bgbillo

Fantasia, - I am glad that I could clear up the message. The first thing that you have to do is forgive yourself. forgiveness comes from ourselves first, and then others can forgive. You have to be willing to realize that you made choices and they weren't resulting in what you may have wanted at the time, but they have happened and should be learned from. Life is full of choices we choose to look at as mistakes and hurting, but we have to realize everything happens to help us grow spiritually, and that when we can do that, we can forgive the negative energy those choices brought out. When you don't forgive yourself for what you did, how can you expect others to forgive you. Forgiveness is for ourselves, not the other person, and as I said earlier starts with you, I just want to emphasize that. In time we all learn if we allow ourselves and others to, but if you can make yourself whole again, only then can you truly love someone. You have to love everything about yourself, then you can truly love someone else. I love my ex dearly, and I have faith that if we are right for one another, which through my meditation and soul searching I feel we are, then by taking steps only that I am inspired to take rather than "think I should do" and allow the universe to do its part, things will fall into place, even if it means us never reuniting. As long as you focus on him not being in your life, you will react in that way. When you don't give off a sense of neediness or pushing, then you can be truly yourselves with one another, but until that time you will continue to push away one another, so take time to just let yourself love and forgive yourself. That is the key. I hope this is helpful, and I thank you for your comments. Sincerely, B

Fantasia, - I am not saying that this guarntees your ex will come back or that you will always get what you want. The fact is when you ask for things with your ego, you generally don't get it. Often times our loves are not meant to be, and so that is what I meant by this. You can sit back and want it all you want, but you have to let go of it to really let yourself to accept and allow what you really want into your life, which maybe someone else. I am not saying to hold onto your ex, just to let yourself have the love you were giving them and follow your soul and not your mind. Often times people make choices in life that are necessary as learning experiences, and those times are when we grow the most. As for the idea that they pop up when you let go, it is true, but not always, because it depends on what you want when you let go and whether your feelings are neutral. If you let go by saying I hate them, then you'll push them away. If you let go, just by loving yourself and letting yourself live, then you allow it the opportunity to happen. I've seen it many times, believe me. I just hope people don't think I am advocating giving up just to get them back. I am saying to let them go and trust that the universe knows what is best for you, and if they are meant to come back, they will. Sincerely, B

Hello Everyone, - Hope all is well as I take a break from writing my thesis. I am glad to hear my advice is helping everyone and I truly ask you to take genuine time to let it sink in. Don't let yourself get comfort solely from reading it, but allowing yourself to accept it. Many times the answers to life's questions are blatantly in front of us, but we just try to grasp them without letting them soak in. Understanding takes time. Often when you try to force understanding it leads to nothing, so just take your time with this. Also, remember hope is based on the fact that some outside force will bring what you want into place, and since we create our own realities, hope is a misnomer. The true thing you need to have is faith and belief. The difference between believing and thinking is greatly profound. For those who believe in religion, you can understand this easily. When you have faith and believe without a doubt in your faith, you have a true feeling of control in your life and a complete feeling of peace. If you think your religion is right, this leads only to more questioning. Believing that the universe and we do not make mistakes, only choices, lets you know you are always in control. This is one of the two hardest lessons to learn about the world. That you have to have faith in what you can't rationalize and just let it be that it is. Secondly, learning to detach yourself without losing the intention of your wants. You do this by realizing your prayer or request has already been answered and is on its way to you. If it is, then why worry, why doubt, why question. If it doesn't come to you, than something even better will, it is that simple. The biggest mistake I made with all of this stuff was that I tried to rationlize (rational-lies) it, and how it works. We aren't supposed to know, we are just supposed to have faith, and do our part by holding our intentions without attachment. That is what is meant by the old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it was truly yours then it will return to you". We already have everything we ask for, we just have to allow it to come in whatever way the universe says without judging. Best wishes everyone, and feel free to PM if you'd feel more comfortable asking questions that way. Sincerely, B

Confused and Hurt, - I don't know if my ex and I getting back together is best for the universe, but I trust things will work out for the best. The approaches they used was to focus on themselves. When you yurn for something, you'll never get it. We have to let go to get. I don't think it's always when the dumpee no longer wants the dumper back. It's when we let go of the need or want. When you want things you worry about whether they will come back or not. When you do that, you are only worrying because of the fear that it won't happen is in your mind. If you fear things you slow them down. Why worry? If you really love each other and are meant to be together it will happen, if not, then it just means something better will come into your life. It's like the stories of people who date, then break up, marry someone else, then divorce years later to end up dating each other again and realizing they are the ones. The truth is they needed to go through some things before they were really ready to be together. there is a difference between a relationship and really BEING together. Being together is a feeling you can't compare to dating or marriage, its on a plane of true love. It's when you aren't someone who does things for that person, but ARE someone to them. Love is stronger than anything else on this earth, and its starts with the Universe. Just have faith that what you ask for will come back to you and let it go, live your life. When you live in the present, you create the things you want. When you live in the past or the future (which don't exist anymore) you create nothing. Plotting to get your ex back does nothing but give temporary solutions if it doesn't push them away. The reason they come back when you let go is that the pressure is gone. A lot of times people feel forced into a corner and don't like it so they bolt. It's the Egos way of protecting them. Give yourself all this love you have for him and he'll come back. Show them love by being your ex's friend and loving yourself. I am not saying by the way to everyone to just think positive. Your feelings are your real guide so don't try to let your mind tell you what you are feeling, it will only do like a computer and categorize based on your past. Your past has past, and this is the now. This is new. Live in the moment, show love without attachment, and great things will come to you, if you just let them. I am not saying don't take initiate. Put out the hand, but don't grab them and force. x143, thank you for your kind words. I am glad this post helped you. StrawTink, you don't need to regret what happened. The fact is it happened, and as long as you learned from it, that's what's important. I think people generally think that they have ruined everything because they make mistakes. Here is a little insight I recently learned. We don't make mistakes, we make choices and do actions. They happen, and happen for a reason to better ourselves and bring us closer to realizing our spirituality. Most times we ignore the lesson (like I did) and repeat the same choices, but once you learn from them and let yourself know everything happens for a reason, you can move on and that's it. The key for all of us is to love ourselves. We are complete and can bring happiness to ourselves without anyone else. If you believe in God or not, we were created in his image or the image of the basic entity of life energy/light (if your not religious), and so we are all connected and all one. When you realize you have control of your life and create how it goes by your thoughts, you will have realized you are whole. Lovers are complementing to us, not completing. Think of you and your lover as circles, when you join, you don't unify into one ring, but more make the form of the infinity symbol. You compliment one another, while retaining your self. Just trust in the universe and let go. Let yourself love you for who you are now. You can't love who you were, you can't love who you are going to be, you can only love who you are now. Plain and simple. Remember that. Best wishes everyone, and keep the questions coming if you need em.

Confused and hurt, - thanks again for your kind words. As for your question, yes I do believe that the universe brings us what we want. This is first and foremost, however the tough part. What we really want is often masked by our Egos. If your ego is asking the universe for something, then chances are that you won't get it. The things we truly want come from our souls/spirit/higher self wwhateer you choose to call it. You really can bring yourself whatever you want, that is if it is what is for greater good of the universe. I know many who bring back people into their lives who are not their soulmates, as long as its in the best interest of universe. The problem that we get is that we are impatient by nature, and the universe doesn't work like the witchcraft movies and tv shows. The universe takes time and its own time. By letting go, you allow things to follow the path of least resistance. When you focus on it and worry about how its going to happen you limit this and so if it doesn't happen the way you think, then it won't happen. The reality is, we get what we want only when we are grateful for what we have and live in the moment. The past is done and you can't go back, so dwelling on it doesn't help you. The future doesn't exist, because it hasn't happened yet. The only time that exists is today, so to bring things to you, you have to live in the now. Future is not set, although certain parts of our lives may be preordained in some's beliefs, the path we take to those is not. We make choices with how we think everyday, and we have to choose our thoughts carefully. You do this by letting your soul guide you instead of your ego. When you give out love to the universe and appreciation, it will bring it back to you. This is how things work. If you expect something back for your love. You have to truly love yourself before you can really love anyone else. By giving the love for your ex, back to yourself, you'll bring more love into your life and draw the things you want. Remember their is no reason for insecurities, fear, doubts, worries. These are all just illusions if you think about it. If you can look at something in a negative or positive way (which you can do with all situations), why would you honestly ever choose negative? If you truly think positive, not just thinking but believing positive, then you'll be fine. I wish you all the best, and if you have any more questions, please feel free to ask. Sincerely, B

Hey Guys, - I am glad to hear that my post has started to help several of you, and hopefully more have read it. I ask people to take it as they wish, but it rings true. I at times find it hard to believe, but we do put off energies, and think about this example. Why is it when there is a bee or wasp around it always seems to fly toward the person who is most afraid of it, yet the person who doesn't care or isn't afraid doesn't get stung? It's because whatever we fear, we bring into reality. When I applied to medical school, I was rated as one of the top 4 applicants coming out of my university which is the big pool for the medical school, yet i worried so much about getting in, and was so confident on the other end, that I didn't get in initially. "I was put on hold status" as they say. Well time passed and I made an effort to move on accepting that I wasn't going to get in, and the day I said I am going to grad school instead, the letter came saying I got in. Ironic? Not really. I decided not to go anyways and went to grad school instead, but its all part of the universe. If you want something bad enough, and many times even if its not meant to be, the opportunity will arise for you once you let go. It doesn't mean you stop wanting it, it just means you realize that it doesn't define your life or your happiness. You will be happy whether it comes or not. This is also the secret to a happy relationship. If you just let things move at their own pace and don't put undue pressure on it (like I did), than it will be fine. Pressure is something none of us like. Some of us may thrive on it for certain things, but when it comes to emotions such as love, pressure is the worst thing you can do. Just let things be, live your life, don't try to get your ex back and realize that is the key. Trying to get them back leads you to sabotage things. Just trust that you always get what you want, and opportunities will arise for them to be achieved. Best wishes everyone, and keep the replies coming. I love to hear back from you guys, both positive and negative, so that I can improve getting out the message. Sincerely, B

Confused and Hurt, - You hit the nail right on the head. You can live life pushing the things you truly want away simply by not letting things be. I am not in any way trying to say give up on you and your ex reuniting, but understand that you wanting it isn't the problem. Your attachment to it is. I think the trickiest thing in life is to want something and not have expectation of how you are going to get it and trust trust that it will happen in its own time. I am in no way saying give up on your lost love, just saying that you need to focus on yourself. I had similar situations in my life to your law school story, including getting my car, having a grade corrected, and getting into medical school. I have had this lesson shown to me lord knows how many times, but I continued to ignore it. Anyhow, people just need time to get in touch with themselves, but if you focus all your energy on getting them back, what good does it do. You can't force someone to love you, take you back, or even talk to you, so just know that you want it, and it will happen. Don't question how it will happen, when it will happen, or where. Just trust it will and let it go. Still keep thinking positive about it, but don't let it affect you. That is the reality of things. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best. Sincerely, B

Hello Boys and Girls, - I haven't posted in some time, and so I thought I'd check up on everyone. I know many of you are depressed, sad, and even desperate over the breakup of your relationships, but I would like to give you all a little advice. You already have the one thing that can make you happy, and that is you. You are who and what makes you happy. Now the mistake made a lot with relationships and breakups, which I also made was that I felt I had to do something to reunite with my ex, I had to figure out how to get back the girl I loved so much. This only led to further and further separation. You see we all give off energy, and when you desperately want something it will never come, or will take so long it will do more harm then good if it does. Think about this and let yourself soak it in. Relationships aren't meant to be forced, they are meant to be enjoyed as all of life is. The saying is true that if you want something so much, that you have to let it go in order to get it back. What this means is that you can want it, but when you accept that it will happen if left up to God, not manipulate it, and focus on what you need yourself, things will have a far greater chance of working out. The old saying, "Once you finally get over the ex, all of a sudden they pop up" is true. This is because you are letting go of the "Forced" energy and so they can be attracted back into your life. This does not mean take no initiave, but in reality says take all the initiative. Ask for what you want in your heart, then let it go hoping that God or the universe will bring it to you, and make no judgments on how and when. Impatience is the part of human nature that kills us all. So be patient, and know that things will work out for the best, and focus on YOU. Find a purpose for your life outside of that person, outside of an individual purpose and persue it, then let the universe bring those things you want back to you. I have not yet reunited with my ex, but I have faith that it will happen in time as long as I don't judge how, and if it doesn't something better will come in my life. I just have to be grateful for what I have in my life as all of us do, because when you are facing the hardest of circumstances, showing gratitude for your life and things in it, has an even stronger effect. I wish you all the best, and feel free to PM if you have an questions. May peace be upon us all and happiness enter everyone's life. Sincerely, B

Bruce, You are right. If it came off as me saying that if you believe in it hard enough it will just come to you, than I incorrectly portrayed my message. The idea is that we are all complete, and don't need anyone else. It is great to have love, but unless you can love yourself, then you cannot love anyone else. As for keeping positive, this is tough I know. Bad stuff happens all the time, but often you can just change how you look at it, and it makes it better. The main thing is to get yourself back and have faith that you are in control of your life and your circumstances. If someone gets their house broken into, they can feel how their life is destroyed, and this is a bad thing that happened, but thankfully no one was in the house and everyone has their health. Things can always be worse, so try to just look on the bright side of things. You have to be deliberate about it. In time, you'll get better at it, just like everything else, until you have control. We get hurt, upset, emotional in negative ways because we respond with our egos. Egos are the part of our minds that absorbs information. If you try to react instinctively, you will no doubt often react in the wrong way. All I wanted was to try and give everyone a sense that live is what you make of it. Be appreciative of the good things you have, even when things seem completely bleak. That's how you get out of those situations, otherwise you just get stuck in them. I wish you the best of luck, and keep your chin up and your eyes open to how beautiful the world around you is. P.S. I don't think you need organized religion to believe this, just belief, that's all, even if not in GOD, at least in yourself.

I am very happy to hear everyone's points, even those critical of philosophy and beliefs. Discussion is a great tool when teaching because it does two major things. One it shows me where I may have confused or incorrectly stated my point. Secondly, it provides me further insight into my beliefs and can often help me as well. The main point this post originally was meant to get accross was that we are all complete beings. If we know that, we also know that we don't NEED anyone else. If you can come to terms with this your life will be much easier to handle in all aspects. Human and other relationships make ourlives great, but we don't NEED them, but they make life better. One problem that most relationships have is the problem of needing your lover. This is pressure and this leads you to lots of problems. It can lead to Codependency issues and even worse. By realizing you don't need the person, especially during a relationship you make the relationship stronger. We cannot change people, they change themselves, just like faith, you can't give someone faith, you can help them give themselves faith. They still give it to themselves. By thinking positive, you help radiate a personality and aura that attracts people. Why is it people feel better around other happy people? Because happiness is contagious, its transferrable in a way. If you are negative or depressed you emit a negative aura, and so repel many, unless the others are also depressed. That is the down fall of many relationships, but this can be corrected. Laws of attraction as they are called are what run this universe. In all levels. You don't have to agree with this, and I am not promising you will get your ex back, because I know I may not get mine back, but our friendship seems to have a shot to be rekindled and that's how you have to start it. Remember, if your ex and you become friends again, you are starting over. The past relationship is in the past and can't be changed, but you can start a new relationship. You are not the same two people you were the last time you were together, you are both different and have grown. You learn from this and live a healthier relationship, but remember one thing. To be the best lover you can be, you need to learn and grow, and if its not with your current ex, perhaps a new person will be attracted into your life and this is where these new lessons can kick in. Remember the power of faith, not in God necessarily, but in yourself most of all. You determine if you are happy and no one else, so be happy if you want. Best wishes, B

the_tiger_striped_cat, - I agree. The purpose of this view was not meant to say that I control in any way whether my ex will give me another chance. In reality we don't have complete control, no one does. We can create the opportunities, and this is what this is all about. Free Will is the fact that we can choose to make a decision. If we and our ex's are meant to be, things will work out, as long as we let them and let ourselves be guided by the our souls as opposed to our egos. I am not in denial about my ex. I love her, but should she not return, which is possible, I will not be upset. I am my own person and a complete person at that. I don't need anyone. That is the biggest lesson. We have others in our lives, but they do not complete us, for we are already complete. Do I believe in fate? to an extent, but we decide our lives and how things play out. If you think your girl is cheating on you, you will more than likely start to sabotage things and she'll cheat on you. If you always fear losing your boyfriend, chances are you'll subconconsciously find a way to sabotage it. All I am saying is many people try to get their ex's back by pushing them, manipulating, hoping. They ignore the reality that we can only truly change ourselves, and that we need to take the steps to better our selves, than give ourselves the chance to fix the problem. If you let things fall into place, i.e. don't force anything, you will give yourself a true chance for reconciliation. Other ways may work, but perhaps are only short term rather than truth. I hope this clarifies things. B

Hello Again everyone, I am glad to hear you are all getting good feelings out of this. Bruce, to answer your comment, no I do not believe in fate. I believe we consciously and subconsciously determine our lives. Thoughts are more powerful than we think, and they will become our reality. When we doubt, are thoughts or wants are weakened and thus we cannot bring them about. I did not write this as saying God does everything for us. I believe that the belief in God isn't necessary for this, because if it was, why are there so many atheists out there who seem to get what they want. It's more of a mentality. You can sit back and hope your ex comes back, and maybe they will, maybe they won't. You can't control them. You can only control and change you. Gratitude is the greatest healer of all. When we are grateful for what we have in our life, rather than what we don't have, than our mindset changes. Our minds can think freely and clearly. Contrary to your statement, the entire post was the idea of free will in its greatest form. We can choose to either think positively or think negatively, but whatever WE CHOOSE, is what will become a reality. Notice for example if you go into a test thinking you are going to fail, you most likely will. If you go in confident and believe in yourself you will do fine. Now there is a difference between believing with your Ego and believing with your Super Ego. Egos are defensive and are the reason we let things get to us. Super egos are where are thoughts can come to a reality. It is how artists, scientist, and musicians bring out their great master pieces. The meaning of this post was that you can't control your ex. You can't bug them into submission to come back to you. You can't plot ways to get them back and really get them back. You may entice them to return for a time, but they will no doubt leave, because in reality you have not changed. I know that some people are bad, but you can change yourself, you can be more independent. We do NOT NEED anyone else, we are complete in ourselves. We are whole. Love and Relationships make us happier perhaps, but we do not need them. You are never alone, because your soul (if you are spiritual) is always with you. The "Universal Mind" (how everything is connected) is always with you. Just realize its there and you live a happier life. Of course, bad things will happen, but if you play victim all your life, then hell, you are going to believe it. None of us are victims unless we make ourselves so, and that is the point. I am not saying go out and change who you are, but take the time to love yourself. If you really want them back then believe it in your super ego, ignore everything else that is negative, but live your life and set your own goals separate of them. In time this will show, as it radiates from you, and they will almost always come back. This means too though that you have brought yourself to a point that should it not work out, you will always be happy because you realize you only NEED YOU. In the end, this way of thinking changed my life. My friends now come to me to help them cope, and I simply tell them. Worrying, Fearing, and Denying only make those things stay in your mind. What good do they do you? What good does it do to hurt others? If you just let them go or allow the world to deal with them (the super Ego) than your life will be happier. I may not have rekindled with my ex-girlfriend now, but I am much happier and everyone can see it. Due to an injury I haven't been able to work out and exercise as much, but I have made even greater strides than anyone could have imagined, and I have just started to tap into this power, imagine how I will be once I have complete mastery of it? It is each of our choices, but the great person and someone who can achieve great things is in us all, you just have to Believe first and then you will see. If you believe in God, look around you, and see how much more beautiful the world is when you are thinking about it. Look for the beauty and be grateful for it, rather than looking at the bad that we bring about. If anyone needs, they can PM me with questions and thoughts, and I am always here to listen. Best wishes to you all, and remember you have the power, your free will is a gift, so don't waste it in the negative, but make things all positive Sincerely, Bilal

Hello everyone, - I am here to tell you that things aren't so bleak. I am not back together with my ex yet, but I have faith we'll get a second chance. Notice I didn't say hope. Hope is dangerous, hope means you want it to happen, but don't know if it will, while faith means you know it will happen. Just remember, for those who believe in God, when your faith in God is strong, you can see God everywhere in beauty. When your faith weakens, you lose sight of these things. I know that many have lost their loves for numerous reasons, but to truly get them back, you have to follow two simple rules. One is have faith that it will work out, If you REALLY BELIEVE in it, it will happen, and you cannot waiver. Also, if you just let things take their course, and don't interfere with the "Divine interactions" for a better choice of words, then things will come to you. This does not mean you can sit around, pray for it and they will come back for it. Be grateful for what you have in your life now, even if things look bleak. Thank God or whatever you want for the good things in your life, if you do, your whole outlook will change for the better. This also means you can only control you, and thus you can only change you. If you change yourself for the better, than better things will come your way. So live your life, and better yourself, no one is perfect, so we can all be better. Than, if you keep faith, things will fall into place, and as long as you don't pressure people or push them, in time, things will work out. Patience and Faith are the keys, and doubt is the enemy. Finally, "Work like you will live forever, and live like tomorrow will be your last day!" These are great words of wisdom. Enjoy life, enjoy your job, enjoy school, you can, no matter what, just do it. It's that easy, if you just do it, it works. Logical eh? Never let your ego hide the beauty of your soul, and your life will be plentiful and happy. Take care, B

Thanks for your reply Stream, To answer your question, she is ironically 26, your age about to be 27. I love her dearly, and want her to be her own self and that is what attracted me to her. Her independence in all situations. She just needs to believe in herself. I know I made mistakes, big ones, but I am getting those corrected. She inspired me to take the steps to get healthy, and I am eternally grateful to her for that. I was recently diagnosed and treated for mental OCD. For those who don't know what this is, basically it's an anxiety disorder that when I get thoughts in my head they don't get out. I will analyze a question, leading to 20 more questions, continue this until I reach the original quesiton again, and start over. It can cause severe things like insecurity, paranoiya, mood swings, etc. because your mind is racing at 100 miles an hour. It is not difficult to treat, and I have gone through treatment for it, and am now working on keeping myself healthy. I am avoiding things that trigger it like stress and depression, and so I am taking care of myself now. I hope she is doing the same, because she is truly an amazing person. I am lucky to have had her in my life, even if only the time we were together in the past. I want her to find herself, as I have found myself now. I am happy as can be, and the only thing that could better it would be to have her in my life again, if not romantically, at least as a friend. I know that taking things slowly and being there for one another is the way to make this work, but I'll give her the time she needs, and should this option never arise, I will be thankful for what we did share. Our old relationship is over, and now we have the opportunity to start a new one. One in which to better people are working together. Ironically, I find it interesting that people say just learn from the relationship and let the person go, but when you learn from the relationship, you can start a new one with that same person who is new to you with their changes. The past is the past, and peoplechange for the better. anyhow, thanks for your advice, and if you have anything more to add, I appreciate hearing it. Thanks again. Sincerely, B

As some of you know, my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago because we were both going through so much at the time. I took it badly, but have since grown up and bettered myself for me. I am as happy as I have ever been, and although I love my ex and want another chance, I know that I can lead a happy life without her. Anyhow, about a month ago, she actually asked some friends and I to lunch, and we all went together. I was acting happy, which I was, and not discussing anything about the relationship. She seemed a little nervous or uncertain about things, but anyhow, seemed like a great lunch. Earlier this week, two friends and myself went bowling, and one of our friends invited along my ex. Well, she didn't come, no biggie, but when this friend and I spoke later on that evening, she was like "(My ex) was really going to come, but then said she said she just didn't feel ready to talk to you yet." I was like ok. I have been having fun going out with friends, enjoying life, and so on. Now I know that isn't much, but the next day, another mutual friend and I were talking about something random, and she blurts out, "yeah, (my ex) is just too damn picky when it comes to guys". I guess I could take this in a good way of maybe she's still uncertain about the breakup and worried that I've moved and am a better person now, or perhaps she's just afraid that I am not. I don't think I've given any indication of not being happy or pushing anything between us, so I am hoping this is the case. Anyhow, what are ya'lls opinions? and No worries, I am not taking this for more than its worth, just curious if maybe it could be a positive. P.S. One of her friends (a very religious, controlling girl) was always against us dating and her father was passing away at the time around our break down in the relationship, and so it was hard for my ex to probably contradict her in that state. Well anyways, I was proud to hear, randomly again from a friend, that she is starting to stand up to this friend and not letting her make decisions for her. Just a little more info.