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Everything posted by Bothered2021

  1. Ok, so get your own ice cream as everyone said multiple times. Also something your boyfriend could have said before letting it stew for whatever reason. There has to be something more to this. The ice cream thing was just the catalyst for him to vent how he’s been feeling
  2. Idk, it really seems like it is him. From the times the person texts to the things they say. Especially if it’s things only he could know. How would this person get your number and know your past and even know about your relationship now? Even crazier is they found a way to contact your family. Who would have their info as well? Him. Motive? I can’t figure that out. Like you said, maybe to get you to leave. Maybe he likes messing with people for whatever sick reasons. Maybe it’s some kind of test to see if you will stick around. Idk. But his lack of interest in figuring it out makes him very suspicious. I even think he sent prostitutes to your house to throw you off. You would never think he would take it that far.
  3. Not working isn’t an option, unless you’re an heir to a massive fortune. You can love him all you want but that won’t make up for struggling the rest of your life with someone who contributes nothing. I would express to him that he needs to talk, listen and make a plan to secure a job or it’s over.
  4. I don’t think you are wrong for how you feel about the situation. I do think it makes 0 sense to be in a “secret” relationship
  5. I wouldn’t go to the authorities either. I know that what he did was repulsive and scummy. But I don’t think in his twisted mind he thought what he was doing was going to hurt you. He assumed his little gang of buddies would be impressed with him and he could have an inflated ego. He’s disgusting but I don’t think what he did was full of malice or any desire to ruin your reputation. What also confirms his ***ty character is telling his mother you thought he was seeing someone else. He took no responsibility for the break up and instead made it look like you were the reason for it. I’m glad you are done with him. He’s untrustworthy and at 51, it’s probably too late for him to ever grow up
  6. I get that. I mean I just don’t get his thought process. No matter what, you don’t do that to someone you claim to value. Idk
  7. His word is worthless. He proved he’s a liar and a manipulator
  8. Cute. Classic maneuver. You don’t trust him so he does something untrustworthy? Doesn’t make sense. He did it because he is sneaky and a liar. Newsflash to him, now you trust him less. Smh. Then he tries the whole I wasn’t sure if I saw a future with you? Should have said, nah you don’t, bye. You are still finding evidence of his sneaky behavior and he’s really laying on the guilt trip. He wants you to fully trust him after being untrustworthy and continuing to do so. That’s a NO. He doesn’t deserve your trust and you’re just going to end up hurt and miserable constantly suspecting him of lying and finding trace evidence. I can’t stand the manipulation tactics people use. Do things wrong and make the person you are betraying look like the one with an issue. Sick
  9. ***?! I don’t understand why he would want his friends to see him or you naked. First he violated your privacy and ultimately shows you can’t trust him. Gross. But why would he want his friends to see him have sex and why would they want to see it? Yeah people love porn. Totally normal. Porn starring your friends, kinda weird….
  10. Well if you’re in a committed relationship, taking a number from a random girl, texting her and gauging your connection, while “falling for her”, and keeping this “connection” from your girlfriend, you are the person who would cheat. Sometimes relationships gets stale or you hit a rough patch. You work through it or end it, and then take numbers from random girls. It seems like you are justifying your actions because you “know it’s over”. Problem is, your girlfriend doesn’t know, you haven’t actually ended it and now there’s a third party.
  11. I agree with the others who say that he’s the one your problem should be with. And if he cheated in the past you shouldn’t have stayed. It’s hard to get over and will literally drive you crazy. What’s worse is it was with a past co worker. Which means you will worry constantly because he has to work everyday until retirement. It’s not worth it in my opinion. He’s just not trustworthy. Now about the smiley face. I think it’s tacky of the woman who drew it. Especially if she knows about you. Also, why draw it if you aren’t flirting or wanting some kind of reaction? I draw 0 things on other people’s notes and I especially don’t draw smiley faces. Someone likened it to teachers grading papers. A little different. I’ve never had a teacher beyond possibly 6th grade draw a smiley face on my paper. Anyway, I am gonna assume he does act super flirty and that’s how they are going about it.
  12. I totally get what you’re saying. I just don’t know that this example defines who he is as a person. I could be wrong. I don’t know him or their relationship obviously. I just think from my perspective and I would be upset he didn’t offer but I guess I don’t have a problem waiting for AAA or asking for help. I also wouldn’t have a problem telling him that I would prefer he make the trip to help me if that’s what I really wanted
  13. That’s kind of what I was trying to say. In a nutshell, you have to communicate your displeasure or disappointment. And I agree that men, well women too, can be completely oblivious to what someone else finds a big deal or important.
  14. Not at all “When he answered I mentioned that my car wouldn't start and I wasn't sure what the problem was, it had just been in the shop for routine maintenance the prior week. He asked if I thought it was the battery and I said, I wasn't sure, but the car hadn't given me any indication that the battery might be bad. He asked if I had jumper cables, and I said I did. He then proceeded to tell me to walk around the parking lot, look for someone friendly and ask if they will give me a jump. His logic was, "Well, if it's the battery we will know right away and if it's not we can eliminate that immediately. If you can just get a jump to get home it will save me frommaking a trip out there." The market is probably 15 minutesaway from where we live. I hung up and sat in the car dumbfounded for a few minutes because what I had expected was "Where are you...I'm on my way." she MENTIONED her car problem. He told her to ask someone to save him the trip. She didn’t say “no I really need you to come”.
  15. That’s awesome. I’m not saying that it’s not nice to run and help. I’m not saying he wasn’t insensitive or that it wouldn’t have been better for him to offer. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be upset. I’m just saying it’s not the end of the world. Had she expressed herself and still been met with him not caring, that would be different to me.
  16. These all seem more serious than a dead battery. And if she said I’d like you to come help and he said no, I would see this more negatively. From the post he told her to ask a friendly stranger, they hung up and then she felt upset. Rightfully so that he didn’t volunteer. However he may not see a woman with a dead battery as a damsel in distress. Maybe he grew up with moms or sisters who never asked for help so to him it’s not a big deal. We don’t know the background history. And she didn’t tell him she didn’t want to or anything. Idk
  17. I wouldn’t have this problem because I have AAA and I have asked a stranger to jump me. It’s quicker than waiting for someone to drive to me. And to be fair, I literally took my jumper cables out of the trunk and walked to the front of my car and two people asked if I needed help. That being said, I would be pissed if I called and he didn’t say “I’ll be right down there”. At least throw the offer out there. Then you can decide how to proceed. I think your partner should be someone you can count on to jump up and rescue you when you need them to. And I would be offended. But I would only feel like this was a deal breaker if I expressed how I felt, such as not wanting to ask a stranger and wanting him to help me, and he wouldn’t come help me. Even if he’s 15 mins away, a stranger in the parking lot is already there 🤷🏻‍♀️Even though we are women we are completely able to take care of ourselves. I can purchase and use AAA. I can also find someone to help me in the parking lot. Nobody expects a woman to go rescue their bf/husband in this situation. What if neither of you had cellphones or they were dead etc. you would find a way then. And in the end, you did find someone.
  18. Either I missed something or something is wrong with my thinking. I don’t think what he said to you was that awful. I assume that you both fight or argue and take digs at each other here and there. Like he said, you made the comment about the heater for a reason. Like you said with resentment. You wanted to vent frustration about being locked out but made sure to put something in there to vent about him with that comment. I assume this is probably something that happens often since you do seem to resent and maybe even dislike him. He’s allowed to feel like you are a mean person if you ARE mean to him. And throwing in backhanded comments and referring to him as a MF, kind of makes you sound like you can be mean when you want to. I also don’t understand why being called mean is so offensive. To the point you can’t believe he feels that way although I assume he didn’t feel that way about you when you first met. And to say people don’t say things if they don’t mean them? Um, yes sometimes they do. Although I do think he did mean it. Based on your post, it doesn’t seem far fetched. I’m not trying to be mean to you but take some responsibility for YOUR actions instead of focusing on what’s wrong with him. I try to be a nice person but I guarantee there are people in my past and probably currently that find me to be mean because I probably didn’t treat them very kind once we stopped seeing eye to eye, or there was some type of resentment. Idk this post just seems very one sided and dramatic
  19. Lots of things to address. I don’t think after 7 years of dating and 4 years of living together you are “just a tenant.” I do think it is weird that he didn’t consult you about buying the house and doing it together. And also not making it clear that it is your house too. Why have you been dating for all this time if he wanted to do everything alone? I would certainly bring that up. It sucks being in a relationship but feeling like a roommate. It’s not petty to say “hey I would like to have some say in the home decor if this is our home and we are building a life together”. I guess you will find out where he really stands when he responds. I also have trust issues and I know that I wouldn’t be able to have a functioning relationship or even anxiety free day if my significant other had the type of job and come in whenever you like mentality yours does. Figure out if he is willing to work on communication and letting you know when he will be out until the early morning. You’re not his mom but he does owe you respect and simply letting you know where he is and what time he plans to come home shouldn’t be a big deal. And when you have these issues coupled with feeling distant all of a sudden it’s going to play on those insecurities. I guess you have to figure out what you want in this relationship and what You are willing to live with
  20. 💯 I agree. I’ve never told a man I am into that I am ok with him seeing anyone else. It was a nice way to let him know she doesn’t have much invested
  21. Well, I would be shocked. And I am terrible with hiding my expressions. If I am feeling something, everyone can see it on my face. I could understand him being upset because it’s been a secret he probably was scared to tell anyone and your reaction may have hurt his feelings. But you apologized. I feel like he is overreacting. Needing all this time because you reacted with shock to a shocking confession? There must be more going on. Possibly the bipolar. Maybe he was unsure about you guys to begin with. Maybe he was telling you that and was eventually going to tell you he maybe bisexual or something and your reaction made him feel like you wouldn’t accept him. I could be way off, I just don’t know why it would bring him to this extreme
  22. Maybe she feels that since you are so different or that you are frequently uncomfortable doing the things she likes to do, you maybe happier with someone else. Maybe she wants to keep seeing you but is realizing how different you are. She probably knows she is going to keep being her and eventually your differences are going to cause problems. That’s why people date. To see what they like and don’t like. Getting out of something that isn’t right when you are only 3 months in is a lot easier than doing so when you’re 3 years in
  23. You just started dating..using you for what? Sex? But you aren’t having sex right? Maybe she only seems to want sexual stuff because she’s young, and has urges and assumes her boyfriend does too. Have you talked to her about your lack of interest in the sexual aspect of relationships? And honestly, nobody can answer if you are being used except her. Ask her what she wants out of this relationship. Communication is key here
  24. You stated you have to put an end to this divorce. That’s not an option. It isn’t your choice and just because you can’t afford it doesn’t mean it won’t proceed. It unfortunately means that you won’t recover all that you maybe entitled to. It seems that your lawyer isn’t the best or you could be misunderstanding the legal stuff that is going on. I agree with @Wiseman2. You’re emotional state seems to be your biggest issue right now. I don’t mean that in a mean way either. I’m not sure if you are causing hold ups and issues as a way to keep the divorce from moving along. Maybe you are hoping it will be too much for both of you and she won’t want to actually divorce you. But if that is the case, I think you really need to see the situation for what it really is
  25. This is a lot to respond to. You broke up with her, and it seemed to be the best thing you could do for both of you. It was a catalyst to better, more motivated lives. Why you are choosing to get back together, I’m not sure. Love is important and love feels so good. But love isn’t enough. I’ll be optimistic for you and say that maybe you guys were in a rut, the breakup opened your eyes to what you were missing and maybe you will be stronger now that you are back together. I will also be real here too. You are young and have been together since you were teens. You have a lot of learning to do. Your pride has been dinged. She moved on sexually quicker than you. Quicker than she implied she would ever do. And now you’re back together. She technically didn’t cheat on you in anyway. But pride and love don’t operate on technicalities. In your heart she violated what/who you thought she was and what you had together. Although she was completely open and honest about what she did. She told you when she did not have to. But, I don’t know why she is lying about some of it, perhaps to soften the blow. She obviously enjoyed some part of it. And her telling you that she was disgusted after is probably not true in my opinion. It just makes you feel better about the situation. And she knows that. You shouldn’t have gotten back together unless you were sure that you could let the stuff that happened during the break up go. If not, it’s going to eat at your self esteem and the relationship as a whole. And what happens if all the progress that happened while you were apart, disappears and goes back to the way it was?
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