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bamboo

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Everything posted by bamboo

  1. bamboo
    No Jaela we haven't had any reason to swap numbers or anything yet... if ever My gut instinct from his body language is that he is attracted to me and but it is only a hunch and then his mixed signals just confuse me. Maybe I should just bite the bullet, ask him out, and put myself out of this misery
  2. bamboo
    Beec, I think you and my brother would get on like a house on fire He likes to play the aloof card too... but I just don't get it to be honest. I have to say I don't read articles or books on flirting/dating/seduction etc but I trust my own gut feelings and for me, when a guy acts aloof, I find it a bit irritating and immature. No offence to you or anyone who thinks it works but that is what goes on in my head when a guy acts that way. I agree you shouldn't gush all over the one you're interested in with soppy dreamy eyes but I also think acting aloof is the opposite extreme. As for the hot and cold signals I find that I am automatically doing them as natural responses to the way he is acting. But rather than his cold signals making me more interested, they make me feel less like making an effort resulting in any cold signals I might give. On the other hand if I get a hot signal, I always respond in a warm manner. Interesting stuff. I guess I will just have to wait and see
  3. bamboo
    Ask her out! I feel like I am in a similar situation to you, with me being the girl, though my guy seems less into me than your girl is to you, and I would be so happy if my guy just asked me out. We don't get to talk much either, always in passing, but I would love to get to know him better. Just ask her if she is free at all at the weekend and if so would she like to go for a few drinks/coffee/catch a movie with you. Just ask her casually like you would ask a friend out and hope things move on from there. Do it, do it, do it!!
  4. bamboo
    Sorry Beec but I have to disagree. Aloof doesn't work, not for me anyway. I find it unattractive. If being aloof is his game (but I actually don't think it is) then it's not working for him. I would have asked him out by now if he wasn't acting like this. I'm the kind of person who needs enough positive signals if I'm to make a move. If a guy is being aloof, it puts me off either because I think he is playing unnecessary games or I think he's unable to deal with being attracted to someone. I agree that emotional independence is good, but there is a huge difference between that and being aloof. I do think this guy is either not interested or is shy. I could ask him out but like I say, I can be insecure in these situations too so I need more positive signals.
  5. bamboo
    Argh. A guy that I am interested in is doing my head in with mixed signals... I almost couldn't be bothered making an effort anymore There seemed to be an attraction from when we first met eg. lingering looks but now a few weeks on he just seems to blow hot and cold. Sometimes we'd have a bit of a laugh and he'd be quite cheerful, other times it's hard to get a word out of him. Sometimes he'll show an interest in my life by asking me questions about myself, but then other times it seems more of a one way conversation where I am asking all the questions. Thing is he's a bit shy and seems quite self-conscious around me which can make me the same around him (and I can be shy at times myself). I don't think he's overly confident so I doubt he's playing hard to get. I've noticed that if we're ever chatting quite close, he won't look me in the eye. Is this a good sign or am I really that scary?? And other times I'd catch him looking at me when he's nearby. I'm so confused that it all seems like too much hard work. The last guy I dated was so different. We were incredibly flirty and it was obvious we were going to get together. But I really like this new guy and from what I know of him so far he seems nice and I'd like to get to know him better... but I don't want to end up forcing it if he doesn't feel the same. Any opinions on the mixed signals? Does he like me? Does he not like me? Is he just plain shy? I've never come accross a guy who is so hard to read before. Normally I can tell if a guy is interested or not.
  6. bamboo
    It's a very normal thing to do Mentor. It doesn't mean that in the future you can't unblock her again. I blocked and deleted my ex from my msn messenger for a long while after he broke up with me because like someone else mentioned, that kind of presense would have been like black magic. I knew that if he was online and didn't say anything to me I would get upset, or if he was not online I would wonder what he was up to. So I deleted him straightaway. I added him again after a few months and seeing him online etc has no affect on me now whatsoever. But most importantly, if he knew at the time that I had blocked and deleted him, I'm sure he understood why.
  7. bamboo
    Yes life is easier being single, but it is also lonely and very flat emotionally. I'm not saying it is bad to be single. Hey, I'm single and enjoying it! But it is unhealthy to think life is better lived without ever opening yourself up to someone again. Life is about taking risks and learning from mistakes. It is the downs that make the highs more exhilerating and it is the lows that make us appreciate the happy times more when we find them again. I agree with what others have said. After overcoming each break up, you are a better person. Makes you a better catch and you can't deny your lucky future lady that can you?
  8. bamboo
    Thanks Mentor. Oh no, I definitely haven't come to the conclusion that we will never be friends. But yes, maybe I have expected too much contact too soon. He will always be very special to me and it would be a shame if we couldn't keep in touch. I suspected 'imotion' was a made up word... but I thought maybe it was common knowledge what it meant and only little old me didn't realise lol
  9. bamboo
    I could ask him, but that would make it a much bigger deal than it is and he'd think I'm still harbouring strong feelings for him. Yes I still have some feelings, that's expected, but I am moving on. It's just that I thought we could be friends however it is clear he was not being honest with me, and he knows a pet hate of mine is being lied to But anyway, he obviously didn't want to tell me so I'm not going to push him. He's his own person after all, and so am I P.s. What's 'imotion'? I assume it's something along the lines of being objective?
  10. bamboo
    I can completely empathise with you regarding your dreams. I have always had vivid dreams and anytime I am thinking about my ex a lot, I will without fail dream about him. But they would be pleasant dreams. In a way, I like them because they remind me of what we once had, and remind me of good memories. And when I wake up, yes there is a sting of hurt that it is over, but the overriding feeling is that we were happy together once, and nothing will ever take that away from us. We shared special times together and they will be times I will always treasure and be grateful for. Maybe one day your dreams will work this way for you. I'm not sure of your situation but it sounds like feelings are still raw so of course you are going to feel anything just makes you think what you had was great. Give yourself more time. You will look back in a couple of months and realise you have come a long way. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but focus on looking after yourself and take each day as it comes. I found that once I took on that mindset, the moving forward happened naturally without me even thinking about it, and soon enough (I admit with the odd hiccup) I started smiling and enjoying life again.
  11. bamboo
    I don't think you can avoid being bitter towards an ex who ended things. It is a natural stage of trying to get over someone, and I think quite healthy. Don't beat yourself up about it because you feel she doesn't deserve it. You're right, she doesn't, as she did what she thought was best. But your bitterness is just an emotion you have to go through inwardly that will soon disappear. It is not as if you are taking your bitterness out on her outwardly. You are merely just trying to come to terms with what happened and allowing yourself to grieve for your loss. Edited to add: I just realised that you are Mentor, someone who had replied to my thread too For what it's worth, you sound like a very understanding and positive person with a good head on your shoulders. So don't feel bad or guilty for very normal emotions. Take care!
  12. bamboo
    Thank you for your replies, and quite a mixed bag of them at that! I'm sorry that you are hurting Justtwicethen. Despite this hiccup that I am feeling at the moment, I can reassure you things will get better. Just give it plenty of time. I'm not sure if I am still in love with him. I had been doing great until this incident and someone suggested to me maybe he is seeing someone and all of a sudden I was missing him like crazy again. The hurt is gone, and the yearning to have him back is gone, but for the past week I have missed him and what we had. But I know that this is a minor setback and will fade in time, or at least I hope so! I know that the final hurdle for me will come the day I find out he is with someone else. Part of me wants that to happen soon so it can be over with and the other part is dreading it. Whether he is seeing someone now or not doesn't matter. I will find out when I find out. Maybe when I do find out, I will be ok with it and be happy for him. I think the fact that the replies have been mixed just shows that the reason why he didn't want to see me is not relevant. What is relevant is that he doesn't want me back. So I am just going to carry on looking after myself and as you say Mentor (and thank you for your vote of confidence), moving forward
  13. bamboo
    I agree with RayKay. The same thing happened to me before my exams. Just take it at face value - that she still cares so wanted to wish you luck. I was also quite bitter and cynical when the same happened to me and thought that my ex just wanted to ease his conscience because he felt guilty for breaking up with me before my finals. Anyway, best not to analyse. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but I think it was just a call to wish you luck.
  14. bamboo
    Just to keep it brief, my ex broke up with me 9 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and were each other's first loves and went through a lot together. We agreed to be friends but of course knew that that was not going to happen for a very long time thereforeeee contact has been minimal and we have only met up a few times. Although it was him who broke up with me, I know he found it hard too but it was the right thing to do, and he said he thought being single for a while would do us both good. A few weeks ago I was visiting friends of mine in his city so I sent him a text message saying that I was around for a long weekend and that if he wanted to catch up then to let me know. I thought it would be nice to meet up as we hadn't seen each other in a while and as we agreed to be friends, then why not? I didn't receive a reply until two days later when it was already sunday night anyway in other words the end of the weekend saying he was sorry but he had a "longstanding arrangement this weekend that I can't get out of". I think anyone with half a brain would know that that was just an excuse and a very poor one at that. Part of me was quite annoyed that he was rude enough to wait til the end of the weekend before bothering to tell me he didn't want to meet up. Anyway I replied just telling him not to worry about it. Since then I have spoken to him via the internet and I am very sure he was avoiding the issue, not that I pushed it, but he didn't even ask if I had a nice weekend away. What do yous think? Basically it can only be a few things... 1. He is still struggling and needs more time to move on (not very likely). 2. He is seeing someone else. 3. He was telling the truth and did have a jampacked weekend. 4. He just couldn't be bothered meeting or didn't want to. I just find it very hard to believe that he couldn't spare even just one hour to meet up. Ok, be brutal! Be honest! My friend told me to trust my first instinct which was that he actually needs more time but I think I was just deluding myself and now I think it's far more likely that he has met someone else.
  15. bamboo
    Great post bgbillo. It really rings true and it's something that I have been slowly realising myself in the past few months. Confused and hurt, I think I am the same as you that I am not ready to let go 100% yet. I still long for my ex so there is still 10% of me that is hanging on to hope. But I have done a lot of soul searching since the split that I know I would not have done if we were still together and I have come to know me better and even to like me better I believe that things will naturally fall into place for us if we focus on our own happiness. If happiness happens to be with an ex then that is a nice surprise, but then if it happens to be with someone new, then that is a lovely surprise as well.
  16. bamboo
    Getting over someone is a rollercoaster ride and you are experiencing a bit of a dip right now I think you should carry on with your life and let her realise herself what a prat this guy is. The more people might try to tell her this guy is bad news, the more she will feel drawn to him and determined to make it work with him. She does sound a bit mixed up at the moment, and sometimes people go though phases of just doing whatever suits them without much reasoning behind it. She will look back one day and realise with some perspective that she was not being a very nice person but no one can force her to that stage. She can only reach it herself in her own time.
  17. bamboo
    Sorry, I'm not familiar with your situation but I read that as she doesn't hate you, but she is really angry at you at the moment.
  18. bamboo
    Do you want her back? If so I would just carry on with your life without making her the focus of it or she will never feel like she has lost anything. Be civil to her when she contacts you and let her initiate everything. She really has to prove herself to you if you are ever going to take her back. This will make me sound really harsh but I would wait until she is practically pleading because you really need to be sure that she wants you back for the right reasons and realises how close she came to losing you for good. You don't want to end up back on square one again. To be honest with you though I kind of agree with ultimate frisbe. Will you really be able to trust her 100% and lead a healthy relationship with her again without resenting her? She didn't cheat on you as a one off, she was deceiving you for eight months. If someone did that to me and came crawling back I think I'd just laugh in their face. But you know her, yourself and your situation best and you'll make the right decision for yourself.
  19. bamboo
    It's been over six months since my ex broke up with me after six years together and the last time we met up was a few weeks ago. I made sure I looked good without looking like I tried too hard and because I am now relatively happy, I think I came accross that way. We spent several hours together and had a really good time which made a change to how things were before we broke up. We were in each other's company without the pressures of a relationship and had a good time and I think he saw me as the happy person he got together with all those years ago. I could tell by the way he was looking at me and by the way we kept catching each others' eye that he still has a soft spot for me but if we were to ever get back together, now is not the time. Anyway I seemed to make a good impression because after he'd gone home, we ended up spending a few hours chatting online that night which he initiated. The thing is, although I do want him back, I am not desperate for it to happen. I am also quite happy now and I have some prospects ahead of me, so the way I acted around him was totally natural and not deliberate. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself, and the rest will fall into place wether it is with your ex or not.
  20. bamboo
    I don't think anyone can tell you if you should feel guilty or not. The fact is that you do, and like you've already said, it's because of your feelings for her and you can't help that. One of my friends was in the same situation as you in that she was coupley with an ex, but they weren't actually bf & gf yet, and she had a one night stand with another ex. However the one night stand made her realise just how much the guy she slept with was not for her, and how much the other guy was, and how much she cared for him. She felt incrediby guilty and she says even now months afterwards she still feels guilty everyday. I guess living with the guilt is the price to pay, but you can see that some good came out of it in that it helped you to define your feelings for your ex. Now you know how you really feel, you can really work at rebuilding your relationship. Carry on to take things slowly and good luck!
  21. bamboo
    Sounds very healthy to me. Stay positive and good luck with everything.
  22. bamboo
    I would stop calling her and give her some space. Allow her to miss you and think about what's happened. The worst thing you can do is pester her. The more you show you have your own life, the more she will find you attractive. Maybe this break is a good thing. She might realise that her jealousy is a problem and that something needs to be done about it. And I guess you have learnt that there's no place in a relationship for lies. I understand that you did it with good intentions to protect her though, but then like someone else has said, what is a relationship based on lies? Even 'good' lies are still deceit. Also I agree with Mar. If you know she is lying to you, and has a jealousy problem, you're the one who needs to decide if you want to be with her. If you're willing to go back to her despite the jealousy and lying then that shows her you're willing to put up with it. Anyway, why does she feel it's fit to punish you for your lie when she's lying about something herself? Sorry, bit of a ramble, but I think you need use this break to take a step back and see the wood for the trees, not necessarily to end things with her of course, but to fix the problems and build a foundation for a better relationship.
  23. bamboo
    Hi Forevermore. Yes I do still love him, and I know he still cares. But I can't help feeling he should have known better than contact me before my exams. And it just seemed so half-hearted, you know? I'd rather not find out what he wants until after my exams are over, even if he's just after a chat. I do want him back, but at the moment my exams are much more important. I'm trying to just keep focused and not get emotional. I'm just confused really.
  24. bamboo
    Hi everyone. My boyfriend broke up with me almost three months ago after six years. He wanted to still be friends but knew it would take time to reach that stage. I've been doing no contact with the odd hiccup. The last time I contacted him was a month ago and since then I have actually been feeling really good. Then yesterday he initiated contact himself for the first time. It was only a text and all he said was that he was wondering if I was ok and said maybe we could talk on MSN sometime. I was a bit annoyed first of all because I have my finals in less than a week and he had always maintained before that he wasn't contacting me because he didn't want to keep dredging up the horrible feelings in me before my finals, but then he's now made contact when they start in a matter of days Another reason I'm annoyed is that I think I deserve more than a lame text message and a casual conversation on MSN. We're not strangers and I'm more than capable of having a mature conversation with him on the phone or in person. Anyway I text him back and told him I was fine and that we could catch up after my exams. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't bothered because part of me thinks he was just easing his guilty conscience with such unemotional contact. I know he feels bad for breaking up with me before such important exams, and I think he just wanted to see if I was ok, to see if he was off the hook. His contact has not upset me, just annoyed me, and now I'm a bit distracted through wondering what he wants. Do you think I did the right thing by replying? What do yous think is going on in his mind? I plan on ignoring any texts after my exams because if he really wanted to talk, he would call. Do you think this is the right thing to do?
  25. bamboo
    Hi LosingHope. Hope you're doing better now. I really think you should refrain from emailing him. No contact means no contact. He's tried other ways to contact you and you were strong enough to resist. It's not fair that he is emailing you now when you really don't need him messing about with your head. You have to focus on yourself now and that's not easy if he is emailing you. Don't encourage him by replying. I know it's unbelievably hard to resist but you need to show him you are fine without him. If he eventually thinks he might want you back he can come to you himself. Otherwise he should really leave you alone for now. Focus on your studies for now. You will really regret it if you let him ruin med school for you. Months from now you will look back and with hindsight will wonder why you were acting and feeling like this, but most importantly you don't want to look back and have regrets regarding how you treated yourself. Yes life throws crap at us but it's how we deal with it that's important, how we manage to stay strong and how we manage to keep our sense of self. I know exactly how you are feeling right now and can completely empathize. We have to stay positive and we will get through this. Take care x
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