Does anyone else ever feel guilty for posting here?

[Cynder]

Title says it all...

 

Lately I've been feeling guilty about a lot of things. It was inevitable I guess that I would start feeling guilty about posting here too.

 

I've been a member of this forum for over ten years. I've posted here about multiple relationships. Some of the people knew I was on a forum like this (without knowing the web address) and some didn't. Now out of the blue it has started to feel wrong in a way. Like what if my boyfriend saw my posts and got really mad at me? Does anyone else ever feel that way or is it just me?

 

And right now there is a more serious topic that I am itching to post about too... but I won't because I don't want to feel bad about it afterwords.

[Cynder]

So I'm assuming since no one else has replied that I am the only one who feels this way then? Lol

[Fudgie]

No, you're not. I wouldn't say I feel horribly guilty but yeah, I wouldn't want people knowing that I post here...

[Seraphim]

I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable with anyone reading what I've written here.

[Capricorn3]

I never feel guilty about posting here. As I see it, I have nothing to be guilty about and also, my husband knows I am on this site, I very often show him threads here and he knows I also actively post here. If any other friends or family members happen to come accross my posts here, I wouldn't feel guilty as I have nothing to hide (or feel guilty about).

[hers]

I feel fine with my husband reading it and knowing it (he doesn't, but I talk to him about it. He has his opinions about the site though) but if my family ever found it, I'd never live it down. I'm not ok with my family knowing. It's a way for me to have an outlet, even if someone finds me one day and doesn't see it lik ehtat. I actually worry about it often.

[sonicfan287]

Interesting question, and this is one that I've seen asked in different ways and by different people throughout the 4 years I've been on and off this site.

 

To answer it, quite simply I don't feel guilty so much as selfish.

 

When I was in the depths of my depression following my breakup, I felt a sudden strange calm coming on here, knowing that I'd get at least a few supportive posts from genuine people, and while it grew into more than that and I made some real friends and offered some real advice, I feel like my motivations were more selfish and I don't like thinking that way. Even lately, if I feel down about something and am tempted to post about it (whether relationship based or not), I've been trying to resist. I know the help is here if I need it but at the same time, I can't place the burden on people I don't know (at least not personally) to "solve my problems" for me and that's what I feel like I do sometimes when I go on emotional rants.

 

Hell, even right now I feel like I'm placing too much importance on myself by broadcasting my feelings about posting on this site. Like, who cares? lol about me, I mean. I think it's great that this community exists and that enough quality members exist to support it but do I feel guilty for posting here? A little, but not because I'm ashamed of it. I guess in general I hate being the "squeaky wheel" and I don't like to bother anyone (whether a personal friend or family member or not) and that's what I feel like I do on here sometimes.

[ParisPaulette]

Nope, not guilty, but cautious. There are people in the world who I would not want knowing I am on here. The why and the where and the how are not important, just that I wouldn't. Chances of that happening are remote, but still I am careful with what I will and will not share. When I lived in a big city I had a variety of causes and ways to help people, out in the remote area I live in now not so much. This forum allows me to continue that path. Plus it helps to have something to do with the insomnia that's plagued me my whole life on and off.

 

I do sometimes feel guilty that I devote time to this forum instead of doing other things, but in the overall scheme of things this is the best I can do right now to help others.

[petite]

I don't feel guilty and never have. Don't really write anything that I find overly personal and haven't mentioned anything negative or bad about my husband or marriage as far as I can remember. I say we have arguments like everyone else (which we do) but I never mention any problems we might have on here because I believe that is too personal, excluding the fact that I do say we went to couples counseling for better communication before marriage but we don't see that as anything negative because it definitely wasn't and we don't hide it. In my journal I write about my life but I only cover about 5-10% and everything else is left out (good and bad - I pick what I mention here). It isn't anything that I'd be afraid of saying to people in my personal life though. That said I wouldn't necessarily like to find out that one of my family members was here reading, because I like to have this outlet. I think the most personal stuff I've mentioned were the argument between my aunt and us, and the drama with my uncle and his son. Everything else I've always been private especially if it concerns my husband and marriage. I won't ever write anything negative regarding my parents, siblings or in-laws. I have problems like everyone else but don't disclose anything major on ENA, because it's the internet and it's public.

I've suggested ENA to friends, and I've never disclosed my username and it obviously wouldn't be too hard for them to figure out it's me if they bother to read the journal section. Even if someone recognized me, I'd be happy if they don't mention it to me.

 

My husband knows I post here, knows my username, and I've mentioned things to him but he isn't interested at all.

[zentoCC]

I don't feel guilty as I'm anonymous here. I'm sure bf would rather I get advice from strange who we will never meet than air all our problems to my friends. Sometimes you need an objective opinion and sometimes the people close to you can't give it.

[SpottiOtti]

I felt guilty when I posted about my boyfriend's dental hygiene.

 

I would be pretty embarrassed if people I knew read some of the stuff on here. Also, my career choice makes anonymity important. So sometimes I get paranoid and worry I've given too much away. I've never fudged details or anything but sometimes I wonder if I should, for the sake of anonymity.

[Patrick974]

No, you're not. I wouldn't say I feel horribly guilty but yeah, I wouldn't want people knowing that I post here...

 

Same here. The best is assuming that anyone can read what you write on a public forum and choose accordingly what you post online.

[Fudgie]

Yeah that's all you can do really. Being anonymous helps though for sure.

[imsuperman]

Not really. I assume anyone can read it but it helps me top talk about sensitive things here, which I've done recently.

[oitnb]

No not really. Sometimes I feel a bit paranoid, because I'd feel uncomfortable explaining this site to certain people, but not guilt.

 

Only my best friend knows I use this site.

[Silverbirch]

Oh yes, sometimes I do, but Sometimes I am posting here because I don't want to talk about things with people I know in "real life"

[BigKK]

Not at all, and I am proud to say that after almost a year of joining, I have several close friends approaching me this month personally to seek advice on how to get over their exes. It's like I have become the go-to on how to do it. I am not tooting my own horn, but it took a lot of effort and I think ENA and some of it's members help guide and steer me in the right direction. I literally didn't have a clue what to do. I thought breaking up is all about eating ice cream, looking at pictures of your ex and just crying.

 

On slow days at work I like to respond to people's problems, I also find it interesting that my responses may come off different depending on what time of the day it is, and how my day is going. (and how hungry I am ) Sometimes I will be a little more caring, and sometimes absolutely brutally honest. I think I appreciated the brutal honesty I got here, that initially offended me, and made me want to leave...and then a few weeks, and low and behold these strangers were right! (shocker)

[figur]

I feel slightly guilty, only because I know things like my boyfriend's Reddit name, but I'll never tell him I'm on this site, nor my name. He knows I go to a "relationship forum" but I don't elaborate. This serves as sort of an online diary for me, and I view it as personal. So even if I know things he writes online, I don't feel the need to share more than I want to.

[sophie274]

I don't think I've posted anything on here that would make anyone mad at me (maybe my mother would be a bit hurt, but hopefully she'd also see that I really do want a good relationship with her), but I'm way too embarrassed to admit to anyone that I post on a relationship forum. I don't feel like they would understand. I feel weird hiding my posting from my boyfriend, especially when he's right there and wondering what I'm so secretive and protective about, but I'm worried he would think it was just too weird. Plus I've been on here for over 8 years - there is a lot of personal stuff that I wouldn't particularly want him to read, mostly my struggle with depression. He knows about it in general, but I think his reading the posts would feel to me like an invasion of privacy, though to be honest I think if I told him about this place but that I wanted it to remain mine and for him please not to go looking around on here, he would respect that.

[Fudgie]

None of my partners have ever known that I've been here. I kept it a secret. Actually, I wish that someday I could find a partner who wouldn't mind that I was on here and I wouldn't mind reading my posts. Although if I were having relationship problems and wanted others' input, I'm not sure where I'd go. I would probably tell him before posting.

 

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[CloudessStrife]

I don't feel guilty as I'm anonymous here. I'm sure bf would rather I get advice from strange who we will never meet than air all our problems to my friends. Sometimes you need an objective opinion and sometimes the people close to you can't give it.

 

THIS.

 

Sometimes, I feel weird because I'm disclosing so much information to complete strangers, but over the course of this first month I've been a member, I feel like I'm getting to know the frequent posters.

 

Only a few people know I post on a relationship forum, but none of them know the web address and I'm never asked information; nor do I volunteer it. I sometimes worry about my username (it has been my standard for a decade now), but it is only a username. I could never be ashamed of the content I post.

[sophie274]

None of my partners have ever known that I've been here. I kept it a secret. Actually, I wish that someday I could find a partner who wouldn't mind that I was on here and I wouldn't mind reading my posts. Although if I were having relationship problems and wanted others' input, I'm not sure where I'd go. I would probably tell him before posting.

 

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How did N not know that you posted on here, when you were living together? I mean, how did you hide it from him? Asking because if I'm in the same room as my bf and on ENA, I mean, it's like I have to hide the screen and he'll ask me what I'm doing in a way that says he thinks it's really weird that I'm so secretive. He's not really the type to push if I don't want to share, but I know he wonders.

[tiredofvampires]

How did N not know that you posted on here, when you were living together? I mean, how did you hide it from him? Asking because if I'm in the same room as my bf and on ENA, I mean, it's like I have to hide the screen and he'll ask me what I'm doing in a way that says he thinks it's really weird that I'm so secretive. He's not really the type to push if I don't want to share, but I know he wonders.

 

What's wrong with saying, "It's an internet community I like to go to where people talk about various issues in their lives. It's interesting"?

 

That's so broad, I don't know how that would give this place away. Doesn't even disclose what type of community.

[Fudgie]

How did N not know that you posted on here, when you were living together? I mean, how did you hide it from him? Asking because if I'm in the same room as my bf and on ENA, I mean, it's like I have to hide the screen and he'll ask me what I'm doing in a way that says he thinks it's really weird that I'm so secretive. He's not really the type to push if I don't want to share, but I know he wonders.

 

N and I had separate computers so no issue there. Does your boyfriend look at your screen a lot? From the way you make it sound, it sounds like he is looking over your shoulder a lot or you're sitting right next to him and he's looking.

[Rangafro]

If you're honest about yourself and respect the privacy of the people you're talking about then I don't see any reason to feel guilty.

 

I feel more guilty posting about Game of Thrones fan theories on reddit. That is a dark hole.