Should I tell him about physical appearance

[Sweet Sue]

Well, I will nominate you for sainthood. Most of us mere mortals can always find imperfections/flaws in our loved ones. Some are worth mentioning, while others are left best unsaid. I really can't see the harm in talking to him about this, but not at this stage of the game. Perhaps should our relationship develop, I will most likely say something......it is all about being tactful, not to be mean or harsh.......but tactful.

[JaggerJim]

Can you run a few lines past, on how you will be tactful?

[mustlovedogs]

@Sweet Sue, I have never asked a SO to change their appearance unless they are perhaps grossly overdressed or underdressed for an event.

 

This will shatter his self esteem, no matter how tactful. You're acting like you know best - like your opinion matters the most.

 

He's having his moles checked out. Let's think about this biologically. Did you know disrupting cancerous cells can spread cancer? Sometimes it's better to leave it alone - in case a removal kick starts a rapid growth process.

 

Say that happens. Maybe that's why his derm isn't having them removed. What if your pressure kills him?

[Capricorn3]

Can you run a few lines past, on how you will be tactful?

I'd like to hear that too. OP, please give us an example of what you intend saying to him.

[Sweet Sue]

Why don't you tell me how to be "tactful"? I would rather hear your ideas of "tactful" pretty please.

[butterfly45]

But he isn't a loved one. You've been going out two months. What you're talking about doing would be okay after years of being together.

[Capricorn3]

Why don't you tell me how to be "tactful"? I would rather hear your ideas of "tactful" pretty please.

 

I'd much rather hear yours - seeing as you seem so hell bent on telling this guy what he already knows. You must have some idea of what you intend saying to him. Why not share it with us?

[Sweet Sue]

I will no dignify your question with answer. I came on here with the intent of asking total strangers to help me with ano issue I am having. ( my close friends totally support me, but I wanted to hear the opinion of people who don'the know me.) Instead, I am finding this is turning into something hostile and indifferent. Not at all what I expected.

[Capricorn3]

I will no dignify your question with answer. I came on here with the intent of asking total strangers to help me with ano issue I am having. ( my close friends totally support me, but I wanted to hear the opinion of people who don'the know me.) Instead, I am finding this is turning into something hostile and indifferent. Not at all what I expected.

With all due respect, people here HAVE answered and given their advice and opinions - which is what you asked for.

[Sweet Sue]

Exactly where did I ever use the word, "digust"? Where? That is the word "you" used. Don't put words in my mouth.

[mustlovedogs]

So, let me ask you a question j.man.......you meet a nice girl. She is beautiful, in good shape, has a good sense of humor, great personality and you have awesome chemistry. You can't find anything about her you don't like, except.....when she smiles......her teeth are crooked in every direction and yellow. So much so that you almost gasp when you see her teeth. What are you going to do?

 

You may not have said the word disgust, but this is a strong description of disgust.

[Capricorn3]

Exactly where did I ever use the word, "digust"? Where? That is the word "you" used. Don't put words in my mouth.

Excuse me?? I have never used that word anywhere in your thread. Please quote where I said that.

[Sweet Sue]

No. Disgust is a strong word and harsh. You are reading into it what you want to read.

[Sweet Sue]

Exactly where did I say the mole "disgust" me? Where? You are putting words in my mouth. I find them unappealing, yes, but disgust, no not ever!

[Sweet Sue]

Yes, I totally get that! I think you are the only one who has replied to me who understands what I have been saying all along.

It is too early to have such a serious conversation about his medical issues, but I feel when the time comes, we should talk about it.

[j.man]

Yes, I totally get that! I think you are the only one who has replied to me who understands what I have been saying all along.

It is too early to have such a serious conversation about his medical issues, but I feel when the time comes, we should talk about it.

When did you graduate complete your medical residency?

[butterfly45]

I really think if you are put off now and not prepared to accept him "warts and all", then you should end it. There is a difference between being with someone for a long time and they recently put on weight so you gently prompt them, to noticing a flaw straightaway and planning to bring it up once you're both serious. He has had these moles since day one so will know you've been feeling this since day one and it could knock his confidence. I really think this guy could do with someone who doesn't give a sh*t about his moles and makes this explicit.

[Sweet Sue]

Just the other day, he said, " please tell me you don't have tattoos"....I said, " Okay, I won't tell you...". A few seconds later, I said that I didn't

have any tattoos and inquired about his dislike for tattoos. He said he doesn't like to see tattoos on women. I said that I was not into them either.

Would he continue to see me if I had them? Who knows? Maybe he would accept one or two in a place that is not as visible, maybe...maybe not.

I am totally into this guy and not interested in dating anyone but him.

[sara-pezzini]

A tattoo is something very different then a mole of course...sheesh!

I would not date a guy with tattoos because that was his choice to put something that is disgusting to me on his body, a mole is not something you have a choice in...... yes you can remove them but you shouldn't just because girl you're dating says so!

[boltnrun]

Now you're pretending your concern is about his "medical issues".

 

But the title of your thread isn't "Should I tell him about medical issues?"

 

It's "Should I tell him about physical appearance?"

 

He's already getting treatment for his medical issues.

[Wiseman2]

Removing moles for cosmetic reasons is not covered by insurance.

[Quidam]

Well here goes the definition of superficial right there

[Jibralta]

My question and this is where I need your help is, how to approach him about the moles and delicately share with him my concern

for potentially more of them could become cancerous. I don't think I should tell him it would certainly improve his appearance, or should

I say that?? That seems rather harsh. Personally I have had 10 removed because cancer runs in my family.

Please advise me when and how to approach him about this....

 

I think the real issue is that you don't like the moles. Which is fine. But you should be candid about that if you're going to talk to him.

 

I think the worst thing you can do is make a "better health" case against the moles using his recent mole-removal and your own family history as evidence. There would be nothing "delicate" in the sharing of that information. "Ham-handed" would be a better adjective for it.

 

If you were to take the health-approach, you would almost certainly come off as insincere. I'm not saying you don't care about his health. But unless you're a dermatologist, it's not your place to advise on the matter. You'd just be offering a random unsolicited opinion, and he'd be like "Why is she talking to me about my moles?"

 

He'd probably figure it out pretty quick.

[Wiseman2]

What if you did and he insisted on dating you but also insisted you have them removed for "medical reasons". Which btw is also not covered by insurance and very expensive as well.

Just the other day, he said, " please tell me you don't have tattoos"....I am totally into this guy and not interested in dating anyone but him.

[reinventmyself]

So, so you invest a year into this, tell him your concerns and he's offended and says no.

What do you do then?

Is this a deal breaker or are you able to look past it?

Or are you counting on a change?