Dottieflanogon Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Few days ago while I was returning from work , the front right tire went flat. I pulled over to the side of the road, contemplating my choices then this nice young man pulled over next to me and changed my tire with my spare one. Then he told that there's a tire shop just down the street , if I want can go to see if the tire is repairable. I wasn't familiar with the area so he suggested I just follow him with my car behind him.....to direct me to the shop. He decided to stay with me for the tire diagnosis to make sure they the mechanic won't rip me off since(his words) Fortunately the tire was still repairable. When it was time to part ways, I shook his hand and asked for his name.I thanked him and said I don't know how to reciprocate your generosity then he added by letting me take you out for dinner. I smiled and said sure ,then he gave his number to call him. Well the problem is ,he's not physically my type.I have thought about my past relationships and crushes, and almost all of the fellas have the same physical attributes and fit that type .Even the guys I posted in my previous threads (the guy from Best buy and the one who approach me while was jogging)all fit that mold physically. I don't go out of my way to seek out guys with these traits but this is what gives me that butterfly feeling in my stomach and makes my heart pound.I'm not superficial in a bit least, It's just what I'm drawn to and what I can picture myself kissing. I can't help it lol I know it's just a date and not signing up for anything permanent but i'm not sure if I should bother. Then again I'm not sure if not following up would polite thing to do given that he helped me out I know not everyone has a specific physical type, but for those of you who do, does it effect how sexually attracted you are to your mate ? will she or he be able to turn your crank like your physical type would? Or would your eyes always wonder? Link to comment
TMifune Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Why not try something new? Personally I think it depends. If you're open to the idea that someone's character and who they are is of higher importance, than I think all of that physical attraction can grow. If your mindset is "I want A,B,C physically" and you spend your energy focusing on that, then there's really no point because that focus will coopt any attempt to actually build attraction. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I agree. Try something new. I have my own specific type, myself. Wondering if I missed something deeper within my relationships. We all have physical attributes that we are attracted to. But, perhaps what's inside counts a bit more. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 One date won't hurt. I have dated out of my type before. They never worked long term but you never know. Never leave a stone unturned I would say. Link to comment
Rogue82 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I have never dated two guys who look alike, and I always insisted I had a type lol! I've gone out with very short guys to super tall guys; overweight guys to super slim ones... Ginger, blond, dark haired... Ripped muscly guys and star wars obsessed nerdy guys. Its how he treats you and how he makes you feel that makes a man your type, and I agree that initial physical attraction is needed for things to lift off the ground, but who says that the initial period has to be at first sight? Can't it be after 1, 2, 3 dates? I fell in love with my best boy friend. I never thought there was any physical attraction between us, and now he walks into a room and I get goosebumps and think he's the most gorgeous man in the room. Attraction grows, I'd suggest him stopping to help a perfect stranger shows he is of good character and you'd be silly not to take him up on his offer. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Ironically my 'type' his not a particular hair color or skin coloring. It is a body structure and facial structure. Big boned, barrel chested, tall with a strong bone structure in the face. The man can be black, white, hispanic or Asian... blonde, brunette, ginger, but the body and facial structure is the same. I don't know where it comes from but the attraction is compelling. Having said this if the guy is interesting in other ways I would still give it a go. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 F I don't go out of my way to seek out guys with these traits but this is what gives me that butterfly feeling in my stomach and makes my heart pound.I'm not superficial in a bit least, It's just what I'm drawn to and what I can picture myself kissing. I can't help it lol Judging someone on their ability to make you horny is the most superficial thing you can do. Link to comment
gaseousclay Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Personality means more to me than physical attributes. If i met a beautiful woman and discovered she was cruel, selfish, etc, all of a sudden she'd be the ugliest person in the world. Try something new and you may just discover things about yourself and others you didn't know existed Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I went on one date with a guy who was NOT my type, at all. Totally opposite of what my type was. He's now my husband and been married for longer than you have been alive. I thanked him and said I don't know how to reciprocate your generosity then he added by letting me take you out for dinner. I smiled and said sure ,then he gave his number to call him. If you already knew he's probably not the type you would go out with, then you shouldn't have encouraged him with a "smile and said sure". Thanking him for his help and kindness is where you should have left it. Now, the fact that you more or less said yes to a dinner date, I think the least you can do is go. After that, you don't have to go on future dates if you don't want to. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Judging someone on their ability to make you horny is the most superficial thing you can do. There's the 'primal' attraction and then there is the overall package. Ultimately the overall package is the goal. Can't pretend the 'primal' urge is there but it can be put in it's place with discipline. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Got to be honest, I used to have a "type" and I used to be very set on men had to look like that "type." After I broke up with my ex and had gained some semblance of sanity I made a list of the attributes I valued most. Physical appearances came in at the bottom of the list and it was then I realized I'd been chasing a certain list of physical attributes in part, but that didn't mean the men were actually right for me. I I decided to stop it with the types and gave other guys a chance. My husband was not my old type at all. He looks completely different from anyone else I ever dated or had a relationship with and I just think he gets better looking and sexier with each passing day, because I love him. Not his hair or his eyes or his shoulders, but him. So yeah, go for it. It's one date, get to know the guy, see if you click or if attraction doesn't end up happening, watch for red flags as usual and stay safe and see what happens. Worst case scenario you have a date that doesn't go anywhere. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 We're all friends here. What do you mean by type? If you are getting at something like he's very overweight, then I wouldn't fault you for not really wanting to give it a try. You can be blunt about it if there is a specific reason you can point to. I can't help but think that you are HIS type since he stopped and went so far above and beyond to help. Link to comment
Striker0602 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Im not sure what is important on your list of preferred attributes, however, I have dated 2 women who were not my "type" initially, and especially after I got to know them, I now think of them as two of the most beautiful women I have ever met. Even as a guy, and one who is picky about physical attributes, once personality is thrown into the mix, you will get over whatever physical flaws they might have, and might even appreciate some of those things. This guy had enough charm to get your number out of a bad situation, give him a date! Maybe 2! Who knows what could happen! (These women were also very capable of "turning my crank" as it were Link to comment
trust101 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 If I am attracted to someone physically, & get to know them, I soon realise they are not my type personally & would not want to hang out with them (different outlook on life, lifestyle, etc). But other girls I get along with just fine & they are the type of people I like to just hang out with but am not physically attracted. My point is, even if you are not attracted to him physically & even if that does not change. You could just get to know him & have an extra friend that could come in handy later on, after all he did help with your tire lol. Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I don't have a type...I've been in relationships with all kinds of men..tall, short, fat, thin, handsome, ugly..as long as I was attracted to the personality, looks didn't matter. However, that never happened the first time I met someone. Go to the date and if he's interesting enough, go on one more date. Even if you think he's ugly, go. You have nothing to lose. Link to comment
Wayfara Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Judging someone on their ability to make you horny is the most superficial thing you can do. While it might be superfical to judge someone's ability to make you horny it's kind of necessary if you are considering them for a romantic relationship with a sexual component, therefore I see no shame in it. I know it's just a date and not signing up for anything permanent but i'm not sure if I should bother. Then again I'm not sure if not following up would polite thing to do given that he helped me out Go if you feel comfortable and curious about him, but if it's mainly about feeling indebted to him I wouldn't do it. He could take you to a fancy dinner and insist on paying, then your are going to feel even more indebted to him making it hard to say no to a date 2. A way between could be telling him the dinner is on you as thanks for his help which would take some of the pressure off. Physical attraction isn't always immediate so you could meet him and see if it develops but sometimes you just know it's never going to be there, heck I meet nice attractive people every day I know I would never would be interested in that way. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 it's not so much about his appearance as it is about the fact he did you a favor you appearantly feel obliged to return by accepting the date. dates aren't dollar bills. when you agree that you are the "payment"...that's an issue. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I would give it one date but if your mindset is that only that physical type will ever turn you on do him a favor and don't see him again. Also realize that your "type" can gain or lose weight and then what would you do? I tended to prefer certain "types" but the men I dated although often not tall (my "type") looked different/different physical attributes. I definitely looked for a sparkle in their eyes/smile and an intelligent look. You owe yourself one or two dates -with an open mind -to see if you can get turned on outside of a narrow set of physical features. If you determine that you can't be rest assured that many many women don't have that physical type requirement you do, so set him free. Open mind means that you're not expecting to feel butterflies/horny -with any guy - right away - and that you're interested in getting to know him and seeing if there is a spark or potential for a spark -if you desire to kiss him, whether or not you actually do. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 it's not so much about his appearance as it is about the fact he did you a favor you appearantly feel obliged to return by accepting the date. dates aren't dollar bills. when you agree that you are the "payment"...that's an issue. I'm glad someone mentioned this. I think only call if you truly want to. Not because he helped you with your tire. But because you want to get to know him a bit more. I think there are a lot of good people who would go out of their way to help each other on the road, especially in certain places, and where Dottie is from is one of them. It does not obligated you to anything. It's nice to show appreciation, but it doesn't have to be in the form of a date. It's kind of cute, like in movies, when someone uses as a situation like that to go in for a date. But it also puts a person on the spot. If you aren't interested or it's the last thing on your mind at that moment, you have to think quick. There was a stretch of road that I would go down every summer and never make it to my destination because something would always happen with the vehicle. Someone always stopped to help me. One time, it was my friend and I and a dead vehicle and a man on a motorcycle stopped. We ended up calling a tow truck and it would be quite the wait. He offered to take me into town on his bike to have lunch while my friend waited by the vehicle. I said no. I gave him money to buy himself lunch for helping us out (he did look at the vehicle and did help us). My point is, never feel obligated to do anything because someone helped you out. I'm not saying this man has any bad intentions at all, but, if he saw you standing there looking at the vehicle, he did probably go more out of his way for you if he was attracted. And that's ok if he wants to do that in the hopes of getting to know you. But there is zero pressure here for you to have to follow that up. Do it only if you want to, sincerely. As far as physical type goes, yeah, I don't have one. A man can catch my eye more quickly based on physical attributes, but it runs the gamut. And I have gotten to know and dated men who didn't catch my eye right away based on how they look. I think you just aren't interested but feel obligated...I think that because when it was your other thread you were very much about "what's the worse that can happen? we don't like each other or he is only looking for sex. Then I block him". So why are you so much more hesitant here? Is he physically unattractive to you; not just out of your type? Link to comment
John John Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I understand how OP feels. I certainly have a physical type. I have lately tried dating outside my type, but have usually found im never quite as excited about them. I'm talking to two girls right now and both are my physical type...so with that out of the way, I can focus more on compatibility and core values. That's not to say I wouldn't date outside my type again (my family wants me with a brunette with brown eyes, but I've always been attracted to the opposite of that)... Who knows. I think it's more when we refuse to budge on certain things when it can be a problem. At least try, or be willing to try, new things (like I have). Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Op, what is your physical type and what does this guy look like? I'm curious now. John John, I remember your type being blonde waspy women right?! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 You can do one of two things 1) Cancel 2) choose a place that is not romantic. Take a chance. He might not be attracted to you either. He might genuinely like to meet new people. You could take him to dinner or make it lunch and thank him so much and don't call him again. He could end up being a networking contact or a friend. His intention might not be romantic. So - burgers, pizza or lunch rather than a fancy Italian place. Or even a trendy vegan food truck. Link to comment
TMifune Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 You can do one of two things 1) Cancel 2) choose a place that is not romantic. Take a chance. He might not be attracted to you either. He might genuinely like to meet new people. You could take him to dinner or make it lunch and thank him so much and don't call him again. He could end up being a networking contact or a friend. His intention might not be romantic. So - burgers, pizza or lunch rather than a fancy Italian place. Or even a trendy vegan food truck. 3) Go without worrying about the attraction and see if spending time with him sparks something off. She hasn't even said "I'm not attracted to him" only that she's noticed that he doesn't look like the guys she usually ends up with. Link to comment
TMifune Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 (my family wants me with a brunette with brown eyes, but I've always been attracted to the opposite of that)... Who knows. I think I'd find it kinda strange if my family expressed an interest in someone I'm dating having a particular "look". I don't think whether my girl has dark skin, light skin, dark hair, light hair, dark eyes, light eyes should really matter to them as long as she treats me well and adds to my life. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I decided go ahead and take him up on his offer .If I still can't see myself kissing or being intimate with him after the date then he'll be placed in the friends category. I don't date people solely for looks but I believe that physical attraction does count moreover. I mean a man could fit the bill with everything I want in man but if I don't want to see him naked then can't be more than that. I'm not saying I would do the opposite either(be with someone who's only compatible physically) .If I can't have the whole package then I don't want any lol I've gone on dates with 2 guy who were outside my usual “type box” in the past..it didn't work out. I remember one of them tried to kiss me and found myself turning my head away. Everything felt forced and awkward Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.