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Shorthaired

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  1. For all the men out there: if you say I love you two weeks in and are acting crazy about someone, we ladies tend to take it at face value. If you then turn around and say that things are moving too fast, we are like HA? You set the pace. In the future as you are getting to know someone and are still unsure how things will pan out try to rein in your over the top declarations.
  2. Women tend to change their minds much more often than men. Men go by sexual chemistry that they either feel or they don't (and yes it's mostly looks based). When they do feel it, they can overlook almost any personality flaw. When they don't, it's done.
  3. I would bail. This type of situation is going to be stressful going forward. You will be getting the "I have known her for x years and we only just met" line. You want someone who is respectful of you from day 1 without having to resort to being shady.
  4. I am a woman that had this happen a few times (with different guys). Once someone has hurt me and/or shown their true colors, all the magic wears off very quickly. We all know that the past is the best predictor of future behavior. Someone that walks away and doesn't have communication skills to resolve things without breaking it off is not someone I am going to invest my feelings and time in again. However, I have to say that it's not even that I am fighting "feelings" in making that decision and it's not even hard. I have just moved on and the guy faded and is now just like any other guy I am just not that into. Women can tolerate a lot but can also move on in a heartbeat. You just sound like someone that wants what he can't have. As for why she was touching you and being nice to you? She is likely a people pleaser and didn't want to hurt your feelings. You also didn't leave her much of choice given that you came to her house uninvited. I would actually feel bad to just shut the door after someone has driven all that way so I would do exactly what she did.
  5. The only men that I somewhat liked and I mean "liked" in a very loose sense, more like they passed the absolute bare minimum threshold of "connection" in the last 4 years were: - A 45 year old who was going through a very messy divorce with an ex wife that continually harassed me over the phone, e-mail and various social media. I was barely coping with that when I found out that he is an alcoholic with actual alcohol induced liver damage and also a pot addict who was in large debt. It took me 6 months to find out all the details but I had to break it off. He had a good job and was very intelligent, so had clever ways of hiding it all from me. ` A 28 year old who after couple of months confessed that he has schizophrenia and was never able to hold down a job for longer than 6 months. He was on heavy meds and has already showed signs of weird behavior. I bailed. - a 38 year old who on surface was normal. I was attracted to him and he seemed to have an OK job and owned a house with no substance abuse or mental illness. Nothing too flashy in any sense but decent. I soon found out that he kept a "harem" of female friends/past hook ups and would regularly spend time with them 1-1. When I said that it bothered me, he blocked me on every media and refused to speak to me again. It's obvious that he had tons of options as nobody would be as cruel and swift as he was if he actually struggled to find a connection. Mainly, the most soul destroying thing is going on online date after date and feeling no connection. Having all the same conversations again and again. Few guys that seem "normal", I wasn't attracted to. They also often refereed to fact that they were always rejected by women. One even kept saying "rejection is god's protection". Seriously, even if that is your experience, don't say so on the first date, I am not your therapist. It's true that I am rarely attracted to someone. I could count on one hand number of times I strongly felt "it" in my life. So it's much harder to meet someone for me than for others. I can only compare myself to my friends and it happened to them much more frequently than to me. I am also not very socially active and don't meet men to date in real life. I have moved to a strange new city few years back and failed to find good group of friends. I spend most of my time off work watching Netflix and going to the gym. I am an introvert by nature so I even pick times to go to the gym when there are fewest people possible. I went to meet-up groups 3 times in the last few years. I RSVP-ed many more times but when it comes down to it, facing a group of strangers is intimidating. I also don't like superficial small talk. It's really difficult for someone with my personality and circumstances to meet someone. If I had a female friend in similar situation, I would feel so much better but finding friends almost feels as hard as finding boyfriends. I just for once wish that something would happen naturally and I didn't have to push for everything through gritted teeth. I was going to push myself to attend a dancing class tonight for example. I was really going to do it..until I felt tired after work and I was cold and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch and watch a movie. So again I didn't go :(
  6. As I posted before, I will soon be 40. I have tried to meet someone intensly in the last few years and just kept failing. Most single men my age are chasing younger women. Many have messed up lives, unemployed, substance abusers and so on. Seems that the only ones that really have their lives together have long since been married. I have seen some undisputable online dating data that support my conclusions: the amount of unemployed men in singles over 35, the amount who chase women in their 20s etc. I was hoping it's just my negative perception but no, I was right. I have my life together and am unwilling to settle for someone who doesn't, I would rather be single forever. I just had enough. I can't imagine anything worse than settling for some loser who brings nothing to the table because I am past my "sell by" date by male standards. Opting out of the game is the only appealing choice I have. This is not the case "you will meet someone when you least expect it". I haven't met anyone single in real life in years and I prefer solitary activities. Deleting my online profiles is the same as giving up. I recently spoke to a few women that are 10 to 15 years older than me that have also given up many years ago. They said that when they reached that level of acceptance, they felt inner peace and in general felt much better about life. All deleted. Let the new chapter begin.
  7. The more a man wanted just sexual relationship, the more he complimented my appearance. I wouldn't read anything into it, if anything those types of compliments are easy and shallow.
  8. I don't know why you think he would be interested. You read him keeping his distance when you were with your ex because he felt the chemistry but how can you know that? Usually when someone keeps their distance, it means that they don't find us interesting enough to spend time with. Now you haven't heard from him for a year? Yeah, I dunno, there is zero indication of his interest in even friendship, let alone more. You are creating a story in your mind and making a lot of assumptions.
  9. I was in similar situation last year. The (ex) wife was asking my now ex to pay ridiculous amounts of money for child support even though she earned more than him. It was about 3 times of what he would be required by law. As a result of this, he had to live with number of flatmates and was going increasingly in debt. He refused to stand up to her or ask for legal help. He was doing whatever his ex w wanted, including repairs to her house etc. He would often run out of money and his credit cards would be maxed out. Once I remember he couldn't pay for gas and I had to do it. I finally had enough and dumped him. I don't think it's looking good for you.
  10. I think it's a huge age difference. He is pushing 40 is dating someone in early 20s. I have rarely seen relationships with this age difference last - I have actually never seen them last. If he was 48 and you were 33 it would be a different story. Every man that I either know as a friend or have dated myself who had exes of your age was emotionally stunted and unable to date someone that's his equal. They had total conflict avoidance (and terrible conflict resolution skills) and have were extremely poor communicators. Women in early 20s don't care about these things (yet). Ironically, "these things" ended up making their relationship fail.
  11. Oh no, I would rather shoot myself than maintain constant eye contact. But I tend to glance at my surroundings, not examine the person I am talking to in microscopic detail. There are 3 women that do it regularly and seem to have a glaring/hostile expression rather than a friendly one.
  12. Yes that's exactly it! It's at work and it's during having a normal conversation. While I am talking, they seem to be evaluating my clothes, shoes, figure, make-up, hair etc. I almost feel violeted. I don't care what they are wearing and can't even remember any of their outfits. How hard it is to just listen while I am talking !
  13. Just curious. It's kind of annoying, especially when I am talking to another woman and she is constantly looking me up and down etc. I don't think these women are gay (they have male partners or are single and looking for men to date). I don't wear revealing clothing or anything weird. It's kind of sad that women check me out way more than men do :(
  14. To clarify a few things: I have given this new city a chance. I have been here for 4 years now which is a decent chunk of time. I meet most men trough online dating but I have tried meet-up groups and the quality was about the same. I have been to my co-workers BBQs and birthday parties and have asked them to set me up. They all said pretty much the same thing: that they know plenty of single women in my position but no single men. The only ones they know are partiers/permanent bachelors. I have left no stone unturned here. Culture here is that everyone marries young and decent men tend to stay married. In my hometown I haven't had exactly the same experience. Just because I didn't get married doesn't mean that I didn't have long term relationships with quality men. I used the same dating sites and have literally never met anyone that's a substance abuser current or past. Where I currently live, 90% mention either going to a rehab in the past or it's obvious that they have a current problem. So yeah, when it comes to men, there is nothing more to try. Options here ARE severely limited. Demographics when it comes to percentages of those that have finished college and are professionally employed are vastly different to my hometown.
  15. To sum it up, I am a single woman in late 30s who hasn't had anything approaching a viable relationship for the last 5 or so years. I made 2 attempts of dating people for over 6 months but in both cases they revealed some big deal breakers and I had to end it. Truth to be told, I wasn't that into either of them but tried to give it time. I have been on many, many dates and had short term flings but I struggle to meet someone I truly connect with. I am an introvert who hates small talk and finds most people annoying. I still long for something substantial, some kind of deeper connection with someone that I fail to find in all my efforts. I am lonely as all my friends are married with kids so there are not many people to spend time with. I have thought long and hard about having children and came to the conclusion that I am totally fine with not having them. It would be cool if it had happened naturally but I am not going to miss it much. So from that standpoint, there is no time pressure. Now to my dilemma. I have moved to another state from my home town few years ago for a job. My job is going great. I am well liked and respected by people. I am probably treated better than I have ever been treated in my entire life at a work place by my bosses with lot of various perks. I share an office with about 5 people that I really click with and it's just easy and fun. They are always interesting to talk to but at the end of the day, they all go home to their families and I am left alone. At my work, there are 80% women and all men are married. There is a handful that I would happily date if they were single but I keep the proper boundaries as I have no interest in taken men. I am just saying that they are my kind of people. However outside of work, it's another story. This town attracts musicians and artists that are not my scene. Most seem to have substance abuse problems, are mentally ill or just have messed up lives with more than one failed marriage and no jobs. This is not just my perception, this town is well known for it. I feel like I have already dated most of this town (seriously) and these people are just not my thing. The disconnect is obvious and it feels like trying to force square peg into a round hole. Truth to be told, apart from no partner potential, I love this town. The weather is always sunny, nature is gorgeous. If I moved here with a partner, given my introverted nature I would happily live with just social interaction at work and stay here forever. But that's not the case. Now to my dilemma. A position has just opened up in my hometown at my old work place. Moving back would logically and financially make sense. I have many extended family members that I get along with and some old friends (though all married). The position is on about the same level that I have now. The pay is maybe about 10K higher but no major difference. Working there was fine but not as amazing as at my current work place. People were polite but cool and stand-offish. It was not unusual for the whole day to go by with barely speaking to anyone. However, as for finding a partner it has much more potential. It's a larger town with more to do and techy crowd that I generally click with better. Obviously, there are no gurantees. I was just invited for an interview and I think there is a good chance I will be offered the job. Weather is much worse and it tends to rain a lot though. There is a sense of depression when I think about moving back. There is a sense of depression when I think of staying here with no dating potential. Part of me thinks that I only need 1 person so maybe one of my co-workers gets divorced one day? (lol) But yeah, the odds are not in my favor. Based on what I have written what would you do? Of course there is the option to move to a brand new town but I am all out of starting-all-over-again-in-a-new-town energy. My hometown at least has a lot of people I know to fall back on.
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