Not my physical type: Will I still satisfy my preferences ?

[Dottieflanogon]

Well, its been 6 days... I never followed up simply because lack of interest. The initial attraction is a requisite for me to follow up,The desire and that power that I need from physical attraction to take lead its just not there. I know some of you will disagree with me and say I could be ruling out a great guy but that's just how roll.

 

Aside from that, I've process my thinking. I realized that At the end I was felt very grateful when he went out of his way to help me so I subconsciously accepted the date to show appreciation....that way I can reciprocate his kindness and help. Not because I was genuinely interested in getting to know him as a person

[Capricorn3]

Well, its been 6 days... I never followed up simply because lack of interest.

Well, as long as you gave him a genuine and sincere "thank you" for all his help. Leave it at that and move on. Whatever you do, do NOT decide to suddenly contact him out of the blue in a few weeks time - that would really be bad and just messing around with him. Not nice.

[Batya33]

Well, its been 6 days... I never followed up simply because lack of interest. The initial attraction is a requisite for me to follow up,The desire and that power that I need from physical attraction to take lead its just not there. I know some of you will disagree with me and say I could be ruling out a great guy but that's just how roll.

 

Aside from that, I've process my thinking. I realized that At the end I was felt very grateful when he went out of his way to help me so I subconsciously accepted the date to show appreciation....that way I can reciprocate his kindness and help. Not because I was genuinely interested in getting to know him as a person

 

Yes, if your standard is that you must feel initial physical attraction upon first meeting someone then he did not meet your standard and you should not follow up so that someone/someones with different standards can have the opportunity to get to know him (or someone who has the same standard as you but felt initially physically attracted).

 

In particular I'm thankful I didn't have that standard -one of my most enjoyable relationships was where the attraction happened over a year after we met as friends/acquaintances. Two of the times I felt that initial, very strong, physical attraction were basically disasters - and ironically they look a lot alike. In one case he was just after sex. In another case we had a great but tumultuous relationship for 3 years - awesome chemistry. He's been married now for 7 years, to a man. Obviously initial attraction can also turn out great (basically what I felt for my husband, second time around that we dated) but in my experience and others often it's a poor indicator of compatibility for the long term. By contrast I know of so many happy couples who have variations on the story of "I really wasn't attracted to him at first but I did want to keep seeing him and then it really clicked".

 

Don't change your standard a bit and realize that it limits your opportunities to find happiness long term. We all have our standards that end up limiting our dating pool in some way -just depends how much you're willing to limit it and whether you're able to accept your part in why you might not be meeting enough or the right people.

[TMifune]

I've been listening to someone on youtube who believes love is an involuntary reaction to virtue in another person. Clearly this view's not for everyone because most people seem to believe that love is just some feeling that the right person comes accross and hands to you like a prize.

 

But in the thinking of virtue, physical beauty is simply a circumstance. There's no virtue in being beautiful, but there is beauty in being virtuous.

[Rosti87]

I've been listening to someone on youtube who believes love is an involuntary reaction to virtue in another person. Clearly this view's not for everyone because most people seem to believe that love is just some feeling that the right person comes accross and hands to you like a prize.

 

But in the thinking of virtue, physical beauty is simply a circumstance. There's no virtue in being beautiful, but there is beauty in being virtuous.

 

I did and still do believe that love is an emotion that is not necessarily decided, but loving someone is a 'decision.'

[Batya33]

I did and still do believe that love is an emotion that is not necessarily decided, but loving someone is a 'decision.'

 

Yup!! Loving is giving.

[TMifune]

Yup!! Loving is giving.

 

]

 

 

In case that seemed glib, I totally agree that loving is giving. Saying it that way just made me think of sharing is caring.

[TMifune]

I did and still do believe that love is an emotion that is not necessarily decided, but loving someone is a 'decision.'

 

I just like to focus on the decision part, the verb, the act of loving. I don't think the feeling carries relationships through tough times, but I do believe the act can.

[Dottieflanogon]

Well, as long as you gave him a genuine and sincere "thank you" for all his help. Leave it at that and move on. Whatever you do, do NOT decide to suddenly contact him out of the blue in a few weeks time - that would really be bad and just messing around with him. Not nice.

 

Yea oddly enough I feel bad for not following up because it took 2 hours for us to remove spare tire from the trunk because the nut that was holding down the spare bolt was too tight. He didn't have any tools on him expect the jack and a monkey wrench so smashed it to loosened up which didn't work. He spent almost 2 hours trying to figure out how to undone the hexagonal handle until another older man pulled up and offered to help. He had a mole grip that was big enough to grip the hexagon to cut it. He really did went out of his way to help me and I'm very grateful. God bless him

[Fudgie]

I'm just curious, Dottie, what does attraction mean for you? Like, when you see someone attractive, what do you think in your head? Do you want to jump him? Butterflies at first sight? What is it?

[Batya33]

Yea oddly enough I feel bad for not following up because it took 2 hours for us to remove spare tire from the trunk because the nut that was holding down the spare bolt was too tight. He didn't have any tools on him expect the jack and a monkey wrench so smashed it to loosened up but it started just turns and turns without unscrewing. He spent almost 2 hours trying to figure out how to undone the hexagonal handle until another older man pulled up and offered to help. He had a mole grip that was big enough to grip the hexagon to cut it. He really did went out of his way to help me and I'm very grateful. God bless him

 

Then call him, tell him a white lie that you're seeing someone and that you'd like to make a donation to his favorite charity on his behalf, for helping you.

[Dottieflanogon]

I'm just curious, Dottie, what does attraction mean for you? Like, when you see someone attractive, what do you think in your head? Do you want to jump him? Butterflies at first sight? What is it?

 

When I see someone who is attractive, I just think in my head that they're attractive and that's about it. I don't usually feel sparks with a different excitement over until I get to know them.While I may think a man is visually attractive, for me to consider him as someone I’d like to get to possibly date he’d have to show an interest in me.

 

Physical attraction has to play a part in deciding whether to find out more about him . I don't expect butterflies upon the first encounter with a person. I just have to be attracted to him and see myself being intimate/kissing the guy. The problem is, I'm not sexually attracted men who are outside my "type". Like what I said in my earlier post, I tried giving men outside my type a chance but it never went past few dates. I only dated one for a while but the attraction never came. I didn't enjoy kissing him at all.

 

Basically the guy has to be my 'type' because they are the only men who can can stimulate me mentally and physically.

[Fudgie]

I went back through the thread to find out what your type is, but I see that you don't want to disclose that, so I won't ask.

 

Just wondering though (and you don't have to give details), is your "type" more rare or more common? because if it's quite uncommon, you may be very limited and depending on where you live/what your avenues are, may not find anyone in a timely manner that matches your type.

[Dottieflanogon]

I went back through the thread to find out what your type is, but I see that you don't' limited want to disclose that, so I won't ask.

 

Just wondering though (and you don't have to give details), is your "type" more rare or more common? because if it's quite uncommon, you may be very limited and depending on where you live/what your avenues are, may not find anyone in a timely manner that matches your type.

 

My type is common and 99% of the guys I dated fits my "type". I also don't have a problem attracting my "type" so I never felt like limited live in big city btw

[TMifune]

Are we talking Big Bang Theory here, or closer to Jersey Shore?

[tiredofvampires]

Basically the guy has to be my 'type' because they are the only men who can can stimulate me mentally and physically.

 

Your physical "type" stimulates you mentally?

[Dottieflanogon]

Are we talking Big Bang Theory here, or closer to Jersey Shore?

Huh? LOL

[Dottieflanogon]

Your physical "type" stimulates you mentally?

 

meaning it's what captures my attention. Mentally they have to stimulate my mind, by that I mean they have to get me to think outside the box, intrigue me to the point I'm hooked

[abitbroken]

meaning it's what captures my attention. Mentally they have to stimulate my mind, by that I mean they have to get me to think outside the box, intrigue me to the point I'm hooked

 

you don't know if he intrigues and stimulates you mentally yet. He could be a brain surgeon, he could be working a garbage route to put himself through a double master's degree and translates ancient Egyptian texts in his spare time as a hobby. He may be someone who is a thoughtful thinker, but didn't get to know you well enough to lay it all out. When I first meet people, I am going to make small talk and not start talking about deeper subjects.

 

What we mean by a type is - do you prefer men within your own ethnicity over others, do blonde guys who look like surfers turn your head, are you into well groomed business men, do you like rocker-type guys? real slim guys with lots of tattoos? Do you tend to be initially attracted guys that have a quiet demeanor and you would approach first? I am not being supeficial - everyone has certain types that initially turn their head.

[Rosti87]

I just like to focus on the decision part, the verb, the act of loving. I don't think the feeling carries relationships through tough times, but I do believe the act can.

 

To clarify my statement, I think we can fall in love with someone that is not 'good' for us. We can fall in love with someone who is. The 'decision' is being able to make the distinction between the two. The fantasy of love conquers all is not good enough in the long term. Its choosing the right person that prevails at the end of the day.

[Dottieflanogon]

One date won't hurt. I have dated out of my type before. They never worked long term but you never know. Never leave a stone unturned I would say.

 

Rosti87, just out of curiosity, how was your experience dating men outside your type?Were you still as excited about them compared to your 'type'?Did you felt the same connection/chemistry?

[Rosti87]

Rosti87, just out of curiosity, how was your experience dating men outside your type?Were you still as excited about them compared to your 'type'?Did you felt the same connection/chemistry?

 

All but one petered out within a few weeks or months. One lasted up to a year but we parted company because the desire was a bit flat. We mutually agreed to move on. I have a male friend that is interested in me right now. He is a wonderful guy but I can't get into him physically. It's a bit complicated by the fact that we live totally different lifestyles. He has been a wonderful friend for many years but I'm not feeling it. Don't know if I ever will.

 

So if you are wondering if I was ever successful dating out of my type? Probably not. Having said this I will always keep that option open. One never knows.

[Dottieflanogon]

All but one petered out within a few weeks or months. One lasted up to a year but we parted company because the desire was a bit flat. We mutually agreed to move on. I have a male friend that is interested in me right now. He is a wonderful guy but I can't get into him physically. It's a bit complicated by the fact that we live totally different lifestyles. He has been a wonderful friend for many years but I'm not feeling it. Don't know if I ever will.

 

So if you are wondering if I was ever successful dating out of my type? Probably not. Having said this I will always keep that option open. One never knows.

 

That's true, we never know experience with dating men outside my type was I always felt indifferent towards them. I saw most of them as friendship material but the problem was they were not interested in just being friends. Aside from that I never felt that excitement feeling of meeting someone new in comparison to my type.Going on dates with these men felt like meeting up with a fellow brother

 

Most of them didn't make it past 3 dates mainly because it felt forced on my end. I was not as excited about them but then I've always thought to myself ," what could possibly go wrong?"then I game things out and psych myself into believing that the worst case scenario is an entertaining story to tell friends after .Most of the time I used it as an opportunity to try a new place out. One time, I knew I was going to eat dinner at one of my favorite places, and I would have been totally fine going by myself as I have 20 times or more in the past, but thought to myself, why not have company despite what happens

 

Well with guys that fits my type, its a different story. Most of the time ,I can't quit checking my texts to see if I've heard from him, fretting about meeting up with him, thinking about what might happen between us, you know that excitement feeling of meeting someone new? .I get anxious/excited about the date. I spend time planning into my outfit, form fitting clothes, make up, hair etc.

[Rosti87]

I don't necessarily get fretful when meeting my 'type.' I do have a 'primal' physical reaction though. I still don't get too emotionally excited until I get to know a guy that looks like my type. If they are not compatible with them then I move on. If they appear to be not ready for a relationship I move on. If they appear emotionally removed I move on. I don't linger despite what my body is telling me.

 

It could be because I'm in a different life phase where time is of the essence. I don't want to waste too much time on anyone purely based upon my primal, physical attraction to them.

[James516]

I think you should make it clear to him that it's not a date and either pay for your half or all of the meal. All you mention are physical traits or turn-ons and this guy doesn't have it for you. There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own preferences. However, the guy was kind and shouldn't be punished for that if he is hoping for more, you should be kind too by being honest.