Does he like more than a booty call?

[smackie9]

This is what some guys do...it's called keeping desperate/lonely girls on the hook. They just sprinkle just enough attention and watch you gobble it up and wanting more. It keeps you available to him while he can be unavailable to you, and be available to others when he feels like it. My advice...stop chasing him... he is dropping breadcrumbs. 

[Dandelionspring]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If you continue with this it's like an alcoholic saying they're "working on" getting sober while stopping by the bar every day for a few drinks. 

Why do you feel you "don't have self worth"?

Deep  issues that go way back I guess. And then being in situations like this doesn’t help. Kind of a never ending circle. 

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

Deep  issues that go way back I guess. And then being in situations like this doesn’t help. Kind of a never ending circle. 

It's not "never ending" if you choose to end it.

I'm lactose intolerant. When I eat dairy products I have severe stomach pain and embarrassing gas. Do you think the smart thing to do would be to keep eating foods that contain dairy? Or should I maybe stop doing that and switch to some healthier form of nutrition? 

So if getting into situations where you're nothing more than a provider of sexual release with no true love or affection makes you feel worse... wouldn't it make sense to stop putting yourself into these situations?

What healthy solutions have you tried to attempt to counteract these feelings of low self worth?

[MissCanuck]

38 minutes ago, Dandelionspring said:

I’m working on it. In the meantime, sadly, he’s the best situationship I have at the moment. 

You can't be working that hard on it if you're also keeping this guy on your radar. 

The real work will come when you decide to stop involving yourself with men who are clear they don't want more. You won't keep banging your head against the wall and searching for signs that they might like you too. 

This particular guy isn't "good at" anything. He's just friendlier than the others have been. That's about it. 

[Capricorn3]

20 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

 And he doesn’t ever see me on Fri or Sat 

I don't know why, but this stood out to me.  Is it possible he's in a relationship and/or married?  Which makes you his little piece on the side.

[Dandelionspring]

56 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I don't know why, but this stood out to me.  Is it possible he's in a relationship and/or married?  Which makes you his little piece on the side.

Well it’s obvious to me that those are prime nights regardless but I don’t know if he’s in a relationship or married. I guess he could be. But either way, I’m not his priority. 

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

I know. I have issues. I constantly am in these sort of situationships. I don’t have self worth, I am not outgoing , etc. I could go on and on. I’m working on it. In the meantime, sadly, he’s the best situationship I have at the moment. 

That's fine, go ahead and have the "situationship" if you enjoy that.  But please.  Stop the texting marathons and trying to decide whether he "likes you" because he responds to texts nicely.  

If he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would be.  

[ShySoul]

7 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

Deep  issues that go way back I guess. And then being in situations like this doesn’t help. Kind of a never ending circle.

5 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

I don’t know if he’s in a relationship or married. I guess he could be. But either way, I’m not his priority.

He might be a nice, polite guy in some ways. There is no rule that says guys who have casual sex relationships have to be complete jerks. Even the most horrible of people can occassionally do nice things. But at the end of the day, he doesn't want anything more. You say it yourself, "I'm not his priority." All the texts and conversations in the world isn't changing this fact. So there are three options: 1. Continue as you are and drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out. 2. Continue as you are and accept that this is all it will ever be. 3. Put a stop to the arrangement and realize that you are deserving of more. The third option is the more difficult one, but it's the one that will ultimately be more fulfilling.

He's not the one you should be focused on figuring out though, you are. You seem like an intelligent woman who understands that these situations aren't good for you. You already see that whatever issues you've had in the past have effected your self esteem to the point that you don't see yourself as worhy of more and thus get involved in emotionally unfullfilling relationships. So stop doing it. Yes, it's easy to fall back into familiar patterns. It's hard to say no and fight your tendencies. But somewhere in you is a strong person who can do it. You should have a love that will make you the priority, that will see you any day of the week. A person should want you not just for sex, but for all of you - body, mind, heart, and soul. Keep reminding yourself of that, that you do deserve better. Maybe take time away from any relationship, time to just focus on you. Work on your self esteem, on resolving these issues from your past. Until you do, having a real relationship will be difficult.

You can have a good, real relationship with someone that will treat you well. I know it. So believe in youself.

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

But I have never had a guy be this polite toward me. I have been in situations like this before and they generally ignore me and treat me much less nice.

Returning calls/texts and being nice should be the minimum a guy does. It's not a sign he's an amazing find. That actually troubles me about the other guys you've been in this situation with.

A good guy will take turns initiating the conversation. He will make himself available as much as possible. He will be nice, polite, and caring. He will take an interest in learning all about you. He will be there for you when you need help and encourage you to be your best. He will want more then just sex, he'll want the emotionally connection that comes from being with someone who truely gets you. Those are the things that really make a man. 

[Dandelionspring]

So last night we met up and I spent the night.  The cuddling was better than ever. I know he enjoyed it. He didn’t even want me to leave right away in the morning and talked about me coming over again when he had more time to cuddle…

BUT

It was weird because he actually didn’t wanna have sex. I even let him know I wanted to , but no he just didn’t do it. 
 

He said it was because he was tired. I don’t know what to make of it. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Dandelionspring said:

So last night we met up and I spent the night.  He  talked about me coming over again when he had more time to cuddle…

Why didn't he have enough time to cuddle? When is your next date? 

[Batya33]

If  you care this much to be grasping at straws ruminating over "signs" take that as a huge warning that you're way too into him and emotionally invested and you're at great risk of getting hurt.  If you truly believed he saw you as dating/potential relationship material you'd have no issue just being direct and asking him what his intentions are now -I mean if you're comfortable swapping bodily fluids and getting naked the only reason you are not asking is because you know the answer -an answer you don't want.  Stop playing games with yourself IMO.

[Andrina]

Ever hear of delayed gratification? It's what you should be doing versus what you're doing now.

You're like a childish person who wants candy, and demands it now, and a whole bag of it, not caring that's it's unhealthy to eat that much and now you're too full for healthy things that will nourish your body.

Time to learn a better way, because this way isn't working for you. Delayed gratification would be to go without male companionship for the moment, either romantic or sexual. Achieve self-worth in any way you can--reading books and articles. Therapy if needed. Build a fulfilling life in other areas that don't involve romance and sex. That can come later after you've build a firm foundation of self-love and passion for other things besides men. 

When you do all that, you will appear so much more appealing to DECENT men when your life doesn't revolve solely around them, and that you have confidence and standards.

Maturity involves delayed gratification. Work toward that. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Dandelionspring]

27 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Ever hear of delayed gratification? It's what you should be doing versus what you're doing now.

You're like a childish person who wants candy, and demands it now, and a whole bag of it, not caring that's it's unhealthy to eat that much and now you're too full for healthy things that will nourish your body.

Time to learn a better way, because this way isn't working for you. Delayed gratification would be to go without male companionship for the moment, either romantic or sexual. Achieve self-worth in any way you can--reading books and articles. Therapy if needed. Build a fulfilling life in other areas that don't involve romance and sex. That can come later after you've build a firm foundation of self-love and passion for other things besides men. 

When you do all that, you will appear so much more appealing to DECENT men when your life doesn't revolve solely around them, and that you have confidence and standards.

Maturity involves delayed gratification. Work toward that. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Facts

[boltnrun]

Are you still "working on" improving your sense of self worth? If so, in what ways?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

Facts

It seems like you're still trying to convince yourself it's not booty call, especially by emphasizing that since there was no booty this time.

How long have you known each other? How old is he? Does he live alone? Do you usually go to his place?

Do you ever go out for a meal or watch a movie order dinner or something besides just showing up and "cuddling" and having sex? 

[Dandelionspring]

He sent me a particularly cold text tonight. I guess he wants me to know he doesn’t feel that way about me. 
 

The last booty call had weird mixed messages but I guess he wants to make his feelings clear with me. 
 

Maybe he doesn’t wanna lead me on and things of that nature. 
 

Ice cream calls. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Dandelionspring said:

He sent me a particularly cold text tonight.Ice cream calls. 

What did the text say and what do you mean by I guess and maybe and so on? Are you going for ice cream with him? What does that have to do with anything? Hopefully you communicate a bit more clearly with him instead of these cryptic sidesteps. 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

I guess he wants me to know he doesn’t feel that way about me. 

He has told you this from the beginning. 

It's you who is refusing to listen. 

[kim42]

5 hours ago, Dandelionspring said:

He sent me a particularly cold text tonight. I guess he wants me to know he doesn’t feel that way about me. 
 

The last booty call had weird mixed messages but I guess he wants to make his feelings clear with me. 
 

Maybe he doesn’t wanna lead me on and things of that nature. 
 

Ice cream calls. 

What did the text say? 

I understand that you like him but I'm afraid you're losing your time with him.

I believe you'd like a man to give you more than a cold text.

Have you thought about not seeing him anymore?

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

He has told you this from the beginning. 

It's you who is refusing to listen. 

Yes-  rude to repeat it but maybe he wanted to reconfirm since he may have sensed some vibe from you.  I would stop being in contact for your emotional and mental health. He's done nothing wrong -please stop playing games with yourself.

[Sindy_0311]

56 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He's done nothing wrong.

I would go even further saying that I appreciate the fact that he was clear with his intentions towards you since the beginning. I guess he sensed that you really like him and again doesn’t want you to get a wrong impression. As they all said, I suggest you stay away. Stop texting him and let him go. Try to go on dates with other men, this guy wasn’t for you. 

[boltnrun]

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Are you still "working on" improving your sense of self worth? If so, in what ways?

 

[Jaunty]

You are treating yourself poorly.  If you don't want to be in a FWB situation with this guy then you owe it to yourself to end it.

It's bordering on delusional for you to carry on and then try to redefine it to yourself because he "cuddled" or whatever.  

One more time:  Of course he knows you're into him.  If he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would be.  But, what he wants is to have this type of deal with you ... and so that's what you have.

[Dandelionspring]

Yeah. I guess I’m trying to control everything. He has made everything clear to me and I do continue to try to manipulate the situation. 
 

I really don’t understand why he saw me again and wouldn’t have sex with me. That confuses me. And some other stuff confuses me but that’s just called being human and I guess I’ll never know what exactly was going on in his head. J don’t even know what’s going on in my head. 
 

To be honest I will admit that I think there are healthy relationships in this world. I will also admit that I might be capable of having one although I am lazy and reluctant and scared to. 
 

To be honest I am just scared that I will be alone forever. And I think I need to have faith that I will meet someone someday. 
 

in the meantime I will work on myself.  I am working on my issues.  Reading books and talking to people. 
 

I also have to get my life and my finances together because they are a hot mess and I am a hot mess. 
 

I want to be loved unconditionally though. Even if I am a hot mess. But the reality is no one wants a hot mess. 
 

but I hope someday I can find someone who loves me unconditionally. Even when I’m imperfect. 
 

so it’s just weird to me. It’s weird that I know that if I don’t lose weight and get better, no one will give me the time of day. And that makes me not want a relationship because then it makes me realize it’s just BS. 
 

If I lose the weight and get my stuff together I’ll find a guy. But I know he won’t love me unconditionally. It’s like a business arrangement. 
 

So why bother being with someone that doesn’t really love you?  It isn’t love. 
 

so that’s where I’m at. If it weren’t for the fact that I wanted sex and affection I probably wouldn’t bother at all.