New Journal

[Seraphim]

Love you girl. Always wishing you the best for you. 💕

[bluecastle]

15 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I guess I just want those who have made me feel seen, to know how much it has meant to me. I'm grateful for you. 

Right back at you, itsallgrand. 

Wishing you all the best, always. 

[itsallgrand]

Besides working on my business, I've just been living super simply. And it's helping a lot. Lots of exercise - I bought myself my first new bicycle as an adult! - and expanding my garden. I bought myself a CSA box for my birthday coming up, so between that and my garden the idea is hopefully will be able to cover produce and some other food over summer and fall without relying on the grocery stores. The idea is to wean off big grocery and some other over time, and I think it's doable for the most part. 

I barely watch tv anymore, and have reduced my screen time to mostly work now. I've lost the few extra pounds I was carrying around. 

I'm just trying to focus on the good things, and what I can control. There's so much out of my control, it has played a toll on my mental health. But I think I'm on the right track again. 

For spiritual needs, nature and connection to bigger things is my place. It's important, especially with how easy it is to become myopic right now. 

Love you all. Stay safe and thinking of you fine people. 

[dias]

7 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

 

Love you all

We love you too! Glad you are doing well. Take care 🙂

[itsallgrand]

I'm turning 42, which means I am now the same age as my dad was when he died. It's an odd feeling. I've been thinking of him lots. He had a wife, a 14 year old and a 12 year old at this age. He was going to college, and I was SO proud of him. He was the person I was closest to in the whole world. I felt so lucky, having a dad that was involved in my life. Most of my friends didn't have that, they rarely saw their fathers as their families were rather old school in the way of "mom takes care of kids, dad works crazy hours farming and you don't bother him when he's relaxing". My dad wasn't a farmer, and wasn't planted to a piece of land in that way. Also, our family was egalitarian, there wasn't adherence to a set of gender or age roles like we were surrounded by. My dad liked to roam, he loved adventure. I'd go as far to say that he was a bit of an adrenaline junkie. His best friend was a bush pilot up north, and that was like the coolest thing ever to me as a kid. Dad worked mostly in labour jobs until his mid 30s. He would go away for weeks sometimes to work in camps, getting way up high repairing and building bridges and other structures. Later, he was hauling sugar beets in Canada and the states. Sometimes he'd take one of us with, for shorter trips, and I loved it lol. Besides that, he'd often take us on mini trips. Either hop in the car or the motorcycle, and just go. I absolutely loved those trips. We never knew either what vehicle we might have, as he'd be swapping out different cars and bikes regularly. We had a shimmering gold glitter beast of a car at one point. Ha. Also, my riding helmet was glittered, but of course! 

Dad was a bit eccentric, and a talented artist. We painted murals on our walls as a family. We created snow sculptures. We made wicked papier mache heads for Halloween. We always had art projects on the go. 

And he was so supportive of me, no matter what. He was a talker, a friend to anyone who might want one, no matter background or what people may think. 

I see the older guys on their fancy cruiser bikes, going for coffee cruises now instead of bar runs, and I think of dad. He'd be there. He'd be cruising around, chatting everyone up, in his retirement years. And if he were alive, we would be doing those cute father daughter bike rides for dad fundraisers, all the way. 

I miss him. 

[Seraphim]

48 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm turning 42, which means I am now the same age as my dad was when he died. It's an odd feeling. I've been thinking of him lots. He had a wife, a 14 year old and a 12 year old at this age. He was going to college, and I was SO proud of him. He was the person I was closest to in the whole world. I felt so lucky, having a dad that was involved in my life. Most of my friends didn't have that, they rarely saw their fathers as their families were rather old school in the way of "mom takes care of kids, dad works crazy hours farming and you don't bother him when he's relaxing". My dad wasn't a farmer, and wasn't planted to a piece of land in that way. Also, our family was egalitarian, there wasn't adherence to a set of gender or age roles like we were surrounded by. My dad liked to roam, he loved adventure. I'd go as far to say that he was a bit of an adrenaline junkie. His best friend was a bush pilot up north, and that was like the coolest thing ever to me as a kid. Dad worked mostly in labour jobs until his mid 30s. He would go away for weeks sometimes to work in camps, getting way up high repairing and building bridges and other structures. Later, he was hauling sugar beets in Canada and the states. Sometimes he'd take one of us with, for shorter trips, and I loved it lol. Besides that, he'd often take us on mini trips. Either hop in the car or the motorcycle, and just go. I absolutely loved those trips. We never knew either what vehicle we might have, as he'd be swapping out different cars and bikes regularly. We had a shimmering gold glitter beast of a car at one point. Ha. Also, my riding helmet was glittered, but of course! 

Dad was a bit eccentric, and a talented artist. We painted murals on our walls as a family. We created snow sculptures. We made wicked papier mache heads for Halloween. We always had art projects on the go. 

And he was so supportive of me, no matter what. He was a talker, a friend to anyone who might want one, no matter background or what people may think. 

I see the older guys on their fancy cruiser bikes, going for coffee cruises now instead of bar runs, and I think of dad. He'd be there. He'd be cruising around, chatting everyone up, in his retirement years. And if he were alive, we would be doing those cute father daughter bike rides for dad fundraisers, all the way. 

I miss him. 

That is beautiful ❤️ I love beautiful relationships. 

[itsallgrand]

Yesterday, the SO and I were disagreeing about something and it got a little bit heated. Then he says "Cite your sources!" and I started laughing and next thing you know, we are belly laughing. It's become a sort of shorthand now for diffusing a disagreement when it gets a bit too hot, as our most epic argument we've had in this relationship devolved into a total farce of us frantically pulling up sources to prove our positions and "cite your source!!" being repeated by both us. 

The rare geeky argument aside, I've never been with someone I've worked so well with as him. We really do make a great team, and I'm feeling grateful today. We have managed to get through this past year, both of us home and can barely go anywhere, and our relationship is stronger. 

 

[Seraphim]

17 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Yesterday, the SO and I were disagreeing about something and it got a little bit heated. Then he says "Cite your sources!" and I started laughing and next thing you know, we are belly laughing. It's become a sort of shorthand now for diffusing a disagreement when it gets a bit too hot, as our most epic argument we've had in this relationship devolved into a total farce of us frantically pulling up sources to prove our positions and "cite your source!!" being repeated by both us. 

The rare geeky argument aside, I've never been with someone I've worked so well with as him. We really do make a great team, and I'm feeling grateful today. We have managed to get through this past year, both of us home and can barely go anywhere, and our relationship is stronger. 

 

Hahaha we have had a few disagreements too, not as polite as yours.😣 But we know it is not meant and we apologize and move on. I just see this as practice for retirement . It is coming up quick. 5 years for me and 8 for hubby. 
 

Getting through the hard times proves a relationship’s worth and strength. The easy times are, well, easy, the test is the hard times. 

[maritalbliss86]

1 hour ago, itsallgrand said:

We have managed to get through this past year, both of us home and can barely go anywhere, and our relationship is stronger. 

I think the pandemic made or broke a lot of relationships.  If a couple can survive being together under the worst circumstances, make a happy, peaceful ( even forced under lock down LOL) home together in the midst of them, they are set!

[itsallgrand]

Holy crow. We are opening up a wee bit in our province and suddenly everyone wants to spend money. I'm not complaining, but wow, people are just itching lol. Looks like I won't be camping this weekend since I'd be a fool to turn down good business. Fresh coffee on!! 

[itsallgrand]

I feel bad for kids that are growing up with their every fart documented in photos on social media by their parents. Something that came up on my feed really bugged me today, so I'll just get my annoyance out here. 

The person posts photos of her kids constantly. The eldest is now a teenager, and in all the photos today he was flipping the bird and scowling. She posted them anyways, even though he clearly was not up for one of moms photo sessions. Here's the real poop part though... She posted selfies he had taken of himself that were embarrassing and obviously meant to be private for himself, and wrote "posting X's selfies as pay back!! for flipping me off when I'm taking pictures 😜😂". 

This is a real dink move, right? I'm not crazy to think this is way out of line to do this to someone, social media vengeance or something? 

This same person has her kids pose with signs and uses them for photos for her cause du jour. I'll make clear, I'm not knocking people who believe in something. But for her, she's putting them on and off like it's a hip accessory, and dragging her kids into. 

I just know I would have done horribly if my mom was like that, I'd be flipping her off too. Like let him just figure out who he is seperate from you. 

Time to delete contact lol. 

[Seraphim]

3 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I feel bad for kids that are growing up with their every fart documented in photos on social media by their parents. Something that came up on my feed really bugged me today, so I'll just get my annoyance out here. 

The person posts photos of her kids constantly. The eldest is now a teenager, and in all the photos today he was flipping the bird and scowling. She posted them anyways, even though he clearly was not up for one of moms photo sessions. Here's the real poop part though... She posted selfies he had taken of himself that were embarrassing and obviously meant to be private for himself, and wrote "posting X's selfies as pay back!! for flipping me off when I'm taking pictures 😜😂". 

This is a real dink move, right? I'm not crazy to think this is way out of line to do this to someone, social media vengeance or something? 

This same person has her kids pose with signs and uses them for photos for her cause du jour. I'll make clear, I'm not knocking people who believe in something. But for her, she's putting them on and off like it's a hip accessory, and dragging her kids into. 

I just know I would have done horribly if my mom was like that, I'd be flipping her off too. Like let him just figure out who he is seperate from you. 

Time to delete contact lol. 

People like that are butts . It is one thing to have the occasional nice pic of your kid but that is on a whole other level. 

[Jibralta]

6 hours ago, Seraphim said:

People like that are butts . It is one thing to have the occasional nice pic of your kid but that is on a whole other level. 

Agree. 

[itsallgrand]

People I went to school with are posting about becoming grandparents now. That's 3 since Covid started! 

And here I am chilling with stray cats and the SOs niece lol. Thought I was feeding one stray cat, turns out there's a baby and a male larger one too. They are a cute little family living in my yard! 

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. I sleep well these days, I'm happy, I have what I need and more, I have the time to do those things I felt I couldn't in my younger days. I got over my fear of real travel, I got my chance finally to pursue the education I want, I've gotten over so many fears. 

Time just flies!! It's wild that in an alternate universe, I could be a grandma now. It's wild seeing others my age being grandparents. 

Anyone else have this moment of "wow, I'm at this point now?!? When??" haha

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Anyone else have this moment of "wow, I'm at this point now?!? When??" haha

Yeah, a little bit! I'm still processing it, but I like it!

[itsallgrand]

8 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Yeah, a little bit! I'm still processing it, but I like it!

I'm still processing it too. It's a slightly weird feeling, but not bad in any way. 

[Seraphim]

My step sister who is 11 years younger than me is a grandma and has 6 of her own kids and is having #7 in 2 months. I would love to be a grandma but I don’t know if my son could ever care for children of his own . So it is not something I should wish for sadly . 

[boltnrun]

My cousin who is in her mid 50s is a great grandmother. She became a grandmother when she was 33! 

I'm looking forward to being a grandmother but I told my son I can patiently wait until he's ready. My daughter isn't married or seriously involved so it will be a while for her too most likely.  But I know I will love having grandkids.

[Jibralta]

11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My cousin who is in her mid 50s is a great grandmother. She became a grandmother when she was 33! 

OMG! That beats my high school friends who were young moms. Some of their kids are now in their mid 20s--no grandchildren yet, though. 

[boltnrun]

5 hours ago, Jibralta said:

OMG! That beats my high school friends who were young moms. Some of their kids are now in their mid 20s--no grandchildren yet, though. 

My cousin was 15 when she had her daughter.  Her daughter had her first child when she was 18.  Her other daughter became a mother in her mid-20s (not sure of the exact age) and HER daughter became a mother when she was 16, making my cousin a great grandmother.

A friend of mine (male) also became a grandfather when he was in his mid 30s.  His son was born when he was 19 and then became a father himself when HE was 18.  My friend was so bummed lol.  I started calling him Grandpa and he didn't find it amusing.

I'm in my mid 50s and am not yet a grandmother.  My daughter is several years younger than my son so she's not quite there yet lol.  My son is talking about kids in the next couple of years.  He's married.  I plan to absolutely adore any grandchildren I am lucky enough to have.  I'll try not to spoil them but, you know...

[itsallgrand]

I found the baby stray a home. Sadly, the mom got pregnant again before I could get her fixed. I have arrangements now with a stray organization to catch and release her (to get her vet care and spaying) , as she is not able to be handled even with much patience on my part. I'll watch over mom and kittens until they can be adopted. Someone else has taken the male. We already decided the mom can stay with us as long as she needs, as it will be most difficult for her to find a home. The shelters don't take the less adoptable cats right now - they are at capacity and I'm lucky they will help place this new batch of kittens. It's really sad how full the shelters are, breaks my heart. I feel so bad for the momma cat, she's young herself and yet she's such a good mom to those kittens. I just want to love her up and give her a chance at a good life. She will sit by me blinking and that's big progress. Sweet girl. 

[itsallgrand]

I went to a specialist appointment today. My anxiety has been high dreading it and dreading having to go to the women's clinic. There's always pro life protesters in the way to get in the doors, which stresses me out even further. 

It went well, as far as I can tell, but I won't be totally at ease until some time passes with hopefully no phone call. Ugh i hate that anticipation, that feeling of my back going up when the phone rings... No one really calls anymore unless it's a solicitor or something bad, now I hate the phone ringing. 

It was kind of disturbing how different the place was since last time I was there. You can really see the pinch, in several ways. Usually is arrive early, because sometimes they'd be running ahead. This time they specifically said don't arrive early, you are going to wait. I waited 2 and half hours from my time, and this was after my Appt being rebooked and delayed already. 

But it was in the room that I really saw the struggle, it was a confused mess and I won't get into it, but the nurse even confused me for someone else, coming in and telling me to go before I was even seen. Didn't help my anxiety that. 

I don't know. I need to decompress. Just needed to get this out. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. 

[Seraphim]

44 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I went to a specialist appointment today. My anxiety has been high dreading it and dreading having to go to the women's clinic. There's always pro life protesters in the way to get in the doors, which stresses me out even further. 

It went well, as far as I can tell, but I won't be totally at ease until some time passes with hopefully no phone call. Ugh i hate that anticipation, that feeling of my back going up when the phone rings... No one really calls anymore unless it's a solicitor or something bad, now I hate the phone ringing. 

It was kind of disturbing how different the place was since last time I was there. You can really see the pinch, in several ways. Usually is arrive early, because sometimes they'd be running ahead. This time they specifically said don't arrive early, you are going to wait. I waited 2 and half hours from my time, and this was after my Appt being rebooked and delayed already. 

But it was in the room that I really saw the struggle, it was a confused mess and I won't get into it, but the nurse even confused me for someone else, coming in and telling me to go before I was even seen. Didn't help my anxiety that. 

I don't know. I need to decompress. Just needed to get this out. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. 

I am so sorry this was so disorganized and uncomfortable. Healthcare has become massive nightmare in every capacity. 

[itsallgrand]

My stomach is sinking, what the hell good ol' U.S. of A.?! Major blow against human rights. Makes me sick! 

 

[LikeWater]

Hi IAG, I'm so sorry with how rough it's been for you.

That being said, I need to give you some sour soup.  Human rights are made up, we created them and change them through the times.  No one actually has any right to anything at all.  The 1st ammendment gets trampled over time and time again.  It's upon the jury and unfortunately, your jury might be full of dumba**es.

Still, my heart really stings for you.  You've always been one of my favorite people on this site and I know how strong you are.  I hope the next we speak you'll have processed this.  More than anything, I just hope you're okay.  Take all the time you need.