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I feel like sex is all I have to offer because guys mainly seek me for this


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It is pretty common for men (of all ages) to gravitate towards young women. By "young," I mean anywhere from mid teens to mid- to late-20s, and even into your mid-30s. It just happens. You turn around and there's another guy waiting in the wings. Sometimes it's convenient but many times it's not pleasant at all. I still shake my head at some of the people I had to deal with. I was angry a lot back then.

 

The attention does gradually drop off. But it's going to be a while, so you have to learn to cope. I mainly dealt with it by looking unfriendly. And if that didn't freeze them out, I resorted to being unfriendly: flipping them off, cursing at them, being sarcastic, etc.

 

They just moved on.

 

I think I read that you were looking for a serious relationship. Is that why you are so polite to all of these people?

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Again, focus on developing yourself as an individual. With this mindset it's no wonder you believe all guys are just horndogs after sex.

I'm not going to deny that guys find me attractive. I think I'm beautiful.
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We're all strangers here so you and those other fonts can believe whatever you want. I never claimed that my experience is unusual or out of the ordinary. I was just venting. Shy or introverted girls can still attract sexualized and unwanted attention from guys they don't want. It has nothing to do with our body language.

 

If I genuinely liked this type of attention, I would've been hooking up with every single guy and accepting every request or invitation from them. But I never have and never will. I know that beauty is a dime a dozen but I'm not going to deny that guys find me attractive. If they didn't, I'd be completely invisible to them. I think I'm beautiful but still acknowledge and compliment other attractive women as well.

 

Oh no you are wrong. Men who are looking for serious relationships might be more visual than a woman would be but only at first - and only really in environments where the focus is on looks like a bar or club. Men and women who want to meet someone for something potentially serious will not find a person invisible just because the person might not look as you have described yourself, now a number of times in this thread - we get it! - if a person with relationship intentions sees someone who seems interesting, giving off positive energy, approachable -in an environment where it's natural to talk, especially -that person will be highly "visible" believe me. There is nothing wrong with looking for a casual date, or a fling, or a hook up or casual sex - and someone who is looking for that probably will focus first and foremost on looks and physical features - I mean, obviously!

 

 

 

 

When my future husband and I reconnected after years apart - we dated in the past - we met for a friendly catch up dinner. I wasn't dressed up at all and had little makeup on because it was a last minute casual plan. He arrived dripping sweat because he'd gone to the wrong restaurant and raced to the right one so he wouldn't be that late. He's cute and all and handsome but no -he's not going to get complimented on his looks randomly - he's one of those invisible people you mention I guess. Me too! Guess what -sparks flew -we couldn't believe it -we never thought we'd get back together -sparks flew because of finding each other cute and attractive physically and in every way. Meaning -every way - intertwined with the looks was all that rest of the magical stuff. That click. Nothing to do with physical features. Physical features matter. Not to the extent you have this uber-focus on it.

 

I'm not sure why you compliment and acknowledge people based on their physical features unless it's relevant -like someone who asks you because she's dressed up/trying a new hair style or has been working out and wants input on whether you see results - do you think people with objectively attractive physical features somehow need to be reminded of that or complimented for what they happen to have as physical features? I don't know -I'm attractive/cute depending - especially when I was your age! - but being complimented about my physical features randomly - that was more likely to make me feel self conscious or not know what to say. Especially if it was someone I wasn't very close to. What's this focus about on lauding people who happen to have been born looking a certain way?

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Again, focus on developing yourself as an individual. With this mindset it's no wonder you believe all guys are just horndogs after sex.

 

I find it funny how you always make assumptions based off of every little detail from my posts. Especially with me acknowledging my physical attractiveness. Acknowledging it doesn't mean I don't focus or develop on other qualities of myself. Yes, a lot of guys are horny for sex regardless if I have that "mindset" or not. It's an undeniable fact.

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I find it funny how you always make assumptions based off of every little detail from my posts. Especially with me acknowledging my physical attractiveness. Acknowledging it doesn't mean I don't focus or develop on other qualities of myself. Yes, a lot of guys are horny for sex regardless if I have that "mindset" or not. It's an undeniable fact.

 

Well no - a lot of people want to have sex at certain times -it's normal. And people who are horny for sex make choices about how to react to being horny. Some go out and find a sex partner, some masturbate, others redirect their energies in some way - some kind of distraction or exercise or whatever. The reactions are infinite. A person who reacts by harassing another person or being inappropriate is doing that not because he or she is horny but because he or she chose to act inappropriately to another person. People can't control feelings. They can control reactions to feelings.

 

You are intensely focused on your physical features and others -it would never occur to me to make it a practice to compliment other people on their physical features - like I wrote in my post. Consider why you are so focused on this and why you are so focused on how men react to your physical features -or how you are perceiving their reactions -- without considering that you are the common denominator. And if you feel that a lot of guys are horny for sex and ready to behave inappropriately you have no business trying to be a good listener or act as their therapist -because if you think so poorly of "a lot of guys'" character and integrity then you really can't be a good listener let alone their therapist. Not with that negative and completely uncalled for attitude.

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I think it's funny that you make assumptions and generalizations about men.

I find it funny how you always make assumptions. a lot of guys are horny for sex regardless if I have that "mindset" or not. It's an undeniable fact.
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I think it's funny that you make assumptions and generalizations about men.

 

Awww how cute. You completely ignored half of my reply and solely focused on what I said about men being extremely horny towards the opposite sex. Which is still true. Overwhelming majority of girls my age can confirm it by encounters from our male peers.

 

Most men also acknowledge it as well despite it being an "unfair generalization".

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Awww how cute. You completely ignored half of my reply and solely focused on what I said about men being extremely horny towards the opposite sex. Which is still true. Overwhelming majority of girls my age can confirm it by encounters from our male peers.

 

Most men also acknowledge it as well despite it being an "unfair generalization".

 

Actually - quality men who want something more, a relationship with meaning and want to meet women to potentially be a girlfriend or eventual wife are not hanging out at campus social spots humping women's legs. There are a lot of great guys who are hesitant to just walk up to a woman and say they have a nice body and want to buy a drink for them. Most of these guys meet women and date them because they meet her in another setting - she is the friend of their best buddy's sister, or in his major and he sees her around a lot in classes - in otherwords, he gets to know a little bit about her in a more relaxed setting and eventually something naturally clicks or aligns to have a conversation with her and if she gives him the green light, he asks her out... Or maybe there is a series of conversations and she asks him out.

 

Even if a guy is thinking about sex --- a decent guy is going to keep it under wraps and play the long game (he wants a meaningful relationship so he is going to not lead with that)

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Actually - quality men who want something more, a relationship with meaning and want to meet women to potentially be a girlfriend or eventual wife are not hanging out at campus social spots humping women's legs. There are a lot of great guys who are hesitant to just walk up to a woman and say they have a nice body and want to buy a drink for them. Most of these guys meet women and date them because they meet her in another setting - she is the friend of their best buddy's sister, or in his major and he sees her around a lot in classes - in otherwords, he gets to know a little bit about her in a more relaxed setting and eventually something naturally clicks or aligns to have a conversation with her and if she gives him the green light, he asks her out... Or maybe there is a series of conversations and she asks him out.

 

Even if a guy is thinking about sex --- a decent guy is going to keep it under wraps and play the long game (he wants a meaningful relationship so he is going to not lead with that)

 

99% of guys I've had these experiences with were all educated, intelligent, and ambitious. They weren't bums that were hanging from the street corner or pick up artists that were trying to seduce me at a bar. Some were also grad students and professionals that were establishing themselves in their careers.

 

Those particular qualities does not guarantee a guy will be a complete gentleman with a low sex drive. It generally comes down to their personality, boundaries, and respect for women. This is no different from when older men use to catcall or follow me while I was walking home from middle/ high school as a minor. Where is the blame for these grown men? There were times when I refused to walk home and had to beg my parents to pick me up because of this.

 

Based from these responses, I'm going to guess I'm the youngest font here. So my perspective will be different from everyone else's. There are high quality and low quality men that come from different socio-economic backgrounds. It's naive to state otherwise.

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99% of guys I've had these experiences with were all educated, intelligent, and ambitious. They weren't bums that were hanging from the street corner or pick up artists that were trying to seduce me at a bar. Some were also grad students and professionals that were establishing themselves in their careers.

 

Those particular qualities does not guarantee a guy will be a complete gentleman with a low sex drive. It generally comes down to their personality, boundaries, and respect for women. This is no different from when older men use to catcall or follow me while I was walking home from middle/ high school as a minor. Where is the blame for these grown men? There were times when I refused to walk home and had to beg my parents to pick me up because of this.

 

Based from these responses, I'm going to guess I'm the youngest font here. So my perspective will be different from everyone else's. There are high quality and low quality men that come from different socio-economic backgrounds. It's naive to state otherwise.

 

If there are a lot of people older then you, even by a few years, wouldn't you want to learn from their experience? Dating really has not changed, aside from Covid restructions in the past 5-10 years at all. The only difference between dating now and 25 years ago is there is more online meeting (but once you meet, not much is different).

 

You speak of good men having boundaries, but you don't practice them yourself. If you did, you would not accept dates from men whose intro is talking about your body. Those men would be automatically shut down. Do you try to meet men in other settings where they are getting to know you a little bit and are not cold approaching you?

 

There are complete gentleman that have a high sex drive, but want a relationship that lasts -- they want something long term, so they are going to use personal self control and properly date a woman. The first thing out of their mouths is not about a woman's body. They don't want to waste their time with a woman who is not also a mental/emotional connection. Me who are emotionally mature and want a real connection behave this way.

 

you have to up your standards of who you will accept a date from, start to frequent places where me are not out trolling for women (not bars or clubs), and where your intellect and heart are showcased and so is theirs (volunteering, academic pursuits), etc. you will have better luck. Or don't accept dinner dates. Do lunch, bowling, mini golf, something light hearted that never involves sex for the first time getting to know them

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I've been internalizing these persistent experiences for a couple of years. Also come to the realization if sex is something I should start having since its all they want from me in the end. I only want to lose it in a committed relationship but I'm afraid the guy will bounce after I give it to him or worst, stick around solely for that.

 

Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it.

 

After reading all your responses and getting a big picture of your general thought patterns, maybe it's time to consider seeing a professional for counselling/therapy to help you figure out why and where all these bizarre thoughts are coming from. Clearly you seem to be struggling with things and don't know how to deal with it, coming across as very angry, bitter and twisted. Get help because you'll carry this with you for the rest of your life and into every relationship, making for a very sad, lonely and miserable life.

(And for the record, I don't say this in any mean and nasty way).

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If there are a lot of people older then you, even by a few years, wouldn't you want to learn from their experience? Dating really has not changed, aside from Covid restructions in the past 5-10 years at all. The only difference between dating now and 25 years ago is there is more online meeting (but once you meet, not much is different).

 

You speak of good men having boundaries, but you don't practice them yourself. If you did, you would not accept dates from men whose intro is talking about your body. Those men would be automatically shut down. Do you try to meet men in other settings where they are getting to know you a little bit and are not cold approaching you?

 

There are complete gentleman that have a high sex drive, but want a relationship that lasts -- they want something long term, so they are going to use personal self control and properly date a woman. The first thing out of their mouths is not about a woman's body. They don't want to waste their time with a woman who is not also a mental/emotional connection. Me who are emotionally mature and want a real connection behave this way.

 

you have to up your standards of who you will accept a date from, start to frequent places where me are not out trolling for women (not bars or clubs), and where your intellect and heart are showcased and so is theirs (volunteering, academic pursuits), etc. you will have better luck. Or don't accept dinner dates. Do lunch, bowling, mini golf, something light hearted that never involves sex for the first time getting to know them

 

The lack of reading comprehension on this site is terrible. Did you miss where I stated that guys in college who are involved in clubs and academic pursuits can still engage in the same attitude and behavior? Girls get cold approached everywhere and still have to deal with messy guys from school. Most of my interactions, hang outs, and parties were with guys on campus. How is this too hard to understand?

 

This is exactly why I stated that age makes a difference in the responses. Some here think that it is absolutely impossible for college educated guys to lack manners and tact towards their female peers. The choice of a guys major or field is irrelevant to how they choose to treat young women. The last one I was talking to was a STEM major for crying out loud. My friends and other female peers have dealt with this some way or another but we don't gaslight the other persons experience due to how common it is.

 

I already acknowledged my naivety is the fault for my lack of assertiveness and boundaries with men. I just can't engage with them in the same way I do with my female peers. This was never really a problem in HS. I never felt the need to modify my behavior or personality when talking to them. I'm guessing the extra freedom and independence that comes with college and young adulthood was what changed in their aspect.

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After reading all your responses and getting a big picture of your general thought patterns, maybe it's time to consider seeing a professional for counselling/therapy to help you figure out why and where all these bizarre thoughts are coming from. Clearly you seem to be struggling with things and don't know how to deal with it, coming across as very angry, bitter and twisted. Get help because you'll carry this with you for the rest of your life and into every relationship, making for a very sad, lonely and miserable life.

(And for the record, I don't say this in any mean and nasty way).

I am NEVER going to be an escort or work in the sex industry. I only had that stupid thought because to the way guys (and from school -shocker) talk and comment on my body. The only time I liked it was when I was with my ex boyfriend. That's completely understandable.

 

When girls compliment my figure, I never get a perverted vibe from them. I smile, laugh, and thank them because they do it respectfully. With guys, they ogle, go into specific detail and hint towards sex afterwards.

 

Age is also irrelevant because men who are old enough to be my parents are also disgusting towards teenagers and young women. My most bizarre experiences were from 12-15. It's strange how no one in these comments are holding them accountable for it.

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It generally comes down to their personality, boundaries, and respect for women.

 

That's the key. It's about the individual and who they are. Men of all types and ages can be gentleman. Men of all types can be creeps. It's a matter of how they personally chose to act.

 

If you have experienced that many comments and rude behavior, then it's understandable that you would be cautious and frustrated. There are good guys out there, but you've seen so much of that bad that you almost expect it. And every bad behavior just reinforces your view. You've already said that your assertiveness is the issue. So you know what to work on. Set the boundaries and try not to put yourself in situations that may make you uncomfortable.

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I am NEVER going to be an escort or work in the sex industry. I only had that stupid thought because to the way guys (and from school -shocker) talk and comment on my body. The only time I liked it was when I was with my ex boyfriend. That's completely understandable.

 

When girls compliment my figure, I never get a perverted vibe from them. I smile, laugh, and thank them because they do it respectfully. With guys, they ogle, go into specific detail and hint towards sex afterwards.

 

Age is also irrelevant because men who are old enough to be my parents are also disgusting towards teenagers and young women. My most bizarre experiences were from 12-15. It's strange how no one in these comments are holding them accountable for it.

Um, ...... I have no idea what any of this has to do with my question: ...."After reading all your responses and getting a big picture of your general thought patterns, maybe it's time to consider seeing a professional for counselling/therapy to help you figure out why and where all these bizarre thoughts are coming from? Clearly you seem to be struggling with things and don't know how to deal with it, coming across as very angry, bitter and twisted. Get help because you'll carry this with you for the rest of your life and into every relationship, making for a very sad, lonely and miserable life.

(And for the record, I don't say this in any mean and nasty way)." :-/

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I agree with Capricorn:

 

"After reading all your responses and getting a big picture of your general thought patterns, maybe it's time to consider seeing a professional for counselling/therapy to help you figure out why and where all these bizarre thoughts are coming from. Clearly you seem to be struggling with things and don't know how to deal with it, coming across as very angry, bitter and twisted. Get help because you'll carry this with you for the rest of your life and into every relationship, making for a very sad, lonely and miserable life."

 

And also what Abit said:

 

"you have to up your standards of who you will accept a date from, start to frequent places where me are not out trolling for women (not bars or clubs), and where your intellect and heart are showcased and so is theirs (volunteering, academic pursuits), etc. you will have better luck. Or don't accept dinner dates. Do lunch, bowling, mini golf, something light hearted that never involves sex for the first time getting to know them"

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