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EitherDare0

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  1. I’ve now found the only thing worse than loving someone, being with them, and losing them is…. Loving someone but simply always have it a what if. Never being enough. Yes I know it boils down to self respect and self love and not allowing someone to have that agency over me when they’re not willing to commit. Sometimes our hearts want what our mind knows is horrible. It’s especially cruel when you’ve let someone be. You’ve let them go. Then they can’t help but reach out to you. With someone else a proxy bc you blocked them. They have to talk to you in person. You tell them how painfully hard it is to see or hear from them but you’re willing to allow them that if it helps them heal. They then have you over smiling ear to ear, dress up nicely, and proceeding to pour their heart out to you. Talk about how many things remind them of you. They dream of you. They beg you to come back into their life. Terrified of being hurt but knowing you want nothing more then to be with them, you do it. “If you love them let them go and if they come back…” am I right? Wrong! Til a few weeks later they “need space” from you and can’t be around you bc there has been too much trauma and damage THAT THEY caused you. And they need to wipe the slate clean bc they’ve hurt you so much they feel guilty and can’t be around it. They can’t lay in the mess they helped make Now you’re left picking up the pieces with your scars torn wide open. Months long of healing gone. Yet you have nobody to blame but yourself bc you knew the history and how they’d do this to you. Like and addict chasing their fix Shoot me. (Metaphorically)
  2. She broke up with him. It was sort of long coming and he knew it. She agreed not to block him but told him he can’t be contacting her unless it’s super important. I guess after a few weeks he didn’t honor that and did message her to stir her up. She told me she didn’t answer and since blocked him, but it stirred up some emotions. She did. It’s been long coming. They’ve been growing apart for awhile. They were just trying to cling on and hope it would get better but it isn’t. She knows she needs better. So she finally pulled the plug. He knew it was coming.
  3. Thankfully not same girl lol. Apparently I must be. I don’t mean to be. It seems all I can find is women who aren’t. I feel like I’ve tried pretty much any way to meet a partner and it always seems to be an issue. at times I feel like emotionally available women flock to me. I just feel I’m different than a lot of people nowadays. I do the things women say they’d want. Self reflection, I used to be too available and likely needy. If really dialed in on that part of myself and done much better. But I say the things. I do the acts of kindness not expecting anything in return. I try to life up and support. I don’t try and play games. I text back or call back when I’m free… I don’t sit on it for some game. I plan and do active things. Adventures. I’ve tried to live and I have become authentically what a lot of women say they want. But I think that’s gotten me used in the past
  4. I do to an extent. But I’m a little on guard about being used. I’ve been used pretty good by someone else not all that long ago. They’d want me around when I’d be distant and then as soon as I was back in they’d turn cold. Hurt me a lot. So I am always a little cautious now of being someone’s shoulder to cry on for them to move to someone else or go back to an ex.
  5. I appreciate it. I agree. It’s more the past hurt me speaking out. Scared to get hurt again. I’ve had some traumatic issues with some women the last few years (of which I am partly to blame). I’ve been alone, single, solely working on myself. So it’s a bit scary to feel these feelings of vulnerability again. I think I’ve done a good job not being over-anxious. We’ve communicated and had good talks. I told her I want to still see her but we should slow it down some. That I am very much to blame for why it’s been alot so fast. But that I see the potential in us and I don’t want to rush things. She was very receptive to it and agreed. I think it made her feel better too not feeling like she was on some quick countdown clock.
  6. I could kind of sense it. The other day she was about to bail on hanging out bc she said she was feeling a little sad. I guess he broke their agreed no contact and tried to guilt trip her. Which according to her she stood her ground but it understandably dug in there a little. She SHOULD block him for awhile but it’s not my place to tell her what she has to do.
  7. Because I’m human and I liked her. I’m not going to run away entirely. I don’t want to go no-contact for 10months. I’m just trying to navigating seeing her while also allowing her space and time to heal. As for why we were intimate. Because we like each-other. Are attracted to one another. I didn’t say it was the wisest decision
  8. There’s a girl I’ve been seeing that I simply cannot get off my mind. She has not been out of a relationship for long, but I know there is something very special between us. Despite always being guarded I just knew in my heart she felt similar. Sure enough, 3 weeks ago she poured her heart out to me in a 3 page letter. But I KNOW she’s not ready. She’s only been single for 2 months from her 1 year (2 total as it’s an ex) relationship. In the last 3 weeks I’ve seen her 4 times and it’s incredible. She seems so happy. However, she isn’t over him. I feel like the wise thing to do is take a step back. Slow it down. She agreed, but said she still wants me in her life. I voiced concern over not wanting to be used or a rebound. We’ve been intimate a few times but I put the brakes on that. I told her we need time and space as she needs to heal. I feel like it’s a tough balance bc I don’t want to be too close, get too attached and get burned if she goes back to her ex or something. I also don’t want to be so distant that she gets afraid of being alone and she goes back to her ex to avoid it (shouldn’t be my problem I know) I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to see her and talk to her everyday. But I can’t so I fight the urge. I don’t want to smother her. But the feeling I have when with her, I’ve never felt before. Her own sister told me she’s truly herself and happiest around me. That I bring out the best in her and would love for me to date her sister. Keeping an arms length sucks. I have never felt like this before. So strongly for someone that I just somehow know has the potential to be my soulmate. It freaking terrifies me.
  9. If true and she seems honest, that's very mature of her. Now is time to see if her money is where her mouth is. Best of luck,
  10. OP, thing you have to understand is most everyone on this app just thinks one should cut it off and runaway at the first issue. As if we aren't all humans.... Instead of the "run away find someone better" so fast like some say. I would suggest giving it time. You told her you didn't feel comfortable, it's one thing to be a friend, but when he's asking how serious it is, he is clearly trying to meddle and she should see this. So if after that she is still not respecting you, then yeah. I think you should tell her "Listen, have guy friends is fine, but it's different when you barely know them and they are already asking how serious your relationship is ETC. I do not feel comfortable with you hanging out with this specific guy for the very least that it's clear he has some ulterior motive. Lay that out there. If she doesn't care and still does it anyhow, then I would agree to be gone." I would give it a minute to see how she reacts.
  11. He cheated on you. Maybe not physically (yet) Can you accept this? He didn't even full back-out of the sex worker, just postponed it. I am sorry but anytime I am in love with someone, I do not plan to sleep with anyone else. ESPECIALLY a sex worker, to me that's even more pathetic of him. You will never feel valued by this man again. Because you know, despite all the love you give, the sex etc... he was still going to run off to a hooker. Will you ever be able to reconcile with that?
  12. I do not think there was confusion from anyone but you lol. You asked to see her, she sent you her schedule, as a gesture of "Yes, this is when I am free". She even threw out a little idea of bikes, demonstrating interest. To me it feels like the ball was mostly in your court here to follow through. Then you texted her and she responds as if she has been waiting. I don't think she is gas lighting you at all. She is waiting for you to man up and ask her out. You are super overthinking this. Take charge, ask her out.
  13. Not sure why rain would cancel a date, was it an outside museum? Could you have edited the date then and done something else instead since you had planned to meet? Anyhow, so you asked if she wanted to do something, and she sent you her schedule..... That seems like a likely yes my friend. So she is waiting for you to ask her, she literally sent you her schedule. Could she reach out? Sure, but she very well be thinking "Dang, I sent that guy my schedule to hang and he didn't say anything, maybe he's seeing someone else" Ask her out already!
  14. Of course, but I also don't respect when someone continually self-sabatoges their lives. I would still be his friend, but I would not want to listen to any of the BS when she inevitably did it again. If he cannot respect himself, why should anyone respect him. Sometimes being the "Hey it's ok, you're still great" lovey dovey crap doesn't work. Sometimes friends need to hear or see their stupidity. They need tough love. Not to always be told it will be ok....
  15. Probably less of friends yes. If I sat and listened to him trash her a ton, and show how much emotion and pain she caused him, and all that. And when there is zero good reason to get back he did anyhow, I would probably want to be around him less. I surely wouldn't want to sit and listen to it all over again when in inevitably happened again. However, I think we both know, that part of the reason I would find it hard to be friends with the girl, is because I like her, and it would sting to know she got back with toxic EX person, and I wasn't good enough. I do not think I could ever deny that being a factor. Being friends with the opposite sex is tough. It can be done, but if feelings evolve, makes it very hard to remain friends sadly. Sometimes you cannot even control that.
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