annie24 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 I am so pissed off right now. A few pages ago, I said I was invited to Tina's housewarming party. It's 2 hours by car, 4 by public transit. Susan said she was going to go up on Friday night. Susan also hates snoring so I offered to stay in a hotel. Well, turns out she decided to drive up this morning, without telling me. I didn't know as she told me she was going to take public transit. Plus I haven't eaten all day. So, I texted her a few times to ask if there was a taxi stand, no answer. Well she drove up here and didn't even offer me a ride, while I was taking trains all day. I'm so pissed off I don't even want to go to the party anymore. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 I decided not to go to the party. It's a big drama. sigh. Basically Susan told me over the phone that she just doesn't like to drive with people and that's why she turned me down (even though I offered to pay for gas and tolls, so I'm not a mooch). I just felt like she's really selfish, and I'm just really getting sick of selfish people. She said she didn't even decide to drive the whole way until she was on the road (she said she was initially going to drive halfway, then drop her car off in the parking lot, and take public transit the other part of the way). Meanwhile, it's cold and rainy and I went all the way here with 3 different trains. Tina picked me up from the train station, I gave her the housewarming gifts, and she drove me to my hotel. They think I'm overreacting, though Tina says she understands why I'm upset and initially thought it was weird that Susan decided to drive alone when there are several of us from this city. It just pisses me off, and I told her I don't want to go on vacation with her later this year. She's been pushing me so hard to make these plans for a trip she wants to take this fall, but I'm like, if you don't even want to drive with me for 2 hours, what's the point of a long weekend trip? She said that the fall trip wouldn't involve driving, but to me, it's about someone going out of their way to make things easier for me, which is what I think friends should do. It's not like I was asking for door to door service either or I wouldn't pay my way. Tina's upset because I made the trip 99% of the way there, and am now staying at a hotel near her apartment. She said she wanted me to come to help her celebrate this new phase in her life. I told her I'm sorry, but I'm too pissed off and would not be nice company tonight. So, this has been a completely stupid weekend. Link to comment
Patrick974 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Spending an evening drinking or having dinner with someone is really different from spending a Whole vacation week. Even with my dad There has been tensions. He goes go bed by 8.30pm whereas Im not asleep before midnight... That among other trivial things. Thats a way to learn about people.. And eventually your future soulmate. Sorry about your weekend. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Sorry about your weekend, Annie. I agree that was super inconsiderate of Susan. I mean, you talk about her a lot. You're clearly good friends. What was she thinking? And who doesn't like driving with other people? It makes trips go by so much faster. So weird and aggravating. Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Sorry about your weekend, Annie. I agree that was super inconsiderate of Susan. I mean, you talk about her a lot. You're clearly good friends. What was she thinking? And who doesn't like driving with other people? It makes trips go by so much faster. So weird and aggravating. Totally agree. I'm sorry too Annie. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I wouldn't want to go on holiday with her either after this. It's so weird how she couldn't even suck it up for one car trip so that my friend wouldn't have to take public transit for four hours! Sheesh ... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
luminousone Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Wow! Sorry your weekend turned out so weird! Susan is not much of a friend... I really wonder why she would treat you (or anyone) that way? If she has a problem driving you places then she should be direct about it rather than be passive aggressive. No, I would not go on vacation with her. I would move away from that "friendship". However, I feel bad for Tina, who seems to be caught in the middle. I am glad you met with her and gave her your gift. Hope you can see her house and spend a little more time with her before you go home. Susan seems to be a bizarre person... Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Thanks guys. I'm still really angry about the whole thing. Susan said last night that she just doesn't like to drive with other people long distances and she didn't want to tell me that because it sounded weird, and i agree. It just ticks me off. So instead, I had to take 3 trains, spent over $60, round trip, when instead I would have bought her a tank of gas and paid for the tolls, saving us all money. I'm totally done with her. I've blocked her. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm just really tired of selfish behavior. I wish she would have just told me that in the first place (not that it makes it any less weird) rather than playing this whole, "oh, I"m going to go up on Friday night, and I'm only going halfway because my car is having issues, etc....) She was texting me last night like, "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt" (rather than I'm sorry I hurt your feelings). And yeah, I feel badly that Tina got dragged into the mix. Tina was like, "just forget it, you're here now, let's celebrate this new chapter in my life..." and honestly, I just told her I was too upset to be a good guest, so she should just have fun. I was also annoyed a few days ago. She texted me on Tuesday night saying she had a long day and needed another vacation. I said, "me too!" She said, "No, your job isn't so intense without any breaks." I was like, "what is wrong??" I mean, just because she had a bad day at work doesn't mean that she gets to take it out on me. Tina said that she's been short ever since her breakup with Curt. Curt is the guy that Susan was dating for about 18 months. After tons of breakups, Curt finally called it off for good, because he was tired of her wanting to change him. (Granted, Susan wanted Curt to be more financially responsible, to give up smoking, and to exercise - so these aren't outlandish things). But Curt said he wanted someone who didn't want to change him, which I totally understand (moreso after my experience with Logan). Even if you are encouraging positive changes, people want to do things on their own schedule. Link to comment
faraday Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Susan sounds like she has some life lessons she needs to learn Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I am very sympathetic to you, Annie, since I don't have a car. I had a conversation with my fiancé earlier in our dating process. He has a car. And he explained the financial drain it is overall. There are things I have been able to do financially that he hasn't -- in part due to the car versus no car expense. So, even though I would pay for gas for long-distance trips, and not mooch in THOSE situations, it could feel like I am taking advantage of an overall financial burden that he bears that I don't. I don't have a car because I don't NEED a car. He has a car because he does need one. If I have something outside of public transportation range, I have three options: don't go, ask him to go/hitch a ride, or pay my own way/take public transport. When we discussed it, I made more of an effort to get to his place. It was a hike to get to, but I did it a few times (not many) and he always really appreciated it. So, I have to feel like maybe the "car friend" just starts to feel a little resentment about that and wants to avoid that role. Now having said that, she was pretty selfish in going back and forth with you and should have been straightforward from the beginning. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 I get the whole thing about it being her car and wear and tear. And that's why I offered to pay for gas and tolls. But even if we both had cars, you would think it's more rational to carpool on an interstate trip than to travel separetly. But yeah she should have been upfront in the first place.... Rather than me finding out she drove he whole way and left me to take public transit with weird people sitting on top of me... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I get the whole thing about it being her car and wear and tear. And that's why I offered to pay for gas and tolls... Well, I guess I'm saying that for her that may not have equaled the actual value of her having the car and saving you the inconvenience. In other words, gas/tolls (say $70) wasn't financial incentive enough for her. But more importantly ... But even if we both had cars, you would think it's more rational to carpool on an interstate trip than to travel separetly. But yeah she should have been upfront in the first place.... Rather than me finding out she drove he whole way and left me to take public transit with weird people sitting on top of me... She should have been upfront with you. No excuse for her behavior on that. See, I have done the 4-hour bus trip from one place to another because a friend didn't want to carpool. That's her right. But she was clear upfront that she wasn't interested and so I found another way. So, you have two different issues. One, is it okay for a friend to waffle like that? No. Two, is it okay for a friend not to want to ride with you, even if you offer incentives? In my opinion, yes. It sucks and I probably wouldn't like that friend AS much, but yes imho. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Well, I guess I'm saying that for her that may not have equaled the actual value of her having the car and saving you the inconvenience. In other words, gas/tolls (say $70) wasn't financial incentive enough for her. But more importantly ... She should have been upfront with you. No excuse for her behavior on that. See, I have done the 4-hour bus trip from one place to another because a friend didn't want to carpool. That's her right. But she was clear upfront that she wasn't interested and so I found another way. So, you have two different issues. One, is it okay for a friend to waffle like that? No. Two, is it okay for a friend not to want to ride with you, even if you offer incentives? In my opinion, yes. It sucks and I probably wouldn't like that friend AS much, but yes imho. I was also annoyed 2 months ago, I offered to take her to a comedy show for her birthday. She said she would pay me back for the tickets. But then as the day got closer, she said she realized she didn't have enough money in her account and would I give her the tickets for her birthday. I said of course, that was not a problem (tix were $40 each). and then I paid for our drinks at the club. Then at the end of the night, I asked if she would give me a ride home (my feet were hurting). She said no, because she "had too many birthday presents in her car." Uh, ok. So I took a cab (I live 7 blocks from the comedy club). I mean, it was weird because given my experiences, 9/10 people say yes without hesitation. but ok, whatever. But then previously, she gave a ride to this guy that Carol went on 2 dates with (just so she could grill him for gossip). Even though she never met the guy before that night when all of us went out as a group. So, yeah, i guess it's her choice who she gives rides to and when, but then, it's my choice to break ties over it too. I'm tired of this diva-like attitude. I mean, I've given her birthday and christmas presents, and she's never given me anything. Not that I was expecting presents, or really even upset she didn't buy me a drink on my birthday, but I really haven't seen much generosity from her. I feel done. I mean, I have other friends to hang out with. Link to comment
Larkin Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I was also annoyed 2 months ago, I offered to take her to a comedy show for her birthday. She said she would pay me back for the tickets. But then as the day got closer, she said she realized she didn't have enough money in her account and would I give her the tickets for her birthday. I said of course, that was not a problem (tix were $40 each). and then I paid for our drinks at the club. Then at the end of the night, I asked if she would give me a ride home (my feet were hurting). She said no, because she "had too many birthday presents in her car." Uh, ok. So I took a cab (I live 7 blocks from the comedy club). I mean, it was weird because given my experiences, 9/10 people say yes without hesitation. but ok, whatever. Unf'ingbelievable! Good riddance! Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I know. I feel like this latest situation is just the straw that broke the camel's back. Everything else I dealt with, but I felt like this was too much. I understand when there is someone you don't like and you don't want to give them a ride, because you don't want to spend 2 hours with them in a car.... but seriously - I thought we're good friends?? nope. I was also annoyed, for this trip coming up this fall. She reserved a 2 bedroom suite at a hotel (so for 4 people). The other girls are getting there a day early and Susan was trying to get me to agree to go a day early as well. I was very hesitant because I told her I don't want to take extra vacation days off of work - I need to save them for interviews. She was really dismissive of that. I think she just didn't want to split the hotel costs 3 ways for that 1 night. That was my take on it. Ugh. Well, now she can find a 4th person to go with them for the whole vacation, or split the suite 3 ways!!!! Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 She sounds extremely immature. At your age, she should be acting more like an adult. I'm sorry, but...I have a friend who can't drive (she's disabled) and I have driven her TONS of places -- granted, not more than 20 miles or so at a time. She has bought me coffee or given me a discount on a product she sells in exchange for that, and that's fine with me. If I can't take her somewhere, I decline -- I don't always take her. In the case of the party you were supposed to go to, her decision to NOT take you makes NO sense. It's not like you asked her to go and then said, "Well, you have to drive us because I have no car." She was already going to go -- taking you wasn't going to cost her any extra wear and tear on her car that wasn't already going to be there if she went alone. AND you offered to pay for gas AND tolls? So...financially speaking, she would have gotten a sweet deal. She doesn't "like" being in the car with people on long drives? I call b.s. on that, and even if it's true (which I find weird, and I'm a total introvert and like to be alone a lot), she couldn't make an exception ONCE? She was being ridiculous, and then she gave you the condescending "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt?" Yeah, time to cut this one loose. You can find better friends! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Well, that changes the dynamic for me. I thought it was more of an isolated incident. It sounds like a pattern of selfishness for sure. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Yeah, I'm just tired of it. I am done. I accepted her diva behavior before, but I was really surprised by her actions this time. Blah. Link to comment
BigKK Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I was talking about this with my girlfriend annie, it's strange how acceptable it is to break up with a girlfriend/boyfriend, but if you break up with a friend you're considered a terrible person (by some). When in fact, we definitely SHOULD be dumping some of our "friends." Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I call it "weeding the friendship garden" and it really needs to be done about every 5 years or so. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I call it "weeding the friendship garden" and it really needs to be done about every 5 years or so. Annie - I am sorry you are going through this with Susan. I feel your pain. Mhowe - interesting! How did you come up with 5 years? And is it ever because of your changes/changing interests that you feel ready to weed? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Well --- the 5 year mark is just a reassessment, not written in stone. But yes ---- work changes, life changes --- and some people that were there in certain times, and then disappeared or reappeared. But like Annie, with some I got tired of being used. Or realizing I was doing all the "heavy lifting". And somehow --- in weeding the garden, it makes room for new and healthier friendships to come to the forefront. Link to comment
faraday Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Well --- the 5 year mark is just a reassessment, not written in stone. But yes ---- work changes, life changes --- and some people that were there in certain times, and then disappeared or reappeared. But like Annie, with some I got tired of being used. Or realizing I was doing all the "heavy lifting". And somehow --- in weeding the garden, it makes room for new and healthier friendships to come to the forefront. Yes^^ We change. We grow. At least, that's the hope. Sometimes we grow in different directions...and sometimes we just plain outgrow people. I know people from high school that are exactly the same as they were back then...why would I want to subject myself to that just because we were once friends? Find people that enrich your life. Surround yourself by positive forces...and people that understand what you're doing with your life. I cut a ton of friendships this year....I posted about it in my journal....it's been rough...but I've been meeting new people that are on a similar path as me...and cultivating relationships with them in hopes that the potential for a deeper friendship is there. We are the most reflected by the 5 people we spend most of our time with...so choose who you give your time to carefully. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I feel like, after Logan, I'm just tired of selfish people. I've lost my tolerance. Logan gave me rides all the time with very few complaints. Of course I also tried to make it up to him with cooking him lots of food, leaving him extra groceries, etc... But yeah, i'm just done. I just felt like it was so one-sided. I guess she did try to introduce me to her lawyer friend, which was nice, but not a financial investment on her part. On another note - reading online men's profiles: Today on the "Bagel meets coffee" site - I was "introduced" to a man with 4 pics: 1) Pic of his face 2) Weird angle of his beard/chin 3) A pretty sunset 4) A bowl of chili peppers. Pic 1 was the only useful one, but could not see his body. I don't know what I'm supposed to think of a beard/chin shot. And the sunset and the bowl of chili peppers was just weird. No thanks. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 LOL!!!! This made me laugh!! Link to comment
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