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What do you do when a woman says her relationship is complicated


zootopia
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Hi everyone,

So 4 days ago my sister came home with a few friends for a sleepover and among her friends was this girl who just struck me the moment I saw her. Considering I wasn't part of it I couldn't interfere so the next day I come home from work and she is still there. this time i couldn't resist the urge to talk to her so I  manned up and  pulled her aside and we started talking. We hit it off from the start and we talked and laughed for almost 3hrs it felt like i had known her for years. I realized she was asking the most questions about myself which in my mind signaled  that she either liked me and so i went the obvious root and asked if she was seeing someone and her answer was "Complicated". So i asked for a little bit of an elaboration and she claims she's been dating this guy for 6 years but lately it seamed like it wasn't working anymore. She explained a little bit about it and it looked like it was a dying relationship. So afterwards she leaves for home with my phone number  and  texts me back later that night and we have been talking back and forth. Now i haven't dated anyone in a while but after that little run-in I had with her am thinking about courting her . We have so much in common personality wise but I don't even know how to start considering she is still dating someone although it's not working well. So please some advice would be nice.         

 

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5 minutes ago, zootopia said:

asked if she was seeing someone and her answer was "Complicated". So i asked for a little bit of an elaboration and she claims she's been dating this guy for 6 years but lately it seamed like it wasn't working anymore.  I had with her am thinking about courting her.

If she is in another relationship, and you decide to see her, you're in for a lot of headaches and heartaches. While she used you as a shoulder to cry on, she needs to make a decision to leave this "complicated" situation. If you want to be the male-girlfriend she talks about her BF to, that's fine, but as far as dating this situation is a red flag.

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What do you do when a woman says her relationship is complicated?

You run away.

There are 2 scenarios in which this goes

1) She either uses you for the attention or even cheats on the guy with you, tells you how its a dead relationship but never leaves the guy. 

2) She leaves the guy for you. Which arguably could be a worst scenario in this case because then she becomes your problem. And if she has so much disrespect to do that to a 6 year old relationship, imagine how easy it would be to do the same thing to you when you get into "its complicated" situation and somebody else comes along.

Both scenarios are bad for you. Heck, only one that will get it more bad is the other guy because imagine a girlfriend of 6 years taking numbers and possibly cheating with someone. So, just pass it on. You havent dated anyone in a while but its not a shame to pass on something that would possibly be very bad for you. 

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Mature, decent people with good ethics end one relationship before beginning another. She's crossing relationship boundaries. That's how she operates. You're attracted to her and so you're overlooking that huge red flag waving in your face. What she's doing to her man is what she would eventually do to you if things even got that far.

And she's been with the guy a whole six years. Even if she broke up with him today, do you really think she'll be fully ready for a new relationship tomorrow? You don't know much about relationships if you don't know it'd likely take her a full year to be good and ready--a person who has gone through all the stages of healing after a longterm breakup definitely need that solo time.

You're a fool if you don't tell her you've had second thoughts about staying in touch since she's taken. And then delete and block. I don't even think she's worth pursuing if she makes herself single. 

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If you really like her a lot, I'd avoid setting her up to show you exactly how disloyal she's willing to be toward her current partner.

That's not a moral finder wag, it's practical.

Once you get a front row seat to view another's capacity for disloyalty, even if you 'win,' you lose.

After enjoying victory for about 5 minutes it'll occur to you that it's pretty exhausting to constantly look over your own shoulder for the next guy to whom she'll leapfrog the minute YOU don't thrill her anymore.

Skip that. Tell her that you like her and would love to hear from her once she reconciles her old business.

If you try to make things go your way, you'll suffer the consequences of that, and I doubt that a continual state of paranoia is how you'll want to live.

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Been there several times.  Each time I told them if they ever find themselves single and ready to date to look me up.  Two actually did and when I asked them if they were still seeing their bf they confessed that they are off again on again type of thing.  I took a pass.

6 years is a long time so when that long of a relationship ends there needs to be time for a genuine person to heal and mourn the loss BEFORE they are even close to being in another relationship.

Remember in school they used to have monkey bars you would swing from bar to bar.  Some kids would swing from one to the next but make sure they had a sure grip on both before they let go?  She is one of those kids.  Others are brave and swing and let go and fly alone before the next bar is within reach.

 Don't let her take you for a test drive to see if you are better than her current bf.

Lost

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She's just getting off on the attention she's been getting from you. She has no interest in dumping her BF. When you hear "complicated" that's them distancing themselves from the relationship to give the illusion there is a possibility of a chance for you. It's a smoke screen. 

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I wouldn't trust her.  The fact that she's entertaining the idea of seeing you while currently in a relationship of 6 years,  doesn't sound like she has integrity.  Wait until she breaks up for certain, allow some time to lapse and then if you two are acquainted some more, build a relationship from there.  Do things in order.  Don't make an already complicated situation more complicated than it needs to be.  Back off.  Be wise.  Now is not the time to begin courting her otherwise you'll be involved in angst and drama galore.  Be smart.  Don't be in a hurry.  Don't rush.  Take your time and do it the right way.

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22 hours ago, zootopia said:

asked if she was seeing someone and her answer was "Complicated". So i asked for a little bit of an elaboration and she claims she's been dating this guy for 6 years but lately it seamed like it wasn't working anymore. She explained a little bit about it and it looked like it was a dying relationship. So afterwards she leaves for home with my phone number  and  texts me back later that night and we have been talking back and forth. Now i haven't dated anyone in a while but after that little run-in I had with her am thinking about courting her

No, don't.

She is in no way ready or able.  She seems to be distancing , possibly from her long term relationship.  She has nothing to 'give' until she's been out of all that for a good while.

AND, she is not even single yet.

So, i suggest you keep your distance. Someone like this is in no mind to jump into anything again for a while.

For your own good, have no expectations and respect the fact she is still involved.

 

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Besides what's already been said, a huge deterrent in love triangles is considering the worst that can happen. I listen to to the Dateline podcast and have seen many of the shows. A great amount of murder happens due to love triangles. You don't know what any stranger is capable of. You're playing with fire, connecting in the manner you are with another man's partner.

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