He had a tantrum over a game

[Superstickyone]

I have a male platonic friend who I play table tennis with every week.  Last game I won again but he pouts when he loses the game.  But this week he threw the table ball across the room and it almost hit the window.  I've never seen him flip out like this over a silly game.  I was stunned by his action.  I always saw him as sweet and gentle.

I told him I'm a bit concerned and that we should hold off playing for awhile.  Then he said how ridiculous I am concerned about his "off night".

Now he ignores my texts!  What should I do?  Let him cool down for a few days and text again??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Yes let the dust settle.

[Kwothe28]

Some people are very competative OP. And dont take the loss as "its just a game". Try to tell any sports fan after the game their team lost how "its just a game". And see what happens and how they will send you to Hell.

"Hold off playing in a while" to a competative sports guy? Yeah, good luck at him not getting mad after that lol

To him its not just the game and all youve said was "adding oil to fire". Sorry you got dissapointed in your friend and didnt know he is like that. But he just is. Let the dust settle but be mindful if you play next time.

[poorlittlefish]

Yes, some people are competitive, but that's no excuse to become aggressive.  Would he carry on like that if he'd lost against another man?  His behaviour understandably made you feel uneasy and I would want an apology.

[Wiseman2]

Maybe he fancies himself at Wimbledon as the next tantrum throwing hotshot? Either way he's a sore loser. Step back.

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Now he ignores my texts!  What should I do?  Let him cool down for a few days and text again??

Do you really want someone who behaves like that as a friend? Normal, rational and emotionally mature adults don't behave this way.

I suggest you leave him be and limit contact. If he throws objects aggressively just because he lost a game, imagine how aggressive he is in other areas in his private life.

[jul-els]

His reaction was irrational, but so was your reaction to his reaction. Let it rest for a bit and give cooler heads a chance to prevail. 
 

[Batya33]

I dated someone once who played tennis and told me he'd been treated for intermittent explosive disorder after breaking a number of rackets.  After three months of dating he wanted me to watch him play one day (I did not play).  I went -I watched him curse himself out with a level of raging that was scary each time he missed a shot and talking to himself in the third person in that way.  I saw his opponent (a friend of his) sort of try to calm him down and it was obvious he was used to this behavior.  He did not throw anything from what I recall - but it was a neverending spew of rage -I am thick skinned and would have been totally cool with him getting upset at missing a shot and perhaps using a few choice words but this was at a really concerning level.

He told me after that basically he still had the disorder but was satisfied with where he was at now and no longer did therapy. I started to put the pieces together in my head what he'd told me about his alcohol use and the huge number of beer cans/bottles I'd seen at his place. 

He never ever got aggressive or angry with me in the three months we dated.  Not even close.  But in part because of seeing what I saw plus seeing that he was sort of over his being into me to the nth degree and pulling away I concluded that perhaps he wanted me to see him raging to encourage me to end things.  I did end things a few days later and he seemed sort of upset but didn't push the matter.  

If we'd just been platonic friends the truth is I likely would have continued the friendship and avoided tennis outings.  Because he didn't treat me in that way plus I might not have probed into the "why" and figured he had a really bad day.  

 

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Do you really want someone who behaves like that as a friend? Normal, rational and emotionally mature adults don't behave this way.

I suggest you leave him be and limit contact. If he throws objects aggressively just because he lost a game, imagine how aggressive he is in other areas in his private life.

I agree. Reserve your friendship for rational, mature people. 

[SherrySher]

6 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

I have a male platonic friend who I play table tennis with every week.  Last game I won again but he pouts when he loses the game.  But this week he threw the table ball across the room and it almost hit the window.  I've never seen him flip out like this over a silly game.  I was stunned by his action.  I always saw him as sweet and gentle.

I told him I'm a bit concerned and that we should hold off playing for awhile.  Then he said how ridiculous I am concerned about his "off night".

Now he ignores my texts!  What should I do?  Let him cool down for a few days and text again??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If this is out of character for him, it's possible that he's going through personal issues at the moment.

He may not be speaking about them, and he may not want to, but he could be dealing with either stress or depression.

Let him be for the moment, whatever it is, he is needing time to himself.

Hopefully in time you two will be able to talk things through.

[Lambert]

I'd probably stay away from this guy. Always a poor loser? that's not fun to me. 

The outburst I could look past once, but it's the telling me I'm ridiculous I couldn't.

We all win some, lose some. This guy has a problem. 

[Jibralta]

30 minutes ago, Lambert said:

The outburst I could look past once, but it's the telling me I'm ridiculous I couldn't.

And now he ignores her texts!

Nah. He's not sweet and gentle. He went from pouting to enraged outburst, then called you "ridiculous," and is now stonewalling you. 

The correct response was, "I'm sorry for my outburst. It is selfish and self-absorbed of me to ruin your good time with pouting and angry outbursts just because things aren't going the way I want them to. I was totally wrong and I know better. I'm so embarrassed. I won't do that anymore."

I wonder how he treats his guy friends when he loses to them--I bet they wouldn't stand for his tantrum, let alone his 'pouting.' And I bet he wouldn't dare call one of them 'ridiculous' lol. They'd probably laugh in his petulant little crybaby face. Or punch him in it. And rightly so.

[Cherylyn]

I don't trust impulsively enraged, hot tempered people.  Don't play table tennis with him anymore since he has no qualms about acting like an animal if he doesn't win.  Only play games with those who know how to behave with class. 

He ignores your texts.  Don't be his friend anymore because he's immature and acts like a spoiled brat boy.  Go your separate ways permanently. 

Should your paths cross in the future, remain peaceful and natural with enforced boundaries.  You can still say "hello" in the future but you don't have to go out of your way to be chummy friends.  Know where to draw the line.  Be cool and maintain a safe distance.  If he asks you why you're aloof, tell him the truth and if he hasn't grown up yet and refuses to be mature, then say, "No thank you" every time he asks to play table tennis with you.  Be steadfast, unwavering and firm.  Don't accept his _________ anymore.  You're done.  Don't waste your time and energy on those who don't treat you with respect. 

If he sincerely and apologizes for his uncalled outburst, then you might reconsider resuming table tennis games with him but give him fair warning that if he acts like an animal again, you're done and no more chances.

[Andrina]

16 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Last game I won again but he pouts when he loses the game. 

Playing with him over and over again when he pouted after each loss teaches him that he can act like an idiot and you're still willing to play with him.

16 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Then he said how ridiculous I am concerned about his "off night".

Now he ignores my texts! 

Trying to engage with him, seeking his attention after he acted like a jerk teaches him that being a jerk has absolutely no consequences where you are concerned.

You teach people how to treat you. If they don't learn the lesson after you have boundaries and a spine instead of laying down like a doormat, it's your cue to walk away.

[Superstickyone]

I have considered he may be going through personal issues.  However, we are casual activity friends and not super close. Yet I am still very concerned he treated the outcome in such spoiled brat fashion.  I don't expect him to get that personal.  In line with the level of our friendship, I felt saying I was concerned and backing away from playing was appropriate. His response was flaky.  I don't feel comfortable playing anymore table tennis as what will happen next?  He will throw the ball at me??

[catfeeder]

7 minutes ago, Superstickyone said:

I have considered he may be going through personal issues.  However, we are casual activity friends and not super close. Yet I am still very concerned he treated the outcome in such spoiled brat fashion.  I don't expect him to get that personal.  In line with the level of our friendship, I felt saying I was concerned and backing away from playing was appropriate. His response was flaky.  I don't feel comfortable playing anymore table tennis as what will happen next?  He will throw the ball at me??

Yep, I understand. I'd have asked him if he's trying to tell me to let him win. I'd probably have stooped to his level by calling him a baby. 👅

[MissCanuck]

I would not bother staying friends with this guy. 

Simple. 

[SherrySher]

On 10/30/2022 at 9:44 PM, Superstickyone said:

I have considered he may be going through personal issues.  However, we are casual activity friends and not super close. Yet I am still very concerned he treated the outcome in such spoiled brat fashion.  I don't expect him to get that personal.  In line with the level of our friendship, I felt saying I was concerned and backing away from playing was appropriate. His response was flaky.  I don't feel comfortable playing anymore table tennis as what will happen next?  He will throw the ball at me??

Then stick to your gut feeling. End things with him.

[OdliDPrincess]

I wouldn't bother keeping this man as a buddy too.

[Batya33]

If you're not super close I'd be done.  I was super close with someone for 25 years who started lashing out at me (verbally) - I cut her some slack as we were super close.  But I had my last straw moment when she lashed out at me for telling a mutual high school classmate who I'd reconnected with on facebook -who inquired after my friend -that the friend still lived in the same state (didn't say where) and I might have shared the friend was married.  Honestly -public info. No contact info, no new last name.  She lashed out at me and went further and attacked my general character. Out of bounds bizarre.  I cut her off. 

About a year later she heard I'd had a baby.  She emailed me with congratulations and best wishes and not "apologizing" but it was a make amends email.  I really considered it .  I replied with thanks and said that at this time I needed space given I just had a baby and didn't promise to reconnect.

A few years later I heard she had a baby.  I messaged her with congratulations, she replied with thanks.  I left it at that.

  It's hard - we were close for many years but there was this buildup by her of these attacks, of bizarre behavior, of asking for advice about her awful husband (awful meaning stuff he was doing and doing to her) and then lashing out when I gave the input she asked for and on and on and on. 

I only stood by her for as long as we did because we'd met and become close on and off when we were 12! Honestly I still miss parts of our former friendship and this is 15 years later.  But I had to draw a line in the sand for my own self-preservation.  Had this been a casual activity friend -buh bye.

[Wiseman2]

On 10/29/2022 at 1:43 AM, Superstickyone said:

I have a male platonic friend who I play table tennis with every week.  Last game I won again but he pouts when he loses the game. 

Is this at your place, his place or some type of club/facility? Why not find other people to play with? Perhaps join a team or club? This way you can enjoy the game without being stuck with a sore loser. Don't contact him. Let him cool off and contact you , he knows your contact info.

[Superstickyone]

Batya33.

It must be much harder to end things when you've been very close.  In your case, you were both in touch which indicates still some connection and reminiscent feelings.

It seems possible that two people, like in your situation, may forgive since an apology was given. However, the attacks sounded severe and you had come to the end of your rope.  Weighing the number of pros to the number of cons sounds the best way, as you have done, in order to come to a decision.  No one deserves to be treated like that.  Even if some times were good, a sour taste remains in our minds.  You made the right choice!