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Did I ruin a rekindling Chance with ex gf of 3yrs?


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Me (24) and my ex girlfriend (24) split up 3 years ago today. She broke it off with me because I had become complacent and lazy in the relationship. We went on to No Contact for a few months after my pathetic pleas until she had reached out again saying she missed me and signs of a possible rekindling. I blew that opportunity and she went on to date a new guy 4-5 months after we split (end of 2017). I went forward with my life and practically got to the point where I would stop checking her social media and go a few days without thinking of her.

 

 

Well last week she had text me “hey”. I was shocked. She had posted ex bashing posts a lot on her socials even when dating her new man. I thought she would never speak to me again, as I had vouched I would leave her alone as well out of respect. When I got the text I did not know the reason quite yet. I was torn between answering to find out or deleting it to not open the emotional wound I’ve worked hard to heal. I opted to delete the text. Curiosity got to me and I looked her up to see her and her new relationship of 2.5 years was over. It had been just under a month ago from when she sent me “hey”.

 

 

What do you guys make of this and my choice to delete it? Why would she text me? Was there any chance to rekindle anything in this situation?

 

 

 

I do not know if I made the right decision because I truly don’t know what I would honestly want. I miss what we had, I haven’t dated anyone, but I haven’t dwelled until now

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It sounds as if she contacted you only because the well went dry, and she's looking for a temporary replacement until she gets a better offer.

 

In short, (imo) she's back in touch for all the wrong reasons. And, yes I think you made the right decision.

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for what its worth, i think you did the right thing.

 

a random hey text is zero effort. its a line to see if you'll take the bait.

 

A month after she broke up with her last guy? her ego needed a stroke.

 

I'd unfriend and block on social media. its time.

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I hear you, I agree with you completely. But the thought that maybe it could have been GIGS and maybe she could be reflecting on me and her past relationship now eats at me. Could she be possibly considering something between us?.. or am I naive to think she’s not just broken up over the newly ended relationship?

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I hear you, I agree with you completely. But the thought that maybe it could have been GIGS and maybe she could be reflecting on me and her past relationship now eats at me. Could she be possibly considering something between us?.. or am I naive to think she’s not just broken up over the newly ended relationship?
i totally get that!

 

Here's something to chew on.... ok. lets say she is pondering and considering....

 

now let's think about what is a attractive to the opposite sex... confidence, self-respect, strength....

 

you said you begged her a little after the break up. Of course you did. We cant we help acting desperate, with no self respect, with no confidence. its completely human but it is not attractive to the opposite sex.

 

And then we start to feel better and we beat ourselves up for being and appearring weak. we wish we could go back and be stronger...

 

Still with me? This is your do over dude.

 

the strong, confident you knows that you really only want someone who is sure they want you. but how are you acting? she sends one hey and you are ready to jump.

 

she thinks she knows you. she knows you will jump at her attention, be all in and for what a 3 letter, 1 word text.

 

Don't fall for it!

 

Let it be. know you are worth more.... Let her either ponder it and put in the effort or let time pass and leave it up to the universe....

 

She is needing attention, if you jump at nothing and get all wrapped up in her, you will kick yourself later.

 

She'll bask in the attention for awhile and then pull away. You'll be confused and hurt. she'll say, I'm sorry. I'm confused. I miss my boyfriend... brutal!

 

save yourself this.... its not GIGS. its been years. that relationship is on the rocks and she's lonely.

 

have you tried meeting new women?

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If she was interested in rekindling she would've attempted a lot more than a "hey". 3 years have passed and she just got out of a long term relationship. She was probably feeling hurt and lonely and reaching out to people in her past to take her mind off or to vent. It probably wouldn't be the best time. I think not responding was the right thing especially if you do still have hope because she's an ex and neither of you have shown any real effort at rekindling and some things will never change.

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Did I ruin a rekindling Chance with ex gf of 3yrs?

 

I doubt it. A fresh breakup is not exactly the right time to position yourself as anything beyond a rebound. Look up that term--it's a thing. And as seductive as it might be play in that sandbox, it usually backfires once the rebounder heals and discovers that she really should have taken enough time to be singe and 'find herself.'

 

You dodged a bullet. Keep moving forward, and you'll thank yourself later.

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I don't feel you ruined anything.. I believe what's done is done now.

You two split over 2.5 yrs ago? And she moved on to someone new.

 

I have have heard so many times, after a BU, most often it will not work out a second time either.

 

You have begun your healing in this.. keep moving forward. Don't fall back - or you may regret it :/.

 

Is sad when someone you cared for , you lose. Been there a cpl times.

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I agree with what everyone else is saying.

 

Basically she became void of attention and reached out to someone she assumed was weak and would fill that void while she is grieving the loss of her recent breakup.

 

Well too bad for her that she doesn’t get to use you for that because you had the strength not to reply to her pathetic “hey”

 

If she reached out to you 6-12 months after being single that would be a different story , but if she was to do that with sincerity , she wouldn’t message a simple “hey”

 

Good on you for recognising that her message was bs and not responding.

It’s the perfect time to block her btw!!

She knows your friends , probably family etc or how to get in touch if she was sincere despite being blocked.

Don’t allow her to waste your time again.

 

Good luck!!

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I don't think there's any way of knowing.

 

Both of you didn't work while you were together. For some reason this person didn't keep you motivated or interested enough to keep the spark alive.

 

Trust in that and trust your instincts. Trust that that the relationship ended for a reason.

 

It's normal to miss those we used to care about. Just learn to put some distance between the both of you, heal and invite new people into your life.

 

If there are any lessons to learn about yourself, learn now.

 

Keep the faith.

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I don't think there's any way of knowing.

 

Both of you didn't work while you were together. For some reason this person didn't keep you motivated or interested enough to keep the spark alive.

 

Trust in that and trust your instincts. Trust that that the relationship ended for a reason.

 

It's normal to miss those we used to care about. Just learn to put some distance between the both of you, heal and invite new people into your life.

 

If there are any lessons to learn about yourself, learn now.

 

Keep the faith.

This is excellent advice.. the only cures for fear or doubt is faith and trust.

 

Your story is unfolding ahead of you, not behind you.

 

Keep going!

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A text of "hey" is ZERO effort on her part. Her interest in you was to whine about the recent break up. Doesn't she have girlfriends or a sister to do that with?

 

Don't be her agony auntie.

 

In fact, as others have suggested, don't be anything at all to her.

 

Time to shake her off entirely.

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After all this time she texted you "hey"??? Reeeeaaaaally???!!!!

 

Deleting and not responding is truly the best thing you've ever done for yourself. This wasn't some grand opportunity to reconcile. This was her showing you how very little she thinks of you " hey doormat, if I say 'hey', you'll jump and come galloping to stroke my ego, right?"

 

So past due for you to close this chapter for good and move on to better women. Since you keep checking her social media, do yourself a huge favor and just block her from everywhere - phone, social media, etc. You've got to move on already.

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I have not even thought of trying to date other women. This last one left me broken. It was my fault it ended in the first place. My ego was shattered and I can’t imagine putting forth another attempt in effort to get broken again.

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I have not even thought of trying to date other women. This last one left me broken. It was my fault it ended in the first place. My ego was shattered and I can’t imagine putting forth another attempt in effort to get broken again.

 

That's giving someone who doesn't even respect you a whole lot of power over you, your life, and your future.

 

Dude, you are only 24 and have your whole life ahead of you. Learn how to let go of the past. Yes, you might not have been stellar, but you learn to be better and move on. You do NOT cling to the past and let that wreck your life.

 

I get it that right now you don't feel like dating, however you absolutely need to block her. Every single time you look, every single contact, no matter how underhanded and insulting, keeps you stuck and stuck. You were starting to heal and get better until the "hey" bs, and now you are back to square one. A lot of this is you torturing yourself. Guilt has no value. You can't get stuck living in the past. All you can do is learn and be better for someone else once you are ready.

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I have not even thought of trying to date other women. This last one left me broken. It was my fault it ended in the first place. My ego was shattered and I canÂ’t imagine putting forth another attempt in effort to get broken again.

Seriously dude, you are putting far too much weight in the past and reveling in your hurt.

 

You can date women at a MUCH less intense level.

 

Lighten up on your self, your expectations.

 

Maybe have some fun?

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You’re absolutely right about being hung up on the past. I’m 100% sure in the next relationship I will know when I’m doing something inconsiderate or intolerable to my partner. But it’s just so hard not wanting that person who gets the improved me to be her. She was an amazing girlfriend and I was moving past the thought of us in the last year or so. Now I’m back on these websites looking at my posts of 3yrs ago kicking myself how blatantly Obvious the signs of rekindling were. I chose to ignore her in hopes she would miss me more and she gave up. Went on to her newly ended relationship. Now I’m the horrible and mentally abusive ex in her story. It just hurts, it flat out sucks.

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The girl you met at 21 is not your soulmate or your forever relationship. These early life relationships are all about learning - who you are, who you should be or shouldn't be, how to be in a relationship, and so on. Neither one of you is experienced and mature enough to sustain a life long relationship, so stop beating yourself up because ultimately, it does take two to fight. She wasn't perfect either.

 

You seriously need to work on your self esteem and self respect. She isn't responsible for that and didn't destroy anything. You either have it or you need to get some. It comes from you, never other people.

 

Try to avoid dramatic words like "abusive ex" in her story. She isn't giving you the kind of headspace that you are imagining.

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Now I’m the horrible and mentally abusive ex in her story.

 

This is actually your story, one you are, right now, choosing to tell. That's more reflective of your own sense of self than anything to do with her. Her story? Well, that's hers, something she can make whatever she wants. Maybe give that some thought, so you can approach all this—your past, your present, your future—with more heart and less ego. People are just people, at the end of the day, not actors in other people's stories.

 

Sorry you're still hurting, truly. You'll hurt less when you divest from this story and invest in bolstering some inner pillars that are asking for some attention right now. Your relationship with others will only ever be as strong as the one you have with yourself.

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I would delete and block her and all her people from all your devices, contact lists, social media and messaging apps. Who needs this rubbish flooding your mind?

 

Ex rants are a silly and an all too common situation on social media. It is just noise you don't need in your life. It's up to you to decide what you do and do not allow in your life.

I only say that I am described like that in her story because she has tweeted/retweeted about her most recent ex (me) several times since our split. Usually very negative ones to boot. Even in her newly ended relationship.
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