Does Your Boyfriend Compliment Your Appearance? / Languages of Love

[citrusgreen]

I love my SO and really want things to work out with him. He treats me very well. We love each other. He is respectful, very easy to get along with, mature, and gentlemanly, and includes me in all aspects of his life. He’s super reliable. He takes me to many wonderful places, and dinners, and events, picks me up at my house, cooks for me when I forget to eat, etc. These are all very kind things for which I’m super grateful. He’s 50, divorced w kids; I’m 42.

 

I’ve written on this board before that we seem to have trouble expressing our affection to one another. It’s a 2-way thing where we each want the other person to be more expressive in their affections. We’re working on this issue -- or at least I’m working on it on my end. And I want to work on it more -- and hope he wants to work on it too.

 

I read (at the board’s suggestion) The 5 Languages of Love. I’m definitely strongly a “Words of Affirmation” person, followed by “Physical Affection” (a close second). I haven’t told him about the book yet, but I feel that what he wants most from me is “Physical Affection” (beyond sex, which is already very good), followed by “Words of Affirmation.” It’s funny that we both seem to want almost the same things and types of affection, but are each having trouble expressing precisely those things to the other. Or at least in “going first” in our expressions.

 

I’ve really been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone on this, and want to continue to do so. But there’s one thing I’m hung up on more than any other, and want to get others’ take.

 

So here it is: We’ve been seeing each other for over 3 years and he’s almost NEVER told me that I am pretty, or otherwise complimented my physical appearance -- either directly or indirectly. Not at the beginning, not now. I believe he’s complimented my appearance 5 times total in 3.5 years. And 4 of them have been in the context of arguments, (In the arguments, I’ve expressed insecurity about the fact that he never complements me, so he'll complement me right there, on the spot, but never of his own volition).

 

I have conflicting thoughts on this. On the one hand, I wonder if I’m being superficial or petty for wanting my boyfriend to occasionally tell me that I look pretty or cute or sexy or whatever. I tell myself I should just get over it since I love hanging out with him and he’s good to me otherwise. But on the other hand, despite being a generally liberal, I feel that the notion of men complimenting women is part of a courtship tradition that goes back hundreds of years (or more). When I don’t EVER hear that from a guy I’m dating, something feels very wrong to me -- I feel like a failure. I start to feel deeply insecure, even ashamed to be around him. And it effects my feelings about the relationship even though things generally great.

 

One thing that makes it even harder is that he and his friends run in circles with many *extremely* beautiful women (including models, former models, actresses, etc.--they’re all wonderful; I like them all and don’t have an issue with any of these women and am friends with many of them). But I wonder if because his social situation, he’s judging me on a different/harsher standard than others might (e.g., friends, ex-boyfriends, who don't run in quite those circles).

 

When I first told him that I felt insecure that maybe he didn't think i was pretty, it was in the midst of a text argument. (We don’t argue often but this is one of the things we’ve argued about). His response that his ex-wife felt that “commenting on a woman’s appearance in any way is sexist and demeaning” (I have a hard time believing that she truly didn’t ever want to be complimented!). He told me “Of course! I think you’re stunningly beautiful!” (as if it were some obvious thing that I should know and shouldn’t have to ask -- even though he’d never told me before). I saved the text and tried to reason with myself that I could just look at it in the future to remind myself, and to try to go on living without ever hearing these things from him. But then enough months go by and even though he’s amazing in other ways, I start to get depressed and dark about it.

 

But after repressing it for a few months, I started to feel really sad about it again. To the point that I was withdrawing from him a bit. So I said something about it again. And his response was “Everyone knows you’re beautiful. Of course I think that. You don’t ever tell me that I’m handsome or sexy.”

 

It’s true that I don’t tell him that. I can start doing that. But I also kind of think that this is one area where, as a man, he should maybe take the lead. Am I off in thinking that?

 

Another thing is, all of my past boyfriends have really seemed to enjoy complimenting my appearance. It always felt really nice and encouraging and made me feel more confident around them and in general. It’s never been an issue at all. But it’s true that I’m now just over 40. I like to think I take very good care of myself, am in really good shape, and generally get mistaken for being much younger than I am -- but still, maybe I need to come to terms with the idea a 40+ woman just shouldn’t expect physical compliments anymore? It makes me sad to think that (my dad still tells my nearly 70 year old mother she’s beautiful!). And it makes me sad because I work my butt off exercising, eating right, will often show up to see him after spending an hour+ getting ready, trying to look nice, buying clothes I think he'll like, etc. -- I'd just like to hear, "Hey, you look great! / I appreciate the effort! / I feel proud to be with you!" During those few arguments we've had he says that these are my insecurities and it doesn't make any sense that I have doubts in those areas. But I start to have serious doubts when he never tells me anything. And he never says "Oh, I'll try to tell you these things more in the future." He more just told me to get over it; he already told me. I don't want to reinforce this cycle where I can only here nice words from him in this area by starting an argument. It seems unhealthy and counterproductive.

 

There's also this: I think my bf is very striking and handsome. But he is a bit overweight. It doesn't effect how I feel about him. I'm not sure if he's insecure about this or not, but he seems to eat mostly what he wants and doesn't exercise at all (I'm always working out!). I honestly don't care about this -- I like him JUST the way he is. But I don't know if there's an issue there on his end...

 

I’m going to see him tomorrow. We’re supposed to talk about the various issues that came up in our last fight. And I just feel like this one is important to me. Again, I’m really sorry if it sounds superficial. But I’d like to hear what others have experienced in this area, suggestions, etc.

 

He IS really good to me despite his lack of verbal expressiveness in this area and others. And I love him very much in many ways. And he told me twice recently that this is the happiest he’s ever been in a relationship ever.

[j.man]

The point of the love languages isn't to get others to speak yours, but to understand the one they speak. If you don't get the affirmation you seek from his, then that's a tell-tale sign of incompatibility, and one you should have heeded a good 4 years ago.

[citrusgreen]

Thanks, j.man. Hmm... from what I understood, the book proposes the idea that if you can learn what your partner’s love language is, you can learn to make a conscientious effort to “fill” their “love tank” using their preferred language.

 

I’m not even close to ready to walk away from this relationship, just over this, because we are quite happy in most ways. My thinking is that this issue and related issues if verbal expressiveness could maybe benefit from some open dialogue, which I’m planning on having with him tomorrow. I haven’t mentioned the book to him yet. (Not sure if I should!)

 

It seems interesting that we both seem to want the same love languages from the other. The physical appearance comments were just a very specific concern I wanted to bounce off people.

 

Also, to clarify... we’ve been seeing each other for 3.5 years but have only been a truly official / exclusive couple for the past 7/8 months. So it’s perhaps not as much of a longstanding problem as it sounds.

 

We can both be a bit shy.

 

Not sure if the Love Language theory is at the root of the problem or not. Just a thought...

 

Also, maybe realistically I'm expecting too much in this regard and/or focusing on the wrong thing. The men in my past who had a lot of wonderful things to say about my appearance, turned out to be lacking or incompatible in other respects. My most recent relationship prior to this one was with a man who was quite manipulative (probable NPD/BPD) and employed some extreme love bombing tactics -- My expectations may or may not be skewed by these situations in my past. Looking to see what's normal/healthy/acceptable.

[DanZee]

Well, you're 42 years old and you still need to be constantly reassured that you're pretty? So that begs the question are you really that beautiful or do you just want a guy to lie to you? I would be a bit suspicious if a guy was calling someone pretty all the time. You would have to wonder did he fall in love with you or just your looks.

 

In any event, you might try reading John Gray's book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Men show you that they love you by doing things for you. And if you look great all the time, a guy doesn't want to keep repeating himself. As for women, they tend to think the guys they fall in love with are handsome when they're not to other people, as in your case. I would advise you to concentrate on real problems in your relationship and not be vain enough to always want to be complimented.

[DaisyMayPorter]

I don’t know too much about your relationship, but I think if this is the worst thing, maybe it’s not a problem. :-) Like Dan mentioned, concentrate on real/other problems.

[Pleasedonot5]

I don't think this issue is as big as the other posters say. You can learn to be more compatible with each other.

 

While I think you should compliment him more too... If you're a words of affirmation person then you should affirm his looks too, I think it is fair that you seek compliments on your appearance. If you were wearing a dress or made an effort to get ready, my first thought as a guy is to say "wow, you look really nice" or to comment on your hair, etc. It's not difficult at all and I don't know why some guys struggle with this basic social understanding.

[yatsue]

Have you led by example yet? Aka did you give him any compliments recently? I wouldn't stick to the double standard of a man should take charge of this first. Lead by example and he should follow, eventually. Keep at it, and make it genuine.

[Wiseman2]

He's already told you several times you're beautiful, etc. but no one can deal with your insecurities but you.

he and his friends run in circles with many *extremely* beautiful women

[Seraphim]

My husband compliments me every single day. It is one of the ways he fills my love tank. I would just be direct. People don’t know unless you tell them and not in an argument that’s not a good way to tell somebody what you want .

[rosephase]

I would strongly suggest you compliment him on top of telling him what you want. And remember that feeling secure and happy in your skin is your job, not his.

 

I have a partner who isn’t big into physical compliments. He thinks attachment to physical bodies is shallow... but I love words of affirmation and affection. So I normally let him know how amazing he is and how attractive I find him and how much i desire him. And he has become a lot better following my example.

 

Does your partner complement you on other things? Does he tell you how smart or how strong or how capable you are? My partner who is bad at physical complements will walk up to me with his eyes glowing to tell me how he loves watching me work because I’m so good at my job.

 

It’s one thing if you’re partner never tells you why they love you... it’s another if you need specific compliments to feel OK in your skin.

[Seraphim]

I would strongly suggest you compliment him on top of telling him what you want. And remember that feeling secure and happy in your skin is your job, not his.

 

I have a partner who isn’t big into physical compliments. He thinks attachment to physical bodies is shallow... but I love words of affirmation and affection. So I normally let him know how amazing he is and how attractive I find him and how much i desire him. And he has become a lot better following my example.

 

Does your partner complement you on other things? Does he tell you how smart or how strong or how capable you are? My partner who is bad at physical complements will walk up to me with his eyes glowing to tell me how he loves watching me work because I’m so good at my job.

 

It’s one thing if you’re partner never tells you why they love you... it’s another if you need specific compliments to feel OK in your skin.

Yes, exactly my husband tells me as an expression of his love but I don’t require it, but I do love to get it.

[tattoobunnie]

Always ask for what you want. Always do to others what you want in return.

 

If you want romance, be romantic. If you want love, be loving. Don't feel weird for asking for something. It takes 30 days to form a habit. And 90 days to make a life change. If you've only been steady for 7/8 months, there's a learning curve!

[Wiseman2]

The five love languages should be viewed as gifts, not demands. No one owes anyone gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service or physical touch.

[DancingFool]

This isn't about love languages or what your bf does or does not say. Read your post again back to yourself - it's a long treatise on your personal obsession with looks, both your own and other women's, how much you do and how hard you work to keep up your looks, and it's about your deep rooted insecurities with that. You are basically saying "I'm insanely insecure and obsessive about looks, I want you to pat me on the head for this and make me feel secure by pouring compliments over my head daily." You might as well be that blunt with him. You'll probably get further that way than just blabbing about love languages. OR....you can actually work on yourself to get grip on your insecurities and obsessions about this. It's not healthy for you to be quite so extreme and he can't fix that and no, him paying you compliments will just feed the monster inside of you in that it's going to turn into not enough compliments, not the right compliment, he didn't notice that I have done this new thing with my hair, etc, etc, etc. Your insecurities and obsessive thinking will simply grow and morph into other avenues. Forget love languages, fix the real problem - your insecurities.

[thealchemist]

I am totally crazy and in love with my wife but giving her praising comments about her physical attributes isn't something I naturally do.

 

First of all I find it a little distasteful. Complimenting someone on physical looks is about the most worthless and shallow thing you can compliment someone on.

 

I tell my wife she is an awesome person, a great teacher, and terrific mother, or a kind and loving person. I'll even say beautiful, but with me there is not much physicality tied to beauty.

 

My wife however really likes an array of compliments.

 

So it was actually a pretty easy fix...

 

She told me what she likes and in turn showed me through her example.

 

Actually pretty simple but don't expect your SO to pick up the habit in a week. Also, don't get annoyed at him for not remembering to do something that is totally not in his nature.

 

I might not be one to compliment her on looks naturally but I am someone who wants to make my wife happy.

 

If your SO wants to make you happy and it isn't antithesis to his behavior I see no reason why it can't happen. But you have to make it happen.

 

I do also question your motivation for wanting this. It seems that you really do want him to feed your insecurities more than feel love from him.

 

Some language you used made me think this.

 

Love language is to express and receive love, not help cover insecurities in one's self.

[citrusgreen]

I would strongly suggest you compliment him on top of telling him what you want. And remember that feeling secure and happy in your skin is your job, not his.

 

I have a partner who isn’t big into physical compliments. He thinks attachment to physical bodies is shallow... but I love words of affirmation and affection. So I normally let him know how amazing he is and how attractive I find him and how much i desire him. And he has become a lot better following my example.

 

Does your partner complement you on other things? Does he tell you how smart or how strong or how capable you are? My partner who is bad at physical complements will walk up to me with his eyes glowing to tell me how he loves watching me work because I’m so good at my job.

 

It’s one thing if you’re partner never tells you why they love you... it’s another if you need specific compliments to feel OK in your skin.

 

Thanks so much, rosephase. I'm with you... Hmmm... yes, I think if my partner told me other reasons why he loved me this would help me alot and probably solve the problem. But he really doesn't do this at all! I know he loves me because he has told me (thought not many times!) and because he spends time with me, but no has never really explained or been expressive about it. I would love for him to give me other forms of compliments (it doesn't need to be about physical beauty), or even just say I love you more. The idea of him walking up to me with "glowing eyes" (as you describe) and saying even one nice thing about anything -- one time -- would just make me so happy. I'm working on doing the same for him...

 

One thing -- and I'm not sure if this is involved or not -- but he has received an ENORMOUS amount of well-documented public praise for his professional/creative work -- from a very early age. He's well recognized at being the best at what he does and has shelves of accolades to show this and people giving him much praise almost wherever we go. I'm just a regular person. I also praise him for his professional/creative accoplishments, and try to praise him on more personal things too (but admit I could do more). It would be nice to hear some things back from him too though! Even for my relatively mundane existence haha.

[Shorthaired]

The more a man wanted just sexual relationship, the more he complimented my appearance. I wouldn't read anything into it, if anything those types of compliments are easy and shallow.

[citrusgreen]

I am totally crazy and in love with my wife but giving her praising comments about her physical attributes isn't something I naturally do.

 

First of all I find it a little distasteful. Complimenting someone on physical looks is about the most worthless and shallow thing you can compliment someone on.

 

I tell my wife she is an awesome person, a great teacher, and terrific mother, or a kind and loving person. I'll even say beautiful, but with me there is not much physicality tied to beauty.

 

My wife however really likes an array of compliments.

 

So it was actually a pretty easy fix...

 

She told me what she likes and in turn showed me through her example.

 

Actually pretty simple but don't expect your SO to pick up the habit in a week. Also, don't get annoyed at him for not remembering to do something that is totally not in his nature.

 

I might not be one to compliment her on looks naturally but I am someone who wants to make my wife happy.

 

If your SO wants to make you happy and it isn't antithesis to his behavior I see no reason why it can't happen. But you have to make it happen.

 

I do also question your motivation for wanting this. It seems that you really do want him to feed your insecurities more than feel love from him.

 

Some language you used made me think this.

 

Love language is to express and receive love, not help cover insecurities in one's self.

 

I really like this approach/soluction, thealchemist. It seems loving and collaborrative and generous... which I think is how relationships should be.

 

In reading yours (and others') responses I realize that any sorts of compliments or praise or specific types affections from him would be really, really nice and would help me a lot. They definitely don't have to be physical! I just would feel nice getting some specific support/feedback/encouragement from him... It could be professional or related to my hobbys, personality, family, whatever...

 

I will also try to show him through example.

[Andrina]

Never argue over text. It lacks tone. And have you thought about why you're having arguments instead of discussions? Are you phrasing things in negative terms, such as : You never do this. It makes me feel unloved and undesirable when you don't . . .

 

I don't think it'd turn into an argument if you just said what you wanted, and keep everything in positive terms. I know that I once asked my husband what I did to make him feel the most loved. He said when I scratched his back. Therefore, because I love him, sometimes I scratch his back when he hasn't even asked. If you asked your man this, it might spur him on to asking the same, and if he doesn't, you can mention something he once did in the past, even if's it's not recent, that he did to make you feel loved.

 

No argument is likely to occur in this scenario, as he will feel good he'd done something to make you feel good, instead of "less than" that he's not acting in a way that's satisfying to you.

 

And if you just stated, while you're in a good mood, "When I dress up to the nines for a night on the town, it'd make me really happy if you said you liked my dress or that I look beautiful."

 

Who could argue with that? You're just stating what you want, and so who's to argue with your preferences?

 

When you have a reasonable request, if a person cares, they will try to please you. If they don't care, they won't try.

 

I'm not a person who naturally shows love with compliments or words of praise, but I know that it's important to my husband and other loved ones, so I have to shake myself out of my fog sometimes and remember to do that.

 

I show physical affection with things like hand holding, sitting close on the couch, running hands through my husband's hair, etc. Those things don't come naturally to him, but since I told him I enjoy those things, he's made an effort for me.

 

When you address things positively, see if the person comes through for you. Any effort, even if it's not as often as you'd wish, will show that your partner thinks you're worth pleasing. If they don't, maybe you should ask yourself if they don't care quite enough and if you're settling.

[90_hour_sleep]

I always thought the point of the love languages was to learn about your own needs, and then learn how to express those needs to a partner in an effective way. I think sometimes this can be as simple as recognizing anything that resembles the language you speak. Can you look back and identify when maybe he was using words of affirmation, but you weren't able to recognize it clearly because it wasn't the affirmation you were specifically looking for? Perhaps your own fixation on affirmations about your physical appearance has left you a bit blind to other things?

 

I think some people have an aversion to ''words of affirmation''...and it can feel really awkward to express certain things. Insincere almost. I tend to be this way...and always form attachments with people who desire words of affirmation. It can be challenging. I've found it helpful when my partner recognizes things I say and lets me know that it feels good. So, I can keep track of words that come naturally to me AND feel good to my partner. This way I don't have the conflict of insincerity, and I get to discover things that feel good for my partner. I think this is always a collaborative effort. I want to express things that feel genuine. If I'm just regurgitating someone else's words, that doesn't feel great. I want to feel good with the things I'm saying.

 

Socially, I think we're taught that there are certain things that have to be said in relationships, and if those things are absent then there must be something wrong. We're a bit indoctrinated. I'd be really surprised if your partner isn't saying things that are supportive and affirmative already. Learn to appreciate and reinforce what's there maybe. Could be something really simple. Notice. Appreciate. And let him know that it felt good. Maybe he'll be more inclined to use similar words in the future because he knows what feels good for you. Takes some time to build a foundation. All part of getting to know someone better.

 

Hope that makes sense.

[abitbroken]

Keep in mind -- a lot of articles are out there that "you shouldn't compliment a woman's looks - you shouldn't tell her she has nice shoes, either" so its all a bit confusing these days when many women DO want to be told in some way they are attractive, while men are hesitant because of all they hear.

 

This man tells you everyday that he loves you -- he cooks for you when you forget to eat, he picks you up, he takes you places, he looks after you, and he is physically affectionate. I would say you are incorrect about his love languages - that it is not "words of affirmation" -- he expresses loves through physical touch, acts of service and possibly quality time. So you need to understand how he is saying "i Love you". Now you can say in your brain "this is how he expresses love for me" being aware of that. Now, can you stop being upset about not being told you look hot? You are saying "you never compliment my looks" and he says "well...you don't compliment me either" saying that if you expect others to do something, its nice to do the same.

 

It would be nice to go out all dressed up and tell him that he looks very handsome = if its not forced or that you really like a particular shirt on him or whatever it is. It doesn't sound like he is hinging on you doing it, though - its just that its hard to expect people to compliment you all the time when you don't do it yourself if it doesn't come naturally to them.

[citrusgreen]

 

This man tells you everyday that he loves you -- he cooks for you when you forget to eat, he picks you up, he takes you places, he looks after you, and he is physically affectionate. I would say you are incorrect about his love languages - that it is not "words of affirmation" -- he expresses loves through physical touch, acts of service and possibly quality time.

 

Ahh, no he definitely doesn’t tell me every day at all that he loves me. He was thr first ine to say ILY 4 months ago. Since then we’ve exchanged the words a handful if times and its generally me that initates — and he reciprocates. But no, he doesn’t initiate this and if I don’t say it, nothing is said.

 

And also, no, he doesn’t express his love through physical touch. He wants ME to do that with him.... but I find it hard because he’s RAREL done it to me.... (other than actual sex, which as I said is great).

 

It feels like a lot for him to expect me to initiate all of these things (which he’s told me that he wants from me).... I WANT to be able to express these things but im introverted ans used to the other person leading the way. I was thinking I might feel more confident initiating these things more if maybe he made it more clear that he sees me as attractive/desirable or in some way a “catch”. It actually doesn’t need to be specific to my looks... just any specific sense of why or how or even *that* he loves me would help.

 

Does that make sense?

 

The other day, in the modst of an intense discussion that I initiated, he told me that he wants to feel like I’m “Passionately in love with him”. I am in love with him... and I’d love to feel safe/comfortable/natural expressing this.... but I think it’s a lot for him to put this in me.... when he doesn’t (in words or physically actions) express or describe this kind of passion for me. I guess I brought appearance because it seems almost like the most basic/traditional/low risk thing for a man to say to a woman.... and if he’s not doing that but expects me to create this experience of passion... it’s a bit strange, no?

 

I’m honestly not trying to be quid pro quo about this. It just maybe seems like a lot of pressure on me... without him making himself particularly vulnerable or putting in much himself.

 

I don’t want him to sound like a bad guy though. I really don’t believe he is. I’m just confused and a bit stalled in how to proceed.

[citrusgreen]

This isn't about love languages or what your bf does or does not say. Read your post again back to yourself - it's a long treatise on your personal obsession with looks, both your own and other women's, how much you do and how hard you work to keep up your looks, and it's about your deep rooted insecurities with that. You are basically saying "I'm insanely insecure and obsessive about looks, I want you to pat me on the head for this and make me feel secure by pouring compliments over my head daily." You might as well be that blunt with him. You'll probably get further that way than just blabbing about love languages. OR....you can actually work on yourself to get grip on your insecurities and obsessions about this. It's not healthy for you to be quite so extreme and he can't fix that and no, him paying you compliments will just feed the monster inside of you in that it's going to turn into not enough compliments, not the right compliment, he didn't notice that I have done this new thing with my hair, etc, etc, etc. Your insecurities and obsessive thinking will simply grow and morph into other avenues. Forget love languages, fix the real problem - your insecurities.

 

Oh dear... It sounds like I didn’t come across accurately. “Pour compliments over my Head daily”? I just was trying to say I’d like him to that once. Not even in our early courtship stage was there ever any acknowledgement of anything like that. No flirtation in that way or anything.

 

To be a bit more specific we were acquaintances/friends with a bunch of mutual friends and ran in the same circles and knew each other for a few years before we first hooked up. We’ve never even spoken about how that happened (the initial hookup was totally unexpected to me!). Had we had feelings for one another or a even crushes in each other before then? Or wasn’t I just some random hookup that he never had any reason to break up with and eventually grew to like?

 

Apologies if this is coming off as strange... it’s difficult to explain how strange things were between us for so long.

 

But I know we’re both happy now bit I just want things to be a bit more concrete and open and comfortable in terms of expressing affection. Or maybe I just want some kind of “narrative” ... a story we can share... or a sense if reasons why he loves me. (Or more reminders that he does).

[Bss]

My boyfriend of over three years hardly compliments me either. There were a few simple compliments during the beginning of our relationship and I'm assuming it is because the relationship was new and exciting for both of us, but now I'm lucky if I get a "You look nice" once a month. I look the same and haven't let myself go, but my boyfriend simply states that he is not good with words when I ask him about it. It bugged me, but I got past it and decided to focus on more important things in the relationship and in life. I hardly ever compliment him either and he doesn't seem bothered by it, so why should I be? There is not much you can do to change this I don't think. Is it something you can live with?

[citrusgreen]

My boyfriend of over three years hardly compliments me either. There were a few simple compliments during the beginning of our relationship and I'm assuming it is because the relationship was new and exciting for both of us, but now I'm lucky if I get a "You look nice" once a month. I look the same and haven't let myself go, but my boyfriend simply states that he is not good with words when I ask him about it. It bugged me, but I got past it and decided to focus on more important things in the relationship and in life. I hardly ever compliment him either and he doesn't seem bothered by it, so why should I be? There is not much you can do to change this I don't think. Is it something you can live with?

 

Part if the issue is that he never ever once complimented me in the early stages of our relationship either. He basically never has. I continue to make what I feel is a big effort.

 

If he complimented me once a month as yours does I’d be thrilled.

 

It’s been 3 years and I don’t even know for example if he thinks I have, say, nice eyes or nice hair. There has just been no commentary ever ever at all.

 

He also does not compliment me on non physical things either. There is no praise. He doesn’t describe the way he feels about me emotionally. He initiated saying I love you maybe once a month or maybe even less. We never had a “honeymoon” period where this happened more. If anything this is our honeymoon period.

 

It just seems like such a small thing to ask... it’s free and takes less than 10 seconds. And it would make me feel so good.

 

I’m feeling really sad about this right now.