Hi,
I met my boyfriend 8 months ago through a mutual friend. I’m 48 and he’s 46, we’re both Christians. He’s previously married for 28 years i what he has described as a toxic relationship including infidelity. I was single for many years after my relationship with my sons father ended, this was an abusive relationship.
My current partner and I had a nice connection on our first date and both indicated we would like to see each other again. From there we went in regular dates, picnics, coffee, movies, walks and spent lots of time talking and getting to know each other. We have common things we both enjoy doing together and things we like doing apart. During this time it seemed like our feelings for each other were growing at a similar rate. During this time he asked me to be his girlfriend officially with a view to seeing if we are compatible to get married.
Since then we spend a lot more time together and both enjoy doing everyday life together eg making meals, housework etc. We have both said we see a future and a life together as a married couple.
There have been a free times during our relationship where I have felt uneasy about things in terms of trusting him. This has become a bone of contention. At one point I discovered he was online dating. At first he denied this but later said it was him and he only went on because I don’t trust him and he wasn’t sure he could see a future with me.
We recovered from that and he reassured me it wouldn’t happen again. Its been difficult for me to completely trust him since then and again it has become a bone of contention in our relationship.
We continued talking about how our future might look in terms of managing/ blending finances and where we could live eg. his place, my place or buy a new place together. While we’ve talked about we haven’t reached a consensus or made any specific plan.
He began voicing that while he would like a future with me my lack of trust is an issue for him and he doesn’t want to make a commitment unless I fully trust him.
Recently a few things he said and a shift in his interest in our relationship led me to think he maybe online dating again. An dating website link also appeared in his google search history, this apparently may or may not mean he’s searched or visited the site. I believe I have found a profile belonging to him on a dating website but cannot prove that it is his.
I’ve asked him directly if he is online again or is open to meeting someone else. He’s told me he’s committed to me and our relationship and isn’t online dating. I feel quite uneasy inside and I’m not convinced he’s being truthful.
He’s also told me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me if I don’t completely trust him and he will have more how he feels if there are no trust issues in my part for the next month.
I’m actually pretty upset and feel like I’m on borrowed time, and that he wants this time to line someone up to move on with.
I feel powerless, and I don’t know how to respond to this. I feel uncomfortable about it but also don’t want to fo something that could ruin our relationship. I’m so confused…
Please help.
Ellie
Sent from my iPhone
