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We broke up 9 months ago and haven't run into each other due to the pandemic.  Usually we would cross paths at a social club we both belong to.

He starts sending random texts about nothing.  Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, hope you're well, etc. What's the point in sending them? I respond politely yet generic-like.

I finally got over him.  He was a major hot and cold guy which I just couldn't take anymore.  He never brings up wanting to get back together either. Now I've got to thinking of him more which I hate! But I never reach out to him first as like I said, I was moving on.  BTW we knew each other since 2017.

Is he just bored or is there something more to his madness?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, LoreliFinn said:

He was a major hot and cold guy which I just couldn't take anymore.  He never brings up wanting to get back together either

If he was hot/cold, which you couldn't take anymore, why would you want to worry about you two getting back together?

Something you are wanting?  Doesn't make sense.

Don;t respond and avoid places you 'might run into him'.

You said you were getting over him.  Kinda hard if all of this keeps going on.

Be rid of the guy- who is just tossing in little nonsense nothings.

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If it bothers you mute the messages from him or block them. There's a pandemic going on so it's not unusual for people or old friends to come out of the woodwork and check up on each other. People may have other issues going on or have reasons to touch base with friends and family or people they've known. If it's mixed messages and inappropriate as in you both had a falling out and it was awkward, he's not being very thoughtful sprinkling these random messages. Maybe he's depressed. Who knows. 

Just ignore it or respond generically or block him but don't read into them. 

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2 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

We broke up 9 months ago and haven't run into each other due to the pandemic.  Usually we would cross paths at a social club we both belong to.

He starts sending random texts about nothing.  Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, hope you're well, etc. What's the point in sending them? I respond politely yet generic-like.

I finally got over him.  He was a major hot and cold guy which I just couldn't take anymore.  He never brings up wanting to get back together either. Now I've got to thinking of him more which I hate! But I never reach out to him first as like I said, I was moving on.  BTW we knew each other since 2017.

Is he just bored or is there something more to his madness?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something makes me want to just say, block block block. It’s not helping you to be reminded of him in this way, I don’t think it serves anybody.

 

I suspect he’s either trying to maintain a civil or friendly little relationship with his ex out of politeness or guilt or some other kind of slightly self serving motive. Or  if I were to think worse of him,..he could be trying to keep you on the back burner just in case any “what if” situations come up between you two.

 

you don’t need this, friend. Ask him not to contact you because it doesn’t help your healing process, or gently block. 
 

P
 

 

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6 hours ago, Pau said:

Something makes me want to just say, block block block. 

Agree. When you leave the door open like this it's for a reason. Your reasoning might be getting back together.

However his reasoning might be keeping you in rotation for sex in the event of a dry spell.

Save yourself the headaches and heartaches. Reflect and move forward in peace without this type of noise and nonsense.

 

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11 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

We broke up 9 months ago and haven't run into each other due to the pandemic.  Usually we would cross paths at a social club we both belong to.

He starts sending random texts about nothing.  Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, hope you're well, etc. What's the point in sending them? I respond politely yet generic-like.

I finally got over him.  He was a major hot and cold guy which I just couldn't take anymore.  He never brings up wanting to get back together either. Now I've got to thinking of him more which I hate! But I never reach out to him first as like I said, I was moving on.  BTW we knew each other since 2017.

Is he just bored or is there something more to his madness?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re reading this much into it, I get the impression that you’re not quite over him. If you were, you wouldn’t really care what his motive was, and his messages wouldn’t stir your overthinking. If that’s the case, that’s totally okay, but just own that. It’s still too soon and you should consider blocking his number.

I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong, and I’m not agreeable that he has any sort of motive. At least, not based on what you’ve written here.

I have a few exes who I used to reach out to occasionally, not because I wanted anything from them, but just because I genuinely appreciated them, their role in my life, and the lessons they taught me. An “ex” is really nothing more than just a person. A person who once was a big part of your life, and although that part may have come to an end, they’re still the same person, just trying to figure out life and find happiness. I choose to be grateful for the good times and the lessons, and therefore I’m happy to wish them well and to see them doing well. I’m happy to see them married and having babies of their own, or finally achieving a dream they’ve always had. 

I have always been one to extend the benefit of the doubt, but only you know what kind of person your ex was, and can better gauge his motives. But regardless of what HE is thinking, you can decide your own emotions and reaction for yourself. Even if he’s just tossing you breadcrumbs, you don’t have to be the girl who accepts them and wonders what he’s thinking. You can be the girl who doesn’t even notice the breadcrumbs because you’re well on your way to your own destiny.

Edited by indea08
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I have been feeling ill physically lately which I think has caused me to weaken & start thinking of ex again.  Being at home a lot when I'm normally very active and participating in activities has gotten to me.

In the past I have felt strong about moving on & putting it out of my mind.

Thanks for everyone's feedback.  Hopefully this "reverting to the past" is only temporary. 

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1 hour ago, LoreliFinn said:

I have been feeling ill physically lately which I think has caused me to weaken & start thinking of ex again.  Being at home a lot when I'm normally very active and participating in activities has gotten to me.

In the past I have felt strong about moving on & putting it out of my mind.

Thanks for everyone's feedback.  Hopefully this "reverting to the past" is only temporary. 

Glad you're able to recognize that and put things in perspective. I hope you feel better soon. Do you know what's causing you to feel ill physically? 

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I'm not sure but lots of stress at work has caused problems sleeping.  Lack of sleep affects the immune system. I try to use herbals for sleep and relaxation.  They do help somewhat.  The pandemic is scaring everyone pretty bad.  People are cranky frequently which stresses me out.

Thinking of ex when he texts has put me in a bad place. When things were not so stressful & I was sleeping better, I rarely gave him a thought.

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Stress at work is just the worst combined with lack of adequate sleep. Do you have hobbies? I like gardening and doing something outside does it for me, doesn't matter what the weather and if the ground is frozen I work on my houseplants. Instant destress and joy. 

And then for sleep I do yoga an hour or so before bed. Nothing crazy. Just simple stretches. It helps with relaxation. It helps if you have some routine for winding down before bed.

I stay away from chats or messengers, social media, droning and upsetting news stories or things in general that are disrespectful, unkind, useless, repetitive etc. 

 

 

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Rose I have similar hobbies.  I love growing herbs in my yard and have various houseplants that detox the air like snake plants, ivy and ferns.

I practice restorative yoga once or twice a week.  I'm very stiff from lack of sleep so the poses hurt a bit now.  I'm working mostly on the sleep as it's crucial for health.

Social media has never made me happy even though some of my friends spend a lot of time on it.  I don't log in and chat or do much texting as it's way too impersonal.  Also men seem to love having electronic relationships, if you can call them that.  The world is too electronic for me.  I crave communication with live human beings!

 

Edited by LoreliFinn
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12 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Thinking of ex when he texts has put me in a bad place. 

Ok. Delete and block him from all your devices, social media and messaging apps.

There's no reason to allow these intrusions into your peace.

Why leave the door open for intruders? You're in charge of who and what you allow into your  mind.

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It's a waste of your time and an intrudes into your closure. Either just block or send him one last message saying you don't believe in staying in touch with exes and wish for him a lovely life and then block. Don't even wait for a response.

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On 2/18/2021 at 9:43 PM, LoreliFinn said:

He was a major hot and cold guy which I just couldn't take anymore. He never brings up wanting to get back together either. Now I've got to thinking of him more which I hate!

I think it's time to block him. 

23 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Hopefully this "reverting to the past" is only temporary. 

My money is on temporary.

You may just have to batten down the hatches and ride out the storm. It's a weird time.

You have stress from work, stress from cranky people around you, you're not getting enough sleep... stress tends to snowball. It attracts nearby stress and wakes up dormant stress and pain.

I highly recommend blocking him to alleviate some of your stress. 

Edited by Jibralta
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Lack of sleep on its own will mess with your mental health. I meditate regularly and it really helps with sleep. There are many apps and you tube channels out there to help. I think the trick is to find a guided one that you like the person's voice. That along with deep breathing exercises & positive affirmations, you'll get to a better mindset. 

This guy is hot and cold, in and out of a relationship. It took me a while to learn getting away from (blocking) people that make me feel a certain way is not mean or cruel to them.  I don't hate them. I don't wish them ill. I simply have to think of myself first.

It's time to leave this guy in the past.

Edited by Lambert
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4 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I meditate regularly and it really helps with sleep.

I find that even just a couple minutes--even two minutes--of meditation goes a long way.

Sometimes, when my head is crowded with stressful, worrisome thoughts, I just go to another room, stand (or sit) for a few minutes and empty my brain of thoughts.

The stress does come back when I start thinking again, but the intensity is obviously lower.

Edited by Jibralta
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18 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I find that even just a couple minutes--even two minutes--of meditation goes a long way.

Sometimes, when my head is crowded with stressful, worrisome thoughts, I just go to another room, stand (or sit) for a few minutes and empty my brain of thoughts.

The stress does come back when I start thinking again, but the intensity is obviously lower.

I hear you, Jibs! I also will take a quick break to just push thoughts out of my head, bring myself back to my breath and remind myself I can choose to be an observer. 

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12 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Rose I have similar hobbies.  I love growing herbs in my yard and have various houseplants that detox the air like snake plants, ivy and ferns.

I practice restorative yoga once or twice a week.  I'm very stiff from lack of sleep so the poses hurt a bit now.  I'm working mostly on the sleep as it's crucial for health.

Social media has never made me happy even though some of my friends spend a lot of time on it.  I don't log in and chat or do much texting as it's way too impersonal.  Also men seem to love having electronic relationships, if you can call them that.  The world is too electronic for me.  I crave communication with live human beings!

 

That's good. You know what you like. Now practice more of it. Less of the things that don't work for you. It's not easy letting go but it comes with time. Do things slowly in bits but always make sure that it's aligned with what you want to feel overall. If someone like your ex and his inexplicable or casual messages make no sense to you, don't try decoding them. It sounds like remnants of what your dynamic might have been. It didn't work for a reason. 

Onwards and forwards...

Those ivys are fun along with the snake plants and ferns. I just got a fiddle leaf fig the other day and these guys grow! I really love the robust ficus. 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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On 2/19/2021 at 10:24 AM, Rose Mosse said:

Glad you're able to recognize that and put things in perspective. I hope you feel better soon. Do you know what's causing you to feel ill physically? 

 

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

That's good. You know what you like. Now practice more of it. Less of the things that don't work for you. It's not easy letting go but it comes with time. Do things slowly in bits but always make sure that it's aligned with what you want to feel overall. If someone like your ex and his inexplicable or casual messages make no sense to you, don't try decoding them. It sounds like remnants of what your dynamic might have been. It didn't work for a reason. 

Onwards and forwards...

Those ivys are fun along with the snake plants and ferns. I just got a fiddle leaf fig the other day and these guys grow! I really love the robust ficus. 

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You are so right Rose!  Great advice.  It's a matter of refocusing toward healthy habits again.  It's human to revert to unhealthy behavior, staying there is where you get stuck.  I suppose the ex is lonely but that's not my issue.  

Another poster mentioned meditation apps which I am looking into.  I downloaded one but it kept freezing.  I used to attend a meditation group before Covid and loved the feeling of community!  Can't wait for that & the yoga classes to return. 

Thank you for your kind and wise support😁

 

 

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I'll join all the other posters above who have mentioned, or asked, why haven't you blocked him?😕  If it causes you so much stress/anxiety to hear from him, blocking him would be the most obvious step to take, right?  😕

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Yes blocking him sounds reasonable but for quite awhile I didn't bother.  Because I felt I had gotten over him. If he called or texted, I was never going to reply.  Blocking also sends out a message guy are angry or upset.  My goal has always been indifference.

I was set back a bit which I believe is due to my body/mind temporarily weakening. I want to return to focusing on moving forward.  Blocking him is not in my plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by LoreliFinn
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Blocking him won't send any kind of "message".  He won't get some kind of clanging notification that says "LORELIFINN BLOCKED YOU".

Does him contacting you make you feel powerful or in control?

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