Progressive

Has anyone asked the kids where THEY would like to be ? Does their opinion not count ??? FFS!

Ok well, i told my friend that I loved them and how i felt and although I didnt get the reply i wanted I got the next best thing. The classic 'Just Friends' responce! But, i wasn't as upset as I thought i would be. After all, I've never been WITH her so theres nothing for me to miss and i do have the definate answer to the question that plays on your mind ALL the time, so heartbroken though i might be, its in a 'happy' way. Anyway, now i have to be the good friend that I have always been and its really hard to do now. I still love her so talking to her is easy and i suppose i have tried to "dull-down" the flirty comments a bit, but, its like I have ruined it and we can't share the same jokes as we did before, like it makes her akward or something but wont say it I guess the worst part is "the boyfriends" that she is looking for and talking to me about! I am SO glad that she still trusts me and feels she can talk to me about getting herself a new man but i think it might take me a little while to talk about it without getting worked up and jealous. (I DO want to be the one that she can come to and ask anything of with no fear of being rideculed or laughed at or knowing that im not going to run off and tell someone else as soon as shes gone -- But does that make a hypercrit or a bad person for sitting there and getting upset over it? I dunno?) Ohhh i can feel something calling me ........ although, oh sod it im off to bed! Night all!

Dont worry mate, it's not just you. I think at one point or another most people get caught and do that. *I*'ve just done exactly the same thing. Spend ages thinking about it, pluck up the courage to tell them how you feel and *pow* you get the "think of you as a good friend" line. It DOES hurt and it is a hell of a setback but in a way its a good setback (go with me on this one for a minute) - they are still there, they are still your friend and even though you cant be together as a couple you CAN still be there as friends! So, i suppose in a way, you havn't lost anything AND you haven't gained anything either. Ok, i suppose its not much use as advice or anything but its nothing that YOU do, if you look back, the board is full of people saying they are attracted to thier friend and should they tell them or not. I suppose in some freaky land KNOWING and being able to move on is better than sitting around going "do they...? dont they..?" all the time? im shutting up now

I guess you're right, but i dont think i can really tell her face to face or on the phone, i'd just bottle out. I guess if i just say i got something to say dn point her to this post? If i do do that, and *YOU* are reading this right now and youre just thinking "yeah you're good but its not happening!" please understand I had to say it sometime, perhaps i can be better now and i can REALLY help you find someone? I just dont want it to wipe the last 5-6 years of "us".

Good on you reborn! I don't doubt that there will always be a little bit of you that sits there and thinks back to the "days gone by" - you wouldnt be human if you didnt! Also, now you have come this far, dont forget about the days that you had together, a lot of it has made you the person you are today. A little more cautious perhaps but essentially a stronger more powerful woman. Acceptance is where you are now... good luck on the journey from there to the next better, happier place

Oh what the hell have i done? I dont know if i really want help or anything like that or advise I just need to get this out somewhere and theres no-one here where i really can? Basically, I have (had?) this friend for about 5 years who was attached and broke up very recently. A few months ago i fell in love with her (deeply) told her a LITTLE bit of how i was (after much pondering/worrying) and things were ok we were still friends which was really really good! However, I am in an unsolveable situation. She keeps telling me how she wants to find someone else and tells me how she is looking and about one or two people that she meets, which, frankly just splits my heart in two whenever she mentions it. I dont let her know how it makes me feel and keep trying to encourage her to look for that mr right. BUT, i would LOVE that mr.right to be ME! If she ever rang me and told me she loved ME or wanted me to move somewhere with her i would drop everything in a heartbeat! I can't tell her that because i am 99.9% sure she doesnt like me in that way, so the only way for me to get some closure is for her to be attached and happy! So, i have to get her together with this wonder-man whos out there somewhere! BUT, she spends most nights on-line chatting with me and i know she isnt going to meet anyone like that, so I have told her that..... Im taking a break from msn messenger and she is currently on block. But its upsetting me MORE to not talk to her than it is to talk to her and be told how she wants this wonder-man. I also dont want her to think that I dont like her any more and havn't just gone off because i think shes boring or because shes ugly or anything like that. If anything its the opposite! The only thing that makes me happy these days IS talking to her, but, its like im the virus thats keeping her from being happy? i dunno. Someone posted a song a while ago (link removed) which, i've taken to be my signature tune. Everyone sing alone now............

The rhythm method is NOT the best idea for preventing pregnancy by any means. Technically I suppose there may be less of a chance perhaps, but as 'ansleynicole' said - there IS still a chance that you can get pregnant. Don't forget that even though people sit there and say "Oh i've been using that method for years and i've never gotten pregnant!!!" there are also people there who say "I've been trying for years and never gotten pregnant" It only needs one little sperm to make his journey to get pregnant and there are PLENTY released before you ejaculate! But saying that, don't panic yet, if you are concerned you can get over the countre pregnancy kits from just about anywhere these days and that should be able to give you an answer in no time. Play it safe!!!!!!

Ah.... i dont suppose sitting in the front room with a big pair of patio windows behind her on a sunny day really helped Doh... Ah well.... I can dream again.....

I have this female friend who i am in love with, although it is purely one-way. She doesnt.....me. BUT, one day when we were together she commented on how the pupils in my eyes are very small. I was always led to believe that when you love someone or are attracted to someone then your eyes dialated and the black parts became bigger. Is this true? If it is, what does this mean? DO I love her? I'm convinced myself that I do but is my body language putting out all sorts of "I hate you!" messages that I dont know about? Help!

Hmm...... (sounds like my relationship! A lack of sex in a relationship can leave you feeling unloved, unwanted, undesirable and many other things. It does NOT mean he is being unfaithful or that he doesnt find you attractive, some people just do seem to have a low sex drive. Is there a reason as to why he doesn't want sex? Has he always been this way or is it a recent thing? Saying that however, if you DO feel unloved in the relationship, you have to make the decesion that do you want to continue with your current partner? Do you love him enough to stay with him even with the low "passion" rating? OR do you feel that you aren't happy and that you would rather find someone else? I SHOULD also mention communication! If you are unhappy, tell him! If you have never said that you miss the closeness part of the relationship he may not realize that you are feeling this strongly about it and thinks that you are fine with how things are? Next time you are together have a sit down and have a big heart to heart about how you miss how you used to be or how you would like you both to be in the future. You never know, he might surprise you!!!!

Although i DO use Aim/MSN Messenger/ICQ etc... I have always felt it is in NO WAY compareale to actually being in the same room as someone or talking on the telephone! Silly comments that they would see/hear you laughing about can be taken as serous things (even with the added at the end) - people make mistakes, mis-read lines and things just get in a mess. For keeping in touch with friends or people in a long established relationship i would say ok, fine, go for it. For someone starting out in a NEW relationship i would never ever recommend it. It's TOO easy to mis-read things!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (Says he after spending an hour talking to someone this evening....go figure!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------

**OHH I HOPE SHE ISNT READING THIS!!** Recently when i learnt that someone i am close to (friends, maybe more on some higher level?) was going back home overseas, I came up with the idea of a 'farewell cd' that contained all those songs that either remind me of her, or contain her name or are special to me, her or US for whatever reason. It was actually quite sad when i had it all put together really Nice front, no song names just artists and an explaatory text inside BUT... things chance and now i find she isnt going away after all, but its a nice cd to put on in the car when you're feeling a bit lonely x

UPDATE: (Although no-ones actually reading this now, but... it makes me feel better!) I went around last night and I dont know what the hell i was thinking with all this "Does making them hate you...." rubbish. How can I make her hate me when we get on so well and she makes me so happy??? No, nothing happened but.. maybe I don't really want it to? Maybe this is how it should be - this makes me happy! If it went further maybe it would spoil it and make it all serious and everything? I think i'm happy as it is for now. Heres to next time! x

Ok, should probably say firstly that the person i love... we AREN'T and have NEVER been an item, just friends! Its purely a "i do..." and "she doesn't....." thing.

If you really REALLY REALLY!!! love someone, but they dont love you and its driving you really really crazy , would trying to make them hate you eventually stop you from loving them? Like..... if i make them hate me, i'll know 101% that they dont like me and they wont talk to me and that they won't want anything to do with me which will force me to forget about them? Or would it be considered pushing everyone close away? H-E-L-P-!-!-!

There are a lot of songs that on first play are just "songs" - then when you listen to the words you realise the true meaning. unfortunately, I used this song to remind me of someone and every single time i play it, as soon as plays or if I am singing it (which i usually am) it starts me crying! Still play it though, still reminds me........

plus, dont forget that when people are depressed, they dont really think straight about things, you WILL get into fights a lot more if there is depression involved in a relationship. Try to remember that it isnt "him/her" its generally not what he/she thinks and not to take it too personally. it isnt easy being with someone who is depressed and it often makes them more depressed if they start to think things like "Im treating her so bad and shes still there!!". All you can do is be there for them and keep reassuring them and helping them.

MY current relationship has gone steadily down the pan over the past year or so, fights just about every day (not little ones, BIG ones) and other factors that I dont really want to go into all match down to the fact that im only really in a "virtual relationship" at the moment. Regardless of me likeing someone else or not, i dont see it lasting the year out. BUT as for the other matter, I am 99% sure that I am not liked in "that" way and you're right I suppose I do know my own answer, she needs a friend and even if she didnt, hey, thats all she wants anyway! So what am i worrying about? What do i get stressed and frustrated over??? I don't know....... but i cant help it

Hi Waterlily, I don't want to go over what Swingfox has said because it does seem very good advice! It IS just something that you have to "wait over" and yes being the shy one in a group can make you feel even worse. You dont feel loved so you dont say much to people and you get into that downwards spiral that never seems to end its mostly going to be confidence that needs boosting, if you gain more confidence in yourself then you start being more out-going, the more outgoing you are the more people start to notice and the more you are noticed the more chance you have of finding that special someone. What I WILL say however, is just because someone shows intrest in you, please don't think "Oh, this is the only person!! my only chance" and go along with it all if YOU don't want them. Take it slowly, DO be fussy, find that someoe that you'll love forever then grab them

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin: Well, about 6 years ago I met a friend on the internet who eventually moved to my home town from overseas. We chatted a few times, met up a few times, had some laughs, shared some secrets and were basically good friends. (Should point out at this point we have NEVER had any form of physical contact, apart from nearly once (quite recently) when there was drink involved but i stopped before anything could happen) Anyway, we sorta lost touch for a while during which we both got married, but re-contacted about a year ago. We've been getting on well and about five months ago I started to get feelings for her which ok made things harder (DONT!) but I think we got on as well as we were. Well, VERY recently, she has had relationship problems and lets just say "split-up" would be a good term. Overnight, I seemed to change from "god, i love this woman!" into more of a "She needs a friend! Now!" and have been the supportive helping caring friend that I would think anyone in her situation would need. But, it just seems that every time we talk about how she is getting on, it really upsets me. She tells me about her nights out, who she talks to and even though i never say anything, it really makes me jealous! To the point that if she says something like "hey im single now, why shouldnt i go out and **** someone!" i reply with something funny and friendish but...... it kills me inside! I can't tell her, because its obvious she doesn't think of me in "that" way and all it would do is freak out a perfectly good friendship, but if she ever asked me to drop *everything* and move away with her i would do it in a heartbeat. So, basically, should i continue to be the caring, helpful, "always be there" friend who I know (think?) she needs, who she can rely on to not turn out to be a snake in the grass and let her down! OR Do I tell her how i feel, possibly ruin a friendship, freak her out to the point that she might go down the "all men are liars!" route, but at least have my head clear. Thinking about it, i suppose there is only one real answer if i do care about her......but it's so very very difficult to keep hearing about what she does or wants to do, or thinks of doing every day. Good post this one, asked a sort of question and then answered it for myself. Sheesh! Arghghghghhghgg!!!!

Fully understand everything you say! The only thing i can say abou me getting married is that she was the first person i actually "went out" with and i dont know if i really just went along with it all for the 'quiet life' and because she was someone who actually wanted me? I do love my wife, but i think her "closeness" has driven me up the wall. I dont think we've spent 1 night apart since we met, if i go out for 3 hours its "but i wanted to talk to you", she changed jobs after i did so she could be with me during the working day too! Argh!! And its not the case that I have done a "Oh we are fighting, but heres someone else" because I knew BEFORE i even met my wife and i have never really thought of her like that... until now. PLUS....she went on holiday for something like a month recently, and i thought i had gotten her out of my head and maybe it was just nothing really, but as soon as she came back its hit me more than ever BUT... yes i do have thinking to do. I'll probably stick with how am i just for the "quiet life" - which is bad in itself! - and unfair to my wife Ohhhhhh

Hi ! Ok, well, basically i want some advise from someone and I dont really dare talk to people here (you'll see why in a minute) - its that sort of "I dont know you...heres my advice" thing i need Right. About 6 years ago, I met a friend over the internet who actually lived and still does live in my home town, we met up a few times, chatted for years and got on pretty well. Most of the chats we had were for HOURS at a time, late evening until early morning (i was VERY VERY tired at work, but..i didnt really mind). There was never anything physical in it, one probably because i wasn't really looking for things like that then (I was 20ish at the time.....26 now) and maybe because at the time she was engaged! But, nothing ever happened between us and nothing like that was ever mentioned. About a 2 years ago, what with me finding a girlfriend and then getting married we kinda lost touch with each other, she moved (accross town), i got married until one day i had a message on my phone saying how shed just had a baby and was living...somewhere. Anyway, we got back in touch - JUST like the old times that we used to spend, met up a few times bit of telly, drink etc.. which brings us up to today. unfortunately, since we have got back in touch, i have found myself getting increasingly attracted to her, possibly to the point that I could say that i *do* love her, that kind of sitting on-line waiting for them to sign on, or sitting at work glancing at your phone thinking a text might come through at any time and basically just sitting around being miserable just because you aren't/can't talk to them. She knows how i feel about her, i wrote a lot of stuff down basically to try and get things out of my head which I did send to her as an e-mail, and we have chatted and met up since and things have been great! (No.. nothing physical has happened - still just good friends) Only problem is, although if the situation arose i would probably just make an excuse and walk out the door, i would really like us to be MORE than friends but there are a few things that are holding me back from actually telling her that i do *love* her 1) We are BOTH married (to different people...) 2) I dont think i really know how MUCH she likes me? Am i just a great friend, am i someone she would like but is too scared to say anything? 3) What would we do IF we did become more than friends????? In an ideal world we would both be single, I would be able to not think about her ALL the time and if anything was going to arise then what the hell! Who does it hurt? It could be the case that even if we were single I would stand NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER, but at least i would *KNOW*!!! Argh! To make things more confused in my head, i have a co-worker who doesnt really know about my situation who is getting divorced saying marriage is a mugs game "you always get hurt". *sigh* but i love her...........

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm Ok, well. Firstly, thanks for the replies, didn't really expect any to be honest but they have really given me things to think about and things to look at at different angles. You're all right of course, I can't keep on the way i am, I suppose I DO feel like i'm "dangling the carrot" most of the time and it's making things worse here at home when i realize that too. Although we arent really a couple who rush out with gifts and love letters etc.. I do know that my wife loves me and its not fair on her to sit here thinking one thing, saying another night after night. It's not going to be easy to do, but I will have to "forget" about how i feel about ...person2... I don't know how i'm going to do it at the moment and i know its going to be hard but... s'gotta be done. I don't want to cut them off completely because they ARE a very good friend - probably the person i have known longest! I'm just going to have to remember that is what they are....and that is all they are going to be! Blah! - I'm going to bed!

Ok - any suggestions would be welcome on this one! Ok, well, i've been married for about a year, before that we were going out for about 4 years, it's had its up's and down's like everyone her but nothing too seriously wrong has ever really happened. Before I met my wife, i had a friend who had just moved to the area who i used to talk to a lot (mostly on-line) - a while after i met her she got married and we didn't speak much and then after a while we hadn't spoken for over a year! Although she was a good friend, there was never really any attraction there. Anyway, recently, we have gotten speaking again and we've met up a few times, phoned/texted and gotten back to talking on-line again. Only problem is that after a few weeks of chatting again, i have really started to have feelings for her, I will find myself sitting at work staring at my mobile wondering if I am going to get a text and feeling upset if i dont! Or I will sit at home on-line waiting for her name to "pop-up" rather than sit and talk to my wife or even do things that i really should do, but dont, just in case i miss her coming on! It's not just something that i think of when sat at this desk, its all the time! in the car, at work, on the way home, in the shower......at....other...times...ahem. etc. I did tell her how i felt about her and received back something along the lines of "oh. i thought you did. or wishful thinking maybe" - but now, i just dont know what to do! Where I would really like to be with her, i don't want to ruin TWO marriages to get it, i don't know if she even has feelings for me and even if she did would she want to be with me? Am I in love? Am i in lust? Am i just grabbing at someone who shows even a little intrest in me? Is there a way to get out of this without hurting anyone? Would it just be easier to try and just forget about her or just try and be a friend and forget about the rest? i suppose at the end of the day, if she did come up to me and asked me to kiss her or .........further...... i don't even know if that's what i want!? I don't really think about her in a sexual way, just...cant stop thinking about her! (although, it would be nice ) ARRGGHHH!! (I'm not even sure that i really asked a definate question there or not! oh well!)