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Everything posted by maritalbliss86

  1. F*cking can't believe what's happening in Afghanistan.
  2. Yes, it makes me feel a strange longing for them... wishing I could have known them or something... just a very strange kind of connection once you find out who your ancestors were, and what they were like, etc. My mom has done a lot of work to figure out both her side and my dad's side and it's just insane. But like you said on Dias' page, you have to cross-reference a lot to make sure. She's found SO much though, and I think she's used, "find a grave," many times to make sure the dates were correct (sometimes ancestry has the dates wrong), and she's even found old immigrant passage lists on ships that showed our relatives names, where they left from, where they arrived, all the kids that were on board with them. Just incredible how much you can find, but it's VERY hard... it's taken her I think over 10 years to find out all she has, and even then it feels like only scratching the surface!
  3. From William Penn's book, "Fruits of Solitude," (he lived from 1644-1718, was a Quaker Christian, frequently imprisoned for having different religious beliefs) - I love reading Old English 🙂❤️ "92. But in Marriage do thou be wise; prefer the Person before Money; Vertue before Beauty, the Mind before the Body: Then thou hast a Wife, a Friend, a Companion, a Second Self; one that bears an equal Share with thee in all thy Toyls and Troubles. 6 93. Chuse one that Measures her satisfaction, Safety and Danger, by thine; and of whom thou art sure, as of thy secretest Thoughts: A Friend as well as a Wife, which indeed a Wife implies: For she is but half a Wife that is not, or is not capable of being such a Friend. 7 94. Sexes make no Difference; since in Souls there is none: And they are the Subjects of Friendship. 8 95. He that minds a Body and not a Soul, has not the better Part of that Relation; and will consequently want (lack) the Noblest Comfort of a Married Life. 9 96. The Satisfaction of our Senses is low, short, and transient: But the Mind gives a more raised and extended Pleasure, and is capable of an Happiness founded upon Reason; not bounded and limited by the Circumstances that Bodies are confin’d to. 10 97. Here it is we ought to search out our Pleasure, where the Field is large and full of Variety, and of an induring Nature: Sickness, Poverty, or Disgrace, being not able to shake it, because it is not under the moving Influences of Worldly Contingencies. 11 98. The Satisfaction of those that do so is in well-doing, and in the Assurance they have of a future Reward: That they are best loved of those they love most, and that they enjoy and value the Liberty of their Minds above that of their Bodies; having the whole Creation for their Prospect, the most Noble and Wonderful Works and Providences of God, the Histories of the Antients, and in them the Actions and Examples of the Vertuous; and lastly, themselves, their Affairs and Family, to exercise their Minds and Friendship upon. 12 99. Nothing can be more entire and without Reserve; nothing more zealous, affectionate and sincere; nothing more contented and constant than such a Couple; nor no greater temporal Felicity than to be one of them. 13 (this I feel is us!) 100. Between a Man and his Wife nothing ought to rule but Love. Authority is for Children and Servants; yet not without Sweetness. 14 101. As Love ought to bring them together, so it is the best Way to keep them well together. 15 102. Wherefore use her not as a Servant, whom thou would’st, perhaps, have serv’d Seven Years to have obtained. 16 103. An Husband and Wife that love and value one another, shew their Children and Servants, That they should do so too. Others visibly lose their Authority in their Families by their Contempt of one another; and teach their Children to be unnatural by their own Example." Wise advise from a few hundred years ago 😉
  4. My husband had a similar thing happen a few months ago... a female on his job was doing really crappy stuff that was so unnecessary, and then getting irrationally angry and causing drama similar to how you describe. She got into it with my husband and he backed down since it just revealed how awful she was to everyone else. Multiple people were remarking on it, but SHE thought she had showed them all 🤷‍♂️. Thankfully she resigned recently 🙏. Everyone is safer, too.
  5. Is there any way you can fill out a tax form so that the extra $$$ is less taxed due to work-related expenses? That's what we do whenever he gets a lot extra for, "services," ... it REALLY helps, otherwise they tax the hell out of the extra $$$
  6. So I was reading that old thread I started almost a year ago about my FIL pressuring us to go to counseling with my husband's brother and his wife. It's hard to believe how much has happened in just a year's time... I mean, now, he and his dad (and mom) aren't even talking to each other anymore. It just seemed to escalate on their part so fast with the passive-aggressiveness and then the silent treatment (and my husband being done with it all). I had almost forgotten though, how he'd tried so hard to pressure us into that... re-reading that thread was really good. I thought about updating what ended up happening, but I think I'll just post it here instead of that older thread (especially since that issue is closed out).... So BIL and SIL ended up having a baby and no one told my husband when it was born, the sex, name, or anything. He found out accidentally that they had even had it 🤷‍♂️ This was months ago. I think we found out in May or late April. Then just a couple of nights ago, he found out that their baby was born premature at 35 weeks, and also had severe health issues 😞 just so awful! No wonder why no one told us about the birth. So it was probably born in March. Our oldest was born premature, too, at 36 weeks. We spent a week in NICU with him, so we know what that's like somewhat. I feel sorry for them, and yet my husband remarked we can't really DO anything for them, they wouldn't want it. He saw a GofundMe account set up because apparently the treatments their baby needs is exorbitant (2.5 million to 4 million). We don't know anything about what he really has wrong, but it sounds tragic.
  7. Hopefully not. Hopefully she knows she's like that. I swear people who talk like that on the phone know when they're delaying you from getting off the call, they just don't care so much (I think their need to talk is higher than their concern you have to go). 🙂
  8. Wanted to add... the keratin treatment is priced so high because it's fairly awful and time-consuming. the brand I got is supposed to last 5 months though (reviewers said their's lasted a lot longer... 8-10 months if you take care of it). I don't know why I thought it'd be a great idea to have a glass of wine while doing it 🍷... but I did and that made things a lot harder 😂! Like... drunk Keratin treatment harder! My husband definitely had a laugh watching me. I'm a lightweight and we never usually drink... LOL... so it was an experience. Very glad I didn't make all my hair fall out. 😂
  9. My husband booked us an anniversary trip for this weekend... it was supposed to be a surprise but thankfully he told me early (don't like surprises like that!). It's just going to be me and him, NO kids ❤️ I'm very excited about this! I needed to touch up my hair though... usually I do it myself because highlights really aren't that hard and I love saving the money, but a friend got hers done at a salon school and they looked incredible! So I decided to give it a try last week, and they came out amazing and it was a total of $30 !!!! So then I thought about how it'd be nice to get a Keratin treatment... I've never had one and my hair could really benefit from the anti-frizz properties, but they're usually somewhere between $300-400 for long hair. Just not ever worth it in my mind. BUT I found out I could do it myself and buy the professional grade product and just give myself a keratin treatment at home! So I bought it for $50 and did it a few days ago and WOW is keratin life-changing. I didn't realize my hair has gotten so long since cutting it last year. It's about 2 feet in length and the keratin treatment looks amazing 😮 So... highlights for $30 and a keratin treatment for $50 done myself (plus I learned a new valuable-to-me skill) I saved us well over $400. 😍🤑 Loving my new hair!
  10. LOL I think some people just talk a lot. She's probably extroverted and dying of social stimulation in this pandemic.
  11. Yes^^ when you're familiar with the above, your, "R complex," gets regular de-escalation training LOL
  12. You don't have to teach people how to interact or have social skills. Both of you really could have just walked away, and refused to, "donate," anything. It's ok to leave crazy people alone, walk away from their demands on the street, etc.
  13. I'm so glad you find strength and push through. Hoping things get better.
  14. Meant to add, he is also waiting for me to give him a signal - an OK - to jump up slowly. Incredible how fast this has gone with trying to focus more on training him. Thanks everyone ❤️
  15. Just an update... this afternoon I noticed he's really understanding how to jump up slowly. Even outside when we were relaxing and the kids were playing in the water and jumping and running around, the baby was up on the bench with me, and twice our dog jumped up very slowly and carefully. He doesn't need the running start at all. He gets it! He may not even really need the step ladder except for inside (and it's only really an early morning problem). He's only had ONE accident where he jumped up too fast and scared them in all these days of training, so that's really great! He didn't land on anyone, but it was still too fast. But again... it was only one time out of many times where he's been doing it right!
  16. You've been posting some very thought-provoking ideas, Sherry ❤️. I've felt something similar to what you're saying, and when I've overcome that issue years later, I don't react the same now... it is possible to heal and become a much stronger person where you just react differently. I also agree with Jilbralta, though, that you can still employ avoidance of a situation if it's harming you... even if you're healed, some situations that are abusive just add more trauma - and it has nothing to do with, "not healing yet," if that makes sense. Sometimes avoiding the situation prevents more abuse, so it's just common sense to stay away. But I get the feeling you're talking about something else?... 🙂 Something that isn't exactly abusive, yet really affected you, and you want to be able to experience that and be in a stronger place where it doesn't phase you anymore. More secure in yourself. More confidence that someone can't touch, even if they try, kind of thing.
  17. Yes! I said pages ago that the biggest risk was probably an accidental pregnancy. Statistically, it's just more likely to happen if they live together full time, it's a math thing, not a feelings thing. "Between 2006 and 2010, only 23 percent of births to married women were unintended while 51 percent of births to unmarried cohabiting women were unintended."
  18. These are actually from many different places and studies... like the US Census to find out their education levels and income levels and compare living situations, and then the study findings from the Institute of Family Studies, or the 4th National Incident study on Abuse and Neglect to show what children from accidental pregnancies end up suffering more when in cohabitation arrangements.... All of those above are valid, it has nothing to do with a random political talk show person. I think it's valid as any person considering cohabitation could always have an accidental pregnancy if he or she's not sterilized... if a person cohabitates, there's actually a much higher risk of accidental pregnancy than if they don't cohabitate (those were also cited in the article).
  19. And more statistics "Children in cohabiting families face greater risks of depression, drug use and failed matriculation than children living in a home with married parents, according to the National Marriage Project. Married parents are on average older, better educated, and earn more money than their unmarried cohabiting peers. Some scholars have suggested awarding tax bonuses of upwards of $4,000 per child in order to incentivize people to marry before having children."
  20. Just saw this article comparing cohabitation and marriage... it really is important to know the differences and educate yourself. "Compared to children of married parents, those with cohabiting parents are more likely to experience the breakup of their families, be exposed to ‘complex’ family forms, live in poverty, suffer abuse, and have negative psychological and educational outcomes,” according to the Institute for Family Studies (IFS). Two-thirds (2/3) of cohabiting parents split up before their child reaches age 12, while only a quarter (1/4) of married parents divorce, according to an April 2017 Brookings Institution report." click here "Over 40 percent of married mothers and fathers have a bachelor’s degree, according to a March 2016 U.S. Census Current Population Survey. Only 8 to 10 percent of cohabiting mothers and fathers with one or more biological child have a bachelor’s degree. Children living with their biological cohabiting parents are also more than four times as likely to be physically, sexually or emotionally abused as kids living with their married parents, according to the Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect." from here
  21. I was thinking about you, Jilbralta, and wondering at times about this situation and how it was working out. ((Hugs))
  22. We went to see our counselor again yesterday, not that it was really needed, just for making sure we're able to help our kids process their grandparents' actions (like our oldest figuring out they weren't getting him anything this year... or his siblings... and how we protect him from those emotions or at least help him work through them appropriately). It was so good... it always is though. He reminded us what they did during the winter storm... he still doesn't understand why my MIL was out in a trailer for over a year at that point, doing childcare inside the RV instead of in my SIL's house (but she's always treated her mom this way... I guess the lack of sympathy or caring for her just had the opportunity to show how extreme it could become). He reminded us how my FIL chose to make that awful remark angering my husband right at the end of their phone conversation, and explained to us that it's like a health patient that throws out a bomb at the end of the session, knowing the doctor won't really have time to address it. Just incredibly hostile and VERY immature, but he showed us how it's again... about control. He showed us how my FIL desperately wants to control us/my husband. He knew my husband was about to go, as he had just told him he had to get the milk and the store was trying to close the doors right at the moment (winter storm crisis made things close early). So he was knowingly forcing my husband to have to choose to either talk to him right then and miss getting our kids what they need, or ignore his comment so that our kids could have milk in a state-wide crisis. He showed us how our family comes second in my FIL's mind. My FIL didn't care how his words would affect my husband, and didn't care how his manipulation could impact our kids in not getting milk! I love how he can see all this so clearly and points out how immature and inappropriate they act. He did congratulate my husband on being such a good dad & husband that he blew his dad's comment off, and chose to put our kids' needs first. He reiterated how myself and the kids come first, and they're hostile to that arrangement and deeply resent it. Proud of my husband, he really is doing great at this, it isn't so hard for him anymore, he really is enjoying life and doesn't care what they're doing in the background. It's not holding a grudge at all, just that we don't trust them anymore. We're, "intelligently self-protective."
  23. Ugh I can't wait for fall!!! But I love Summer and Spring and Winter, too LOL... I just love all the seasons 😂 but Fall is so special ❤️ Do you make a lot of Fall-seaony foods?
  24. This is a great thread. I feel like I'm still learning all of this, but have come to realize a lot of it in the last few years... slowly.
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