My boyfriend is mad that I crave ice-cream most days

[refusedtobeknown1468]

My current boyfriend and I (same sex relationship) have been staying together for about three months now. We're very deep in the relationship but I can see that he expresses discontent when I ask for small things. We stumbled upon an Ice-cream store about a few meters away from our home and I've kind of become obsessed with their ice-cream. Over the past three weeks I ask for Ice-cream most days and he willingly gets it for me but in the most recent week whenever I ask for it he make weird remarks or tells me I can't have ice-cream everyday. It might seem like a small situation but it blew up out of control yesterday when i asked again after a couple of days of not having it. We drove and the store was closed. All good, until we started driving back home to which he saw fit to voice out that I can't eat ice-cream everyday and made a bunch of comments which I simple brushed off, it didn't sit well with me that my partner would be so upset to get me something that i thoroughly enjoy. I was hurt and kept silent most of the day until I voiced out my frustration to which he told me that going out of the house most days to get me a treat is inconvenient and that I'm becoming a nuisance. He also suggested that we've been in each others space for too long (I'm the one who moved in with him) and that we take time and space apart and drove me home immediately after.

 

This all comes as a shock to me because if the roles were switched I absolutely wouldn't mind getting my partner ice-cream everyday if he/she enjoyed it. I guess i expected a lot more than what he was offering but I'm trying to see if I am wrong in the situation.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

I ask for Ice-cream most days and he willingly gets it for me but in the most recent week whenever I ask for it he make weird remarks or tells me I can't have ice-cream everyday.

Get it yourself.

[refusedtobeknown1468]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Get it yourself.

True. He is usually out and about running errands so I ask him to grab it on his way back. I'm trying to understand what I did wrong or why the fight occurred.

[lostforwords11]

It's probably not so much about ice cream specifically, it was just the trigger. This seems navigable. Wait a few days and talk to him calmly.

[refusedtobeknown1468]

10 minutes ago, lostforwords11 said:

It's probably not so much about ice cream specifically, it was just the trigger. This seems navigable. Wait a few days and talk to him calmly.

Do you care to tell me more about what you mean by "trigger"

[lostforwords11]

The ice cream argument was the way in to having a larger discussion about annoyances and taking some space. I would guess that after some space, whether or not you get ice cream once and a while won't matter as much.

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

True. He is usually out and about running errands so I ask him to grab it on his way back. I'm trying to understand what I did wrong or why the fight occurred.

I think you know your treating him like your mother/errand boy. Stop. Get off the sofa and do it yourself.

[boltnrun]

If the store is only a few metres away, why can't you walk to the store and get it yourself?

[melancholy123]

2 hours ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

True. He is usually out and about running errands so I ask him to grab it on his way back. I'm trying to understand what I did wrong or why the fight occurred.

Maybe he too thinks you need to get your own ice cream if you want it that much.  Dont be so lazy, get your own.  

[smackie9]

once or twice sure...everyday, that gets old. This has become self entitlement. It's no wonder he's resentful. He feels like he's being taken advantage of.

I suggest to make this part of your daily routine, like going out for a morning coffee.

I would also suggest looking into what you may have is an addictive personality.

[Kwothe28]

This is not about the ice cream. It only trigerred that reaction to him. He said that you are becoming a nuisance. After 3 months of living together(as I understand) he wants a time off and a break up and thinks you cant live together. That all is not ice cream related, ice cream is just a trigger. The real reason is who knows what. Maybe you are difficult to live with(making him run to the store for ice cream every day does sound like a nuisance, sorry), maybe its him and maybe he used to live alone so the other person there just "doesnt feel right", but its something that bothers him. So I suggest you talk about it and see what it is. Because it sure isnt ice cream.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

Do you care to tell me more about what you mean by ...

It means you're not ordering mint chocolate chip rocky road in a cup or cone enough.🍦

What you don't have a freezer to buy and store your own? 🍨🍧

Although it could be a sign that you need to order pizza more🍕 .

If that doesn't work, you could try seltzer. 🥤

Next time ask for a doggie bag.🐶

 

[gamon]

Are you overweight? Maybe he likes slim guys.

 

[HeartGoesOn]

Try switching to popsicles.

[DancingFool]

3 hours ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

True. He is usually out and about running errands so I ask him to grab it on his way back. I'm trying to understand what I did wrong or why the fight occurred.

^This is what you are doing wrong. You are taking advantage of his time and adding chores and errands to his list every single day instead of getting off your arse and taking care of yourself. You are being exceedingly selfish and lazy and your partner is telling you that he is getting fed up. Most people would get fed up with that kind of behavior from their partner.

The victim attitude and failing to understand how your behavior is wrong is not helping things either. You would do for him? OK, then get off your arse and go get your own ice cream and maybe run some other errands to lessen his burden. Why is that not logical to you?

[SooSad33]

I feel it's too much too fast and you're now learning how you two clash.

He finds you annoying now over the ice cream, when it's a simple solution to just get it yourself.  Not ask him to keep getting it for you.

Plus, you're there too much. He's needing a break from all of this.

If you do not live there, then yeah, go home for a while.  Has only been 3 month involvement.

So, you two can either find a happy medium or you two are not working well together.

[Capricorn3]

11 hours ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

he told me that going out of the house most days to get me a treat is inconvenient and that I'm becoming a nuisance. He also suggested that we've been in each others space for too long (I'm the one who moved in with him) and that we take time and space apart and drove me home immediately after.

This all comes as a shock to me

I agree with your boyfriend.  You treat him like he's your servant.  Why can't you go buy your own ice-cream?  You sound extremely selfish and very entitled.  Do you work?

[Rose Mosse]

14 hours ago, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

My current boyfriend and I (same sex relationship) have been staying together for about three months now. We're very deep in the relationship but I can see that he expresses discontent when I ask for small things. We stumbled upon an Ice-cream store about a few meters away from our home and I've kind of become obsessed with their ice-cream. Over the past three weeks I ask for Ice-cream most days and he willingly gets it for me but in the most recent week whenever I ask for it he make weird remarks or tells me I can't have ice-cream everyday. It might seem like a small situation but it blew up out of control yesterday when i asked again after a couple of days of not having it. We drove and the store was closed. All good, until we started driving back home to which he saw fit to voice out that I can't eat ice-cream everyday and made a bunch of comments which I simple brushed off, it didn't sit well with me that my partner would be so upset to get me something that i thoroughly enjoy. I was hurt and kept silent most of the day until I voiced out my frustration to which he told me that going out of the house most days to get me a treat is inconvenient and that I'm becoming a nuisance. He also suggested that we've been in each others space for too long (I'm the one who moved in with him) and that we take time and space apart and drove me home immediately after.

 

This all comes as a shock to me because if the roles were switched I absolutely wouldn't mind getting my partner ice-cream everyday if he/she enjoyed it. I guess i expected a lot more than what he was offering but I'm trying to see if I am wrong in the situation.

You are leaning too heavily on him in general. I agree with the previous comment from Kwothe that it's not about the ice cream. Acts of service might be a love language for you but it isn't for him or not to that extent. You would gladly do these things for a partner but it doesn't mean that the other person would do the same for you and that's why it's hurtful. You seem to be very comfortable around him and perhaps that's not something he's ready for or a dynamic he's not willing to have (which is fair). Maintain some autonomy and independence in your relationship and balance out the acts of service with some proactiveness of your own. It's healthier that way. 

I also ask if his desire to please you or attentiveness just isn't there as much anymore. This may be you indicating to him that you need him to show more affection and thoughtfulness. Bringing back home ice cream on a regular basis affirms for you that you know that he's thinking about you, something you may question overall. 

 

 

[adviceplease2]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Get it yourself.

This had me laughing, was my exact thought as a scrolled down.

[Fudgie]

Thread states: "My boyfriend is mad that I crave ice-cream most days"

Reality: "My boyfriend is mad that I ask him to get me ice-cream almost everyday, utilizing his time and money and treating him like a servant."

It's not really fair. What is he getting out of it? You say that you'd gladly get your partner ice cream almost everyday if they want it but saying that is easy, doing that is another thing. Unless you two had an agreement or some thing to make it fair, you may well end up feeling resentful too. 

[Cherylyn]

Don't take advantage of your boyfriend otherwise he grows bitter and resentful as you can attest.  No one enjoys feeling used due to your convenience. 

[gamon]

I'm craving Moose Tracks.

[catfeeder]

The most successful couples I know are people who also remain self-sufficient.

They offer one another favors on occasion, but otherwise, they operate as autonomous adults responsible for their own self-care. They shop for their own stuff or do it together.

Asking anyone for a favor that results in push-back ONCE would be enough for me to quit asking for it over and over again.

Think.

[MissCanuck]

On 10/14/2021 at 2:03 PM, refusedtobeknown1468 said:

He is usually out and about running errands so I ask him to grab it on his way back.

He's busy. 

Maybe get off your duff and go get it yourself. 

[Bothered2021]

Ok, so get your own ice cream as everyone said multiple times. Also something your boyfriend could have said before letting it stew for whatever reason. There has to be something more to this. The ice cream thing was just the catalyst for him to vent how he’s been feeling