lingling

Listen, I know people have told you to work on your marriage, and that is noble, thoughtful advice. And yes, you should keep that in mind....IF that is what both of you want. Talk to him, and LISTEN TO YOURSELF. If you want to stay married to this man, then work on the marriage. If you are not happy, and if you know in your heart you made the wrong choice by marrying this man, then LET HIM GO for both your sakes. Why stay with someone you don't really love, only to grow more resentful of him as time passes? Why stay with him...gratitude, obligation, hope that things will get better, that one day you will "magically" be in love with him? Why keep yourself trapped in a situation that does you no good, and why keep him in a situation that might be depriving him of finding someone just as caring and loving as yourself that will love him the way he wants to be loved? It's not fair to either one of you...

Actually, I listen to almost any kind of music...not that crazy about country or rap, but I even listen to some of that, if it is done well and the artist has integrity, you know? Make sense? So any suggestions would be really appreciated.... Thanks!

Hi everyone, I've recently begun counseling to try and get over some old stuff in my life that happened years ago that really, REALLY wrecked my self-esteem for years...childhood abuse, terrible things...and one of the things that was suggested to me is that I listen to songs that are personally empowering. For the life of me, I can't think of any...does anyone have suggestions for songs that in the times when you needed strength they have given you strength and made you feel "empowered" or better about yourself? Any suggestions would be really appreciated... Take care everyone, and have a great day...

Hello friend, Just because you didn't have a "relationship" with this woman does not mean your feelings for her were/are any less real...please remember that. Many people are under the mistaken impression that love has to be requited to be real...this is so untrue. Love is something you can feel for someone, even if it is not returned, or is felt in return but not acknowledged by the other person. So don't discount your grief over the loss you are feeling...it is very natural, and very normal. Give yourself time to grieve, and work your way through the pain. I wish you all the best...

Hi, Love, lust, all of this stuff...we're made to think from the time we leave the womb that it's all "black and white", all "cut and dried", that we are only supposed to love a certain gender...for some this is true, but for some it is not. I think a lot of it depends on the person...and the people they encounter. The feelings you have, no matter WHAT your sexual orientation develops to be, are completely normal. That's the thing most people don't realize...sometimes you just find someone that turns you on, no matter what gender they are. Sometimes there's just a "connection" for some reason...who knows? Who can explain it? I can't, no one can...we've been trying for centuries without any success. Just don't "overthink" this or worry about it so much right now...enjoy your time with your boyfriend, and if it involves a little fantasy, that's okay...I mean jeez, how many people in the world fantasize at times while they are with their partner? LOL...we couldn't count if we wanted to...it would be like trying to count the stars in the sky. Just give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and relax...

Hi, I'm sorry things are not good at home right now, and that you don't have your brother there for support because he's in college. But as far as the people in school are concerned...honey, let me tell you something. The people who pick on you are just hung up on their own insecurities, and they have to have a target they THINK is even more "different" than they are...just let it go. You will find friends who like you for who you are, or the ones you do have that are true friends will stay with you, and the rest...well, the rest you won't care about in a few years. I was very, very overweight whenever I was in school, and my life was hell...the other kids picked on me constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY. But I had a few friends who saw the real me, and saw that I was a good person, and they stuck by me...the rest of those jerks don't mean a thing to me anymore. I can't even remember their names or their faces. It will be this way for you...you be your own person, become the person you want to be and you feel comfortable with, and to the DEVIL with those who don't like it. It's their loss...trust me.

Okay, here's the deal...there's this guy that I've recently met...I'm in a community-based training program that consists of business people from all areas of business in the community. We have "class" for one day a month to learn leadership skills and about our community (public service, government issues, etc.). This guy is a graduate of the class from a previous year, and is our "mentor". He's 45 or so, so he's about 7 years older than me. He's handsome and sweet and we get along really well. We're alway talking and laughing and making jokes with each other, and whatever seems to be going on in the group, we seem to "gravitate" toward each other. He's divorced, and we've talked about love, relationships, his kids, all kinds of things...I have a really good feeling about this guy. He has even gone so far as to ask me "what I'm looking for" in a relationship. But there has been no talk (so far) about asking me out. Now, I don't mean this to sound as if I'm putting myself down, but he's not the kind of guy that normally "goes for me"...I'm used to guys with neuroses, addictions, you know, guys I have to "fix" and usually have to abandon (for lack of a better word). This guy is so nice, and seems so stable, that I guess I am amazed that he even seems remotely interested. I guess I'm wondering if it's all in my head...that maybe I'm reading too much into it, you know? Does that make sense? Maybe a part of me thinks I don't deserve this...I don't know. I just know that whenever he talks to me, he REALLY listens, and he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the room, in the world even...and I've caught him several times "sneaking" and taking my picture or video of me when I'm not supposed to be looking...when I'm smiling or laughing or dancing (it was during retreat, it was late, I was tired and getting silly...don't ask...lol). And I catch him smiling at me when I'm not looking. I just have a feeling there is something there, but I've been burned so many times that I am almost afraid to get my hopes up, you know? Any advice would be appreciated, or any feedback...from what I've said, does it seem like he is interested? I can understand if he's taking it slow...he's only had one serious relationship since his divorce, and it ended badly...so he may be gunshy. Also he's gotten it in his head that I'm looking for a "bad boy," because of a late-night conversation we had about dating histories (which we had because I never dreamed at the time he was interested)....so I guess I also need to know a way to let him know that's not what I want...I had bad boys and all it got me was heartache. Please, someone, ANYONE, let me know what to do about all this...thanks.

Hi, I TOTALLY understand the whole idea of not getting why you have feelings for someone...it's just one of the "mysteries of life." Someone can be totally not your type, but there's just something about them that makes you CRAZY over them...I think that's when you know it's really something special. The idea of the "group conversation" mentioned earlier is good...gives you a chance to talk to each other indirectly. Then watch his body language...does he watch your face whenever you are talking? Does he seem to act interested in everything you say? Do the same for him...even if he's talking about something you don't care about (lol). Interest is a big turn-on for anyone...we all want to feel special. One of these group conversation encounters will probably loosen him up to talk to you on his own, and it's a way of getting "in touch" with him without being direct and obvious...if you like the guy, find a way. Feelings like these are too special to let slip by.

Hi, From what you've said, it sounds like he's flirting with you...I say that because I was having a talk with my (married) friends the other day (I'm the only single one), and they were all talking about how they remember when their husbands were dating them and they used to notice what they were wearing, and if they changed their hair/got a haircut, etc...and they all said they really missed that. This was the first thing I thought of when I read your post. So there you go...

Hi, I understand you are confused, and that you are unsure of what to do...but from the sound of your post, I get the feeling that you are still very young. Even though you and your boyfriend have been together for five years, you are young and people change, grow and evolve...what you both wanted from love five years ago may have been the same thing; it may not be that way now. You owe it to yourself, and to him, to be honest about the fact that your feelings may have changed. Yes, he may be "the one," but there's no hard-and-fast rule that says he is...and you are young enough and in the position that you still have a chance to find out what you want out of life before you make the situation with him more permanent and harder to leave if and when you realize he's not "the one." I hope I haven't said the wrong thing...I have just seen too many people who stay involved with someone because it has been a long-term thing, even when they weren't happy...and then oftentimes they wind up ending it anyway, when there are so many more victims (like children) in the break-up. Take some time to find out what you both want...who know? You may realize he's all you need after all.

Thank you so much for responding...the input helps. And I do understand that I need to keep the relationship professional, and I try so hard to do that. But it's so difficult when he does these little things...and the thing is, he will do these things whenever I seem to be really interested in someone else. Like right now, there's this engineer at another firm that I've dated a few times...nothing serious yet, but who knows? Well, since "the subject of this post" found out, he's been talking to me more than usual, commenting on how he hates it when I'm away from the office and not there, even going so far as to wear shirts that he KNOWS I think he looks especially good in (he knows because I had commented on them before...sometimes even years before) and the thing is, some of this stuff I haven't seen him wear in ages; now all of a sudden it's appearing. See what I mean? It's just little stuff like that that confuses me so...it's like he can't have a relationship with me, but he doesn't want me to have a relationship with anyone else...make sense? That's why I'm still trying to figure out what he WANTS...I thought it might be the ego thing, but I've not been giving him that much-needed ego boost in quite some time...maybe he's trying to get that back? I don't know, but I DO know that I can't live my life waiting for him to decide what he wants.

Hi Everyone, I've been a member for a few days now, and I have started this post a hundred times, but never had the nerve to go through with it. I worry that what I have to say will come out wrong, and that I will sound like a terrible person, but I'm not. On to my story, I guess... It all started five years ago when I went to work for this major corporation that is located in the city where I live. I met and became friends instantly with a man that worked there who is married (has been for seven years) and has a six-year-old son. We are not cubicle mates or anything, we work in different departments, but we work on projects together all the time, and spend a lot of time together. We were instantly friends, and "clicked" right away...never had that awkward "get to know you" phase, you know? We were comfortable right from the start. Well, we spent a lot of time talking, A LOT, and found out so much about each other. One day about three years ago, out of the blue, I realized that I was in love with this guy...and I was devastated. I fought it with everything I had...I kept telling myself he was married, that it was wrong, but I still couldn't help the way I felt whenever I was around him. I started making excuses not to be around him, it got to be so tough. During all this time, I continued to date steadily, and still do... Finally, one day I couldn't take it anymore...he was wondering why I was "distant" and not talking to him, so early that morning before anyone came in we had coffee...and I told him how I felt. He said he knew, that he had always known, and that it was okay...that I needed to say what I said. He said it didn't change anything, that we were still friends, and that we would be "even closer than before." But he told me that he could never leave his wife and son. The thing is...he never said he didn't have feelings for me, he never said he didn't care about me...none of that. He just said he couldn't leave her. The thing is, ever since that time, we HAVE become closer...emotionally, but not physically. Nothing has ever happened physically, except for a few hugs on occasion (but nothing really intimate). I've never made a pass at him, and I WON'T...I just can't do that. But we talk more and more all the time, we know so many things about each other that no one else knows...we argue like a couple, only we don't have the make-up sex...lol. The thing is, I'm just so confused...if he knew I had feelings for him, why didn't he do something to stop it? He still talks to me every day, doesn't let his wife know that he's talking to me, keeps emails/notes, etc., a secret from her, even though they are in no way intimate...hell, he even PARKS next to me every day at work...has for the last four years. He says nothing will ever happen, but then I get all these "mixed signals," like he wants me in his life in a certain way, but then he doesn't. Every guy I go out with he criticizes and acts jealous about...if he's JUST MY FRIEND, as he claims to be, why does he give a damn? Whenever I back off and try to stay away from him, he will tell me he "misses talking to me," and bring me right back. Whenever I try to find things to keep me away from him, to keep me occupied, he'll ask me for help with some account/project so we can be together...I hate that I give in, but I love him...God help me, I love him. I guess I just want to know if maybe someone can tell me, from their experience or someone they know whose had this experience...what does this guy want from me? I don't think it's just sex...there's been plenty of opportunity for that. I hate to say it, but I love him so much, and I'm weak...and we are definitely attracted to each other. So I don't know...I'm just so confused about it all. Thank you for listening...