Jump to content

New Journal


itsallgrand
 Share

Recommended Posts

Likewater, you are awesome!! 

Eh, I'm not American, I'm Canadian, but I've been watching like ***?! It's scary how lunatics are gaining ground. 

I'm ok. Hanging in there. But how are you?? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

Lately... not so well.  My old friend depression has decided rear its ugly head and I'm falling back on self-medicating with booze because I don't know how else to cope with it.  But the alcohol is a bandaid for a broken limb, so to speak.  It helps while I'm consuming but makes things worse the next day.

I also really don't like the way I've been communicating with people while inebriated.  It's not how I usually conduct myself and I regret it the next day almost every time.  I definitely feel like I'm pushing people away recently and it's always the result of heavy alcohol consumption.

I don't know what else to do when I'm in an extreme low compounded with other factors like lack of sleep and generally not getting support from others.  I would say I've been a mess this entire month

I wish I could give you happier report of my well-being.  I appreciate how kind you've always been to me.  I don't take it for granted

I would say I'm nowhere near as awesome as you are :)

Edited by LikeWater
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sad to hear you aren't doing well, and I appreciate the honesty about it. I've definitely had my really bad lows, and you've seen a lot of them from my writing on here. You helped me through some really rough times. I'll never forget that either. 

Its been a while since we caught up. Last time, you were mentioning how you were thinking of moving. Did you end up moving places? 

Did something happen lately or is this a cumulation of a lot of things? It's ok if you don't want to go into it. I'll listen if you want to share though. 

Things have been so crazy, it's taking a toll on so many. Sometimes it's amazing to me how we are still going. 

Thinking of you. Gonna send out some energy your way tonight, sorry if that's cheesy but I'm gonna 🙂 you aren't forgotten! You aren't alone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is why I like you, IAG.  You just be yourself.

Indeed, I did end up moving.  It was for multiple reasons but the main two : Pandemic and family health.  I decided to move into my parents' house mainly for the second reason.  My dad has Alzheimers and heart complications.  Particularly with the former, essentially, my mom just needs some help.  And no one else is giving it so I decided to.

I don't care if anyone perceives your remarks as cheesy or whatever else.  You shouldn't worry about it either.  Your words help people, not harm them, even in your own journal.

i'm certainly not capable of that so give yourself more credit :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. That's a lot. I think it's amazing you stepped up and are there for them. It's so important - family. You are a good person. But also, no wonder you are struggling. That must be so difficult for you. 

I was actually just saying the other day about how the time I spent staying with my mom when she was sick was something ill never regret. I'm so glad I did it. I got some critical feedback from someone, because I took a sabbatical at work to do it. Im so glad I didn't listen. Ha. It was some of the most awful time, really hard. But also it was so important to me. You never get that time back with the person. Sharing life with those we care about, even when it's really not easy, that's what it's all about. 

I hope you have gotten some sleep, friend. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm weird.  Just in general.  But I'm especially weird when it comes to things like this.

I have a pretty good acceptance with death, mortality... the end of one's time.  It also helps that his mother, unfortunately, also ultimately died of Alzheimers.  In the end it was like speaking to her baby form, and I guess what I'm getting at is that it's really not a terrible thing.

My dad is going to lose memory, he'll get confused with simple tasks.  Alzheimers reverses your brain slowly back to the youngest age.  I know this sounds harsh but if my dad were to die any way, I think it's great that he won't realize it and I also think it's it's a good thing that, if this is how he goes, I get to see him turn back time to earlier years.  I learn more about him and might even communicate with him easier.

I get that this bleak, I've no interest in painting it otherwise.  But my dad and I have never been close, and he will die with time like anyone else.  But this illness has brought us to being closer and understanding one another better.

I don't wish my dad had this illness, but I guess for now I'm able to handle the hard reality of it by discovering my father in ways that otherwise would never happen.

I feel like I sound like a terrible person right now but in a way, if this has to happen, it's kind of beautiful, isn't it?  I've learned more about my father in the last year than I'd had my 33 years of life.

It's sad but but great at he same time.  I know I'll come off as not caring but anyone who matters knows that's not the case.  I just want to explain my reality of the situation.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Keeping track of all the edibles as my "food forest" grows. Harvested fiddle heads, rhubarb, and young grape leaves. Fiddleheads were cooked up and that's the end for them now, got a few weeks. Rhubarb will go into fall. Grape leaves can be harvested into summer, grapes later on. Dandelions, go to salad, not bad. 

Traded some fiddleheads for morel mushrooms. 

Still planting, more to go. 

So beginning of. Really trying to maximize this year. More to hone skills than anything right now. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Liliacs are blooming. I love this time where you walk outside and get a big breeze of the scent. I'm infusing some sugar with them, making a syrup, and trying an experiment with infusing salts for the bath. Did not care for them raw as is, but they look pretty sugared.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Liliacs are blooming. I love this time where you walk outside and get a big breeze of the scent. I'm infusing some sugar with them, making a syrup, and trying an experiment with infusing salts for the bath. Did not care for them raw as is, but they look pretty sugared.

Oh my goodness!! They are my fav flower . I FINALLY have my own tree this year. Imagine my delight when I saw them this Spring!! Ours are gone now. We had a few hot days and the blooms all died as they are so delicate. 
 

That all sounds heavenly. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Chives are already flowering. Having hummus today with chive. Using chickpeas from my grain csa. That grain csa was amazing, I'll def be signing up again. Considering the massive haul I got this winter after a drought year, Im excited for this year where the harvest will be better. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

The apple trees are mega loaded this year! Raspberries are looking good. Might even get a few hops this year, though who knows if they will taste any good! 

We've been getting rain, then sun, rain, then sun, so I've been busy weeding like a mo fo. Super excited for my garden this year, and it's like therapy for me having my morning routine of coffee outside doing a tour of the yard. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ever since the death of my mom, my godmother has been so much softer with me. We've had a strong bond for a long time, ever since I was little, but she was always gruff and "hard". It never bothered me because I know her heart is good. She's incredibly generous, and kind in action. And she has a wicked good sense of humour. And I don't, never have, been easily put off by gruffness. Plus I've always respected and admired her. 

But now, and especially since the pandemic, she tells me how she loves me. She uses heart emojis. It's taken me a bit to get used to it. This is a woman who wouldn't let me touch, never mind hug her, for most of my life. Displaying love for me before she'd get a bit too tipsy once in a while, and insist on me taking money, and me refusing and her smiling huge and going "just listen and take it". Then I'd get a literal pat on my back "you're good. You're a good one". Now it's big, tight hugs. It's wild. 

Feeling happy she's in my life. Our visit, it perked me up. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • How To Make A Woman Want You Sexually (Guide To Building Her Interest And Sexual Attraction)
      Learn how to make a woman want you sexually! In today's video we're talking about sexual attraction and how you make a woman want you! We're going to be discussing some useful tips you can put to work to get a woman interested in you and building that sexual desire. Often men think they know exactly what women want, men in sports cars with big houses a big wallet and a bad boy attitude. This might be what the ladies want in movies but not in real life it's very different. To know what a lady wants you need to understand what you need to do to make her want you sexually. Imagine if you knew the secret formula to do this, the one that tells you exactly what women want sexually. The formula would let you know exactly what you need to do to get a woman to fall into your arms, sounds too good to be true right? Well it's not! It's as easy as being mindful of your own behaviour and adopting steel-proof boundaries. Want to know some more? Well don't move an inch.

       
      • 0 replies
    • How to know when he's really fallen in LOVE
      You’re falling in love with your man deeper every day, but you don’t know if he feels the same way for you. It’s natural to want to know his feelings for you. What happens when he doesn’t say it or he’s not the type to say that? His actions tell you he loves you, but you could be wrong, right? So how do you know when he’s really in love with you? It’s not always so easy, but it’s not impossible either!

       
      • 0 replies
    • 6 Psychological Secrets of Attraction
      Knowing whether or not someone is “into you” can be incredibly difficult if they don’t explicitly say it. In this video, we will be looking at some psychological secrets of attraction.

       
      • 0 replies
    • This Healing Mindset That Helps Overcome Trauma Symptoms
      If you grew up with neglect and abuse, you've needed time to talk about what happened, and how parents and others treated you. But THEN what? Once you've acknowledged the past and gained an understanding of how you developed symptoms of trauma, how can you overcome those symptoms, and move forward with building a happy and fulfilled life? In this video I teach about the two general categories of comments I see on my channel, and what that suggestions about the commenter's readiness to heal.

       
      • 0 replies
    • "I Want A Girlfriend" Do THIS First
      I want a girlfriend. Have you ever found yourself thinking "I want a girlfriend" but you're not quite sure if you're actually ready for one? Before you go about doing anything else it's important to make sure that you actually need a girlfriend right now.

       
        • Like
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...