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No offense intended, but it sounds like you're trying to justify your reasons for choosing to not block him. 

I think the number one reason lies in your question,(below).  Denial may feel like a safe place, but it's only temporary. 

I hope you find your way...

 

 

On 2/18/2021 at 9:43 PM, LoreliFinn said:

Is he just bored or is there something more to his madness?

 

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2 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

I want to return to focusing on moving forward Blocking him is not in my plan.

I think as long as you don't block him, you will not move forward (imo). Every time you hear from him it will "put you in a bad place".  Why would you want that? ~genuinely confused~   Do you still have feelings for him?  Sounds like you're really not over him at all. 

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I never reach out to him at all.  If I wasn't over him, I would.  He's the one who's lonely or bored.  This man wanted to remain as "friends" after I told him I didn't feel a connection between us anymore.  We all know what he meant by 'friends".  I'm not ever going to be his booty call.  I hope that answers your question capricorn 3.

 

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37 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

I never reach out to him at all.  If I wasn't over him, I would.  He's the one who's lonely or bored.  This man wanted to remain as "friends" after I told him I didn't feel a connection between us anymore.  We all know what he meant by 'friends".  I'm not ever going to be his booty call.  I hope that answers your question capricorn 3.

 

Then why haven't you blocked him?

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3 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

I never reach out to him at all.  If I wasn't over him, I would.  He's the one who's lonely or bored.  This man wanted to remain as "friends" after I told him I didn't feel a connection between us anymore.  We all know what he meant by 'friends".  I'm not ever going to be his booty call.  I hope that answers your question capricorn 3.

 

All the above makes it even more confusing why you don't block him. 😕

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11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Blocking him won't send any kind of "message".  He won't get some kind of clanging notification that says "LORELIFINN BLOCKED YOU".

Does him contacting you make you feel powerful or in control?

The bolded made me lol.

I don't think Loreli is on a power trip or anything--doing stuff just to get a response. I think she doesn't want to block him because blocking could send a message to him, and she doesn't want to communicate anything.

People (including myself) suggested that she block him. I suggested it so that she would remove a source of stress at an already stressful time in her life.

She was doing a good job managing the break up without blocking him, but now it seems that the cumulative stressors in her life have started to make her sensitive to his random texting.

She wasn't provoked by his texts previously. But her stressful situation is now aggravating some of her unsettled/unhealed feelings over the break up. 

That's normal; stress reaches out an affects all aspects of your life with its sneaky little fingers. So, one solution was to remove a stress trigger: his texts.

But she may just have to tough this out.

Edited by Jibralta
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It doesn't matter what he thinks of you blocking him. You're giving him power over your life in not doing something because you assume he'll interpret it in a certain way. Free yourself. If he thought you were an ogre, who cares? 

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13 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

 I felt I had gotten over him.  My goal has always been indifference.

Unfortunately you're not over him and far from indifferent. You're leaving the door open for some reason, one you really don't want to admit such as attention or simply playing games by ignoring him.

Deleting and blocking him is not some cryptic communication to him. It's for You. For you to finalize things and stop hanging onto whatever you're hanging onto.

 This is not a cosmic, energy based, immune related issue. The issue is you're not over him and enjoy the attention.

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Yep, you're not 'over' him so you don't want him to think you're not 'over' him. Or it could be that when he contacts you it makes you think he's not 'over' you. And that makes you feel good. That's what I meant by "powerful".  Each message he sends makes you think "see, he still loves me!"

And that's why you won't block him. My theory, anyway.

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I never reach out to him at all.  If I wasn't over him, I would.  He's the one who's lonely or bored.  This man wanted to remain as "friends" after I told him I didn't feel a connection between us anymore.  We all know what he meant by 'friends".  I'm not ever going to be his booty call.  I hope that answers your question capricorn 3.

 

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I was fine to end the relationship and never reached out.  I never blocked him.  Why should I do so now?  If he reaches out again, I want to return to my "strong" self as before and not reply.  Blocking someone is passive aggressive behavior.  Anyway blocking someone on my phone goes to a spam folder, which I could read if I wanted to.

The whole point here is to continue moving on and that means doing things to become stronger again - not engaging in immature habits like blocking.  I am aiming to return to my strong self without having to employ silly passive aggressive techniques.

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You haven't blocked because you like the attention.   How can it be passive aggressive, as he won't know you blocked?

Blocking is actually the mature route.  You are simply showing that you will accept anything he will throw out..  You are getting something out of it. 

Edited by Hollyj
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Serious question:  How is blocking "immature" and "passive aggressive" but ignoring messages is not?

You said his messages cause you stress.  So why keep the access to stress available?

Never mind what he thinks, this is about what is best for you.  A source of stress sounds to me like a negative, not a positive.  You don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself.

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1 hour ago, LoreliFinn said:

Ignoring messages simply means I am concentrating on my own life & erecting boundaries.

Blocking is saying to me that I can't handle this. When clearly, I can.

Then why are you here asking why he is reaching out?
 

You also said that he is getting to you, so “clearly,” you can’t handle it. Also,  you haven’t set boundaries.  
 

You  are talking out of both sides of your mouth.  First you say it is immature to block, then you say you are ignoring him.  That makes no sense.  Clearly,  you like the attention or you would block. 

Edited by Hollyj
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9 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

This is not the case at all Hollyj.

I asked a simple question which doesn't require this much analysis.

I made valid points which you did not respond to.   

Everyone has advised you to block, yet you refuse.   Don't know how we can help, as we are not mind readers.   We can respond to your motivations, as you are the one on this site.

 

Hoping you will soon move on from this guy.

Edited by Hollyj
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Blocking is probably the easiest way to handle this until you feel less at the whim and fancy of someone who doesn't seem considerate enough to respect your space. You may still feel curious about him but he's not adding to anything in your life. 

Have you considered muting his contact? Or disabling any notifications from this person? The messages might continue to come through but you can check on it once in six months or whatever. He's lowest on your priorities. I find this helps a lot especially if you're sorting things out and getting things back in order and focusing more on your own life. 

It's not necessarily him that you're disabling but his constant presence or importance in your life that you're seeking to disable and distance yourself from. I think this is a healthy step or break especially after a relationship ends. 

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It sounds to me like he's just bored and reaches out constantly to try to see if he still has a place. Dont fall for that *** sis. No actions are involved. You're over it. Block him and move on. Besides he wax hot and cold. Who wants that? Block his ass!

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He wants to maintain superficial contact with you.  Tell him that it's time to go your separate ways including electronically.   Request that he not contact you anymore.  If he doesn't honor and respect your wishes and he's relentless, ghost, block and delete him permanently. 

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