Peace of mind Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hello, One night I was feeling extremily lonely so I decided to enter a public chat room. There I met a guy, he was nice and polite and we had things in common. At first I would chat with him just because I felt lonely but then I started to like him. We had many nice conversation and many flirty ones, until we decided to share pictures. I didn't like the way he looks at all, It was very different from how I imagined him to be. I felt sick when I thought about our converastions, so I immediately told him that I don't like to talk to him anymore, and we haven't talked since then. I feel strange, I feel stupid for not asking for his pic from the begining and I also feel guilty for feeling this way. I don't consider myself to be superficial and I've dated not good looking guys before and I've been attracted to them but I don't know what happened this time. What do you guys think? Thank you! Link to comment
Mtimes Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I think thats messed up looks aren't a choice he's a nice guy just give him a chance thats whats wrong with people these days Link to comment
Keyman Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I've dated not good looking guys before and I've been attracted to them ! This is very superficial, that you have to rate a guy's attractiveness. Also, how would you feel if it was the other way around and after talking to a guy you thought was nice, but when you shared your pic he replied with something like, 'oh, I thought you were pretty because of the way you spoke. We shouldn't talk anymore'? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 If you aren't attracted to him you aren't. Not much you can do about it. I would guess that you imagined some great looking guy to go with the words he typed and when he didn't meet your unrealistic expectations you were obviously very disappointed. Next time try and be a little more caring when you let a guy down. At least he knows it is over and can move on from this. It might not be a good idea to look for companionship in random chat rooms, you never know who is lurking round them looking for vulnerable women. Be safe. Lost Link to comment
DancingFool Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I think that if you are feeling lonely, you should get out and start making friends and meeting people in real life and not on some chat rooms. Look up meetup.com and join some groups that interest you and start going and doing things. As for this guy, you have no idea if he is nice or a total psycho. He can type whatever he wants and pretend however he wants. You have no clue who you are actually dealing with. As for attraction, you aren't attracted and that's that. No harm no foul here. We aren't attracted to most people around us. Link to comment
Jillstrand23 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 You shouldn't be forced to like someone if you don't like the way the look. Take it as a blessing that you found out early you didn't like him. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 You just felt let down. If you were attracted to him. You would continue. No Harm, No foul. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Did you find him simply unattractive or did you feel a self protective response like Eww creepy? Link to comment
shessofly Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Ouch! All I can really say. Find a different way to combat loneliness. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Hello, One night I was feeling extremily lonely so I decided to enter a public chat room. There I met a guy, he was nice and polite and we had things in common. At first I would chat with him just because I felt lonely but then I started to like him. We had many nice conversation and many flirty ones, until we decided to share pictures. I didn't like the way he looks at all, It was very different from how I imagined him to be. I felt sick when I thought about our converastions, so I immediately told him that I don't like to talk to him anymore, and we haven't talked since then. I feel strange, I feel stupid for not asking for his pic from the begining and I also feel guilty for feeling this way. I don't consider myself to be superficial and I've dated not good looking guys before and I've been attracted to them but I don't know what happened this time. What do you guys think? Thank you! That is very shallow. That's terrible. I'm certain he knows the reason. Be more considerate nest time. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Traditional dating sites that include pics may be a more viable option. Have you tried Tinder,Match,etc.? Link to comment
dias Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Why is the OP shallow? If she doesn't like the guy, she doesn't like the guy. We have to like everybody.....? Link to comment
j.man Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I don't think it's in any way particularly shallow of the OP. Guy ran the risk of being flirty without having any form of physical attraction established. She'd have run the same risk herself should she have been someone he didn't find attractive upon exchanging pics. Then again, I'm not sure who's really expecting the cream of the crop when it comes to the aesthetics of folks who would take to flirting anonymously in chat rooms. For that reason, I marginally feel bad for the guy as it seems maybe the OP's expectations may have been unreasonably high. But, still, risk he took and OP is well entitled to be turned off by his appearance. Link to comment
greta96 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 This has happened to me before, so I learned my lesson... Don't be too hard on yourself, you like what you like and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not about being shallow or him being not attractive, he is just not attractive *to you*. It happens, and I'm sure it's happened and will happen the other way around too. Just make a point going forward to exchange pics early on, before you get attached in any way. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 I think you're fine and you should go with how you feel. If you are not physically attracted to the guy, the buck stops there. In the future, lesson learned. Either don't expect a fairy tale to start from a public chatroom online, or ask for the picture early. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Why stop talking to him - we’re you supposed to meet in person? I f not you could have simply stopped flirting and moved towards a friendship. And start talking about who you are dating so he’d get the message. Fine that you found him unattractive as far as dating. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 29, 2017 Share Posted November 29, 2017 Why is the OP shallow? If she doesn't like the guy, she doesn't like the guy. We have to like everybody.....?Because she said she started to like him and likely encouraged the dialog. She participated in the exchange w/o prior knowledge of what he looked like. If physical attraction is important to her then she should have acted on that before continuing. Rushing him off only after seeing him seems somewhat heartless. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Why is the OP shallow? If she doesn't like the guy, she doesn't like the guy. We have to like everybody.....? They could have been friends, if she didn't care for his appearance. The way she cut him off was rude. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Well I honestly don't understand. If you don't think someone is attractive then you don't think they are attractive. There is no point leading him on if you are repulsed by him. I am sure it hurt his feelings too but what is the alternative? Leading him on until what? Someone isn't going to magically became attractive if you don't think they are. If someone meets a minimum attractiveness getting to know then can make them amazingly attractive to you if you start to really like their personality. But if you are disgusted then I don't think it will ever work. At least that is how I am. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I place this blame on you both, as you both engaged in the flirting, and neither of you had a picture. You both ran the risk of not being attracted once you saw the pictures of each other. He could very well be typing this exact message on a different message board: Flirted with this girl, but man, when I saw her photo, she was ugly. It's the risk you both took once you engaged in the flirting. I've done that too, so I get it. Next time, have just some nice small talk, then exchange pictures to see if you want to go further. Or, as has Wiseman said above, join a traditional dating site where everyone has pictures. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I didn't read carefully and didn't realize that the focus of contacting him initially was for potential flirting, so I agree with LHGirl. Link to comment
superfan Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I find it slightly hypocritical that people are calling the OP shallow. Would you date someone you weren't physically attracted to?? I think everybody can agree that you NEED to be physically attracted to your partner. That doesn't mean you have unrealistic expectations, nor does it mean that you are demanding your partner look like Chris Helmsworth. It just means that there has to be something about your partner that appeals physically TO YOU. The OP mentioned that she has in the past dated men who were considered not conventionally attractive, but to whom SHE felt an attraction. That says to me that she is not a person who is generally that picky on looks but that there was something about THIS guy that put her off. OP, you can't force attraction. If there was something about him physically that you just couldn't get past then there's nothing more you can do. Maybe in the future ask for a photo a bit earlier but I don't think you are shallow. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I didn't read carefully and didn't realize that the focus of contacting him initially was for potential flirting, so I agree with LHGirl. Me either. I thought it was a general chat platform. Next time, get the pic earlier. And, be more considerate. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.