Taks1 Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 My boyfriend went swimming with a girl who he used to date for a very short time and she groped him several times while they were swimming even though she knew he had a girlfriend. They were drinking too. He told her to stop and she did but then she drove him home and he let her sleep in his bed. He says nothing happened but I feel so hurt and sad. He keeps saying he's a victim too and that when I say he shouldn't have been drinking or swimming with her that I'm victim blaming. I feel like this whole thing could have been avoided. Now I'm stuck because he thinks he should still be able to be friends with single girls but I want him to stop. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 How did inviting her to share his bed make him a victim? Link to comment
Taks1 Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 He said he was a victim of her groping him. He acknowledged that he shouldn’t have let her sleep with him, but says he was drunk and tired. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 He's gaslighting you. Google it if you don't know what that means. But basically he's trying to convince you that something is not what it actually is. Also he's flipping the script, where you suddenly are the one who did wrong. Your boyfriend wants to fool around with other girls. I think he should be your ex boyfriend after the cheating and the mind games he's playing with you. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 He can be friends with whoever he wants. You can't control or dictate that. However, you can and should judge if his choices align with your values and relationship boundaries. If you find that they don't, you dump him and keep looking for the right guy for you. That's really what dating is for - to learn if the person fits as is, not to fix them or bend them to your ways to force them to fit. If he doesn't fit, next him. Him claiming to be a victim....honestly I don't know how you could keep a straight face listening to that bs. That alone is reason to leave him on the curb. He is treating you like a complete fool going out voluntarily drinking and swimming with an ex, claiming nothing happened, and he is a victim....lmao..... Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 His nose is growing. Dump this gem of a man. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 He’s full of equine manure, OP. Link to comment
limichelle Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 I wouldn’t believe this to be as ‘innocent’ as he’s making it out to be. He’s definitely Gaslighting. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Oh my...this guy really is heaping the lies onto you. In no way is he a victim. As for being in bed with his ex and not doing anything, there is no way anyone would believe that. They definitely did something. OP, it will be a harsh lesson to learn, but do not stay with this man. He is a liar and a cheater. His motivations for wanting single women as friends is very sketchy as well. Though, you might just do as most do and wait it out until he full blown proves his cheating and lying and then you really will be completely heartbroken. I hope you don't do that. He's not a nice guy and he's fooling you. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 1, 2020 Share Posted September 1, 2020 Also, not all guys are like this. Some are actually respectful and would never consider swimming with their ex and even if they were forced, they wouldn't ever allow to happen what happened. Your boyfriend is not a nice guy. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 It's not innocent. Also very dangerous to swim when drunk. And she could accuse him of all sorts of things at this point. Of course he can be platonic friends with girls as long as he behaves appropriately. She's not a platonic friend because platonic friends don't share beds when they're the opposite sex unless it's some sort of emergency. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 OMG what a lot of sh1t this is. You fell for his lies? Smarten up. He is not a victim and you can be pretty sure something happened in bed with the other girl. Then there's the issue of being drunk and going swimming. That's a great way to drown. Move on from this liar. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 How did you find out about all of this? Link to comment
Lambert Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 dump this guy.... a victim does not defend the aggressor, nor does he let her sleep in his bed. Like others have said this a a crock of bull. He's being manipulative, turning it around like you're somehow the one that is being unfair to him. You're being played. You can't change your boyfriend.. but you can change boyfriends. Link to comment
greendots Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 What does the way he handled this situation say about his character? How do you feel about all of this? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 So there is this thing cheaters do all of the time. They sprinkle a little bit of the truth into their lies to make them believable and also give them an out just in case the story comes out. Let's say this "friend" (cheaters always say "he/she is just a friend") starts talking and it gets back to you. She has been going around telling people she and your bf went swimming and things got frisky and then they slept together. Now your bf can say I told you what happened that she groped me and we slept in the same bed, I am totally innocent because I told you up front what really happened. I am not in the ex's can be friends camp and I never will be because I know one or the other wants to have sex again with them. Totally platonic friendships are fine but if you used to have sex with this "friend" and now you are in a relationship with someone else you should respect that enough to stop all contact with your previous sexual partners. He doesn't respect you, your relationship or the boundaries in a relationship. Stay with him if you want but you will be back here explaining how hurt you are that you caught him cheating on you with one of his single "friends" sooner than later. Lost Link to comment
Andrina Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 Now I'm stuck because he thinks he should still be able to be friends with single girls but I want him to stop. No, you're not stuck. Aren't you driving the bus of your life? You're the one who has the power to let people on and the power to kick them the hell off if necessary. You have a lot to learn about dating. You should have the self-esteem and confidence to state how YOU want things to be in a relationship, and if your partner has the opposite view, it means you're not compatible. And then you break up and continue dating until you meet a guy who meets ALL of your major needs. If he's the one who told you about what happened, he's looking for a doormat to have regular sex with, while having a harem on the side who he doesn't have to spend efforts hiding. If you don't break up with him, he knows it's not a dealbreaker for you that he gets drunk with exes and other single girls, and can even sleep overnight at their house, and you will still be there for regular nookie. A woman with a healthy self-esteem would block and delete him. If you don't value yourself, nobody else will, and you will continue attracting jerks who can spot your weakness from miles away and target you as someone who will put up with their BS. Everybody else can see you deserve better. Work on boosting your self-esteem and you will see the same. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 Andrina nailed it! Now I'm stuck because he thinks he should still be able to be friends with single girls but I want him to stop. No, you're not stuck. Aren't you driving the bus of your life? You're the one who has the power to let people on and the power to kick them the hell off if necessary. You have a lot to learn about dating. You should have the self-esteem and confidence to state how YOU want things to be in a relationship, and if your partner has the opposite view, it means you're not compatible. And then you break up and continue dating until you meet a guy who meets ALL of your major needs. If he's the one who told you about what happened, he's looking for a doormat to have regular sex with, while having a harem on the side who he doesn't have to spend efforts hiding. If you don't break up with him, he knows it's not a dealbreaker for you that he gets drunk with exes and other single girls, and can even sleep overnight at their house, and you will still be there for regular nookie. A woman with a healthy self-esteem would block and delete him. If you don't value yourself, nobody else will, and you will continue attracting jerks who can spot your weakness from miles away and target you as someone who will put up with their BS. Everybody else can see you deserve better. Work on boosting your self-esteem and you will see the same. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 Liar liar swim shorts on fire!! not even a dip in the pool will put those puppies out. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 I think he is able to friends with her. But if you don't like it, you can tell him about it. If he is a good guy, he'll understand it Huh? He allows her to grope him and then sleeps in the same bed. Would you be good if this happened to your partner? Link to comment
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