Being morbid/dark and changing.

[Fudgie]

This is something that is a bit uncomfortable for me to talk about, so please bear with me.

 

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had an inclination towards the morbid or the macabre. I don't mean in a "goth" sense. I never got into that scene. I mean just taking an interest in reading, watching, or learning about morbid things. It started very young. I theorize that it was my dad who may have inadvertently turned me toward such things when he told me about WWII when I was very young.

 

Now I'm older and it's clearly become a trend in my life.

 

- I watch crime shows a lot. I don't mean CSI. I only watch the "real life" documentaries with the actual real stories and such, and crime scene photos.

 

-I've been following actual court cases on TV since I was 14...both "big" cases and little ones.

 

-I don't like the show, but you know the beginning of Criminal Minds that shows a bunch of past serial killers/criminals? I saw that opening for the first time and could maybe name about 75% of them off the bat. It scared my mom, haha.

 

-I watch war documentaries (Civil War is my favourite but I enjoy ones about WWI and WWII, as well as historical documentaries) and documentaries about national disasters, plagues/pandemics, genocides, slavery in the Americas including rebellions.

 

- I've been to several museums like the Holocaust museums, dedicated to major sad events like that, and I've gone subsequent times, both with family and by myself.

 

- Let's not even get into my favourite movies.

 

- While my reading is more varied, I also read more macabre stuff. I'm more into very old fiction and non-fiction. (Think ****ens)

 

Reading/watching this stuff doesn't make me feel depressed or sociopathic. Rather, I have a sobering feeling from experiencing this stuff, and that's a feeling that I really like having. I feel it keeps me grounded and realistic.

 

 

 

My point is, I'm not sure if it's a problem or not. N (my boyfriend) thinks I should change for my own betterment but I think he believes that because his mom was really morbid and she was NUTS. I am not sure if I need to change or not. I am not even sure how to. I enjoy stand-up comedy but 95% of what's on TV I think is unbearable. I hate Glee and most sitcoms, for example. If I go for long without a good crime show, I miss it.

 

It's not like I sit inside all day doing this stuiff. It's just when I CHOOSE to read/watch TV, this is what I'm most likely to do.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one like this!

[metrogirl]

Same thing here. I read nothing but true crime books, the more morbid the story the better. I have watched dozens of documentaries on serial killers famous and infamous. My boyfriend once asked if there was something wrong with me, which of course he should know better. I'm about as normal as the next person but I have an insanely strong interest in the darker stuff and nothing makes me happier than trying to figure out what makes people like them tick.

[Fudgie]

OMG You sound just like me in that respect! Glad to know I'm not alone

 

My boyfriend and family all make fun of me. "If anyone in this family were to commit a murder, it would be Fudgie." Yeah okay guys, thanks!! Haha.

[Edmund Exley]

I dont think there is anything morbid in your interests. Most of it is either historical, informative, or thought provoking study of human behaviour. I find all the same things compelling.

 

The world isnt just a place of flowers, sunshine and video games. Nothing wrong with noticing all of its going ons.

[Tanzi]

Same thing here. I read nothing but true crime books, the more morbid the story the better.

 

I have friends whose bookshelves are nothing like mine. Their bookshelves are full of romantic novels and the such but mine are full of horrors, thrillers and real life crime. I do like the odd romantic novel if they are comedic too but, mostly, I enjoy a good thriller. Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Richard Layman, James Patterson. Love 'em. There's no Danielle Steele on my book shelves.

 

It is pretty much the same as regards movies. I would choose a thriller over a rom com any day.

 

Am I weird then?

[Heather Dawn]

I don't think anything's wrong with you.

 

While my tastes are a bit more varied, I also love the "darker" things in life: I'm fascinated by cemeteries, I LOVE dystopian/post-apocalyptic fiction, movies and TV, and the occult is so interesting to me. And I have absolutely no concern that it's not good for me, as I'm a happy, well-adjusted person who simply enjoys contemplating the darker side of things.

[Edmund Exley]

You guys should read (if you havent already) some of the stuff James Ellroy writes. Morbid, twisted crime dramas. I love it.

[Seraphim]

I would not worry Fudgie I think you're normal. I love true crime stuff as well. I watch it all the time. I also watch shows in which people have suffered and triumphed through horrifying things.

 

My husband watches 1 million war documentaries and movies. If he could watch war and gory graphic news 24 hours a day he would do that. But my husband is a very upbeat person. I don't think he's crazy either .(well maybe a little, haha j/k)

 

There many people like you Fudgie. We just want to know what makes humanity tick, even the evil portions. I have always wanted to know what makes evil tick. Maybe so we can prevent it one day.

[metrogirl]

Fudgie, have you ever seen the that program Autopsy? It's an HBO thing I think but I found them on youtube of and deadliest women I think it's called. Love both of those.

 

I had to laugh where you wrote what your family said. My boyfriend told me once, "you could probably pull off the perfect murder" and I just raised an eyebrow at him and stayed silent. LMAO

[hazelynut]

Haha this reminds me..

 

A few months ago my mom was cleaning out my childhood room, and came accross some books of mine that I'd been reading in my forensics phase (which, apparently, is totally normal!). One of these books was on serial killers. I also happened to have in my room a pair of handcuffs (totally innocent, you guys... what kid doesn't like playing around with handcuffs...?). So what my lovely mother did was take a picture of the handcuffs next to the book on serial killers, and sent it to my boyfriend as a joke.

 

And he's even still dating me.

[Fudgie]

I don't think anything's wrong with you.

 

While my tastes are a bit more varied, I also love the "darker" things in life: I'm fascinated by cemeteries, I LOVE dystopian/post-apocalyptic fiction, movies and TV, and the occult is so interesting to me. And I have absolutely no concern that it's not good for me, as I'm a happy, well-adjusted person who simply enjoys contemplating the darker side of things.

 

I love cemeteries! They are so pretty! I do like to visit them once in a while and go around and just read the stones. Some of them say some pretty interesting things.

There is a HUGE one in the city I live in that has a HUGE park area (no graves in it, although it's nestled in the cemetery) and it's just the perfect place for a picnic because it's like a GARDEN but there are old rumors that it's haunted and N won't go with me!! GRR. The fact that it's haunted makes me want to go MORE!!

 

 

metrogirl, I don't get HBO but that sounds like a really cool show. I'll see if I can check it out online.

 

Isn't it funny what our families say? Let me tell you a funny quick story. My brother once lost his e-reader (EVERYONE on my family uses the same account for e-readers so we can share books) and some school security guy found it and found a book in the archive (not being read) on there about school shootings and the psychology behind them. So my mom gets a call from the school security being VERY CONCERNED that my brother would be reading a book at such a young age.

 

She had to explain "No it's really his older sister Fudgie, she reads creepy stuff. It's her book on there, not his" because the school was recommending therapy to my brother! They were then like "Oh...maybe she should get looked at then..."

 

LOL!

[Seraphim]

I like taking pictures of cemeteries.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm the same way to some degree. I watch shows like CSI and Criminal Minds and I too can name a lot of the serial killers in that opening. I think it's interesting to dive into why some human beings are that way, what drives them. And another level it hits me on an emotional level for some reason. Like maybe it's my brains way of saying 'hey, this still pulls at your emotions so you aren't weird/like them'.

[annie24]

Hi Fudgie - i am like you - I think a lot of us are - obviously, there are a lot of crime documentary shows and there wouldn't be if so many people weren't interested. As for the Holocaust museum (I've been too) I think it's important to understand our history so that these things never happen again. I don't think it's good for people to bury their heads in the sand and pretend that it never happened.

 

I would say that this becomes a problem (like anything) if it interferes with your normal day to day life. ie, afraid to go to a restaurant because a killer might be there, etc...

[Miss Firecracker]

Me too! I go to sleep watching ID TV every night. It is normal to be curious about evil minds, at least I think so.

[agent1607307371]

-I don't like the show, but you know the beginning of Criminal Minds that shows a bunch of past serial killers/criminals? I saw that opening for the first time and could maybe name about 75% of them off the bat. It scared my mom, haha.

 

 

Pfft! Lightweight

 

You know, if these things weren't popular, they wouldn't be so... popular.

 

We live in a world that is totally sanitised by the standards of even 100 years ago and I think it's pretty normal to be interested in it.

 

I can see why he might be worried, but I think he's wrong.

[Seraphim]

I think as human beings we are naturally curious about the macabre . It is when you start doing those things that you should worry.

[tattoobunnie]

Welcome to being a creative who's fascinated by the off-beat things. A lot of people are into morbid things from interests to photos of the dead, to learning about sociopaths and psychopaths - you are completely normal. In fact there are jobs specifically for people who can handle this type of stuff, profiliers, morticians, crime scene investigators, scientists, FBI, police, doctors, manufacturers, photographers, artists.

 

You are perfect the way you are. And never had seen Glee, nor care for it. Other than my card collection of serial killers, I am fascinated by learning about the make-up of sociopaths at the moment.

[Heather Dawn]

I love cemeteries! They are so pretty! I do like to visit them once in a while and go around and just read the stones. Some of them say some pretty interesting things.

There is a HUGE one in the city I live in that has a HUGE park area (no graves in it, although it's nestled in the cemetery) and it's just the perfect place for a picnic because it's like a GARDEN but there are old rumors that it's haunted and N won't go with me!! GRR. The fact that it's haunted makes me want to go MORE!!

 

I like taking pictures of cemeteries.

 

ME, TOO. We have made MANY cemetery trips (to various cemeteries) just for the sole purpose of photographing the statues and headstones. We live near Sleepy Hollow Cemetery, where a lot of famous, classic authors are buried. It's a GORGEOUS place. If you guys ever get out to MA, you should check it out.

 

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[SapphireNoir10]

I'm pretty similar. I have a fear of death, constantly facing it via horror movies, true crime...and the like actually makes me feel better about my life, and more accepting of death. It's like constantly facing that which I fear most. Also I find it fascinating how people work.

[mylolita]

Hi Fudgie,

 

From what everyones said, you are definitely NOT alone!

 

My Dad is exactly like you! He was always reading crime novels and true life crime stories. When I was 7 I snuck downstairs to the cabinet where he kept them stacked right on the top near the ceiling. I got a stool and read one for about half an hour sat by the heater before school, completely transfixed by this morbid, off-limit content. I distinctly remember reading in that book about Fred and Rose West (don't know if you've heard of them, they are both British serial killers, me being from the UK I will never forget my horror and delight. The awful crime images stuck with me for years to come!

 

I'm not massively into crime drama's although I loved CSI (I know, I'm pathetic!). I also adore horror novels. Anything with kinky sex in as well mixed in with horror is a massive curiosity for me! I know it sounds very main stream but I love love love Stephen King and have read almost everything he's ever published.

 

I don't think you need me to tell you - you're normal! Don't worry!

 

 

- Lolita

[Sanesoul]

If I'm not watching ID, the tv isn't on usually. I love horror in all it's shapes and forms. I don't read true crime novels really, but that is because there are so many good horror novels out there (my to-be-read list is insanely long). I've been known to spend hours taking pics in a graveyard, even bringing my daughter with.

 

I've always been macabre. I delve more into the insane though. Historic mental health treatments, urban ruins of long closed insane asylums, anything dealing with insanity is intruiging to me.

 

My favorite thing to study is the human mind and all that it's capable of.

[Fudgie]

The ID channel is one of my favorites. I sometimes watch marathons too, or at least have it on in the background. Living in a small space with my boyfriend can be challenging because he doesn't like that channel but for the most part I tell him to hush and just keep the volume low..

 

I'm so happy to see I'm not the only one who is like this. I was starting to think I was weird.

 

Thankfully it hasn't made me paranoid. The only dark thing that has really made me more paranoid than in the past was when a family we knew was murdered in real life. That shook me to my core and still affects my mindset years later. But the stuff I read or watch? Nah.

 

My boyfriend became recently concerned when I got us an emergency landline. It costs $8-$10 a month. I don't trust the 911 reverse address on cell phones. N was concerned that my crime TV watching finally caught up to me. I had to explain that my reason for getting it was actually because of a recent health scare I had. I was home alone and ended up getting very sick because of something in my lungs, and had to be driven for an xray right away.

 

I worry about crime but I stay safe and don't go out late in the city and am good with locks so I think I'm okay.

[Sanesoul]

Not weird at all...unless I'm weird too, which I guess is possible!

[CluelessGuy321]

Ever thought about going into forensics or being a coroner?