bamboo

No Jaela we haven't had any reason to swap numbers or anything yet... if ever My gut instinct from his body language is that he is attracted to me and but it is only a hunch and then his mixed signals just confuse me. Maybe I should just bite the bullet, ask him out, and put myself out of this misery

Beec, I think you and my brother would get on like a house on fire He likes to play the aloof card too... but I just don't get it to be honest. I have to say I don't read articles or books on flirting/dating/seduction etc but I trust my own gut feelings and for me, when a guy acts aloof, I find it a bit irritating and immature. No offence to you or anyone who thinks it works but that is what goes on in my head when a guy acts that way. I agree you shouldn't gush all over the one you're interested in with soppy dreamy eyes but I also think acting aloof is the opposite extreme. As for the hot and cold signals I find that I am automatically doing them as natural responses to the way he is acting. But rather than his cold signals making me more interested, they make me feel less like making an effort resulting in any cold signals I might give. On the other hand if I get a hot signal, I always respond in a warm manner. Interesting stuff. I guess I will just have to wait and see

Ask her out! I feel like I am in a similar situation to you, with me being the girl, though my guy seems less into me than your girl is to you, and I would be so happy if my guy just asked me out. We don't get to talk much either, always in passing, but I would love to get to know him better. Just ask her if she is free at all at the weekend and if so would she like to go for a few drinks/coffee/catch a movie with you. Just ask her casually like you would ask a friend out and hope things move on from there. Do it, do it, do it!!

Sorry Beec but I have to disagree. Aloof doesn't work, not for me anyway. I find it unattractive. If being aloof is his game (but I actually don't think it is) then it's not working for him. I would have asked him out by now if he wasn't acting like this. I'm the kind of person who needs enough positive signals if I'm to make a move. If a guy is being aloof, it puts me off either because I think he is playing unnecessary games or I think he's unable to deal with being attracted to someone. I agree that emotional independence is good, but there is a huge difference between that and being aloof. I do think this guy is either not interested or is shy. I could ask him out but like I say, I can be insecure in these situations too so I need more positive signals.

Argh. A guy that I am interested in is doing my head in with mixed signals... I almost couldn't be bothered making an effort anymore There seemed to be an attraction from when we first met eg. lingering looks but now a few weeks on he just seems to blow hot and cold. Sometimes we'd have a bit of a laugh and he'd be quite cheerful, other times it's hard to get a word out of him. Sometimes he'll show an interest in my life by asking me questions about myself, but then other times it seems more of a one way conversation where I am asking all the questions. Thing is he's a bit shy and seems quite self-conscious around me which can make me the same around him (and I can be shy at times myself). I don't think he's overly confident so I doubt he's playing hard to get. I've noticed that if we're ever chatting quite close, he won't look me in the eye. Is this a good sign or am I really that scary?? And other times I'd catch him looking at me when he's nearby. I'm so confused that it all seems like too much hard work. The last guy I dated was so different. We were incredibly flirty and it was obvious we were going to get together. But I really like this new guy and from what I know of him so far he seems nice and I'd like to get to know him better... but I don't want to end up forcing it if he doesn't feel the same. Any opinions on the mixed signals? Does he like me? Does he not like me? Is he just plain shy? I've never come accross a guy who is so hard to read before. Normally I can tell if a guy is interested or not.

It's a very normal thing to do Mentor. It doesn't mean that in the future you can't unblock her again. I blocked and deleted my ex from my msn messenger for a long while after he broke up with me because like someone else mentioned, that kind of presense would have been like black magic. I knew that if he was online and didn't say anything to me I would get upset, or if he was not online I would wonder what he was up to. So I deleted him straightaway. I added him again after a few months and seeing him online etc has no affect on me now whatsoever. But most importantly, if he knew at the time that I had blocked and deleted him, I'm sure he understood why.

Yes life is easier being single, but it is also lonely and very flat emotionally. I'm not saying it is bad to be single. Hey, I'm single and enjoying it! But it is unhealthy to think life is better lived without ever opening yourself up to someone again. Life is about taking risks and learning from mistakes. It is the downs that make the highs more exhilerating and it is the lows that make us appreciate the happy times more when we find them again. I agree with what others have said. After overcoming each break up, you are a better person. Makes you a better catch and you can't deny your lucky future lady that can you?

Thanks Mentor. Oh no, I definitely haven't come to the conclusion that we will never be friends. But yes, maybe I have expected too much contact too soon. He will always be very special to me and it would be a shame if we couldn't keep in touch. I suspected 'imotion' was a made up word... but I thought maybe it was common knowledge what it meant and only little old me didn't realise lol

I could ask him, but that would make it a much bigger deal than it is and he'd think I'm still harbouring strong feelings for him. Yes I still have some feelings, that's expected, but I am moving on. It's just that I thought we could be friends however it is clear he was not being honest with me, and he knows a pet hate of mine is being lied to But anyway, he obviously didn't want to tell me so I'm not going to push him. He's his own person after all, and so am I P.s. What's 'imotion'? I assume it's something along the lines of being objective?

I can completely empathise with you regarding your dreams. I have always had vivid dreams and anytime I am thinking about my ex a lot, I will without fail dream about him. But they would be pleasant dreams. In a way, I like them because they remind me of what we once had, and remind me of good memories. And when I wake up, yes there is a sting of hurt that it is over, but the overriding feeling is that we were happy together once, and nothing will ever take that away from us. We shared special times together and they will be times I will always treasure and be grateful for. Maybe one day your dreams will work this way for you. I'm not sure of your situation but it sounds like feelings are still raw so of course you are going to feel anything just makes you think what you had was great. Give yourself more time. You will look back in a couple of months and realise you have come a long way. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but focus on looking after yourself and take each day as it comes. I found that once I took on that mindset, the moving forward happened naturally without me even thinking about it, and soon enough (I admit with the odd hiccup) I started smiling and enjoying life again.

I don't think you can avoid being bitter towards an ex who ended things. It is a natural stage of trying to get over someone, and I think quite healthy. Don't beat yourself up about it because you feel she doesn't deserve it. You're right, she doesn't, as she did what she thought was best. But your bitterness is just an emotion you have to go through inwardly that will soon disappear. It is not as if you are taking your bitterness out on her outwardly. You are merely just trying to come to terms with what happened and allowing yourself to grieve for your loss. Edited to add: I just realised that you are Mentor, someone who had replied to my thread too For what it's worth, you sound like a very understanding and positive person with a good head on your shoulders. So don't feel bad or guilty for very normal emotions. Take care!

Thank you for your replies, and quite a mixed bag of them at that! I'm sorry that you are hurting Justtwicethen. Despite this hiccup that I am feeling at the moment, I can reassure you things will get better. Just give it plenty of time. I'm not sure if I am still in love with him. I had been doing great until this incident and someone suggested to me maybe he is seeing someone and all of a sudden I was missing him like crazy again. The hurt is gone, and the yearning to have him back is gone, but for the past week I have missed him and what we had. But I know that this is a minor setback and will fade in time, or at least I hope so! I know that the final hurdle for me will come the day I find out he is with someone else. Part of me wants that to happen soon so it can be over with and the other part is dreading it. Whether he is seeing someone now or not doesn't matter. I will find out when I find out. Maybe when I do find out, I will be ok with it and be happy for him. I think the fact that the replies have been mixed just shows that the reason why he didn't want to see me is not relevant. What is relevant is that he doesn't want me back. So I am just going to carry on looking after myself and as you say Mentor (and thank you for your vote of confidence), moving forward

I agree with RayKay. The same thing happened to me before my exams. Just take it at face value - that she still cares so wanted to wish you luck. I was also quite bitter and cynical when the same happened to me and thought that my ex just wanted to ease his conscience because he felt guilty for breaking up with me before my finals. Anyway, best not to analyse. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but I think it was just a call to wish you luck.

Just to keep it brief, my ex broke up with me 9 months ago. We had been together for 6 years and were each other's first loves and went through a lot together. We agreed to be friends but of course knew that that was not going to happen for a very long time thereforeeee contact has been minimal and we have only met up a few times. Although it was him who broke up with me, I know he found it hard too but it was the right thing to do, and he said he thought being single for a while would do us both good. A few weeks ago I was visiting friends of mine in his city so I sent him a text message saying that I was around for a long weekend and that if he wanted to catch up then to let me know. I thought it would be nice to meet up as we hadn't seen each other in a while and as we agreed to be friends, then why not? I didn't receive a reply until two days later when it was already sunday night anyway in other words the end of the weekend saying he was sorry but he had a "longstanding arrangement this weekend that I can't get out of". I think anyone with half a brain would know that that was just an excuse and a very poor one at that. Part of me was quite annoyed that he was rude enough to wait til the end of the weekend before bothering to tell me he didn't want to meet up. Anyway I replied just telling him not to worry about it. Since then I have spoken to him via the internet and I am very sure he was avoiding the issue, not that I pushed it, but he didn't even ask if I had a nice weekend away. What do yous think? Basically it can only be a few things... 1. He is still struggling and needs more time to move on (not very likely). 2. He is seeing someone else. 3. He was telling the truth and did have a jampacked weekend. 4. He just couldn't be bothered meeting or didn't want to. I just find it very hard to believe that he couldn't spare even just one hour to meet up. Ok, be brutal! Be honest! My friend told me to trust my first instinct which was that he actually needs more time but I think I was just deluding myself and now I think it's far more likely that he has met someone else.

Great post bgbillo. It really rings true and it's something that I have been slowly realising myself in the past few months. Confused and hurt, I think I am the same as you that I am not ready to let go 100% yet. I still long for my ex so there is still 10% of me that is hanging on to hope. But I have done a lot of soul searching since the split that I know I would not have done if we were still together and I have come to know me better and even to like me better I believe that things will naturally fall into place for us if we focus on our own happiness. If happiness happens to be with an ex then that is a nice surprise, but then if it happens to be with someone new, then that is a lovely surprise as well.