismatic but I just find this really off putting. When you're in person and you're nervous, your mind can go blank when asked about films etc I get that, but this is all by text and I haven't met him yet.

Also what's this thing of men on OLD still living with parents in mid 30s? I get it's hard to save for a deposit, but they wouldn't even live in a houseshare or something and at least have independence at 34 for goodness sake.

Anyway, I guess I'm getting the ick. He looks attractive from pics and seems a fun guy, but I just don't think I should go.

Would you cancel?

[Amandatorimeating]

Also I live in the next county along which is full of beautiful countryside, beaches, conversation areas and so on. It's literally 5 minutes away. This guy has apparently never visited the county in his life despite being almost 35...like not even curious.

[boltnrun]

Yes, cancel.  Because you are already disparaging him.

Is your lack of interest at least partially due to your attraction to your coworker?

[Amandatorimeating]

The coworker has asked me to meet up again next week, which I wasn't expecting, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

However no it's not even that, I just find it off putting that the guy can't even name 1 thing he watches or reads.. I did feel quite excited about him but not so much now. 

[Seraphim]

I can’t name any movies I presently want to see , I don’t watch TV series because TV these days is mostly reality crap I don’t like or pervasively stupid. I do like to read when I get the chance and read all the time from very early childhood until my son was born and then I was busy for the most part . 
 

I can pretty much assure people I can hold conversations on just about any topic except maybe what is on TV, which I don’t think is interesting. My husband and I like almost none of the same things on TV , but are fine together. 

[boltnrun]

I don't go to films and I watch very little TV. But I can hold a conversation. But it seems you're looking for excuses to dislike this man. 

I recommend you cancel. It's not going to be any fun for either of you if you force yourself through a date with someone you think so poorly of.

[Coily]

Sounds like you are engaging in self sabotage.

You picked two very specific topics to decide he's dull, despite finding him engaging and funny. Some people just don't watch TV, movies, or read; doesn't make the vapid. I know some people who are fantastic face to face, but in text it's just grunts.

Since you really don't know the ins and outs of his living situation it's not an easy call to make. I know a few people who have had to move back in with their parents, lack of housing seems to be a common thread in some countries.

As to his lack of curiosity, could it be he's fulfilled elsewhere in his life?

Honestly, spare this man the bother and expense of a date where he has already been slandered as "icky."

[smackie9]

Man if you get that vibe then don't go. I totally get you....if someone doesn't have some kind of compatibility, then there is no emotional intellect. No emotional intellect then no fire down below is going to happen. And guys wonder why there's no second date lol. 

[Amandatorimeating]

I'm not trying to be harsh on him I just don't feel like we have much in common. I'm sure he's a great guy but what's the point in going if the texting has already gone dry.. he's probably talking to a few girls anyway.

Maybe I should go and I'll be pleasantly surprised, or maybe he'll not be into me, who knows. 

[Amandatorimeating]

It's not just films /books/TV, it's anything. 

He hasn't named any hobbies or interests.

People can say I'm mean, but why should I go if we don't seem to have much in common?

He's better to meet someone he's more in common with. 

[boltnrun]

37 minutes ago, Amandatorimeating said:

It's not just films /books/TV, it's anything. 

He hasn't named any hobbies or interests.

People can say I'm mean, but why should I go if we don't seem to have much in common?

He's better to meet someone he's more in common with. 

Cool. Cancel the date and save yourself (and him) the aggravation or disappointment.

[Seraphim]

39 minutes ago, Amandatorimeating said:

It's not just films /books/TV, it's anything. 

He hasn't named any hobbies or interests.

People can say I'm mean, but why should I go if we don't seem to have much in common?

He's better to meet someone he's more in common with. 

I agree to cancel if these things are important to you. 

[Amandatorimeating]

I decided to go and give it a chance. 

[Sindy_0311]

2 minutes ago, Amandatorimeating said:

I decided to go and give it a chance. 

What is it that makes you attracted to him? Is he good looking? 

[Kwothe28]

I would file it under basic incompatibility. You seem to be "cinephile" and he just doesnt enjoy movies in that way. Same with stuff like sharing a home with parents or traveling. If you want somebody who is not like that, you should skip all this because it leads to nothing. OK, mybe you just want fun. But then all this stuff you mentioned doesnt matter. 

[boltnrun]

11 minutes ago, Amandatorimeating said:

I decided to go and give it a chance. 

Why?

[greendots]

2 hours ago, Amandatorimeating said:

I decided to go and give it a chance. 

Glad you're giving him a shot. Whilst I believe intellectual compatibility is highly important, it's best not to judge a guy due to his texting abilities. A lousy text conversationalist could be quite the thrilling enthusiast when you personally meet him.

Have a great time on your date!

 

[catfeeder]

Have you considered just setting up a phone call or a quick meet over coffee to check one another out?

 I would not sentence myself to a full date with anyone I haven’t screened with these types of contact first. Otherwise, chances are high that I could end up suffering the whole time acting polite to someone I could have known in just a few minutes that I wouldn’t enjoy.

Do some research about how people are increasingly using OLD to set up these screening methods prior to actual dating. Most people are NOT our match. That’s not bad news, it’s natural odds. Why not be efficient and cautious to screen your dating pool down to only potential matches you can feel positive about?

[Batya33]

When I was in dating sites - met over 100 men in person - I often had interesting and intriguing emails - I didn’t email much but a few - then the phone call was a dud. So I didn’t meet. The end. But I always hated interview stilted questions. Like what book am I reading or what movies. I like when that stuff comes up naturally. For example you’re on the first date and something in the environment reminds you of a place you traveled. So you mention it. Then maybe the convo goes to travel or maybe a movie you saw based in that location. Or the ear worm song from the 80s that played during your road trip. Etc. 

I so prefer that to interview questions. 

[Amandatorimeating]

It's going to be a very quick meet up over coffee so not much invested if there's no interest luckily.. will see what happens?

[MissCanuck]

Maybe he will think you watch too much TV and decide this isn't for him.

It works both ways, OP. Be prepared to not be his cup of tea, either. 

[Cherylyn]

I'm not into films,  TV,  movies,  etc. and neither was my husband.  He temporarily moved back home to save money but that didn't deter me from dating him.  I gave him a chance and glad I did.  🤗

You have nothing to lose.  Knowing in person is better than having misgivings online.  You don't know him well until you have an in person dialogue.  You never know.  Perhaps he's saving money for the future instead of spending a lot of money on rent every month.  Maybe he has realistic potential.  He could very well have other interests other than media which is actually more intellectually intriguing IMHO. 

Find out if he's the one and if not,  at least you'll know for certain.  I agree with others.  He will find out whether or not you're for him or not.  It works both ways. 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Amandatorimeating said:

 what's this thing of men on OLD still living with parents in mid 30s?  He looks attractive from pics and seems a fun guy, but what's the point in going if the texting has already gone dry..

A quick meeting can't hurt if you are on the fence. Does he live with his parents?

The book, movie, TV compatibility test is hard to comprehend.   Maybe he's not a sedentary person? Frankly who cares what he watches on TV?  There's really a lot more to live than that.

Also, texting is not dating. So using texting skills and frequency as a screening device really isn't accurate.  At any rate, a cup of coffee is no big deal.  Enjoy the date! 

[Tinydance]

Well, first of all, something I've actually noticed is that having things in common on paper doesn't always mean that you actually have what they call a "spark". I've been on dates with people who I thought I had something in common with on the dating site but in real life the conversation just wasn't gelling.

Also I'm not sure how long you were talking to him but if not that long then he probably didn't have time to list literally all his hobbies and interests. I don't know if you actually asked him what his hobbies are, did you? People don't usually talk in an artificial way, like: "So let me tell you about all my hobbies and interests" and start listing them off. His hobbies probably aren't movies and TV shows but that doesn't mean he doesn't have any others.

Also I'm not sure what you're getting at...Do you consider it not very deep or smart or something if someone isn't super into TV shows and movies? You know basically every single person watches those. It doesn't make you smart or dumb, deep or not deep, if you watch them or don't. Someone could have a Ph. D and make lots of money but just not be into watching movies and shows.

To be honest if you consider someone boring or interesting based on that then it's actually you who doesn't sound very deep. I mean yeah you like shows and movies but is that some kind of profound interest?

[Andrina]

Actually, I met my future husband on OLD and I made two faulty assumptions about him before meeting in person.

People should have some must-haves, of course, about a partner. But there are some things you should be more flexible about, such as when you mentioned hobbies and movies. I'm an avid reader and my husband isn't. But I don't need to have my every need met by my husband. I save discussions about books for my daughters and two cousins. I have other needs I like being met by my husband and nobody else, like caring for me when I'm sick. Rubbing my back when it's sore. But also it's important that we find ways to have fun together, so naturally, there have to be activities you and a partner must both enjoy.

A quick drive to meet briefly for coffee has you spending a minor amount of money and time. Nothing much lost if that's the last meet, and a huge amount to gain if that first meet turns into something promising. Good luck in your dating adventures.