stolen heart

hi y'all. sorry for this new long post but i need help... please!!! i mentioned that my short term boyfriend broke up with me and now is dating someone else. while the thing is... i ended up writing the guy a letter telling him that i was fed up with his crap and games and charitable handouts. i wasn't charity or trash he could help to ease his ego. so basically i sent him that email 2 weeks ago. and last week i sent him another email basically blasting him for being a jerk to me and not ever replying and ending it properly... I said some cold things out of anger. But hell, I was pissed and wanted some sort of satisfaction dishing out the coldness too... Well he didn't reply and yesterday at 11:50pm he called me. i was stunned. he left a message on my cell phone mentioning that he had been thinking about me. he mentioned that he still wanted to be my friend and didn't want to end our friendship. he also mentioned that he had sent me an email in response to my messages on Sunday. Well frankly I haven't gotten that fricken' email. I'm not surprised. I honestly don't think he ever sent it. My friends think his ego has been bent and hurt... I say - who gives a shiit. And yet it irritates me to no end to think that he would call me and want to be supposedly be friends yet shows no visible desire ... You'd think that 2 months is enough to give a guy a chance to prove he wants to be friends instead of ignoring me... Right? I'm sick of the games... Tired of his smooth talk and obligatory emails/fone calls every other week. My mental stability doesn't need his whatever you call it... His crap is not boding well with me. So i got ticked and sent him a string of txt msgs... i guess i was pissed... the txt msgs basically mentioned something like... thanks 4 the phone call... i didn't get the email... whatever... hope ur doing well... why would u say he want to be friends when u make no visible show that u do? ur obviously not getting anything out of this friendship and i'm certainly not... i have my life and don't need/want your charitable handouts... i have friends, family and a new guy... so are we friends or what? hmm... and lastly: i don't think i'm asking 4 too much. i just want a response & think I deserve 1... do u want to try to have a friendship or is your idea of friendship what we've had for the past few months? can u answer that? well...do u all think i am a mess? i think that's the sad truth... does anyone think that i've lost all chances of winning him back? i think so but right now i don't think i care...his attitude is annoying me... Ugh... Well - any thoughts will be welcome. S

i don't doubt that...i was very sexual with my last boyfriend after the rape... i think she wants affection and needs it from you. just please have patience with her... pm me.

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your ex it is so hard to have to deal with a rape... and especially hard for the spouse or SO. My ex had a difficult time coping with the fact that I had been raped by my last boyfriend. He wanted to go kill the guy and yet he also withdrew from me... I guess I understand... But what i'd like to say -- a girl who has been raped (especially by someone she knows and loves) just needs to see you love her in your actions. Don't put too much weight on your words (they can mean zip to someone who's been raped) and concentrate on showing her love with your actions... hope that helps. PM me if you like.

well he's with girl #3 (as far as i know) since his breakup with his 2 year ex in September... i supposedly was girl #2 and now i hear he's with some new chick [read my message in "ex boyfriend/ex girlfriend relationships"] its heartwrenching because we had a very strong emotional/physical bond together... at least on my part and from what he said... haha... he said so many things and now i'm just not sure what is truth of it and what's lies... so anywayz, if any of you have any advice on getting the guy back (despite the fact that he's seeing a girl - not offical yet) i'd appreciate it... i know you must think i'm crazy to want a guy back who is seemingly on a rebound cycle... yet, i do want him back and i can only say its because we shared a very special emotional/deep bond which i can't explain... so guyz and gals, if you'll read my longer posts in the other folder and offer any suggestions/thoughts I'd greatly appreciate it... thanks...

thank you both for your replies and thoughts... does anyone else have anything to share? well, i sent the guy an email asking where we stood. i don't know if that was the right thing to do but i felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when i pushed the "send" button. the email basically mentioned that i hadn't seen him in a couple weeks or heard from him for that matter. i asked if everything was ok and whether our friendship was a joke... i guess it was a bold/blunt message but i've been hurt and needed some sort of closure (?) and/or answers... well guess what? lo and behold he hasn't replied... go figure... i guess you could say that means he is gone from my life entirely, right? there's no other way to look at the situation, right? because its been 3 days now since i sent the email (this is the 3rd day) and he hasn't breathed a word to me. also, my email posed a question in the conclusion as to whether he was desirous of a friendship with me or not... well no reply and my heart screams from the pain and loss... yet i guess its better to know where one stands with the ex then to assume a number of things while fooling oneself that there is a friendship... right? or am i fooling myself? PLEASE ADVICE AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS... heartbroken

Hi Everyone ~ I am back with another question & heartache. My ex I just found out last night is "seeing" someone ... I really love this guy and want him back with my whole being... we went thru a lot emotionally... he even helped me cope with the fact that i was gang raped in april last year... He told me when he broke up with me that he had no desire to date at all and was still trying to figure out what he wanted/needed in a relationship after coming out of a 2 year relationship with his first gfriend. at the time of our breakup he even told me he didn't know if he'd date again or ever cuz he didn't want to hurt anyone like he hurt me... yet now, 2 months later, he's seeing someone else... was he just dishing out a list of lines when he broke my heart? and is there any way to get him back now that he has this new girl he's dating? btw, he supposedly is my friend now but yet he's not mentioned this girl. i found about her via a friend of his. any advice or thoughts would be most welcome... gracias

Hi y'all... I'm brand spankin new to this forum and the broken hearted community. i posted earlier and nobody but lonely heart replied i was disappointed and yet figured i'd give you all another swing and see if anyone swings back this last time... sorry its so long! i have been reading your guys' posts (especially Beec and nello and raggamuffin) saying someone needs to have a strategy for winning their ex back... seduce them... i desperately want to see if there is any possible shred of chance my ex could come back to me... he wants to be pals and i'm uncertain @ this point... i do know that he broke up with me because he said that the fire he had originally fizzled out and he wasn't romantically interested in me anymore. frankly, because of his words of love and actions just a few days before the breakup, i wonder if maybe that loss of romantic interest is not necessarily what he thinks it is but a part of the big confused ocean he's dealing with right now... lemme give you a bit of history - he had a 2 year relationship with a girl, Maggie, in high school/first year of college which ended when she cheated on him w/ another guy. he desperately wanted her back but she refused and now that he moved on (which he claims he has - ardently so) she is trying to get him back [the no contact worked for him but when he'd figured out he didn't want her] but he's pissed and calls her games childish... he started dating a friend (kellie) of his best friend immediately after the break-up (maybe a month later). a month after they started dating, he and i met at work (we do retail together - yet in different departments). he told me that he had a girlfriend (kellie) so i basically had no notion of winning the guy at the time. i just remained my normal bubbly, happy self. however, he often came to my department (i work in "home") and had miscellaneous things to return (which later he said he had picked up on his way downstairs to me so he'd have an excuse to see me). when he'd come to the dept, he'd always try to linger and talk. i was confused since he said he had a girlfriend. one night he told me they broke up and i thought little of it. two days later he asked me out to "chill" suggesting we grab a cup of coffee. i had a date that night so i couldn't and we ended up going to dinner the next night. we started dating after that for about 2 weeks. he said he wanted to take things slowly. i finally asked him if there was any sort of commitment or chance for us after those 2 weeks because a couple other guys had been asking me out. he drove me home and said he wanted to be my boyfriend. i worried that i had pressured him into it and he said that i had just opened his eyes because he didn't want to lose me and needed the *wake-up call*. so we became official around thanksgiving time & things were GREAT acc. to both of us for the first 2 months. we had very few arguments or disputes. the only major thing was that i heard rumors he was interested in another girl who worked with us (in his same dept) and i got jealous I later did apologize... Anywayz, towards the beginning of February, Nick (my ex) broke up with me. It seemed so out of the clear blue for me especially since he'd been so affectionate and loving the night before we discussed breaking up. as for the breakup ... it was different... nick and i on monday went to his sister's soccer game and when he dropped me off i asked if he thought this relationship would last longterm. somehow we got to talking about breaking up and he said he didn't want to breakup with me and would work his damnest to make it work. u see, we have different faiths which has always been a nagging thing for me. we have talked about it before and he said ea. time (near to tears) that he didn't want to lose me and wanted to try to make it work. so, monday ends and we're still together. wednesday we see ea. other at work and all is ok. thursday we don't see ea. other and around 11 he asks to come over. he comes over and we talk and kiss and laugh. he pulls away and says it just isn't going to work. he doesn't want to be unfair to me. his feelings for me are just not what they used to be and he'd be lying to himself and me if he stayed in the relationship. he said he never told me about his dwindling affection (romantically) because he wanted to work on it himself. the truth of the matter is that he is confused and doesn't even know what he wants in a relationship or gfriend. he even said he's not sure he wants to have a relationship. we both cry and he ends up spending the night - falling asleep hugging me. ok, so we see ea. other occasionally and i end up leaving the job and moving (which was planned before the breakup) to a city about an hour away. we even spent 2 hours on the phone from 1am -3am because he called. it ended up being longer than i had wanted and what really annoyed me was that when i mentioned someone from work (that girl i had used to think he liked) he thought i also used the word "flirt" in reference to him. that got him firy red and he started to try and defend himself. the thing is i swear on my mother's grave that i never brought that word up... so why is he so defensive? and why was the last conversation we had on the phone so long? - because he felt like defending himself and his confusions although i never mentioned the break-up or relationship... he wants to be friends and so i agree. yet, now i realize how much i want him back... i want to see if there is any possible hope for us again... i know i can't change someone who has no desire whatsoever. but i can tilt the odds in my favor, ja? i can try to "seduce" Nick, right? so if anyone PLEASE has any suggestions or stories or advice or thoughts I'd LOVE to hear... also, how does one do the whole "emotionally off and on" thing? thanks again and sorry its so long!

hey y'all. i'm new here and felt like sharing my story (current one at least) and ask for any advice. thanx my ex and i were together for 5 months before he broke up with me out of the blue (or so it seemed to me). now we're friends. i read what u all had to say about no contact and frankly i don't think that's possible for us since we go to school at the local jc together and even have a mutual class (organic chemistry). i also used to work at the same place he does and have been asked to come back to work there. sorry... back on topic - the thing is that we're now friends and i want a little something out of this friendship if that's understandable... i really miss our intimacy - seriously, the guy was *gr8!* so i was wondering... and i'm not even sure i posted in the right folder -- how does one seduce the ex? is that possible? i have heard stories of people doing just that but i was curious - HOW? also, i noticed that "no contact" seems to be your all's idea of how to possibly get the ex back. now i ask - is it possible to get the ex back while being friends? and if so, are there any pointers? i noticed a "no contact" list of pointers/suggestions... thanx... and PLEAZE advice!!!

hey lonely heart, I'm new to this board and noticed your post. Sure, you can be friends w/ an ex. That's what I have been with my ex for some time... As for getting back together, like the others said, anything is possible. but don't let yourself get hurt - keep ur heart guarded. you don't want to lose it 2x to the same guy. and remember to always love yourself and show how happy you are when u guys are together. yu want him to remember the great times you shared and what attracted him 2 u in the first place. good luck.