Just had my first disaster date at 30 years old

[SoulTaker]

This has been a very entertaining thread. For the Op, what's in the past cannot be re-done. Forget about things such as the demeaning text, and just concentrate on areas where there can be improvement for the next dating opportunity.

 

You should always have a backup means of payment (you never know if a meal ended up costing more than the cash you bring, or the cc is not operable,...). Could a better place have been selected for a 1st date? Was the clothing attire appropriate? Did you text/call her when you knew you would be late (you might have already done this)?

 

Don't assume that she was really into you. Some women will be on good terms on a 1st date with a stranger, for safety reasons. The only way you'll know for sure is if she wants to go out on the next date, and that didn't happen.

[Ian4996]

I wouldn't worry about it OP, bad dates happen. I had a shocking date on Sunday and an awesome date yesterday, it's just the way it goes sometimes.

 

The important thing is to learn a few things from it (have the money, maybe fix up another date while you're still on the date if you know you want a 2nd date) but overall just keep a positive outlook.

 

I think as has already been alluded to, a lot of people get downbeat about online dating and end up projecting that negativity onto others and then it becomes a vicious cycle!

[Annia]

I wouldn’t find it offensive if he wanted me to pay my half - BUT:

 

- thinking $20 “more than covers” a “probably $15” entree is naive. Tip? Drink?

- the act was strange. I would be put off of him not having cash and then deliberately only paying half. It feels weird.

 

I think she was crazy, but OP felt disjointed here.

 

I just don't understand not paying with card if the cash was in the car? Or were the cards also in the car? It made no sense to me.

 

Also the OP seems very worried about splitting the bill exactly and somehow bitter and thinking it was more than enough paying 20 which was more than half as this was a big favour. The OP even remember the prices exactly and only took 30 for the whole night, not wanting to take the card to pay because it had to be that exact value... I don't know it seemed weird. (no, I don't demand or expect men to pay me meals when they barely know me)

 

But she's crazy and you dodged a bullet.

 

Edit: I had written this without reading the rest of the thread.

[LootieTootie]

 

 

I think she saw was yet another jerk, and you didn't take any steps to rectify it.

 

ETA: I think her behavior was atrocious, and while she may have felt wounded, there was no need to lash out the way she did.

 

He doesn't need to rectify anything. Her anger issues is her issues alone. If someone can't keep their anger in check, they are not worth the time trying to mitigate and walking on egg shells. However like others have pointed out, OP should have just blocked her or not have responded.

 

On the money topic ... People have quirks when it comes to finance. I stopped questioning why some people are so picky with how much they should carry or why some people (my husband) don't want to open a bank account or some women still want the man to pay for everything. It's better to know someone how they are with money or their financial situation from the get go so you know if you guys can mesh... Because most likely someone is not going to change their quirks for you.

[lostandhurt]

OP you seem kind of argumentative on this thread. You asked right up front if we thought you were wrong.

 

Your date actually was not a disaster, what happened after the date surely was.

 

I have a question: If you hadn't forgot your cash in the car how were you planning on handling splitting the check? Did you talk about going dutch before the date? Just curious.

 

Personally if I ask someone out I pay, if they ask me out I assume they are paying but I am open to paying. If a woman offers to pay her half and insists I agree or counter offer telling her lets go get some ice cream and she can pay.

 

I actually had dinner with a woman that did very much what you had happen to you. I did none of the things you did and the date ended very well but the next day she unloaded on me much like your date did. She had lied about her age, lied to the restaurant about how many were in our party and several other things but in her mind I was the bad guy. I took the high road in my response to her and dropped the whole thing feeling very fortunate that I dodged a bullet so soon. I don't date liars anyways so I didn't plan on seeing her again. It was a win win.

 

Take the advice you are getting to heart and try and not be so defensive, everyone means well here and are able to see it from the outside looking in.

 

Lost

[Normm]

This is a very interesting thread and prompted me to register an account and make a post.

 

Sounds to me like a lot went wrong and after the date was over she went through everything in her head and came to the conclusion that the whole money thing was BS and you didn't like her and she got herself so twisted that she lashed out in anger and frustration. She may be a bit on the emotional side, she may have anger issues but you can't say she is "nuts" from this one incident. All you can safely say is she over reacted. It's too bad because the date was nice and the two of you got along and it could have worked out. It STILL can work out if you call her back and explain your side of it and apologize for getting nasty with her- which by the way was totally the wrong response you could have defused the situation and possibly gotten back on course right then, instead you may have committed a fatal error but it doesn't hurt to try again if she seems worth it.

 

In her mind you were making up the money thing because lets face it- a LOT had to go wrong for it to happen the way you said it did. I mean what guy goes and gets just enough cash to cover part of the meal and doesn't put it in his wallet and leaves his wallet in the car and doesn't even realize he doesn't HAVE his wallet until the end of the date? It comes across as very careless and irresponsible at best and at worst it seems like you're fabricating the whole thing because you didn't like her and of course that's what she took away from it all.

 

This is definitely a matter of 2 very different perspectives and a big misunderstanding.

[purplepaisley]

He doesn't need to rectify anything. Her anger issues is her issues alone. If someone can't keep their anger in check, they are not worth the time trying to mitigate and walking on egg shells. However like others have pointed out, OP should have just blocked her or not have responded.

 

On the money topic ... People have quirks when it comes to finance. I stopped questioning why some people are so picky with how much they should carry or why some people (my husband) don't want to open a bank account or some women still want the man to pay for everything. It's better to know someone how they are with money or their financial situation from the get go so you know if you guys can mesh... Because most likely someone is not going to change their quirks for you.

 

He *could* have rectified the situation by texting earlier and not waiting for however long he was going to take to text her...maybe his plan was to text in the morning. Of course now that she has lashed out and he has lashed out, it's a done deal and there isn't more to do, but the OP was asking specifically if there was anything he could have done differently during the date and during the evening *before* the explosion, and the answer I offered is maintained, in that I think that after the other series of events, but a seemingly overall great date otherwise, if he didn't (appear) to blow her off, and if he texted her sooner, the outcome may have been different. The money situation simply had the aura of "yet another jerk" plus being late...aloof, not interested, a bit irresponsible. Again, we are not talking about one indiscretion or one mistake, we're talking about one thing piled on top of the other, and a series, and frankly, I wonder if there may have been another personality clash or faux pax during the date that the OP didn't mention or didn't recognize...that, and with him not texting her and having "better things to do," it festered. So this I maintain...if you (general) want someone to know you had an excellent time and you like them and would like to see them again, don't play the waiting game, particularly if there was a flub or two...especially if there was a flub or two, but goodness-gracious, if your toes are curling over the experience, how do you refrain a whole 10 minutes...so you don't look too clingy, right?!

 

The OP could have texted, "Sorry again about the wallet situation. I'd love to try again and treat you to drinks on Friday" and essentially turned the whole situation into interest instead of seeming non-interest. She's not a mind-reader...she has no idea if he was pulling the jerk card or if he was not interested or if he really liked her. He doesn't know either, and of course when two people are busy playing games, things don't always work out. Since the OP seemed to have the errors lined up in a row, I do think he had a greater responsibility to reach out first. Just my opinion, of course.

[katrina1980]

The way I see this is -- IF the energy/chemistry between you had been high and positive, NONE of what you did, what you didn't do, what she did, what she didn't do would have mattered one iota.

 

I've had guys "forget" their wallet on the first date so I paid (they apologized profusely and more than made up for it on our next date), not call exactly when they said they would, among other things that would normally be a dealbreaker had the energy/chemistry not been right.

 

Shyt happens sometimes; I think it's super important to remain flexible and trust in your connection (assuming there was one) and not sweat the small stuff, especially after only one date, jeez bejeez!

 

OP, as I said in earlier post, NOTHING you did (or didn't do) was so monumentally horrible that would justify her losing her shyt the way she did. Not only that, but even if you HAD done everything "right," it would have only been a matter of time before she found something else to lose her shyt over and bytch about.

 

Bottom line, she's got serious issues, as I said she's probably been on one too many bad dates from OLD and IRL and become distrustful, bitter, jaded -- DON'T make her issues yours by spending one more nano-second worrying about this!

[katrina1980]

@purplepaisley, I always respect your opinions but I highly doubt him calling her sooner would have made any difference whatsoever.

 

That wasn't her issue anyway, not to mention SHE said she would call him too, so if anyone is at fault there, it's both of them.

 

 

In fact when I picked up the phone to send her a text that's when I noticed she had sent like 4-5 texts afterwards asking what she did wrong on the date that I had to pull the "I forgot my money in the car"

 

I'm sorry but this^^ is just whacked. Especially after only ONE date!

 

If that had been me, I would not have even responded to that, and been thankful I dodged a bullet.

 

Animal crackers, seriously I am STILL shaking my head that anyone would send a message like that (let alone 4-5!) after a first date, and that you actually responded!

[LootieTootie]

He *could* have rectified the situation by texting earlier and not waiting for however long he was going to take to text her...

 

Oh lordy... I don't know where people get entitled after a first date to want the person to text them right away. Be conscious and reasonable for Petes sake... especially if someone is taking a long drive back.... that's all I'll say.

[abitbroken]

To be honest I only felt like paying for meals which was at most $15 maybe.... so by giving her the 20 I paid for more than what I had gotten any way, but apparently that wasn't enough for her.

 

if you don't want to pay more than $15, then go to a date at dairy queen. I *always* bring double what i think i need when i even meet a friend out to dinner or lunch because what if we end up staying and chatting and decide to get a coffee/hot chocolate or dessert? What if the menu has changed and its more expensive? what if you hit if off so well that your date suggests you take a walk down the street for dessert or go to the street festival near by? And what if you had the best server you had in your life and want to tip them more than $5? you can't go to a sit down restaurant and expect to pay less than $15 for a meal that includes a side or salad plus a drink. And if i don't have that much cash on hand, i use a credit or debit card. My aunt taught me never go to a town you are not familiar with with less than $50. And what if my oil light comes on and i need it topped off at the gas station? $$**just in case.

 

So be prepared next time. Have access to more money than you think you need - just in case.

[figureitout23]

Oh lordy... I don't know where people get entitled after a first date to want the person to text them right away. Be conscious and reasonable for Petes sake... especially if someone is taking a long drive back.... that's all I'll say.

 

And oh lordy when did basic human decency become entitlement?

 

This mindset is whats led to this atmosphere of #nofeelings, which has whats caused so many stunted grown adults who dont know how to express their natural human emotions and feelings lest they be seen as weak.

 

They both said they were going to text when they got home, she didn't ask for his first born child.

 

Do I think what she did was 'normal' or even 'acceptable'? No not at all, I wont speak for purple but I dont think she is either, what I am saying is all of this could have been avoided with basic communication vs. trying to play the role that you're pushing.

 

Crazy

 

Needy

 

Clingy

 

Thank God Im no longer impressionable and young, I couldn't survive dating today, it would have ate me up, I'm human and I want to be human, but society is too busy pushing this idea that human interactions should have as much care as wiping you butt.

 

No thank you.

[Eliza50]

And oh lordy when did basic human decency become entitlement?

 

But it's not like he had said he'd text her when he got home and ended up texting her 2 days later, for example. It was 90 MINUTES and he was driving.

 

He could have had an emergency, an accident, his car could have broken down, anything.

 

I don't see what decency has to do with someone lashing out just because someone didn't text them exactly when they thought they would. Even if he had been her boyfriend, her husband, her best friend, her behaviour would still be unacceptable.

[mustlovedogs]

But it's not like he had said he'd text her when he got home and ended up texting her 2 days later, for example. It was 90 MINUTES and he was driving.

 

He could have had an emergency, an accident, his car could have broken down, anything.

 

I don't see what decency has to do with someone lashing out just because someone didn't text them exactly when they thought they would. Even if he had been her boyfriend, her husband, her best friend, her behaviour would still be unacceptable.

 

Isn’t the point of texting that he made it home to insure he made it home safely and didn’t have an emergency or an accident?

 

I’m not saying he had to text her so soon - but if that’s what she was worried about (and that’s the point as I understand it), I think that explains her reaction a bit

[figureitout23]

But it's not like he had said he'd text her when he got home and ended up texting her 2 days later, for example. It was 90 MINUTES and he was driving.

 

He could have had an emergency, an accident, his car could have broken down, anything.

 

I don't see what decency has to do with someone lashing out just because someone didn't text them exactly when they thought they would. Even if he had been her boyfriend, her husband, her best friend, her behaviour would still be unacceptable.

 

Actually, if I tell my best friend to tell me when she got home and 90 minutes pass and I havent heard from her, Im sending the calvary.

 

Thats what decency is, if I want to ensure youre safe, let me know youre safe.

 

Who takes 90 minutes to get home?

 

He was playing games and she let it get to her.

 

He asked if he did anything wrong, yes, dont play games. He made a couple of minimal faux pas, no big deal but if you want to be successful in dating you gotta take responsibility. Things could have EASILY been smoothed over had he simply texted her 'hey had a good time, yadda yadda blah blah blah'

 

Did she do anything wrong? Absolutely, she projected negative energy onto him and he didnt deserve it, but shes not here asking for advice he is.

 

He can take the youre wrong Im right, #nofeelings, #everymanforhimself attitude y'all are pushing but hes gonna crash and burn a whole lot more than if he just acts like a decent person rather than careless and strategic. Thats all Im saying.

[katrina1980]

But it's not like he had said he'd text her when he got home and ended up texting her 2 days later, for example. It was 90 MINUTES and he was driving.

 

He could have had an emergency, an accident, his car could have broken down, anything.

 

I don't see what decency has to do with someone lashing out just because someone didn't text them exactly when they thought they would. Even if he had been her boyfriend, her husband, her best friend, her behaviour would still be unacceptable.

 

I agree and there is also something known as "giving someone the benefit of the doubt" which I always do (unless it's something super egregious) especially after a first date.

 

Again I think remaining flexible, understanding that sometimes shyt happens (like a man forgetting his wallet or the OP not having his money with him).

 

Or him not texting immediately after the date which it appears is what she was expecting, even though she said she would text him too.

 

IF questionable behavior continues beyond that, then I might reconsider dating him but jeez it was only their first meet/date!

 

My ex (the man I dated just prior to my current boyfriend) -- I think it was our second date, we were having dinner across the street from his house, his dog was very very sick and he had to leave for a short while to give his dog some medication (ex is a doctor).

 

We were really connecting and having a great time, so I gave him the benefit of doubt (which I normally do anyway on the first couple of dates) so I remained at the restaurant.

 

Had I been the girl in OP's story, bitter, jaded, distrustful, I might have assumed he ditched me and would have walked out! But I'm not, I gave him the benefit, and he returned quickly, apologized for having to leave and we dated four months!

 

Had that happened to this girl, I can imagine the texts after he left and she walked out "what the eff did I do that was so wrong that caused you to ditch me in the middle of dinner"!!

 

Which would have been an incorrect presumption on her part, just like her presumption that OP left his money in his car was due to something she did "wrong" and that he did it intentionally. Or that he didn't call her immediately after the date was because he was turned off or something.

 

Agree, it's not at all about "common courtesy and decency" as imo he didn't display any of that -- it's about HER being burned out from dating, bitter, jaded, distrustful of men and as such presuming things that have no basis is FACT and lashing out in a nasty way.

[figureitout23]

She gave him the benefit of the doubt, she paid for the dinner didn’t she? It was 90 minutes before she lost her ever loving mind. Again he’s he one asking for advice did he do anything wrong, YES when you make some mistakes no matter how small do something to rectify it, he was more concerned with playing games, she snapped, deffinetely not relationship material, but he’s gotta know when to give, or dating will be harder than it has to be.

 

Why is the focus in her? Serious question.

 

She’s gonna be who she is and unfortunately she will chase a ton of men away.

 

The OPer though should focus on what he can improve.

 

Would I think it was that big of a deal that he was late? Nah I’m usually right on the dot myself so no harm no foul, the wallet thing, while I’d be a little suspicious that he’s gonna dine and dash on me, there are news articles about people doing this. I’m fully prepared to pay for my stuff, not yours. But while suspicious I’d probably remain cool, especially if I liked him, I had a guy actually go to the restroom around the time the check came. Hint taken, haha, no big deal what ever.

 

If we both agreed to text when we got home, I probably would have texted when I got home even if he hadn’t yet, she was clearly playing games too they were both waiting each other out, that probably wouldn’t have happened to me because it’s childish, but les said I played that game too, I’d be irritated after 90 minutes, no doubt, would I call him out, after one date? No, but I’d be irritated. So he would have lost his chance with me. He’s asking for future reference, I think? Maybe? So in the future he needs to pull up his big boy pants and take some initiative to rectify faux pas like I said or he is going to struggle dating because many are going to write him off and not act crazy they’re just gonna choose not to date him. So he can focus on her till the cows come home. She’s gonna be her she’s gonna chase dudes away he can change though, he can improve but for whatever reason she’s the focus, confused.

[katrina1980]

Actually I don't see how she had any choice but to pay being OP had no money on his person at the time.

 

Had she given him the benefit of the doubt she would not have jumped to the erroneous conclusion that she did something "wrong" and that OP left money in his car intentionally.

 

Nor would she have erroneously concluded that the reason he didn't text her immediately after the date was because he was somehow turned off. He texted her within 90 minutes which is a very reasonable amount of time, imo. And anyone who has an issue with that short amount of time needs to lighten up and lower their expectations, again my opinion.

 

Yes we can all improve for sure, lessons to be learned, including OP, however shyt will always happen and if people (women and men) are incapable of giving others the benefit of the doubt especially on or after a first date, and instead insist on becoming negative and presuming every questionable act or gesture means it was done intentionally and/or that the person did something "wrong" and the other person was turned off, or whatever else they're presuming, then that person is going to have a very difficult time dating and their downward spiral into being bitter, jaded and distrustful will only deepen.

 

I seriously don't see how OP did anything so egregious as to warrant any of this, which unfortunately is causing him to doubt himself and stress him out which is why I, personally, am focusing on her. To get him to see that SHE was the problem not him.

 

That said, if there is anything for him to learn and improve upon, it's learning how to let shyt like this roll off, not overly-concerning himself with what others think of him, stay true to himself, knowing his intentions were good, remaining positive and flexible and being the best he can be (which yes includes being responsible on dates including not leaving $$$ in his car).

 

JMO.

[katrina1980]

I apologize FIO, didn't mean to sound so adversarial.

 

I do see your point and I think we're pretty much in agreement for the most part, and yeah there are things for him to improve upon for sure.

 

We all can improve for that matter, including myself!

 

The only reason I was focusing on her was, again, to get him to see that she was the problem, not him necessarily.

 

Reason being his reaction to her lashing out appears to have affected him in a very negative and detrimental way.

[j.man]

Problem is you have someone jaywalking in a residential area and someone going 75 in a 25 who hit him. At least when it comes to the recipient, there's no real palatable way to say, "shouldn't have been jaywalking" after they just got Tankerstein'ed by someone tearing up asphalt. Doesn't mean it's not valid advice to use the crosswalk, but it's probably a case of anyone seeing a cluster **** of a thread coming from a mile away.

 

As someone who hosts a lot of folks regularly and who asks them to let us know when they've made it home OK, I can appreciate people who ask and might follow up a longer lapse with, "Hey, just making sure you made it back alright." Personally, I don't fret too much because 1) LEOs aren't gonna give two ****s about someone MIA after an entire hour and a half and 2) I hadn't gotten around to tagging them with GPS to find them if I wanted to. But I understand if some have a more bleeding heart. However, when it comes to people who flip their **** in lieu of whatever "worry" they might have had, it's obvious "text me after [x]" means "give me your attention sooner than later," lest the paramedic pick up a dead man's phone and see such gems as this woman took it upon herself to send.

 

Hopefully the OP's got thick enough skin to take some solid advice provided to heart. I can understand how it might be difficult do with the tone of a select few posts (not calling anyone out).

Personally, I'm glad that, regardless of whether anyone thinks he messed or to what agree, he did what he did and discovered this side of her after a single date rather than months down the road.

[bluecastle]

This thread!

 

I'm not sure this situation warrants all this nuanced etiquette breakdown, interesting and relevant as it might be. To me the main point here (for OP, but especially for this woman) is to learn to CHILL.

 

Chill when someone's 5 minutes late, chill when the wallet is in the car, chill when the text comes at 90 minutes, chill when you get a bonkers text after a first date, chill when a promising date takes a less than promising turn. Maybe it's just my disposition, I don't know, but I can't imagine getting this worked up about any of this.

 

Sure, OP can tweak his game a bit, but a date like this should go down as nothing more than fodder for some gallows humor over a drink with friends.

[figureitout23]

I apologize FIO, didn't mean to sound so adversarial.

 

I do see your point and I think we're pretty much in agreement for the most part, and yeah there are things for him to improve upon for sure.

 

We all can improve for that matter, including myself!

 

The only reason I was focusing on her was, again, to get him to see that she was the problem, not him necessarily.

 

Reason being his reaction to her lashing out appears to have affected him in a very negative and detrimental way.

 

No harm, no foul. We all interpret the world in different ways, how boring would the world be if we all viewed it from the same lens.

 

This thread!

 

I'm not sure this situation warrants all this nuanced etiquette breakdown, interesting and relevant as it might be. To me the main point here (for OP, but especially for this woman) is to learn to CHILL.

 

Chill when someone's 5 minutes late, chill when the wallet is in the car, chill when the text comes at 90 minutes, chill when you get a bonkers text after a first date, chill when a promising date takes a less than promising turn. Maybe it's just my disposition, I don't know, but I can't imagine getting this worked up about any of this.

 

Sure, OP can tweak his game a bit, but a date like this should go down as nothing more than fodder for some gallows humor over a drink with friends.

 

This!!!

 

Except the last part, while I agree this should be a story you tell over beer, I know my horror story was, but this over thinking and checkers playing ( it ain’t chess too childish) is a hindrance and that IS a lesson to learn. Live life smarter not harder.

[bluecastle]

Agree, FiO.

 

My ultimate first date horror story gets lots of laughs at beer time. Heck, it got laughs as it was happening.

 

I'd actually started posting it here, to have a chuckle with OP and the gang, but then I got busy, forgot to hit send, and before I knew it this thread (much like a date that starts off promising) had taken some weird turns.

[Normm]

Sounds like a lot of drama and over reaction on both sides.

 

Too bad because underneath it all it appears that they both liked each other.

 

Then again say they hooked up, got married and found that fought all the time over the most ridiculous things.

 

It happens.

[East4]

There are some important facts from OP's account of events that seem to have slipped between the cracks. When you look at these facts and the cumulative picture they paint, it seems that actually the one who dodged the bullet is OP's date.

 

So I just recently started talking to this lady online a couple weeks ago who is about 40 years old. We had one nice phone conversation and I had set something up for us to meet in person last night.

 

Based on the title of the thread, OP is 30 and his date is 40. Men who prefer to date much older women fall into one of these 3 groups: men with mommy's issues; men with intimacy issues, because the age gap prevents that anything serious may come out from the dating experience (e.g. no children because she is beyond fertility age), so a man with intimacy issues feels safe as the age gap organically builds distance; and the third group: the immature men-child who think that an older woman would be more willing to take crap/pay for dates, because she must feel "honored" that a young guy took her on a date.

 

The second bolded part in the quote shows that they went on a dinner date (they went out "last night"). If they met at 7.30-8 PM, finished dinner around 9.30-10 PM and parted ways after that, OP's excuse for not texting her because he was busy running errands, does not hold. Who runs errands around midnight! Answer: nobody. OP did not text her because he was playing mind games. One more confirmation that he falls into one of the 3 categories mentioned above...

 

Any way on my way there I used the highway which I had to pay tolls for so on my way I had withdrew money ahead of time for the meal/ dinner and to pay tolls with.

 

HE had his cards with him on the date, because he withdrew money on his way to the date. Unless the ATM machines in the US allow people to get money by inserting one's fingers, he should have had bank cards the day of the date in order to withdraw cash! So, the argument that he had no way to cover the bill, because cash was in the car is just BS.

 

 

Originally Posted by ManyDates

Dont date when you can;t afford it

 

Irritated reply by OP

I can afford to date.... doesn't mean I'm under any obligation to pay for my date's meals if I don't want to.

 

To be honest I only felt like paying for meals which was at most $15 maybe.... so by giving her the 20 I paid for more than what I had gotten any way

 

 

It seems OP is a very careful financial planner… when it comes to dating women. I'm wondering if he penny-pinches the same way when he goes out with his buddies on the town. I bet he does not. This penny-pinching behavior towards women give away someone with a strong undercurrent of resentment towards women, and I'll put my finger on it-misogynistic . From my dating experience, all men who exhibited penny-pinching behavior, and were not broke, were bitter, jaded men that saw women as a threat and enemies; these men were not good partners, because instead of enjoying the relationship, they were busy calculating ALL the time, if they haven't by accident given too much from themselves. I remember one guy was specifically clear, quoted: "my ex-wife took too much in the divorce, I'll not allow any other woman take advantage of me again." So, inside his head he saw women as enemies and as threat to his well-being. How could a woman have a harmonious relationship with this type of man? The last is a rhetorical question...

 

And the final fact that OP could not resist being nasty and rude to his date, does confirm the ambivalent nature of his relationship to women. A normal man would have kept a dignified silence and moved on, without the need for retaliation and revenge.

 

To conclude the analysis, I'd reiterate that the lady who people here call crazy, actually acted on her gut feeling and she is right. Arguably her communication style could take an improvement, but that's all. She dared voice her opinion in a feisty manner, while other women (including the female posters here who called her nuts) would have thought the same things about OP, the only difference being that these other women would have not said it out loud and clear. Because they would be afraid to be labeled with one of these labels (crazy, nuts, bunny boiler, whatever). So, they would just swallow the disrespect.