the lonely heart

Hi Y'all.... Ok last night I talked to my ex for 3 hours! we haven't truly talked for about a month. So this was amazing and a surprise. So yeah the conversation turned interested when we started talking about sex. i was a virgin with him and did it my first time with my latest boyfriend. so yeah we got to talking about sex and i was joking around and suggesting that WE (he and I) have sex... We both laughed at the idea and just continued talking and bantering... For THREE hours. I was so shocked to see the time wiz by. So yeah... he is dating a girl right now who he classifies as having a... real mellow, down to earth, able-to- listen-for-hours to anyone about anything attitude that never falters... he also mentioned that she is cute and hot. and pleasant and easygoing and inviting as for me, he said: - you have qualities like that that (pleasant/easygoing/inviting)... your smile is inviting - ur very cute and unrivaled there he also mentioned having sex w/ me had crossed his mind but he didn't want to push me and my boundaries cuz of my religious beliefs, etc. Well they're not official yet but have been dating for a few months now taking it day by day. And suddenly I'm all horny inside wanting to go and make love to him! Aww... He's my first love and boyfriend... Ok... my question ~ do you think I have a chance of getting him back? If so, how's the best way to approach it???

Lol. My boyfriend broke up with me in late January and i started dating another guy (RYAN) in early March that I told you all about from my school. Anywayz, as I mentioned he broke up with me a while back. history he and i dated in March/April, he said he wanted to slow down on April 25th, broke up with me on April 26th (saying he still really liked me but didn't see it headed 2 marriage), considering getting back w/ me the following weekend, broke up again on the monday following (may 3), made out with me that evening after doing so and we had sex, and got back together w/ me swearing it was for real on the 5th (wed), and yet less than 24 hours later (may 6th/thurs) he broke up with me again saying it wasn't going to work and he had to break up with me. So yeah, that's 1 hell of a week! wassup now but anywayz, its been about 3 weeks since and he's been completely IGNORING me We go to the same school and since its small we have to see ea other around campus on a regular basis. But i don't know what his problem si but he seems to think its for the best to ignore me. Now, i should mention one thing - my mom did ask him not to contact me/be friends with me after the breakup... So he is saying that he's keeping her word to the letter. He's acting all honorable and such His friend even told me to leave him alone and i was like "WTF - i haven't contacted him in over 2 weeks!" Anywayz, my mom wrote him and told him that she did not intend 4 him to ignore me or be a rude bastard like he was being. So yeah... even after that, he's been ignoring me and even had the audocity to return a letter i wrote him to my mailbox a week later after i stopped contacting him. why could not he have just thrown it away? YOu know what i mean?? so anywayz, his sister hates me and a lot of ppl think that she is the cause for the breakup and such... I've tried to be kind to her but she just won't budge... Whatever. advice desired! So my question -- can anyone offer advice on what the heck is going on?? i am so confused and really wanna go wack him over the head Thanks!!!!!! Celina and yeah if i had my way, we'd still be together

when abouts should i take the test? thanx!

does this mean i should consider taking a pregnancy test sometime? Any thoughts on that would be gratefully received. thanks... and yeah girls and guyz... for the record, the guy got what he wanted i guess and walked away ... he broke up with me... yep...

when does the official risk of pregnancy start? fingering? him entering half way? all the way? cumming?

Hi. I am confused and wanted some desperate advice... Thank you all in advance! Ok the situation...I've been dating this guy for the past couple months and we have just started getting more intimate in that i gave him a handjob and he has fingered me on 3 occasions. I've enjoyed the fingering despite the soreness which seemed to come afterwards. But yeah, last night we got further than ever before and this is where I'm confused... We decided that he would enter me but not completely... Just so I could get a feel for it... I don't know. Is that normal for a first time encounter? So yeah... He entered and i felt pained and i guess it was the stretching you all talk about... But according to him (and he has far more experience than me... 3 frmr sex partners) he didn't go all the way... So I have to ask myself... why would I bleed? I got back to my apt and see that my underwear is stained with blood and it is slightly painful to urinate (sorry for being graphic)... So I have to ask ~ did i do something wrong? is there a way to make it easier on me when we do have sex for the first time and go all the way? Thank you!!

thanks gals and guys... i appreciate the advice...sometimes it just helps to have someone rehash what you've been thinking

Hi y'all... If you recall I broke up with my ex in January. Well, since then I've met this new guy (who shares the same freaky first name) who seems to be a great guy @ my school. He's admitted to me last night that he has a crush on me and now I'm confused/stumped. I like this guy from what I've seen of him so far but frankly I am still into my ex... ugh... So anywho, I was wondering -- do you think its fair on the new guy for me to go out with him? I DO like him even though I still have feelings for the ex. Of course its just a mere date but I don't want to hurt his feelings or give him the wrong impression, etc. Also, would it be better to keep it mum when talkin' with my ex who is now my friend? any advice is welcome. thanks. Celina --->--@

Morrigan, do you think that in a friendship setting the ex can end up see the person within you who he/she was initially attracted to? i've moved past the hurt and puppy dog looks...now i'm considering a friendship with the ex but unsure how to approach this transition... thanks

Hi Rainy, I am so sorry about your break-up to have someone you care about leave your life is such a terrible thing... I must admit this is rather similar to a break-up I had w/ the guy not giving any clue this was coming about and bam! it happens due to "confusion"... Just remember that crying is ok and normal. Cry as much as you want w/o shame. Also, avoid grovelling at the guy's feet. You're better then that. There is a [link removed by Morrigan which offers tips and don'ts for winning back your loved one. You might want to give it a look. Again, I'm so sorry about your disappointment and heartbreak and truly wish it could all just be a bad nightmare and this guy would still be with you...

first, welcome aboard. second of all, yeah you can get the ex back while being friends... this is sort of an update to my story & also an answer to your question... my ex and i've been friends for a few weeks now and on saturday we went out to a movie and lets just say that things progressed... holding hands, stroking my arm, slipping his arm around me as we walked, kissing me, and finally asking for a second chance. my thoughts - yippee! so to answer ur question, yeah it can happen. i'm back w/ my ex and totally stoked... all the best to you... hopefully the 'experts' and pros on this board can offer more advice. all the best. and remember - be true to yourself.

HI y'all. I am back again and with another question. Thanks in advance for any advice/thoughts you might share!! K, here's the story. If you all recall, my ex broke up with me after a 3 month relationship. His reasoning was that he was confused about what he needed and wanted in a relationship. It also came out he had been with another girl for 2 years before me (so some of you assumed i was possibly a 'rebound' girl). We decided to become friends. yet he was giving me mixed signals for a few weeks about what he really wanted in our "friendship" until I sat him down and basically told him I deserved better than what I called a joke of a friendship. I guess my comments took him surprise and yet he was very appreciative that i brought it up and explained he wanted to be friends and was just worried that it would get ackward should the breakup come up in conversation. I actually laughed when he said this and recalled (to myself) how he was the only one who ever brought up the breakup. Anyway, to make a long story short...he admited he wanted to be friends and so that's what we are now...friends. I am actually very happy with this situation and at peace about the way things are happening. I noticed that I no longer get butterflies in my stomach thinking of him, nor do i cry over him, etc. Of course, I will admit that I do think a return to the way things used to be (boyfriend-girlfriend) would be nice. And that brings me to my question and reason for this post. I was wondering - is there ever any chance exs who become friends can become boyfriend/girlfriend again? Does that work out ever? The reason i ask, is because i remember reading all those posts about "no contact" and how if you initiate contact you've basically wiped all chances away of getting back w/ the ex. So i was curious, if that applies in the situation i'm in... can those who choose to be friends ever get back together? and plz understand i'm not grovelling on teh ground begging for a 2nd chance w/ him nor am i making our outings uncomfortable. i just want to know if there is a chance for a rebirth of a relationship? thanx.

Yeah. i figured. I ended up sending him an email (v. nice and all) and asked him what he really wanted out of our "friendship" and asked why he kept giving me mixed signals... He hasn't replied yet and neither has he sent a "read receipt" which he has done every other time he's read an email. I guess I"ll just have to see... Cheers M

Thanks for the advice/help. Yes, I do want a friendship and yes he said he wanted one too. And I think we're both trying - Since the breakup we've gone to Mass together on a regular basis, he calls to chat, we e-mail and IM ea. other, and lately he's been coming to the club I work at (i'm a bartender) and will just sit around drinking a beer trying to talk to me when I'm working. What confuses me (and maybe its just me *G*) is that he'll simply sit there at the bar and STARE at me & won't let any other hostess serve him. once i was for example in the bathroom and he came in and wanted a beer (i guess) but when my friend Sara asked what he wanted, he said he'd only order from me. I thought that was odd since he was often at the bar before we dated and flirted w/ all of us girls. I don't know. He also asks me to dance when i'm off work, will give me a massage on the neck when i am tired, and now sends me a valentine card. I just don't get it. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of a difference between when we dated and now except for the intimacy and "going on official dates". That's why I'm curious - how exactly this all works. I've had 2 long term relationships (2 years ea.) before and neither of us in those relationships wanted a friendship so i didn't have to deal with this. Thanks again...

Hi y'all. Anyone who read my earlier post realize that I wanted to know if there was any hope of reuniting with my ex but as it would seem - the chances are slim - so I am ready to move on and enjoy life however, i was wondering... how does a couple shift to the friendship state if it was never there to began with? My ex and I (although we were only together 3 months) never had a friendship to build upon and now he (we) want a friendship... So, how do we go about that? I just don't want to come accross like the obsessed breakupee because frankly i'm at peace w/ this whole situation and not an obsessesd breakupee. If any of you have any words of wisdom or experience you'd like to share regarding how to form a friendship with the ex, I'd love to hear it. Thanks a bundle. Cheers Melina

Hi. I'm a girl and I definitely agree w/ Mar and the others on this one. You don't necessarily have to have a big talk and ask if she's ok with it However, go slowly and start over the shirt and SLOWLY move closer to the skin... I have had my exs all feel me up there and when I don't want it I'll push their hand away or sit up (usually we're laying on the couch or such) so its made rather obvious i'm not in the mood. I've also been known to encourage the guy if he's tenatively moving inward. I even helped guide his hand. I think that's a natural reaction for a woman (maybe I'm wrong and if so, plz correct me ladies). Just whatever you do, start slowly and show her that you care for her as more than a sex object & it'll most likely be an enjoyable time for you both. All the best to you... Cheers

Hey again... A quickie... I sent my ex an email saying that I want to know what he really wanted, et al. Basically it was an attempt to figure him out. We'll see if he wants to reply. I told him I didn't want him to string me along and needs to tell me whether we're friends or not. Oh yeah, and out of the blue he sent me a txt msg replying to the fact that i had told him i was sick on tuesday. so i guess he decides to find out on thursday if i'm feeling better. who knows. I just find that random and out of the blue. Cheers Melina

Hey Rich_1517, thanks for taking a stab @ what is going on w/ my ex and I. I appreciated you trying... As for your questions... At first I thought that was possible. Considering the fact he would call her and mention her. However, he actually says that he HATES her because she cheated on him w/ another guy. He said she even wanted to get together again and he refused because she hurt him badly. That's another of the weird things. My ex hardly gave any reasons at all. He mentioned that he was confused, felt like what we were doing was more on a friendly level [which made me wonder if he makes out, takes naps, sees his other friends naked, etc.], and felt like he just didn't know what he wanted in a relationship right now. As for the whole wanting more or not on my side - I do care v. much for the guy & would not mind if we got back together. However, I've gained a peace about all this and realized I am fine if friends is all we'll ever be from now on. So I think if he honestly wants a friendship, I can enter into fine. Ok, just a random and sort of off-topic question. Is it possible to be Friends with benefits w/ an ex? I noticed someone mentioned "ex sex" or something like that & I was curious what that is all about. Thanks again Rich_1517 for replying. Cheers

i have nothing to add of worth or insight but i just wanted to wish you best of luck no matter where the path should lead you... Seems like you've really grown a great deal since the break-up. All the best to ya Cheers

me either about initiative...crazy you might have noticed my unanswered post cuz it shows how confused/stumped I am. Best of luck to you Cheers

So sorry about the pain and anguish you're suffering I hope it passes and you are able to find some happiness and love soon. As far as any suggestions regarding AIM and whether you should find out about the ex's possible boyfriend? I'd suggest that you don't try to find out about the ex's possible any relationships. Why torment yourself? Do you think it will accomplish anything? As far as AIM goes, I've found its helpful to take the ex off your buddy list so you don't have the temptation to look for her online. Consider asking a friend to keep you accountable & treat yourself when you do maintain the "no contact"... All the best to you... Cheers

quick question -- does the ex leave voice messages? does he ASK for a reply or ask a question which needs a reply? if he is looking for a reply IMO its fine to reply with the answer. Yet, if a guy really wants to talk and has been unsucessful 3 times, I reckon [correct me fellas if i'm wrong] that he will look for a way to get you to reply (e.g. ask a question that needs responding to). The only 2 ex's I've ever done "no contact" with or been interested in salvaging something both did call me. I would answer if i was near the phone but if i missed the call and they left a message i would chose to answer based on the msg. And I know I'm most definitely not one of these awesome posters who have such wisdom on the topic. Hopefully they'll be able to help you out much better than I 8) Just remember -- You don't want to sound too eager to have them call and to talk but again you don't want to be rude by not responding if indeed they gave reason for a response. Only you know best honey... Think it through based on your personal situation and make the choice you won't be able to regret. Regret is something of your choosing. Really its up to you as to what to do. Best of luck & happiness. And if you want to salvage a friendship (no strings attached) - act like a friend. Cheers

You said yourself Eric has a LTR, that he has no special feelings towards you and that you aren't at a point when you'd actually approach Eric about your feelings. So what exactly are you looking for as far as advice goes? My advice (take it for what little its worth) -- Just enjoy your friendship and friendly/flirtatious/playful banter. OH yeah, and don't compare the guys you date to Eric. For your sake and for theirs, its just not a good idea. Nobody can ever measure up to someone we have put on a pedastal and unless I'm mistaken that's what you've done to Eric. Enjoy the guys you date for who they are and see what might come of those relationships.

Hi Jenn ~ Life is complicated to say the least. And you definitely have an interesting situation. Really its up to you, hon, and for some reason I think you already knew that, right? So why don't you make the choice - which guy will you pursue? Just be sure to consider the feelings of the guy you're currently seeing. From what you said it seems he cares for you and it would be pretty sad if you strung him along w/ false hopes. If you aren't true to the relationship - stop, let him off (easy) and allow him to find someone who will treasure him for his worth. Best of luck and sense w/ your decision. Hope its a fruitful one. Cheers!

Hi all... I've come to you all for some advise again and hopefully you'll all be able to share w/ me your feedback and opinions. Thanks in advance. Here's the story/situation: My ex and I had one AMAZING and short (3 months) relationship. We did everything together, he introduced me to all his buddies, hung out with my family constantly, went to mass with me weekly (and is still going to this day which puzzles friends and family), text messaged me daily, wanted to constantly see me, etc... It was to say the least... a strong relationship (acc. to both of us). We had an argument (although rather trivial) about his ex girlfriend and how he randomly called her on Christmas & New Years which ticked me off. I worried that he still had feelings for this girl who he had just broken up with 2 months earlier and who was his first serious relationship (2 years)... He went away for the weekend to Seattle to a family reunion & we had some tense conversations via phone that weekend. He came back on Monday & we spent one hell of an evening together & seemed to patch things up beautifully. All seems to be going just splendidly after that. Also on that Monday he told me that he loved me and his feelings for me were stronger then they'd ever been. Yet... 2 weeks later he comes to me and tells me that he has no more romantic feelings and was confused and wasn't sure he wanted any relationship at all. It came as a complete shock to me especially since 2 days before he said some very endearing things & was v. affectionate. Now, I do understand that he just came out of a v. intense, sexual (ours was not because of my catholic beliefs and he said he admired that and respected my wishes so we found other ways to be intimate if you know what i mean *G*) and serious 2 year relationship. Yet, when we started together he said himself that he invisioned this being a LTR and was confident about his feelings for me. We even dated for a couple weeks prior to making it official... The being official was initiated because I explained other guys had been asking me out and I wanted to know if i had any sort of commitment from him or should i date others. He explained he didn't want to lose me & made it official. The thing about this break-up that confuses me so much is that he just never gave me an inclination this was coming. He would buy me roses 4 no particular reason, bring me a rose when i was sick during his 20 minute break @ work, call me constantly, find reasons to just see me, kept saying he didn't want to lose me cuz we did have discussions (2) about our differeces in faith and whether it was wise to keep on w/ our relationship... he kept saying he didn't want to lose me & wanted to make it work, etc. Does that seem like the kind of thing that a guy would do when he is contemplating a break-up? Maybe I'm dense but it just didn't fit... We met for coffee one day after the breakup @ Starbucks and he shared some of his thoughts with me... He explained that he still loved me and enjoyed all our times together. He also said that he just found that more and more things seemed to be on a friendship level rather than a serious relationship level. He also shared that he what he felt for me was NOT purely physical or superficial because in his own words, "he grew to love me as a person, and that will never change--ever." He also said he wanted to be my friend & in an email later wrote - "But no matter what I am always still here for you and you can choose not to talk to me again, but I will always be around if you decide otherwise." Bull was my inner opinion/reaction to all that he said/wrote... Now I've tried to rationalize this all and figure out if he really wanted to be a friend or if it was the typical break-up line that we're all so familiar with. I also couldn't decide if perhaps there is a chance (and I'm definitely not hangin my hat on any form of optimism) that he might be simply confused re: his last relationship [oh yeah, he had a 1 month relationship between his 2 year ex and me...his rebound relationship] and maybe somewhere down the line there is a chance for us to be together again... Also, I was curious - how does one go from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends? I've had a couple relationships but those ended on such ugly matters that I never invisioned a post-relationship of any kind. And I'm still confused by some of his other actions. He will often rub my back @ Mass or in the car on the way to church, puts his arm on my shoulder, sends me a Valentine's Day card, calls me, emails me just to say hi, etc. And why would he call me simply in order to defend his reasoning for breaking up with me (for an HOUR). Sorry this is so long. Heck. But if anyone has ANY words of advise or opinions I'd LOVE to hear back. Thanks so much. Cheers