Is she reaching out to me?

[OneRainyDay]

Hello. I'm new to this so please help me/let me know if I didn't follow forum rules correctly.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend in June. She decided that she wanted to move to grad school alone and not take me with her. She wanted to take this time to start anew in a new city, to which I disagreed upon because I wanted to move out with her. MY ex suffers from PTSD and CPTSD due to sexual and family/emotional abuse. She pushed those closest to her away and never trusted me or any of my words. It was too much for me being in a non-reciprocating relationship.

 

Once she moved, she missed me and we began reconnecting with the hopes of working it out somehow. This led to a fight because she wasn't looking out for her safety being in a city alone and she almost got herself in serious trouble.This upset me because she chose not to listen to me because I worried about her being alone and making bad choices. I decided that I couldn't talk to her for some time and needed my distance, since she continued to not blame herself for her actions and thought I was against her.

 

After a week she said that I should forget about her so that we both can be free. I did not reply because I was practicing No Contact still. That message really hurt me. I couldn't tell if she missed me and tried to get me to respond, or if she really was happy without me. About a month later I got a couple missed calls on social media and a few attempts to reach me via phone. She told me that she hated herself and apologized for not giving me the love I deserve. She also was sorry for only knowing how to be miserable/mistreated and that I should block her if I don't want to keep hearing from me. I did so, since I only want to give her what she wants, however once again I did not respond to her messages.

 

Why I'm here is because I'm having trouble analyzing what she has recently said to me. Is she trying to get closure about us and move on? Is she reaching out because she is far from home and alone and misses me? Does she want me back? Or is she trying to manipulate me?

 

Thank you so much and please let me know if I wrote something that breaks any of the forum rules. I'm looking for help since my therapist is unavailable for some time.

[mhowe]

She just feels guilt and is in the process of acclimating to her new city. Stay NC.

[OneRainyDay]

I'm having a very hard time moving forward.

[mhowe]

You really don't have a choice. Standing still is doing nothing and going backwards isn't an option.

[boltnrun]

I think she's lonely in her new city. It's probably not as awesome as she imagined it would be.

 

Once she adjusts and starts making friends and having things to do, you might stop hearing from her.

 

You're doing the right thing by refusing to be her security blanket.

[OneRainyDay]

I knew I had no choice since contact would only resurface the same demons. She really hurt me, and I've never had to break it off completely with someone so it's been hard for me to accept and move on. Especially since I have never loved anyone as much as I loved her. This is sort of new territory for me. I blocked her completely from my phone, social media, etc. after this recent attempt to contact me and I'm really sad now.

[melancholy123]

You've done the right things and in time you will get over her.

[OneRainyDay]

Sometimes I feel like I want to forgive her though other times I get the urges to tell her that she messed up. I know to keep no contact still, for my sake. Does forgiveness, have any necessary meaning towards an ended relationship after a while or is this something that maybe I shouldn't worry about for now?

[S.Ken]

I think she's lonely in her new city. It's probably not as awesome as she imagined it would be.

 

Once she adjusts and starts making friends and having things to do, you might stop hearing from her.

 

You're doing the right thing by refusing to be her security blanket.

 

 

 

 

This is absolutely correct. I had a similar situation with an ex who was having difficulty adjusting to her new city and environment and she called me almost everyday. Unlike you, I had a friendly relationship with her, but sometimes she would get sentimental and bring up the relationship and why we didn't work out, etc.

 

I did not reciprocate. Eventually she did adjust to her situation, met her future husband (I attended the wedding) and they are now expecting their second child together. Needless to say, I rarely hear from her outside the occasional facebook exchange... we're still friends though.

 

Point is, do NOT take anything she says seriously, otherwise you will be setting yourself up for major heartache when the moment comes where she suddenly becomes cold and distant or disappears from your life completely.

[OneRainyDay]

Yeah, her attempts to contact me keep resetting the "getting over it phase" which is never good, but it was nice hearing how much she really loved me now that I'm out of her life. I'm glad that I was a good boyfriend. However, I don't want to get the false hope that we could be together again which is why I never responded and kept No Contact, but I never thought about when I would never hear from her again. Thought by that point that I would be 100% moved on by then. She is blocked from my phone, social media, etc. so as long as I don't know what she's up to, I can continue to move on with a clear head. Hopefully I'm doing things right and that they work out for me.