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[itsallgrand]

6 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Dont think you have an ability to block somebody here other then just ignore their replies so you cant see them. But there is an option now for OP to hide an entire thread. So nobody but OP can see it. And lots of people use it now. Thread doesnt go the way they wanted, they just hide it so nobody can see it or respond again. Its infuriating since lots of people took time to give advice that can be helpful not just to you but to somebody else with the same problem. And you just hide an entire thread.

Also its not so controversial take at least where I am from. Almost all women here get back to work immediately after pregnancy leave ends. My sister even did some stuff for her company during pregnancy leave.

Ok I keep forgetting this option exists! That makes sense what happened now. I've been here a million years and for the longest time you couldn't do that.

[boltnrun]

49 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Ok I keep forgetting this option exists! That makes sense what happened now. I've been here a million years and for the longest time you couldn't do that.

Yeah, there are a couple of people in particular who do that constantly. They post asking for advice, they don't like the advice, they then hide the thread. And then post another one a week or so later. I've taken to just not responding their threads anymore. If they're not going to play nice I'll take my ball and go home 😜

[itsallgrand]

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Yeah, there are a couple of people in particular who do that constantly. They post asking for advice, they don't like the advice, they then hide the thread. And then post another one a week or so later. I've taken to just not responding their threads anymore. If they're not going to play nice I'll take my ball and go home 😜

Lol totally fair. I'll have to watch out.

[itsallgrand]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's how you define "work" I did unpaid work as a SAHM for years -going rate back then would hav been around 1,200/month for day care, $15-20 for nanny or full time equivalent plus paid vacations, etc.  But as I've mentioned I insisted on contributing out of my nest egg monthly -husband didn't ask -so yes I paid about half our rent  I'm not sure why a SAHM with young child/children isn't "back to work".  That parent is not working outside the home or being paid for the work she does raising the child -which usually is not "at home" IMO if you do it right -we were out and about and exploring other than during nap time, etc. 

I did work to make sure I could go "back to work" -I had certain education requirements and skills upkeep to fulfill and I did and I also spent time networking in my then new city.  It all helped when I went back.

Did I feel financially responsible during those years? Not in that sense and my husband didn't feel that way at all -I was the one who insisted on contributing. He knew that I would eventually want to work outside the home and likely in my former work -which I did and he was right.  In one way yes -if heaven forbid my husband couldn't work/got laid off etc I would have the very next day made sure I was now the provider - work towards making sure ASAP I could provide.  I would not have needed outside help - if necessary I could have gone back to that work full time.  Without complaint.  

We discussed this all before we started trying to conceive and we were always on the same page about this.  And still are.

I guess I just see childcare of one's own kids as a basic responsibility that is taken on when someone decides to have kids - whichever way someone decides to do it, with paid help or no. It doesn't dissolve in my mind the responsibility to pay ones own way and financial responsibility for one's part of covering the kids costs. It's not that I see childcare of your own as " not doing anything" - it's just that I don't see it as a job, no, in the same way other jobs are. Doing housework and laundry for example is work, but doing it for yourself isn't a job. Of course families might have arrangements where someone does bulk of domestic and they have their rent, food, expenses covered in exchange. But those costs are ultimately on the individual to cover for themselves. If the situation changes or the other changes their mind (or dies, or becomes disabled, anything really) its not right to dig in one's heels and say " but I have a job. I stay home to take care of things". And that's where I get bothered!! It's not a spouses responsibility to cover your side, it's not family responsibility to help pay for your kids while you stay home and do not earn income, it's not the govt and taxpayers who should pay either. It's on YOU ( not you personally, I mean generally if you choose to have kids). 

Sorry , bit of a rant. I've just had it really with women who aren't working who keep standing there with their hand out for someone else to cover them. Like no, get a job like everyone else. 

[Batya33]

I guess I’m confused. I worked really really hard and wildly unpredictable hours being a full time parent. We outsourced part of the cleaning. My husband idea. My husband worked more than full time and no family help. In fact he traveled - in addition to regular business travel - to care for his aging parents when the aide couldn’t manage. We didn’t have a full time aide for them. 
When my son started full time kindergarten I started looking for work outside the home.(he started in August - my MIL died in October and I solo parented a great deal while my husband was away to be with his parents so I officially started looking 6 weeks after the funeral ).
It took quite awhile. First because I was in my late 40s. Second we as a family needed me to be able to telework a lot. Third I had excellent references but none was local. 
I almost had to cancel my first interview - my son was sick and my husband caught it that morning and was throwing up while trying to care for our 5 year old. 
I agree that being home to do housework and cooking is not a job as far as not being able to also bring in an income.  Caring for young children is IMO. As mentioned we’d have had to pay $$$ had I not been home plus I was far more reliable than many sitters. Also daycare doesn’t allow sick kids. Our kindergartener missed 22 days of school due to illness so he wouldn’t have been able of go to school or after school activities and we’d have needed backup care if I’d been working. 
So I contributed to childcare costs in kind. I saved us $1200 a month if we’d done daycare back then and then we’d likely have needed backup sitters on call given my husband’s travel schedule and more than full time work. 
 

[itsallgrand]

We just disagree as far as childcare for one's own children being a job in and of itself and nothing else being required of a person. 

I have a handful of family members who do not work outside the home, their family pays for costs plus govt assistance in the form of child tax cheques and other benefits. No, staying home to do childcare is not enough. You have to feed them, house them, cover the costs. It's not right imo for them to be not providing an income when their kids need it.

[Batya33]

14 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

We just disagree as far as childcare for one's own children being a job in and of itself and nothing else being required of a person. 

I have a handful of family members who do not work outside the home, their family pays for costs plus govt assistance in the form of child tax cheques and other benefits. No, staying home to do childcare is not enough. You have to feed them, house them, cover the costs. It's not right imo for them to be not providing an income when their kids need it.

Yes you do and if I'd not been home we'd have spent thousands doing so to hire someone else.  So in that way I was providing an income.  If there is free childcare available then that might be an option -in some countries there is - and in that case the couple might choose have both spouses working outside the home. Other families get free childcare from grandparents -we didn't have that situation.  In other families the wife's salary goes mostly to childcare -the wife doesn't want to be home, neither does the husband - but the income is paid to child care providers -not for  expenses in the home.  I'm confused by your math.  And yes we can disagree for sure. 

My job was full time parent for 7 years and I worked many hours and extremely hard at it.  Never 9 to 5 and yes nights and weekends and 24/7 on call especially during solo parenting. Had I needed someone to come sleep over or come at night or last minute the going rate was nearly double -if you could find someone.  We had a 10 day a year benefit for child care if my husband had to work - 10 days with a co-pay so instead of $25 an hour it would have been more like 10.  We used the benefit a few times over school breaks and it was substandard care.  That's the other issue the free or reduced cost care available elsewhere might not be at a safe or healthful standard.

We can totally disagree on what it means to have a job.  I don't consider unpaid work not to be a job -it depends.  But as I wrote where I live my being home saved at least $1,200 a month first 3 years and less in the years after once he was in school except we didn't need after care/sitters for when he was sick and couldn't go to school, etc.  Also no transportation costs in getting him to and from a daycare or the costs of leaving work mid day to pick up a sick child, etc.  

What else was "required" of me -I worked more than full time when I was home.  I saved us thousands of dollars a year by not outsourcing and he got sick way less often those first 3-4 years than he would have in daycare.  And was happier and healthier in our case given who he was at that stage/his personality.  I believe I did very important work and there was so much required of me I was exhausted so much of the time.  All worth the hard work.

Very often way too much of me was required - people with jobs get time off for being sick.  I had to prepare food and interact with my child when I had gross colds, stomach bug, fever, getting over oral surgery and anasthesia - going home by myself dizzy from anasthesia then making my toddler lunch.  I did what had to be done.  I totally get that doesn't sound like enough was required of me and that I wasn't working hard.

 

I respect your opinion and it's good to know it's out there.  I remember a friend overhearing me say "I'm just a mom" when I was home and she was so offended on my behalf that I was so self-deprecating about my hard work.

 

[itsallgrand]

Yes it's ok to disagree. 💓

Like I mentioned, I know it's still controversial to a lot of people. 

It's not something I ever bring up to people in person. I just choose not to put my money nor efforts towards those asking who are able to work for the income but choose not to. 

 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Yes it's ok to disagree. 💓

Like I mentioned, I know it's still controversial to a lot of people. 

It's not something I ever bring up to people in person. I just choose not to put my money nor efforts towards those asking who are able to work for the income but choose not to. 

 

Yes neither do I. We just disagree on "able to work", definition of "work" and what it means to bring in an income to a family unit.  It's all good! 

I hear you on not mentioning certain controversial or sensitive topics.  Although my son and I had a delightful conversation today about what if a banana decided it wanted to be a plaintain.... which I also would never bring up to people in person lol....

[itsallgrand]

I'm volunteering this weekend doing pancake breakfasts with Santa. I'll be making pancakes! My soul really needs this right now. Something really great is the center was able to raise enough to offer it up for everyone in the community for free. Probably how I was raised but I love cooking for large amounts of people, make me feel happy and at home. 

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm volunteering this weekend doing pancake breakfasts with Santa. I'll be making pancakes! My soul really needs this right now. Something really great is the center was able to raise enough to offer it up for everyone in the community for free. Probably how I was raised but I love cooking for large amounts of people, make me feel happy and at home. 

How wonderful! Ironically my son is supposed to volunteer this weekend at a venue where kids from local shelters will come to pick out gifts from Santa and also do arts and crafts/make ornaments maybe?? He will be assigned a station. He made pancakes last year with his teachers at school but alas I don't think they'll let the teenage volunteers cook.  I hope he likes it -our contribution is getting him there and showing him the FAQ video in advance.  It's a holiday party that this one person -now an organization -has been doing for probably 20 years - but his first time participating.  

Enjoy! (Oh also fun fact -the instructions we got were clear that the teen volunteers cannot partake of the snacks/goodies given to the kids lol - my son wouldn't other than by accident!)

[itsallgrand]

Batya that's so great that he is doing that! You must be proud. Thank you for doing that too, for raising a fine human. You carry it with you for life when you are taught early to jump in and get involved. And I bet the kids will love seeing him there. 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Batya that's so great that he is doing that! You must be proud. Thank you for doing that too, for raising a fine human. You carry it with you for life when you are taught early to jump in and get involved. And I bet the kids will love seeing him there. 

LOL so he will not be doing it as we watched their short video on what it is and it's not for him.  And I don't have it in me to try to convince him. Solo parenting this weekend while husband is in Canada for work.   He's done quite a lot of volunteer work in his short life so we'll find something else.  Sigh.  He is a good human albeit annoying in this situation.  

[itsallgrand]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

LOL so he will not be doing it as we watched their short video on what it is and it's not for him.  And I don't have it in me to try to convince him. Solo parenting this weekend while husband is in Canada for work.   He's done quite a lot of volunteer work in his short life so we'll find something else.  Sigh.  He is a good human albeit annoying in this situation.  

Lol "he is a good human albeit annoying in this situation" ! 

I mean, fair enough. Not everything is a fit. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, itsallgrand said:

Lol "he is a good human albeit annoying in this situation" ! 

I mean, fair enough. Not everything is a fit. 

[itsallgrand]

I'm so tired. Cost of living is so insane in this country now, so many issues here, it's depressing! And it's not necessary. It's so frustrating working your buns off to tread water. I've always been a frugal person. The days of that and working hard being enough to get ahead are gone. 

I'm proud of what I've accomplished but I'm not proud of this country anymore. 

 

[mylolita]

9 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm so tired. Cost of living is so insane in this country now, so many issues here, it's depressing! And it's not necessary. It's so frustrating working your buns off to tread water. I've always been a frugal person. The days of that and working hard being enough to get ahead are gone. 

I'm proud of what I've accomplished but I'm not proud of this country anymore. 

 

It’s an abomination here as well itsall! 
 

Like yourself, only a few years ago I could only see this heady financial upwards projection! Now, we’re okay but man, the expenses! 
 

We just got a letter through to say our Council Tax (here in the UK it’s a local government tax based on the value and area of your home) is going up to about £2,750 a year. Our gas to heat the house is about £120 a week. Our basic weekly food shop is £270 a week now and that is not including a meal or two out and the odd bits and pieces which amount to another £150. Insurance, filling up the car, mortgage rates, school activities, clothes, days out, and business loan rates (which is akin for us to the amount someone would pay for another mortgage!) 

 

I took £25 into our local supermarket yesterday and managed to come out with some grapes, a bunch of bananas, a packet of two chicken breasts, a 6 pack of crisps and a bag of salad. Wow. 
 

Insanity! My husband also rents an office and storage space, pays a not cheap photographer, and all the other smaller bills that come with running a house like broadband and telephone contracts and water rates which for us are £170 a month as well - LOL! I think everyone is just watching the bills come in and throwing their hands in the air! 
 

I turned to D only a few days ago and said, “How are people managing who could hardly before? This is criminal.” 
 

My Dad, who has always been the most squeaky clean and prompt person with regards to payments and doing everything legally by the book has refused the last 5 months to pay the hike in electric and gas. He said he’s now about £500 in arrears but they can swing for it. He can pay it but wanted to protest the charge. It’s so ridiculous.

 

If it helps, the UK is so bad for this at the mo. We have bills and money flying out so fast it’s like, poof and it’s gone! 
 

Keep your chin up grand, I wish I could say something to help! Feeling the same way myself! 
 

x

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm so tired. Cost of living is so insane in this country now, so many issues here, it's depressing! And it's not necessary. It's so frustrating working your buns off to tread water. I've always been a frugal person. The days of that and working hard being enough to get ahead are gone. 

I'm proud of what I've accomplished but I'm not proud of this country anymore. 

 

Ugh I'm sorry you're struggling and frustrated!  I know of many who are treading water and the inflated prices for everything are insane!

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, itsallgrand said:

I'm so tired. Cost of living is so insane in this country now, so many issues here, it's depressing! And it's not necessary. It's so frustrating working your buns off to tread water. I've always been a frugal person. The days of that and working hard being enough to get ahead are gone. 

I'm proud of what I've accomplished but I'm not proud of this country anymore. 

 

Girl, I hear you. EVERYONE but the rich are struggling now . Why don’t these idiots understand if you drown the middle class no more tax money and society falls. 
 

End times …. Head north. I hate to sound like a tinfoil hat. 

[itsallgrand]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Girl, I hear you. EVERYONE but the rich are struggling now . Why don’t these idiots understand if you drown the middle class no more tax money and society falls. 
 

End times …. Head north. I hate to sound like a tinfoil hat. 

Naw, you don't sound that way to me. It really is that bad. 

[Seraphim]

Just now, itsallgrand said:

Naw, you don't sound that way to me. It really is that bad. 

It is scary. I think you read in my journal for as long as I written in it I have had apocalyptic dreams since I have been a young child. I believe it was a warning. The signs get louder and louder and many are seeing it . I was overjoyed when we got the opportunity to move further North. If it gets worse we will continue to go further North. No one wants to go up there. Us Canadians are hearty though and do okay in the cold. Hubby and I are still hearty enough. I say stay healthy and build your strength with exercise and make plans because the world is going to hell in a handcart . 

[itsallgrand]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It is scary. I think you read in my journal for as long as I written in it I have had apocalyptic dreams since I have been a young child. I believe it was a warning. The signs get louder and louder and many are seeing it . I was overjoyed when we got the opportunity to move further North. If it gets worse we will continue to go further North. No one wants to go up there. Us Canadians are hearty though and do okay in the cold. Hubby and I are still hearty enough. I say stay healthy and build your strength with exercise and make plans because the world is going to hell in a handcart . 

I've always liked the North and I've got lots of skills that would/do work in my favor from growing up in the country. And as a couple, we are both kinda hippies anyways lol who do a lot for ourselves and have plans for further self sufficiency. I love this stuff even when things are good so that's OK. 

It's just scary and depressing to see things go to pot so quickly. 

Thanks for listening ladies, I really mean that. I try to not go off! But I'm tired ...so tired. 

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I've always liked the North and I've got lots of skills that would/do work in my favor from growing up in the country. And as a couple, we are both kinda hippies anyways lol who do a lot for ourselves and have plans for further self sufficiency. I love this stuff even when things are good so that's OK. 

It's just scary and depressing to see things go to pot so quickly. 

Thanks for listening ladies, I really mean that. I try to not go off! But I'm tired ...so tired. 

I hope you feel better!!! Hugs my friend.

[mylolita]

56 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It is scary. I think you read in my journal for as long as I written in it I have had apocalyptic dreams since I have been a young child. I believe it was a warning. The signs get louder and louder and many are seeing it . I was overjoyed when we got the opportunity to move further North. If it gets worse we will continue to go further North. No one wants to go up there. Us Canadians are hearty though and do okay in the cold. Hubby and I are still hearty enough. I say stay healthy and build your strength with exercise and make plans because the world is going to hell in a handcart . 

There was a user on here Seraphim called marital bliss? She always talked about “war in winter”. Her and her husband were religious. Last thing I heard of her she told me:

 

Sell your house so you have no mortgage, go build or buy somewhere mortgage free in the country. Raise your own food. Have guns. Put your savings into gold, silver, and Chinese currency. 
 

This was before the war in Ukraine. 
 

Do you think she was right? It ruffled me because I thought, bloomin’ eck! Than that stupid useless pointless war. 
 

I’m a covert optimistic person secretly, I come across pessimistic but I always full circle back to an optimistic kinda view. But she did get me thinking.

 

I’m still not end times just yet, but I do think things need a serious shake up. A changing of the guards, so to speak! 
 

x

[Seraphim]

Absolutely put your money in silver and gold. My brother has been doing it for years. He holds no debt and never has. He buys even cars cash. He talks about many other things as well and has been for about a decade .