I feel like sex is all I have to offer because guys mainly seek me for this

[ShySoul]

The shy/introverted ones are my preference but I just have to watch out for red flags like before.

 

As for now, I'm not planning on dating due to the restrictions in my location. I'm still going try to find ways to work on setting more boundaries and improving my confidence with men.

 

As a shy/introverted one, let me say again that we tend to treat a woman better then what you have experienced. We know what it's like to be picked on or made to feel uncomfortable, so we are more sensitive to other people's feelings. Plus, we just tend to be more polite and want others to feel comfortable and okay. We may make mistakes, but we tend to treat others with the respect we would like to be treated with. Just be careful of guys who claim to be "nice" when their actions are anything but.

 

I think you know what you want and what you deserve. You've got a plan to do it. Try not to let the bad apples out there get you down or doubt yourself. You're an awesome person. Believe in yourself.

[LaHermes]

Hey Jib!

 

Of course I know what pear-shaped means. lol.

 

"LaHermes, she is talking about her figure.

 

I believe that in the UK, "pear-shaped" means that something has gone wrong.

 

In the US, "pear-shaped" refers to a body shape: narrow shoulders, wide hips."

 

OP said

 

"But I'm pear shaped so they notice and treat me a type of way based off of this combination.""

 

Wasn't asking for a definition of pear-shaped but why "the combination" would draw a certain type of "treatment".

 

Also known as "triangular shape".

[Wiseman2]

Ok, but remember that your face/body shape has Nothing to do with this. Your demeanor does. What is your plan to improve boundaries and confidence with men?

I didn't find it successful because I'd try most of the strategies she'd recommend and felt exhausted afterwards with I didn't notice any changes.

 

I'm not planning on dating due to the restrictions in my location. I'm still going try to find ways to work on setting more boundaries and improving my confidence with men.

[LaHermes]

Yes, Wiseman.

 

You took the words out of my mouth. I was just going to say.

 

"remember that your face/body shape has Nothing to do with this. Your demeanor does."

 

I am still asking, though, why the OP thinks or assumes being "pear shaped" would draw a certain type of treatment. Just curious about this assumption.

[maew]

Yes, Wiseman.

 

You took the words out of my mouth. I was just going to say.

 

"remember that your face/body shape has Nothing to do with this. Your demeanor does."

 

I am still asking, though, why the OP thinks or assumes being "pear shaped" would draw a certain type of treatment. Just curious about this assumption.

 

Because "dat a$$ tho"... I am also pear shaped with a very round booty and muscular thighs(thank you CrossFit!) and it attracts a lot of attention. That being said I am also accustomed to putting people in their place when they are being inappropriate... so at the end of the day I agree that it has nothing to do with body shape, that while some body shapes attract attention, it's up to the OP to set boundaries and put people in their place.

[LaHermes]

LOL Maew.

 

"Because "dat a$$ tho"..."

[ElectricLove]

Hey Jib!

 

Of course I know what pear-shaped means. lol.

 

"LaHermes, she is talking about her figure.

 

I believe that in the UK, "pear-shaped" means that something has gone wrong.

 

In the US, "pear-shaped" refers to a body shape: narrow shoulders, wide hips."

 

OP said

 

"But I'm pear shaped so they notice and treat me a type of way based off of this combination.""

 

Wasn't asking for a definition of pear-shaped but why "the combination" would draw a certain type of "treatment".

 

Also known as "triangular shape".

 

Pear Shape- small/average sized breasts, small waist, thick thighs, slim legs, wide big hips, and a big butt.

 

This along with my baby face attracts good guys and ones who notice my body immediately as I'm near them. It also has nothing to do with my choice of clothing because I like to wear jeans, hoodies, t-shirts, and trousers.

 

Some guys from my campus (before Covid) would randomly tell me how I had a nice body but I'd always ask "How could you even notice when I don't even dress revealing"? According to them, it's still noticeable in my casual and plain outfits.

[Wiseman2]

Don't reply to remarks about your body, no less fish for compliments or even more remarks, it's that simple. You also need to stop obsessing over your appearance.

Some guys from my campus (before Covid) would randomly tell me how I had a nice body but I'd always ask "How could you even notice when I don't even dress revealing"? According to them, it's still noticeable in my casual and plain outfits.

[ElectricLove]

As a shy/introverted one, let me say again that we tend to treat a woman better then what you have experienced. We know what it's like to be picked on or made to feel uncomfortable, so we are more sensitive to other people's feelings. Plus, we just tend to be more polite and want others to feel comfortable and okay. We may make mistakes, but we tend to treat others with the respect we would like to be treated with. Just be careful of guys who claim to be "nice" when their actions are anything but.

 

I think you know what you want and what you deserve. You've got a plan to do it. Try not to let the bad apples out there get you down or doubt yourself. You're an awesome person. Believe in yourself.

 

I agree but there's always exceptions. I just tend to attract more of the extroverted/outgoing ones. The only downside of being an introvert is that I hate initiating contact to a guy. I fear I might come off "clingy" or desperate and I can't read their minds despite being the same way as them.

 

There's currently one right now that intrigues me (online🙄). He said he was interested in getting to know me more but I'm afraid to initiate a conversation. He would always initiate the previous ones and I'd give short replies because I didn't want to appear "easy".

 

But since I told him I'm not interested in anything more than being platonic, I guess it wouldn't matter who starts the convo first. He's just nice to talk to.

[ElectricLove]

Don't reply to remarks about your body, no less fish for compliments or even more remarks, it's that simple. You also need to stop obsessing over your appearance.

 

Where did you get the idea that I'm obsessing over my appearance? Shouldn't that be said about the guys that constantly comment or notice it the moment I'm near them?

[Batya33]

I agree but there's always exceptions. I just tend to attract more of the extroverted/outgoing ones. The only downside of being an introvert is that I hate initiating contact to a guy. I fear I might come off "clingy" or desperate and I can't read their minds despite being the same way as them.

 

There's currently one right now that intrigues me (online🙄). He said he was interested in getting to know me more but I'm afraid to initiate a conversation. He would always initiate the previous ones and I'd give short replies because I didn't want to appear "easy".

 

But since I told him I'm not interested in anything more than being platonic, I guess it wouldn't matter who starts the convo first. He's just nice to talk to.

 

The online person is a stranger - your interaction with him has nothing to do with dating at this point. Why not suggest a meeting in person at a public place and take it from there? Who cares who initiates -he's a stranger.

[ElectricLove]

The online person is a stranger - your interaction with him has nothing to do with dating at this point. Why not suggest a meeting in person at a public place and take it from there? Who cares who initiates -he's a stranger.

 

The guy and I met on social media (not an OLD app). We were just engaging in conversations but he wanted to know more because he felt like we could relate from previous things we talked about. I'm not planning on meeting him because I told him I didn't want anything beyond platonic. It would be pointless, especially with the ongoing social distancing rules in my location.

 

We're just going to Skype/ video chat. I was only nervous to message him because he was carrying on most of the conversations from the beginning. But it shouldn't matter who initiates first since it's online.

[Batya33]

The guy and I met on social media (not an OLD app). We were just engaging in conversations but he wanted to know more because he felt like we could relate from previous things we talked about. I'm not planning on meeting him because I told him I didn't want anything beyond platonic. It would be pointless, especially with the ongoing social distancing rules in my location.

 

We're just going to Skype/ video chat. I was only nervous to message him because he was carrying on most of the conversations from the beginning. But it shouldn't matter who initiates first since it's online.

 

But this has nothing to do with dating then - he's a person you want to be on line buddies with - not sure what that has to do with your thread. In dating yes sometimes it matters who asks who out on a date -at least it did to me.

[abitbroken]

I get the impression you are meeting guys at pubs and bars and are NOT meeting guys in places where you mind or your character is in focus - like volunteer groups or clubs, etc.

[ElectricLove]

I get the impression you are meeting guys at pubs and bars and are NOT meeting guys in places where you mind or your character is in focus - like volunteer groups or clubs, etc.

 

Both actually (although I don't drink or frequent bars as much). Common misconception that most guys in college are all sweet, caring, gentlemen that want to seriously date or settle down from18-21.

 

My ex and I actually met in of our classes during our sophomore year and were together a year and a half. After we broke up, I promised to not date and just stay single but I was attracting guys like crazy no matter how much I wanted to be alone. Then again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with casually dating and having fun at this age.

 

I connected with another guy from school after my breakup but I wasn't ready to start dating again. Plus I strongly prefer older guys. If I had the choice between a guy my age or one that is in their mid-late 20s, I'm choosing the older one.

[Tinydance]

I know this is disappointing but if you're actually trying ti be friends with any of these guys, obviously they are not looking for that. Men and women can only rarely be just friends because the man would usually be attracted to the woman (and vice versa). So if guys are hanging out with you or approaching you then I'm sure in 99% of cases it's not just as friends. Obviously you are an attractive girl and guys are paying attention to your looks. I think men can be very visual, especially very young men My advice would actually be not to continue talking to guys or give your number unless you actually are into them physically and/or romantically. If you're not into them then don't give them your time and don't give them your number.

 

Also it depends what you consider sexual advances in the context of dating. If you've actually been dating a guy and he starts putting his hands in your hoodie pockets putting his hand on your knee, these are flirtation tactics. Eventually dating does lead to sex so I guess if you're dating guys, they think it's gonna happen.

 

My advice would not to be shy and actually be vocal about what you're looking for and where your boundaries are. If you're meant to be just friends with a guy and he touches you, then end the friendship. I mean at that point it becomes clear what the guy is after, so why bother with him? If you're dating a guy and he tries anything sexual, tell him you are not ready and you won't do anything unless you get to know each other well. If the guy loses interest because he didn't get sex, good riddance to him. You need to just straight away get rid of these kinds of guys.

[Batya33]

Both actually (although I don't drink or frequent bars as much). Common misconception that most guys in college are all sweet, caring, gentlemen that want to seriously date or settle down from18-21.

 

My ex and I actually met in of our classes during our sophomore year and were together a year and a half. After we broke up, I promised to not date and just stay single but I was attracting guys like crazy no matter how much I wanted to be alone. Then again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with casually dating and having fun at this age.

 

I connected with another guy from school after my breakup but I wasn't ready to start dating again. Plus I strongly prefer older guys. If I had the choice between a guy my age or one that is in their mid-late 20s, I'm choosing the older one.

 

Who ever came up with the conception that college students are all sweet and caring? Whatever gender? Or that college students are looking to seriously date and marry? (yes in the 1950s moreso -women went to college to get their Mrs. -my mom was engaged by the time she was a freshman but she met him before college - my dad -they were married 62 years).

It's interesting that you're so focused on age -to an intense point that has little to do with the individual. So you want to be treated as an individual by men -not objectified and yet you have this arbitrary attachment where all else equal you'd focus on someone who happens to be older?

 

I am getting a really strong sense that you like the attention from men - you're complaining but you also like it. Please - I'm married. I promised my husband never to date anyone else of course -I promised him this before we married, when we were exclusive. Does that change when someone "attracts guys like crazy" - of course not. Please stop complaining about oh how badly you want to be on your own and be treated with respect but -you know -you're the victim of all this male attention, woe is me.

 

When I was in my third trimester with our son and wearing my engagement ring I was hit on while buying popcorn for me and my husband while he saved our seats. I turned in profile so the guy could see The Belly, flashed my ring -didn't deter him. What did I do? I didn't respond. Easy peasy. Was I beautiful? I felt beautiful but .... nope. I'm not. I've attracted guys like crazy at certain times in my life - including when I had a boyfriend. I didn't worry about it -just acted according to my values and commitment.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are not ready to date. Perhaps join some clubs, groups, sports, volunteer to have male friends. Was your ex older? You seem to be thinking from the standpoint of your last relationship.

 

No one thinks college guys are 'sweet gentlemen' (except you?), lol. Watch the movie 'Animal House'.

My ex and I actually met in of our classes during our sophomore year and were together a year and a half. After we broke up, I promised to not date and just stay single

[Rose Mosse]

I am getting a really strong sense that you like the attention from men - you're complaining but you also like it. Please - I'm married. I promised my husband never to date anyone else of course -I promised him this before we married, when we were exclusive. Does that change when someone "attracts guys like crazy" - of course not. Please stop complaining about oh how badly you want to be on your own and be treated with respect but -you know -you're the victim of all this male attention, woe is me.

 

Agree with Batya.

 

Sorry - I'm getting the same idea as well. I think you know what you're doing so enjoy it and have fun. I didn't comment any further since my last post because it's becoming clearer that you are very adept at handling men, regardless of how frustrating dating can be at any time in a person's life (not age-related). The question I have is whether you're struggling with ideas of shame and propriety. You didn't answer my question about where all this is coming from. All girls school earlier in life? Traditional family?

 

If you're down to earth you'll attract down to earth men. Like attracts like... keep it simple.

 

I dated a very sweet college boyfriend also, for the record. No drugs, no smoking, no mommy or daddy issues despite his mum passing away when he was 2 and no other lousy crap. Stellar guy but we had different goals. Life goes on.

[ElectricLove]

Who ever came up with the conception that college students are all sweet and caring? Whatever gender? Or that college students are looking to seriously date and marry? (yes in the 1950s moreso -women went to college to get their Mrs. -my mom was engaged by the time she was a freshman but she met him before college - my dad -they were married 62 years).

It's interesting that you're so focused on age -to an intense point that has little to do with the individual. So you want to be treated as an individual by men -not objectified and yet you have this arbitrary attachment where all else equal you'd focus on someone who happens to be older?

 

I am getting a really strong sense that you like the attention from men - you're complaining but you also like it. Please - I'm married. I promised my husband never to date anyone else of course -I promised him this before we married, when we were exclusive. Does that change when someone "attracts guys like crazy" - of course not. Please stop complaining about oh how badly you want to be on your own and be treated with respect but -you know -you're the victim of all this male attention, woe is me.

 

When I was in my third trimester with our son and wearing my engagement ring I was hit on while buying popcorn for me and my husband while he saved our seats. I turned in profile so the guy could see The Belly, flashed my ring -didn't deter him. What did I do? I didn't respond. Easy peasy. Was I beautiful? I felt beautiful but .... nope. I'm not. I've attracted guys like crazy at certain times in my life - including when I had a boyfriend. I didn't worry about it -just acted according to my values and commitment.

 

Some people still assume that if a girl doesn't meet the one during college, then it's either her fault or something she's doing that's preventing it from happening. It's naive to think that a studious or intelligent guy will automatically treat you better or have no red flags. I've had some friends who were played and tricked by "nice guys". Being nice and respectful isn't genuine if they're only doing it with hidden ulterior motives. It comes down to the guys character and intentions.

 

I don't like unwanted sexualized attention. This his been happening since age 15 and no one has ever said or assumed that I liked it back then either. Why would I? It's disgusting and says more about the people doing it than myself.

 

But if the attention is from a guy I'm exclusively dating or attracted to, absolutely. Not extreme sexual attention but mutual attraction. My attraction to older guys is also not for attention either. It's completely normal. Some of my friends and other women I know just like men that are older than us by some years. But the deciding factor still comes down to compatibility, personality, and character. Not just their age.

[ElectricLove]

Agree with Batya.

 

Sorry - I'm getting the same idea as well. I think you know what you're doing so enjoy it and have fun. I didn't comment any further since my last post because it's becoming clearer that you are very adept at handling men, regardless of how frustrating dating can be at any time in a person's life (not age-related). The question I have is whether you're struggling with ideas of shame and propriety. You didn't answer my question about where all this is coming from. All girls school earlier in life? Traditional family?

 

If you're down to earth you'll attract down to earth men. Like attracts like... keep it simple.

 

I dated a very sweet college boyfriend also, for the record. No drugs, no smoking, no mommy or daddy issues despite his mum passing away when he was 2 and no other lousy crap. Stellar guy but we had different goals. Life goes on.

 

Lol, down to earth girls can still attract any and every type of guy. Some guys will generally approach every kind of girl regardless of her personality. Many guys from age 15 to my current early 20s have always described me as shy and reserved after getting to know me. Did that stop them from treating me like my body is all for their inappropriate sexual thoughts and pleasure? No. I could be walking around the city to get some exercise and I'll have random fools honking and yelling things to me out of their cars? Is it something I did to make them to behave that way? No.

 

Regarding the all girls school thing, I never attended one. It mainly came from my strict parents. They never allowed me to date or have a boyfriend in high school. I only hung out with guys during school, field trips, extracurriculars, and parties.

[ElectricLove]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are not ready to date. Perhaps join some clubs, groups, sports, volunteer to have male friends. Was your ex older? You seem to be thinking from the standpoint of your last relationship.

 

No one thinks college guys are 'sweet gentlemen' (except you?), lol. Watch the movie 'Animal House'.

 

Its okay. We were both 19. Not thinking about dating right now so you're right. I have a couple of guys friends but they're not the ones I'm talking about.

[Capricorn3]

It's interesting that you're so focused on age -to an intense point that has little to do with the individual. So you want to be treated as an individual by men -not objectified and yet you have this arbitrary attachment where all else equal you'd focus on someone who happens to be older?

 

I am getting a really strong sense that you like the attention from men - you're complaining but you also like it. Please stop complaining about oh how badly you want to be on your own and be treated with respect but -you know -you're the victim of all this male attention, woe is me..

 

I 100% agree with the above. Totally nailed it (imo).

I have been following this thread with great interest but really didn't want to comment (thought it best to keep my mouth shut) but I have to admit that Batya pretty much said exactly what I was thinking from the get-go (I didn't have the courage to say it, lol).

 

OP, this is the real world. Men will always look and be attracted. Women will always look and be attracted. It's what humans do. There is nothing unusual in what is happening to you. Nothing super special about you at all either (you give the impression that something about your looks, figure, beauty ... whatever, is the reason these guys are doing these things). Even the most average, plain looking girls get the same attention from men.

Also, from the way you describe various scenarios I don't get the impression that you're very introverted and shy at all. I got the impression that you were quite happy with the attention and had no problem with it - which is the reason why the guys don't realise there was anything "wrong". You body language gives a very different message.

 

For all the things you are complaining about, it all comes back to you being the common denominator. Think about it. Maybe time to reflect on that a little bit more.

[Batya33]

Lol, down to earth girls can still attract any and every type of guy. Some guys will generally approach every kind of girl regardless of her personality. Many guys from age 15 to my current early 20s have always described me as shy and reserved after getting to know me. Did that stop them from treating me like my body is all for their inappropriate sexual thoughts and pleasure? No. I could be walking around the city to get some exercise and I'll have random fools honking and yelling things to me out of their cars? Is it something I did to make them to behave that way? No.

 

Regarding the all girls school thing, I never attended one. It mainly came from my strict parents. They never allowed me to date or have a boyfriend in high school. I only hung out with guys during school, field trips, extracurriculars, and parties.

 

Um sure but that wasn't my point at all. I agree with Capricorn who agreed with me LOL.

[ElectricLove]

I 100% agree with the above. Totally nailed it (imo).

I have been following this thread with great interest but really didn't want to comment (thought it best to keep my mouth shut) but I have to admit that Batya pretty much said exactly what I was thinking from the get-go (I didn't have the courage to say it, lol).

 

OP, this is the real world. Men will always look and be attracted. Women will always look and be attracted. It's what humans do. There is nothing unusual in what is happening to you. Nothing super special about you at all either (you give the impression that something about your looks, figure, beauty ... whatever, is the reason these guys are doing these things). Even the most average, plain looking girls get the same attention from men.

Also, from the way you describe various scenarios I don't get the impression that you're very introverted and shy at all. I got the impression that you were quite happy with the attention and had no problem with it - which is the reason why the guys don't realise there was anything "wrong". You body language gives a very different message.

 

For all the things you are complaining about, it all comes back to you being the common denominator. Think about it. Maybe time to reflect on that a little bit more.

 

We're all strangers here so you and those other fonts can believe whatever you want. I never claimed that my experience is unusual or out of the ordinary. I was just venting. Shy or introverted girls can still attract sexualized and unwanted attention from guys they don't want. It has nothing to do with our body language.

 

If I genuinely liked this type of attention, I would've been hooking up with every single guy and accepting every request or invitation from them. But I never have and never will. I know that beauty is a dime a dozen but I'm not going to deny that guys find me attractive. If they didn't, I'd be completely invisible to them. I think I'm beautiful but still acknowledge and compliment other attractive women as well.