Dating outside of your league?

[Anonymous]

There is this man that likes me a lot....but I'm not sexually attracted to him. 

My girlfriends keep telling me I'm way out of his league on many things, not just looks. I kind of feel like I am, ouch. 

He's got a nice personality and a good heart and he keeps pushing me to "try" to like him. The other thing is he's hyper focused on how attractive a woman is, and he's not gonna date ugly girls or lower his standards, he says. 

He thinks the reason I don't like him is because I'm more educated and supposedly smarter but.....how do I gently tell him I'm simply not sexually attracted to him? I've told him once gently I'm not sexually attracted to him and he said, how can this be when I'm so handsome. 

[Seraphim]

The concept of “leagues” is elitist. He sounds arrogant. Just be flat out and say I am not interested, goodbye . Some people only understand straight up. 

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

There is this man that likes me a lot....but I'm not sexually attracted to him. 

If you're not attracted to him, move forward and don't waste your or his time.

[smackie9]

If he is questioning you on how and why you are not being receptive to his advances, that means he's a certified jerk. Real men accept and move on...this guy is guilt tripping you, and manipulating you. Don't need to be gentle with this guy, just tell him to leave you alone.

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If he is questioning you on how and why you are not being receptive to his advances, that means he's a certified jerk. Real men accept and move on...this guy is guilt tripping you, and manipulating you. Don't need to be gentle with this guy, just tell him to leave you alone.

Agreed. Don’t leave any avenue open or he will take it. Hard door slam needed. 

[DancingFool]

This guy is being a total creep and you cannot be gentle with them. IF you want him to leave you alone, you will have to be brutally blunt and then stop talking to him completely.  

When you try to be gentle with people like him, they take you for a weak minded fool they can manipulate and they will jump on that. On that note, please for the love of, don't be flattered by this kind of attention. This guy is toxic af and a complete creep.

[Kwothe28]

OK, you dont like the guy and think you are above. Just say that there is no chemistry and move on. You both seem superficial, you think he should "stay in his lane" and he thinks attractiveness is everything. There is no need to continue anything here when you simply dont like him enough for your standards.

[SooSad33]

To try & like you?  If it's not there, it's not there.. enough said.

Just avoid him & move along.  You've explained yourself.

 

[Batya33]

It's simple just not easy.  Like lots of things in life. And easier now because of technology.  No need to have in person contact "I don't think we have enough in common to be a good match.  I wish you well.  Happy holidays and take care."

[Anonymous]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

My girlfriends keep telling me I'm way out of his league

What league is he in?

NHL?🏒

NFL?🏈

MLB?⚾

[HeartGoesOn]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

how do I gently tell him I'm simply not sexually attracted to him?

How did this subject come up, especially since (I'm assuming)  you haven't dated him.?

[Rose Mosse]

No need to respond. Just talk to other men.

[Cherylyn]

You don't have to explain anything to him.  Tell him this instead:  "I'm sorry.  I'm not interested in you.  Please do not bother me.  Thank you for respecting my wishes.  Good bye." 

I dated and married "out of my league."  I married up.  I'm relieved and grateful to know that I did not settle for mediocrity or less than mediocrity.  I did not marry the small town men I grew up with.  Ew, what a bunch of losers.  I married above my station in life.  Granted, I elevated myself by succeeding and prospering in my own right in order to meet my husband who hailed from a higher status in society.  He's definitely classier than the men I worked with,  men in my childhood community and men in my previous 'in person' social groups. 

[SherrySher]

The whole concepts of "leagues" is immature, and high school-ish. Children talk like that, not grown adults.

Being so hyper focused on looks and money, is very superficial and just sad.

I personally have met and dated people who were so called very good looking/rich, and you know what? They were by far the biggest jerks you will ever come across.

(Not saying all good looking/rich people are like this).

But they were very stuck on themselves, high maintenance, etc.

Finding love should be more about connection of the heart and if you're compatible in most areas in life.

That really is the foundation you should be focused on.

But as for this guy, he is definitely not a match. He also sounds like he has issues.

Just let him know that you'd prefer to remain friends and not romantic.

[catfeeder]

12 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

He thinks the reason I don't like him is because I'm more educated and supposedly smarter but.....how do I gently tell him I'm simply not sexually attracted to him?

Why tell him anything at all? Your answer is no, and he's going to need to accept that regardless of not 'liking' it.

I'd refuse to be bullied into trying to 'sell' him the idea that I don't want to date him.

No means no.

[Cherylyn]

I was often told that I was out of my league, dating and marrying out of my league.  I simply ignored the naysayers. 

I did what I wanted anyway and I got him.

So what if I was out of my league?  I have a better life now because of it.  Had I remained where I came from, I would've been struggling and miserable today.  No thanks.  Been there done that.  I've always wanted to marry up and I'm relieved and grateful to have heeded my own instincts and advice. 

As for "that man,"  politely and respectfully decline and move on.

 

 

[lostandhurt]

Does it matter how handsome or good looking you think he is if there is no attraction?  If you have to convince yourself to go on a date with anyone you shouldn't go.

  Be firm and very clear that you are not interested in dating him or a friendship with him.  He will go away once you stop accepting all the attention you like getting from him.

 

Lost

[Capricorn3]

15 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

...how do I gently tell him I'm simply not sexually attracted to him?

Why the need to say anything at all?  It seems you've already told him that, so leave it be.  No is no.  Move on. Don't encourage him. If you're not interested in him, you move on.  No need to talk to him anymore. He'll get the message.

[Tonight.majestic]

51 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I was often told that I was out of my league, dating and marrying out of my league.  I simply ignored the naysayers. 

I did what I wanted anyway and I got him.

So what if I was out of my league?  I have a better life now because of it.  Had I remained where I came from, I would've been struggling and miserable today.  No thanks.  Been there done that.  I've always wanted to marry up and I'm relieved and grateful to have heeded my own instincts and advice. 

As for "that man,"  politely and respectfully decline and move on.

 

 

What was exactly that made him out of your league? Looks? Money? Family? And did he ever feel that way? 

[SherrySher]

I'm still intrigued by this "league" thing. 😅

It can only be two things, (in my opinion). Snobs who look down on people due to money/status, or superficial jerks who are focused on what someone's face/body looks like above all else.

Either of which is pretty sad. 

Humans are humans. People are either compatible, or they're not..all the rest is just what's wrong with the world.

[Tonight.majestic]

6 hours ago, SherrySher said:

I'm still intrigued by this "league" thing. 😅

It can only be two things, (in my opinion). Snobs who look down on people due to money/status, or superficial jerks who are focused on what someone's face/body looks like above all else.

Either of which is pretty sad. 

Humans are humans. People are either compatible, or they're not..all the rest is just what's wrong with the world.

Yeah but at the end of the day, most people marry within their own SAS class and it's rarely you'll see a 300 lbs woman with a 6 ft tall athlete or a 20 year old man with 40 year old woman. How is someone superficial if they're not attracted to somebody else? 

[mylolita]

OP,  

 

Sometimes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Treat him in a friendly way, no need to hurt his feelings and spell it out. I am sure he will get the picture if you refuse a date with class and let him keep his dignity, even if he is saying some stupid stuff that makes him sound like a bit of an idiot.

 

Best,

Lo x

[Batya33]

35 minutes ago, Tonight.majestic said:

Yeah but at the end of the day, most people marry within their own SAS class and it's rarely you'll see a 300 lbs woman with a 6 ft tall athlete or a 20 year old man with 40 year old woman. How is someone superficial if they're not attracted to somebody else? 

Most people who marry for the right reasons marry a person who is a good match for that person. Which varies individually.  As distinct from looking for a good match for eye candy or for trophy reasons.  Then there are going to be standards related to physical appearance and perhaps materialistic expressions of wealth. 

[waffle]

On 12/15/2021 at 9:18 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

He's got a nice personality and a good heart and he keeps pushing me to "try" to like him. The other thing is he's hyper focused on how attractive a woman is, and he's not gonna date ugly girls or lower his standards, he says. 

He thinks the reason I don't like him is because I'm more educated and supposedly smarter but.....how do I gently tell him I'm simply not sexually attracted to him? I've told him once gently I'm not sexually attracted to him and he said, how can this be when I'm so handsome. 

I'm a little surprised that you focused on "I'm out of his league" rather than the fact that he's a pompous ass.  And then claim that he's got a nice personality and a good heart?

It doesn't matter how much more attractive you are than he is, just take a pass on this clown and let him go pick up some other hottie.

[Cherylyn]

14 hours ago, Tonight.majestic said:

What was exactly that made him out of your league? Looks? Money? Family? And did he ever feel that way? 

I've dated several duds.  They didn't qualify because their careers were lackluster, characters were subpar nor did they treat me as if I'm special.  They were typical which wasn't good enough for me.

I wanted everything.  Money (education, career, job security, financial security), strong potential for a bright future filled with normalcy and stability.  It didn't hurt that my husband is handsome and he hails from a very loving, nurturing, great family. 

Finding a great man is like finding a needle in a haystack.  It was pure dumb luck for me.

My husband knows how to treat women with respect because his father treats his mother like a queen.  They treat everyone with respect.  They're honorable men.  I wanted a man of the highest integrity and I got him. 

I wanted to marry up even though he was out of my league.  I came from a poor family.  My late father was a chain smoking, alcoholic wife beater.  I wanted to marry a man who was the polar opposite of my late father.  I wanted a great husband or no man.  I would never settle for anyone less.  NEVER. 

The reason was because I foresaw my future.  I wanted a comfortable, very secure future which is equated with happiness and peace of mind. 

My husband and I have two great sons, the white picket fence and our house in the suburbs.  It's an established, very settled life; the life I had always wanted.