MirrorKnight Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and emotional today. Struggling to focus at work. I guess this is mostly a vent. 1) I found out last night that my dear grandma is critically ill. She has had a bleed in the brain and lost consciousness for several days. She is plugged into a ventilator for assisted breathing. She is in her 90s and the prognosis is grim. I was very close to her as a child, but I have had minimal contact with my extended family for most of my 20s due to my personal problems and the fact that I lived thousands of miles away in a different world. Now I am facing the reality that barring a miracle, she will never see me get married and hold my baby. I am her youngest grand child and the only one to not be married or have children of my own. She was so loving and caring to me, I feel like such a failure of a grandson. I should have spent more time with her in my 20s, I should have gone back before she lost her sight and most of her hearing, I should have brought home a wife and great-grand child. (This probably sounds weird from a Western perspective, it is a Chinese thing). I want to fly out to go see her one last time, but I cannot be away from work for more than a few days, and the awkward reality is that I do not know when she is going to leave us. I cannot just stay by her side until she goes. My uncles say that she is already not responsive, so it would be pointless to rush over now, because she cannot communicate and I cannot help with anything. I am left in the horrible lurch of knowing that I can either go see her one last time, or attend the funeral, but most likely not both. 2) Jane and I had no contact for about a month, I hoped she was moving on. But she rang me again on Sunday, she tried to stay strong to begin with, but broke down crying again. She tried to make contact again today, said she wasn't doing well... I told her that I was struggling with my grandma's situation and that she should seek support from her friends instead. It breaks my heart that she is struggling and that I am the one person who should not and cannot help her. Link to comment
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