Shelly333

Okay, so maybe you initially scared him off. It doesn't matter anymore. The truth is, he sounds detached and uninterested, and that is the bottom line. You can't make him be interested and come back to you again. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with an emotionally needy person anyway? Do you like playing the Savior role? I agree with the person who wrote before, you deserve better! Guys as a whole just don't respond well to a woman chasing them when they (the guys) aren't really interested. The best thing to do is STOP contact (even though you pretend it's not an option when it is!). If he comes back looking for you, then go from there. I would read the Mars/Venus book, because it has a lot of wisdom about these situations. Your whole situation with this guy sounds like bad news. I know familiarity is nice, even when it's destructive, but I challenge you to find someone new who is not needy! Best of luck!

This is a hard one. So she is confused, that is normal. I think that you need to not rush into the marriage thing and see how things go for a while. After she put the ring on, did she seem to really try to make things work? Did her attitude change? These are very important questions! The thing is, you are a romantic. You need it in return. If she is going to be detached, or is staying with you for any other reason than pure love, then it will obviously go sour eventually. See, I like all the love notes, kind acts, hand holding, snuggling, just like you. It is very foreign to my husband. The beautiful thing is that he has really made a concerted effort during our dating and marriage to TRY. I can tell that he's doing it to make me happy, which means a lot to me. It's all about the attitude. Now, if I had married someone who it came very naturally to, would things be easier? Yes. But I love him and I was willing to make it work if he tried, too. I hope that she is really putting her heart in to the relationship and is doing all she can to make it work. If not, it might be downhill once you are hitched (hopefully not!). Good luck!

Ok, girl. Did you read what you wrote? I don't see how there is even a question about what should be done! I do realize that sometimes a person can get so deep into something that they fail to see the reality of the situation anymore, so they ask for an outside view, which is awesome that you are doing so. I hope you take this to heart: DUMP HIM!!! I'm sorry but if I was dating a guy who didn't want me to hang out with him and his friends, he would be outta there. Yes, it sucks breaking up, yadda yadda yadda. But why waste your time with this guy who basically sees you when it is convenient for him? I mean, he has a whole other life outside of you that he refuses to involve you in. No wonder you have a hard time trusting him. I wouldn't either. The guy cheated on you with your best friend. There is no excuse good enough for that one. Dump him! The relationship is obviously causing you to have very unhealthy thoughts, and you are changing into a person you don't like. Dump him! I don't know if there is a fear of loneliness, or if you feel like you can't get anybody else, but being single is not as bad as what you are doing now, trust me. I think it would be wise to dump him, and cut all contact with him. Get out and meet new people. Stay busy. After a while you will wonder how you ever stayed with him as long as you did. He obviously doesn't respect you much. You deserve respect.

I'm sorry to here about the rollar coasterishness of it all. However, it's time for you to look forward in life, cut your losses, and leave the guy. No matter how much time you have invested in him, it's not worth the time you might be wasting on him in the future, especially feeling as hurt as you do. The thing is, you are the girl. Don't you deserve a guy who will do the chasing, and feel like you are the best thing that has ever happened to him? Not to be harsh, but if this guy felt like that, I don't think he would be giving you the run around, which is exactly what he is doing. There are enough guys out there who will adore you and give you what you need; why wait for this guy who obviously can't fulfill that? He is only making excuses. Pick up your remaining dignity and find a guy who will truly give you what you need. It sounds like if he did marry you, it would only because you are pushing it on him, not because he wants to. What kind of marriage will that be? Let me answer for you, AWFUL!!! Good luck! I hope you give this slacker the boot!

Yes, you should go for it. What do you have to lose? If you try it and she doesn't reciprocate, then you don't have her. If you don't try, you don't have her either. But if you try and she is interested, you've got a girlfriend. My advice would be to not talk about the relationship too much, especially in the beginning. Just let things happen. Ask her out; ask her a lot about herself (girls LOVE that, but don't be afraid to say a bit about yourself, too). Play it cool. Do little things that let her know you like her, like hugs, and flirting, but not so much that she feel suffocated. Let her guess a bit about how you feel! Mystery is nice. That's what this guy did to me, and I fell for him and married him. Don't over analyze the whole thing to death! Have fun and be confident.

What you have sounds like anxiety. I would discuss it with a doctor or psychiatrist. There is medicine you can take to help with it.

Even if you don't mind looking in the mirror everyday afterward and staring at a person who has no self-control, think of your children. They will lose respect for you. You will have set a horrible example for all of them. The hurt will be immeasurable. And your poor husband. If you love him as much as you say you do, you will never forgive yourself for ruining a good thing. We all face temptations. Control your thoughts, and the rest will follow. Somehow let your co-worker know you are not interested so you won't be tempted to give in. Be grateful for what you have! If you are religious, pray for help. Good luck!

We have to choose to be happy. Life does not always provide us with perfect circumstances to give us happiness. We need to be grateful and positive.