annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Been chatting a lot with Axel this week. He obviously likes to text a lot, and he seems pretty funny. Maybe too flirty, but we'll see what he's like in person. Saturday is the date. No time/place yet. Had a glitch at work which was worrying me a lot yesterday, but it appears to be resolved now. Long story short, I think I struggle with how to be assertive without being a witch in the workplace. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Nothing can work out with a guy named Axel. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 lol, ok, so Axel is not his real name (I make up names). though I have a friend who is married to an axel and they are quite happy together. Axel, not Axl. That's a train wreck, haha. Anyway... I had a dream about Logan last night - his family invited me to some holiday party and they were all telling me how much they missed me. Logan was there but we didn't talk. Crazy, it's been almost 4 months since we broke up. Axel and I are meeting this saturday. I suggested brunch at a nice french restaurant near me. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Do you think you're completely over Logan? you seem to dream about him an awful lot. Maybe your subconscious is telling you that your heart isn't ready to be out there yet. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 No, I don't think I'm fully over him. There's a lot I miss about him, but at the same time, I think he was too immature to make a good life partner at this point and breaking up was the best thing to do. But I don't want to sit around waiting until I'm completely over him either; I'm 34 and don't necessarily have (or want to) take 6 months to a year between trying to find a new guy. I mean, it's already been almost 4 months. I feel as though I can give other men a fair chance. I guess now the date with Axel is on hold while he figures out his plans this weekend. he said his sister is coming back into town (he is from the area) for his dad's birthday, and they need to figure out what they are doing. He suggested sunday instead, I told him to let me know as soon as he can because I have some other friends who want to make plans. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Hey girl, you do what makes you happy. I'm finding out now, through online dating, that sometimes you got to give everything you have just to keep yourself happy. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Yeah, i figure by the time I actually meet a guy who is interested in me and I'm in him, I'll probably be mainly over Logan and ready to start fresh. But that process takes time too (going on dates, paying for your own water, etc... lol) So, people I hate: Carol's dude Bill. They've been sort of seeing each other for 5 months and now Carol wants more of an answer of where they stand. He was busy with work related events on V-day and couldn't take her out. He mailed a letter that said how much he likes her and that he thinks she is a great "friend." sigh. there's that word again! She showed me the texts she sent after: basically saying, "thank you for the letter, it was nice, but I think we are more than friends, though I know that the store doesn't sell a card for "the girl you are sort of seeing, casually." She asked for some kind of "compromise status" and he answered with a winky face emoji. Ok.... then she texted back, "do you have thoughts that can be expressed in words?" he replied that he needs time to think. Carol asked me what he's thinking about, and I told him I think he's thinking of a way to keep the status quo without moving things forward. I told her that this conversation is better to have in person than over text (though I've been guilty of this too). I think what she's asking is totally reasonable and fair - after seeing each other for 5 months, she wants to know where they stand, and obviously, they're not "just friends." They're going out on Friday, she's saying that she thinks this may be their last date. I say good riddance. I don't like that Bill hasn't been upfront with her about whatever his deal is. She told me she tried to talk to him about it a few weeks ago - what is keeping him from "making it official?" she asked if he's hung up on an ex, if he's seeing someone else, if he was raped by a priest as a kid (he has some sexual hangups). I think she said it more gently than what I'm describing, but he didn't give her a clear answer apart from "you're great but i'm not sure." (I think she should just walk... we'll see what happens) Carol's not a gold digger by any means, but I really think she should be a little more annoyed than she is by his lack of effort on V-day. I mean, 1 card that says "friend." no flowers, no chocolates, no dinner. It's not even about the money. She said he had to work all day that day, from 8-8. Ok, well i get that, but he could have come over after work, ordered a pizza, and watched a DVD. I know she would have been happy with that, and I think a real bf would have been happy with that too. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I think as long as you are able to give these guys a fair shake and feel emotionally ready to date, it's fine. I still have dreams (non sexual, usually) about my first love from 10-11 years ago. He clearly made a mark on me. But life goes on! Bill sounds like a bad "bf". 5 months in and he still can't be exclusive and tell her where they stand? Oh, I'd be so gone. I prefer to go exclusive early but that's me. If you can't figure out in a months time if I am awesome enough to focus your efforts on and not date others, well, your loss, lol. That "friend" card is a pile of BS. That would make me very livid. Lack of V day stuff alone, well, okay, many aren't into that but he doesn't sound like he's a very good boyfriend otherwise. I think it's very possible that he has some hangups or something and maybe this is the best he can manage with someone. Who knows! Why is she staying with him? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Why is she staying with him? Because he's treating her better than the other losers she's meeting. that's still not a good enough reason though. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I personally think that Bill is the 40 year old virgin. He told her he's not, but I have my doubts. I think he has some issues/hangups in the bedroom, based on what she's told me. And he's also not had other meaningful relationships. He was dating one woman for a year, I guess this was several years ago. he was in his 30s, she was late 30s/early 40s. She wanted to get married and have kids, and he "wasn't ready." So she left. I don't know if he's holding out for a woman who looks like a "10" or if he's really picky or if he has some other issues. Carol's trying to figure it out, but I think she should just bounce. I don't think that Bill's issues have to do with Carol. Nor should she take his lack of desire to commit personally. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 think as long as you are able to give these guys a fair shake and feel emotionally ready to date, it's fine. Oh yeah, to comment on that -- when I met Logan last year, I had a huge dating drought (stopped dating!) and I think I tolerated a lot of red flags that maybe I wouldn't have otherwise, if I hadn't been actively sifting and filtering, if you know what i mean. I was thirsty, for sure. The DUI, talking about his exes on the first date, etc.... Maybe under different circumstances, I would have not agreed to a second date. I've previously rejected 2nd dates from men who spoke too much about exes on the first date. So, I guess in some ways it's good that the breakup is recent(ish), because I'm clearly reminded of what I am and am not looking for. if that makes sense..... Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 paying for your own water lol please tell me that never happened!! I think you even come accross clearer in your posts now as far as what you are looking for and not since the break up with Logan. Maybe it's something you needed, in a way?! It's been so long now that I've seriously dated (but I'm getting back into the game again now) that sometimes I worry that I'll go a little over the deep a little too fast because of how long it's been since I've really 'been, been' with someone. I mean a real relationship. But somehow i don't think that will happen; just because of what I know about myself and what I want now. Feels different. I feel myself navigating differently too. I agree with Fudgie that I think it's great you are dating, it's more than ok. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 lol, ok, so Axel is not his real name (I make up names). though I have a friend who is married to an axel and they are quite happy together. Axel, not Axl. That's a train wreck, haha. I bet his real name is Slash. Link to comment
griff Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Annie---FYI: I think you are doing much better. I like the water dig. lol I think Carol has her own "Mr Unavailable." Logan was better in many areas. Carol's is better in some (cheapness, etc...). There are varying degrees of uns. Still unavailable is unavailable. Besides I don't like him for "Jeeping" you. Some women like unavailable men because it takes many of the decisions out of their hands and provide for life transitions. At any rate Annie----I think you are doing well and pretty much on a healthy schedule. Besides, what's a few Logan dreams? You could be having 50 Shade Grey dreams. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 So I've been texting frequently with Axel but his conversations are getting increasingly flirty/sexual, even when I try to deflect or change the topic. I finally told him I'm not into guys with too many sexual innuendos so soon.... I mean, we haven't even met! He apologized and said he would tone it down. At this point, I don't think I'm even interested anymore. actually, he didn't apologize, he just said I can choose the topics from now on (though he was the one turning everything I said into something sexual.) meh..... Next Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Share Posted February 20, 2015 lol, haven't paid for my own water yet, but I feel like it's only a matter of time..... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I agree, next!! He just texted me to confirm our weekend plans, says he can't do tomorrow but asking if sunday works. i haven't replied. ick. i don't know what to think. meh. blah. anyway.... i just got back from happy hour with susan and the lawyer she's been wanting to set me up with for a while, I'll call him Earl. Earl's my height (i like taller men so boo), but he's actually funny and pretty nice. I don't know if he's interested, but the 3 of us had a nice time. He paid for all us (yay!!!!!) actually, i had a ton of food because i didn't have time to eat lunch today at work, so i definitely ate. But yeah, he was cool. I'll see if anything happens - if he asks me out, I'd go out with him, but if he doesn't, I won't lose sleep either. Earl also joked that once a week, he goes to a popular downtown hotel where there are large conventions all the time, pretends to be an attendee and gets a free breakfast buffet. Susan and I couldn't tell if he was joking, but he said he was being serious. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Earl?? Really?? If you marry him, you'll have to refer to him as Earl on here for the rest of your life! He sounds really nice. Did you give him contact info? I feel like height is such a detail - he sounds far more promising that any of the internet dudes. I feel like you should make sure he knows you're interested to encourage him to ask you out. At least give him a chance on a date! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Well, at the end, Susan was like, "ok, now trade contact info!" I said oh, I'll get it through you my phone just died (true!) she's like NOOOO! Then she made him pull out his phone and type in my number. We'll see what happens I guess! I actually am back at work tonight monitoring an experiment until 11 PM. yay. Oh yeah, Susan and Curt broke up again this time for good. He said he felt like she wanted him to change and he didn't want to. She's upset, I think she thinks she invested 1.5 years in him and now it's gone to waste. I told her that she would just have been miserable being married to him. Well, she said she's going to get back into fighting shape and then hit the online scene hard. hehehe. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 He was dating one woman for a year, I guess this was several years ago. he was in his 30s, she was late 30s/early 40s. She wanted to get married and have kids, and he "wasn't ready." So she left. I don't know if he's holding out for a woman who looks like a "10" or if he's really picky or if he has some other issues. Carol's trying to figure it out, but I think she should just bounce. I don't think that Bill's issues have to do with Carol. Nor should she take his lack of desire to commit personally. I agree with you that she should bounce. Dating 101 don't beg a man to commit to you. And that's basically what's she's doing. He doesn't want to for whatever reason. That's his right. But she sounds like a wonderful capable woman who is settling for crumbs, hoping for creme brulee. She should definitely bounce. I also think the more energy that she wastes on this loser, the less she is putting towards finding the right guy. Link to comment
faraday Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 It's not fair how people don't cut people off when they realize they are not interested in a future with someone. There should be a rule: if at any point in dating, you realize you don't want forever with that person, you need to end things and walk away. None of this "I'm just not ready yet bulls&$t. It drags things on and gives people hope....and prevents them from meeting one someone that sees a future with them. Anyway....I thought the lawyer/free breakfast thing was funny. If he's telling the truth, he's got big balls. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I agree with you that she should bounce. Dating 101 don't beg a man to commit to you. And that's basically what's she's doing. He doesn't want to for whatever reason. That's his right. But she sounds like a wonderful capable woman who is settling for crumbs, hoping for creme brulee. She should definitely bounce. I also think the more energy that she wastes on this loser, the less she is putting towards finding the right guy. I know... I agree completely. But you know, she's going to do what she wants to do. I think she's trying to eat a meal of breadcrumbs. I asked her how the date went last night (she said she was going to talk to him about it). instead, she said she avoided the topic and they just had a nice evening. Yup, so he was able to maintain the status quo, and keep up the lack of official status for another week.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 ugh. i think my weight crept back up. or i'm retaining water. or something. i also have a cheap $8 scale. I'll be more on top of my weight this week. in related news... I went to Maggiano's Little Italy for the first time. Much better than expected! It was good timing actually. I took a 3 hour nap this afternoon, and when i woke up, i was going to start making myself a sandwich because i was hungry, but then my friend called me and asked if i wanted to get an early dinner so I said ok. We went there and yeah, yum! We got the meal to share for 2 which was an incredible deal. For $40, you get 1 appetizer (or 2 side salads), 2 full pasta dishes to eat there, then 2 full pasta dishes to take home, and then a dessert to share. Neither of us could finish our pasta dishes, so we took that home too, and the dessert was like the size of a goat's head so we had to split that and take it home too. lol. So like for $40, It's 6 meals. We both got the "lightened up" pasta dishes (which are still like 850 calories a portion). anyway, lots of food in my fridge now so I can put off grocery shopping a little longer. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 I hate the suburbs, by the way. Tina is having a housewarming party. she moved to the next state over when she started her new job and now lives in the a suburb. ugh. I am trying to figure out a way to get there. Susan is going, but she isn't going to drive, she's taking public transit part of the way there and part of the way back. Basically, I have to take a combination of 4 trains/buses to get there and then walk another mile, and then the same back. ugh. It's almost too painful to go, but then again I will go because she's my friend and I should do it. If i had a driver's license, it would be better, so i could rent a car and just do that. It would take half the time. sigh. I don't know whether to spend the night at her place or stay at a nearby hotel. She offered but I might feel more at ease at a hotel. hm... on another note, what is a nice housewarming gift? Link to comment
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