AXYSSALLY

I am somewhat in the same boat. I graduated from College in 2001 with a degree in Psychology. I wasnt interested in working in that field however and after searching for 3 months, finally found a good job. However, after only 1 years experience I moved to NY to get married. I assumed that within a month or 2 Id be able to find work . Nope. After a year later I still have no job. Fortunately my husband can support us comfortably on his income but mean while my self esteem has gone down the drain and yeah, its very frustrating. At some point it becomes hard not to take it personal. I have a college degree, a year of experience, excellent refferences, even documentation of my progress at my last job. It doesnt seem to make a difference. Every one I talk to about it seems to know someone who has been out of work for a year or 6 months. But after a while you have to realize that most likley it has nothing to do with you. I guess I dont have much advice but I just wanted to say that I know exactly what your going through, as Ive been going through it for a year and 2 months.

How old are you? how many relationships have you been in? All of these factor into it. I think many people, when they are young, go through quite a few relationships that dont last for more than a few months. I went through 5 before I met my husband. It doesnt always mean theres something wrong with you. I guess you could look at it as being lucky...some people get stuck in relationships that do last a long time before they find out the other person isnt the right one. Dont give up hope yet.

Its really good that you have respect for his marriage. You cant help that you love him. You tried to distance yourself and you said you would never make a pass etc. But you want to know what he wants from you. Well there might be a few things. First, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may just want to be your friend. He may not have said he didnt have the same feelings for you because maybe he didnt want to hurt your feelings. But even if this is so, and even though you have been very respectful, he shouldnt maintain a close friendship with someone whom he knows loves him and hes married. Im willing to bet his wife would be pissed if she knew. Its playing with fire. This leads me to believe that its possible that your an ego boost to him. Im not trying to give negative attributes to him....but by getting closer with you its almost like a tease..like hes playing games with you. He may just be clueless and doesnt realize all of this. I dont know. I think that for your own benefit it would be a good idea to not be as close. Keep it a simple working relationship...be friendly..but keep your distance.

Why do I get the feeling that the people who told you that you were over reacting were guys? You are not over reacting. I dont think that what you feel is really even jealousy..I think its justafiable anger and feeling disresepected, which is just what you should feel. Not only should he not be putting up those types of posters in your own home if it makes you uncomfortable but the things he says to you are immature and hurtful...If he cared for your feelings then he would take the pictures down. The stuff at his office..Im not sure what to say. I have a feeling that thats sort of the "culture" of those places. Doesnt mean its right though. Im not saying that this stuff is grounds for divorce but its pretty obvious that your feelings mean nothing to him and that he has no respect for you or your marriage. I would suggest couples therapy. You have to start putting your foot down on these matters. You cant whine complacently ( Im not saying you are, Im just saying in general) and stand back and let it go on. Stand up for yourself. Express your anger...theres nothing wrong with that.

What the? Ok, first off, are you male or female? I have no idea what your talking about. Is there pain with it? Frequency of peeing? And most importantly..if you have had this for a year why are you posting this instead of calling a doctor?

So let me get this straight...the guy is taking a job where he will be benefitting from prostitution........why are you even posting this? You said you dont agree with it morally...do you want to date someone who works with hookers? Forget this guy and look for someone who can make a living through legitimate means

Ok, there seems to be two sides to this situation. First of all I realize that many men dont fully understand about things like yeast infections but any decent man would at least let you explain that antibiotics can cause such things and that sometimes one weeks treatment of gynelotramin doesnt do it. You should have bought a second package and treated it . If there was no improvement by three days into the second pack you should have gone to the doctor. You also should never have had sex with him knowing you were still " contageous". You absolutely can pass it on to a man and should wait at least a week or two between the infection clearing up and having sex. but anyway, you didnt. so he got it. sux to be him...so he needs to go get something to take care of it. He knew the risk im sure. So then he badgers you about not wanting to do sexual stuff with him...did he not understand when he got the yeast infection that its not a good idea? and that if he gave you oral sex he could get thrush, a painful throat infection? This guy sounds like a dirt bag. No one should be telling you that you disgust them. That is never how someone who loves you should speak to you. You made a mistake with the infection..you didnt cheat on him and give him an std for gods sake. On the other hand he does have a right to be grossed out that you didnt take care of it. As for the leg shaving thing, yeah, Id say he has a right to be grossed out about that too if you havent done it in weeks. It does sound like letting yourself go. But him comparing you to his exes and how they did stuff to please him is evil. does he do anything to please you? by posting this you must be seeing the warning signs that this guy is a complete ass ....but what i dont understand is why are you even posting this? maybe you need to work on self esteem but this guy isnt right for you..or anyone....dont waste your time posting here...instead get rid of this guy who obviously has no care or respect for you..and find yourself someone who does

you will never know if she would cheat on your or not. if she has cheated in teh past with almost every one that makes the probablity that she would cheat on you very good. Do you not think that maybe she told the other guys teh same thing she has told you? if she has cheated then she is a liar, and apparently a compulsive one at that. She obviously has little or no rehard for relationships or others feelings. Can you live with the constant suspicion?find someone who is honest and actually cares for other people

how about propose.....or are you decision making challenged

your husband sounds like a lunatic but the fact that you essentially had an online affair with someone from your past just confirms that he had reasons to do what he did

I have a minor problem but its still bothering me. I am married to a fantastic guy whom I love with all my heart and he shows me how much he loves me every day. We have always prized communication so that if something is bothering us it doesnt turn into something worse down the road. We have also always been very open about our exs. No, this isnt a concern that he is still interested in his ex..nothing like that. The thing is, he has never been very romantic with me. Little things here and there but not much. Since we first started dating he mentioned romantic things he did with his ex. Apparently she mandated that in order for her to be his g/f he would have to "propose it" to her. And so he did, with 10 dozen roses, a trail of petals to the bed and blah blah. He has also mentioned other romantic things. Last night we were talking and he mentioned that they had gone away to a secluded cabin with a jacuzzi and other corny romantic things. In the same breath he said that now that he is married all his romantic spirit has been drained. What the hell? We have only been married for 6 months and have a great marriage and sex life, so I dont understand this comment. It really hurt my feelings but I let the moment go by in which I should have confronted him on what he was talking about. My question is, now, a day later, should I ask him what he meant? I dont want to blow this out of proportion and I dont want to be a baby about it, but it really does hurt my feelings and I dont understand it. Should I confront him or let it go, where everything else is going so wonderfully?

OK, there are a few things here. First of all, it sounds like your fiance has not made great choices in her life. You say your friends are great and successful blah blah...do you project an attitude that she is a sort of failure compared to them? Im not saying you do, its just that she may get the feeling that maybe you are comparing her to them. Also, she is 21 years old. Lets face it, at 21 you dont usually have a lot of experience and are not usually very mature. Do the friends wives make an effort to include her or do they all just take off with out asking if she would like to go with them? Women have a tendency to be catty and they sometimes put out an aura or dislike to other females that men dont always pick up on. Maybe your fiance just really doesnt fit in. Thats ok. You do not have to be attached at the hip first off. I know you would like to do this stuff with her but sometimes you may just need to do it yourself. It is not always needed for her to fit in. I do not fit in with some of my husbands friends at all. I wouldnt want to. I have a great many reasons to severely dislike them. My husband knows this and he does not push for us to do things with them. He sees them when he wants and i encourage him to go. When we do things together with other couples we go with people that we can both identify with more. Dont push her to get along with these people. Unless she is unreasonably hostile to them it really shouldnt be a huge deal. She may feel inferior to them. And Im sure you worry about what they think about her but trully that shouldnt matter to you. It is no ones business and if they asked you if she disliked them you can just say no, she is just a shy person.Heres another thing: your 6 years older than her. Maybe she needs people her own age to hang out with. that is a significant age gap

hey princess...no sooner did i reply to the previous post when i saw yours. your also right..it is about making sure your his only love...i do trust my husband....he has proven himselft trustworthy but i have to admit, like you said, with all the cheating and internet stuff you see and hear about, its hard. theres always the stereotype about men being dogs in the back of the mind and i think that when your married, especially newly married, and you know that there are other women who would be and have been attracted to your man, you are sometimes trusting because you have to. Im glad to know Im not the only women to feel this way because i feel guilty about it and i guess i know its not really rational but emotions dont always make sense i guess.

thanks nifty..glad to know im not alone and i think you said it perfectly....about him having given parts of himself to others. i was having a hard time defining what i was feeling or why because im not really sure its actual jealousy...it sort of is but not completely. most women arent going to have favorable feelings towards their husbands ex's but from what he has told me, as well as what his family has said, i know these women were lousy to him and totally unworthy of what ever attention he gave them. Maybe i wouldnt feel as strongly about it if I knew that even one of them was a normal person who treated him well. oh well, like you said, theres nothing that can be done....the feelings have been fading over the months we have been married and hopefuly they will eventually disapear all together

I am a newly wed. I have never been a jealous person but I find now that Im married I have this unexplainable feeling....I dont mean that Im jealous if my husband speaks to another woman or anything...its jealousy over his past. Im finding myself angry or jealous, not even sure which one..a combination of the two i guess...over past relationships he had. He does not harbor feelings for ex's...doesnt keep in touch with any of them . I trust him completely and have no self esteem issues or doubt in my marriage. I know I am completely and utterly loved and had my own past relationships. But I find myself extremely curious about his past. My husband is very open with me about his ex's and what their relationships were like., as I am with him about my past. He doesnt even have a particularly racy past. So why am I feeling this way? Why am i so resentful of him being with these women before me? If he hadnt been with them he wouldnt be who he is now. I just cant help feeling this way. Has anyone else ever felt this way?