Does he like more than a booty call?

[Dandelionspring]

Ok so this guy I’m friends with benefits with has made it clear that he doesn’t want me for a gf. 
 

but he always responds quickly to my texts and will text all day with me if I keep texting him. 
 

we text about everything and anything. He will even respond first thing in the morning  and fall asleep texting to me. And he is nice to me. 
 

yet I have to admit I am the one who initiates the conversations. But still. 
We text all day long .  

just seems like he likes me more than a booty call 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

 made it clear that he doesn’t want me for a gf. We text all day long .  just seems like he likes me more than a booty call

Please stop texting all day every day. Texting is not dating. He could be texting you from the toilet or some woman's driveway.  If you would like a happy exclusive relationship with someone who respects you, please set yourself free from this . 

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

Ok so this guy I’m friends with benefits with has made it clear that he doesn’t want me for a gf. 
 

but he always responds quickly to my texts and will text all day with me if I keep texting him. 
 

we text about everything and anything. He will even respond first thing in the morning  and fall asleep texting to me. And he is nice to me. 
 

yet I have to admit I am the one who initiates the conversations. But still. 
We text all day long .  

just seems like he likes me more than a booty call 

 

 

I think he likes having sex with you. And he likes texting you. He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. Typically I say watch the feet - what he does - not the lips - what he says. Except. If a person tells you they don’t see you as relationship material for them believe them and refrain from reading into “signs” otherwise.
A person would never want to risk losing an opportunity to be that person’s significant other by telling that person “I don’t want to be your significant other”. If you want him to want you in that way I’d find a different sexual arrangement where you are on the same page and meeting up to have sex even if you chat otherwise. 
It’s good he’s nice to you because then if you need to get information from him like if you get an STD or believe you are pregnant hopefully he’ll treat you thoughtfully and with respect. 

[reinventmyself]

stop reaching out to him and see what he does

[Dandelionspring]

55 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

stop reaching out to him and see what he does

Will try this. 

[ShySoul]

Friends with benefits inevitably leads to these same questions. Someone starts wanting more. Someone starts questioning if it is more. If people are just looking for a sex partner, maybe it's cleaner if you just say it and skip the "friends" part entirely?

You don't need to play more games and test how he reacts.. Just ask yourself what you want? How do you feel about him? If you want more, then let him know. If he agrees, then work on starting a real relationship. If he doesn't, then continuing the arrangement will only hurt you. If you don't have feelings for him, but feel he might for you, then confront him. Say you feel you might be getting to close and it's more then what you are looking for. Either way, couples who are only friends but sleep together tends to have a short shelf life. Sounds like you might be reaching the expiration date.

[MissCanuck]

He might like your digital company (and the real-life sex), but please don't get your hopes up for more. 

If he's not asking you on dates, he is not interested in that. Dial back the all-day texting, or you will get hurt when he starts to let it fizzle when he's distracted by a new person and less interested in talking to you. 

[kim42]

If you're hoping that this might turn into something more than a fwb situation, I'd probably move on and stop texting him. You don't want to wait for him to change his mind.

Did he ask you to go out for lunch or do you sometimes do other things, without having sex?

[Batya33]

Were you close friends before you started having intercourse or are you just using this as a euphemism for a man you met, hooked up with, and then told yourself you were ok having sex with him even though he doesn't want to date you with potential for a relationship -he knows you're not the right person for him for a relationship? Or perhaps you mean you met him, at first you loved the sex and later you realized you'd like to eventually be his girlfriend so you made comments to that effect or asked him and he shut that door? 

I think two single adults can be good friends then decide to have sex too and it can be fine. I think two single adults can meet, be sexually attracted and meet up to have sex and feel great about the sexual arrangement.  I think very often and it's often the woman she will lie to herself for some reason - either fear of being alone, hoping her sex partner will change his mind or if they're actually close friends fear of messing up the friendship and that's when things stop working out.

I never had casual sex or a sexual arrangement like this.  Never wanted one badly enough with all the downsides then stopped wanting one at all -so I'm an outsider (yes I hooked up with/kissed men I wasn't dating and/or was good friends with). 

[Kwothe28]

12 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

but he always responds quickly to my texts and will text all day with me if I keep texting him. 

Irrelevant after this

12 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

has made it clear that he doesn’t want me for a gf. 

Just because he is bored or wants sex doesnt mean he wants you to be with him. He literally told you that he doesnt.

[smackie9]

When you have arrangements like this, communication is important especially if the subject arises about wanting more, less or different.  If you are catching feelings, then it's time to have a conversation with him about it. Then cut ties if he doesn't feel the same way. 

[Dandelionspring]

Hello again. This guy is a mystery to me. 
 

I mean I know nothing has changed but he will respond to all my texts so thoughtfully. 
 

I’ve never had a guy do that before. He is just a very well mannered F- boy?  lol  . I mean he never fails to respond to my texts and is sweet and will see me when I ask if he has time.

 

but yes it’s me initiating the texts.  And it’s always me asking to see him.  And he doesn’t ever see me on Fri or Sat   
 

So yeah.  Just a well mannered F-boy?  Weird  

 

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

 He is just a very well mannered F- boy?  lol  . I mean he never fails to respond to my texts and is sweet and will see me when I ask if he has time.

If you are both happy with this carry on. He seems somewhat decent. 

[yogacat]

No mystery, you're texting him to 1) make him feel good about himself and 2) get something out of him. You initiate everything because you're trying to get something out of him, whether it be a response, attention, or eventually a date/sex. He's just a regular guy who knows how to keep you interested without putting in much effort.

[lostandhurt]

Not that weird if you think about it.

He likes having sex with you so if he treats you with kindness that will continue but if he is a jerk chances are the sex will stop.

Like many people you have given texting some sort of importance when there is none.  There is no commitment, almost zero effort and can be done when and where he chooses.  Idle chit chat through texting means nothing to him.  If you like the  sex too then keep him around but cut back on texting because you keep seeing what you want it to be, not what it really is.

 Lost

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

Just a well mannered F-boy?

How is he a F-boy? 

You're going along with this arrangement. He's not made you any promises. He is not a F-boy, girl. He's also just treating you kindly because, well, why wouldn't he? He wants to keep the sex coming so if he started getting cold, he knows you would probably cut that off. 

I don't get where the mystery is, nor does he deserve the name-calling. 

[kim42]

He probably likes texting with you and your fwb arrangement as such. If you're expecting more out of this, maybe stop texting to him so you don't read too much into his messages.

[Sindy_0311]

i don't think to stop texting will make a difference. He will certainly reach out when he wants to have sex with you. If you want to know if he views you as something more, suggest going out for a drink or do something else, and you will see by his reaction if he wants something more. But I doubt he wants based on what you described, and in this case I suggest you move on because you already got to involved in this guy. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

i don't think to stop texting will make a difference. He will certainly reach out when he wants to have sex with you. If you want to know if he views you as something more, suggest going out for a drink or do something else, and you will see by his reaction if he wants something more. But I doubt he wants based on what you described, and in this case I suggest you move on because you already got to involved in this guy. 

I agree that you could ask him out on a proper date if you genuinely are into him but in this situation it's clear that he doesn't see you in that light so just balance the benefit of the fun sex vs. your (not his) extent of emotional involvement.

I agree with the others- of course he's acting politely and thoughtfully - to be a bit crass -my typical barristas at Starbucks go out of their way to be pleasant, friendly, remember my name when I run in for 30 seconds to grab my to go sandwich.  Because for years now I've been tipping regularly.  I mean sure they also might be really well-meaning people and they're sharing that they're having a good day but I'm also good with their true motivation.  My teenager is also a lot more respectful and polite when he really wants me to say yes to something lol. 

Please don't read into it that he sees you as someone to properly date and have a future with.  He's made it clear he doesn't and since people move towards pleasure and away from pain why in the world would he sabotage a potential future with you by making that clear AND making it clear he really enjoys being inside of you and having sex -just like you enjoy this a lot so you have this in common!

You do the pros/cons balancing.

[Dandelionspring]

Ok that’s fair. But I have never had a guy be this polite toward me. 
 

I have been in situations like this before and they generally ignore me and treat me much less nice. 
 

Maybe he is good at what he does. 

[Jaunty]

I don't understand why you are wasting so much time with a guy you have in your life for casual sex.

Texting "all day every day"?  ***, girl.  Do you not have a life?

I have no problems with casual sexual relationships.  But you are sinking whole chunks of your life into time wasting.  

Just have the fun sex and then do your other parts of life, please.

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

Does he like more than a booty call?

Do you like him more than booty call? 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Dandelionspring said:

Ok that’s fair. But I have never had a guy be this polite toward me. 
 

I have been in situations like this before and they generally ignore me and treat me much less nice. 
 

Maybe he is good at what he does. 

It also depends what your standards are when the main reason you're interacting is to meet up to have sex when you both feel like it.  Maybe you're just noticing how he treats you more because you'd like to him to want to date you with potential for a relationship even though he says he doesn't.

[Dandelionspring]

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I don't understand why you are wasting so much time with a guy you have in your life for casual sex.

Texting "all day every day"?  ***, girl.  Do you not have a life?

I have no problems with casual sexual relationships.  But you are sinking whole chunks of your life into time wasting.  

Just have the fun sex and then do your other parts of life, please.

I know. I have issues. I constantly am in these sort of situationships. I don’t have self worth, I am not outgoing , etc. I could go on and on. I’m working on it. In the meantime, sadly, he’s the best situationship I have at the moment. 

[boltnrun]

25 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

I know. I have issues. I constantly am in these sort of situationships. I don’t have self worth, I am not outgoing , etc. I could go on and on. I’m working on it. In the meantime, sadly, he’s the best situationship I have at the moment. 

If you continue with this it's like an alcoholic saying they're "working on" getting sober while stopping by the bar every day for a few drinks. 

Why do you feel you "don't have self worth"?