soul

Hey everyone, I really need some help here, so any advice would help. If you are interested you can get the whole background on my relationship under post by SOUL. Here goes. I broke up with my girl about 3 weeks ago, because I know she did not want to be tied down in a commited relationship, after a year she told me that she wanted to be able to see other people but she did not want to lose me. I accepted this for about 2 months we agreed to let each other know if we met someone. I soon realized that this is not what I wanted and made the difficult decision to let her go. She really took it hard. But in the end I knew that I loved this girl and just couldn't stay and be second to anyone else. I really thought she was ready to be in a real loving monogoumous relationship, shes almost 27 has had plenty of sexual partners and has been in a serious relationship. It's not like were 18 and have been each others first everything. So I have made the consciencous decision that I really want to be with her and have a loving relationship. But I don't know how to go about it. Its been 3 months that she told me how she feels about wanting to "experience" other people and almost 1 month since we broke up. We don't speak very often and I don't call or try to push our relationship on her. I am trying to give her time and space but I am not sure on how long to wait. I don't know if she has met someone. She says she thinks of me, but I know thath she has alot going on and am not sure that she allows her self to think about whether she wants to be with me. She says she doesn't want to lose me. What should I do? should I wait longer to tell her how I feel?hould I wait u ntil she has had a chance to go out with some people. I don't want to call because I don't want to seem weak, even though I am really hurting inside. Maybe if I wait too long she willl meet someone else who will let her forget about me When we were having problems before we broke up she told me that she wanted to have a good healthy relationship with me, I know she has alot of issues to work out within herself. This is a really special girl and I don't want to let her slip by with out at least trying. some advie would really be appreciated. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey I just want you to know that I have been there before, and yes it was the worst case scenario. I am currently about to go through it again with another girl who I am completely in love with. WE recently broke up because she wanted to "experience" other people. I don't have to tell you be strong find a new hobby ect.. all that stuff people tell you to make you feel better when you break up. Chances are, you have already heard it all and it's true, do all those things they really help. But in the end I know this is killing you. How? How could she just get with someone else? What about all we had? all the those true and loving moments we shared? I know. I am going through the same torture. Even though I know I am the only one who can stop myself from feeling this way, I still let these issues tear me up inside. I imagine you must feel the same way. Just realize that you must take control of you emotions and try your hardest to smile and know there are better days ahead, there have to be right? I truly hope so, for both our sakes and any one else going through heart break. . I know I didn't really offer any direct advice, Just know that there is somone out there who feels your pain and is willing to empathise with you. Hope this helps best of luck. SOUL...

Hey everyone, I really need some help here, so any advice would help. If you are interested you can get the whole background on my relationship under post by SOUL. Here goes. I broke up with my girl about 3 weeks ago, because I know she did not want to be tied down in a commited relationship, after a year she told me that she wanted to be able to see other people but she did not want to lose me. I accepted this for about 2 months we agreed to let each other know if we met someone. I soon realized that this is not what I wanted and made the difficult decision to let her go. She really took it hard. But in the end I knew that I loved this girl and just couldn't stay and be second to anyone else. I really thought she was ready to be in a real loving monogoumous relationship, shes almost 27 has had plenty of sexual partners and has been in a serious relationship. It's not like were 18 and have been each others first everything. So I have made the consciencous decision that I really want to be with her and have a loving relationship. But I don't know how to go about it. Its been 3 months that she told me how she feels about wanting to "experience" other people and almost 1 month since we broke up. We don't speak very often and I don't call or try to push our relationship on her. I am trying to give her time and space but I am not sure on how long to wait. I don't know if she has met someone. She says she thinks of me, but I know thath she has alot going on and am not sure that she allows her self to think about whether she wants to be with me. She says she doesn't want to lose me. What should I do? should I wait longer to tell her how I feel?hould I wait u ntil she has had a chance to go out with some people. I don't want to call because I don't want to seem weak, even though I am really hurting inside. Maybe if I wait too long she willl meet someone else who will let her forget about me. This is a really special girl and I don't want to let her slip by with out at least trying. some advie would really be appreciated.

Hey Bro,' You and I are in a similare situation, I feel your pain. Most important is to be in control of your emotions as much as possible. After a year with my girl, where I gave her everything and was nothing but good to her. She decides she wants to "experience other people" this from a girl whos almost 27 and has been with plenty of guys. I too feel manic at times. You can't push your relationship on her though give her some space. That is what I am trying. I don't know that we will get back together because I know she wants to be with others, and I can't go back to what we used to have after there has been with someone else. I don't know if you feel the same way or not, I know its tough to think your girl may meet someone else. Be strong don't have sex with her, show her that you are in control of your emotions. If she really cares for you she will realize what she had. But don't try to hold on to false hope for ever. good luck to you, SOUL...

Hi all, I'll give a synopsis of our relationship. I broke up with her about 3wks ago, we had been together about 1yr. Shes 26 I'm 25 When we first met we both had alot of free time so got to know each other fast. She became ill soon after we met, and with no family near by I was all she had. I was there for her all the way she could'nt work so I helped in every way, finacially emotional ect... needless to say I soon feel in love with her, her soon after. She has been in one serious relationship where she thought they'd get married but after 4yrs. he left her for someone else. This devistated her. she was single for 3 yrs. and only dated 1 guy before she met me. I knew she was still not completely over her ex when we met but I could understand that A while after she got sick she decided to move back home with her parents because she ran out of money. Our relationship turned into long distance 2 hrs away. It wasn't too bad because I have alot of time off from work so would see her often. After she got home I noticed she began to distance herself she has always been a person with a great deal of ambition and drive. This has been a problem because she feels the need to achieve and try her best. A you can tell she has alot if issues Alcoholic dad bad relationship with real mom bounced around from mom to dad, the whole broken home thing. Anyway she began to tell me that she needed to focus on her career and getting her life together. Shethen she told me that her Ex/brf started calling her again and she still had feelings for him, but she didn't want to lose me. A month later she told me that she wasn't sure she was ready to be in a commited relationship. She said that she wanted to be able to she other people. I was devisated but did'nt want to lose her so I told her to just let me know if she met someone. I was miserible after a month I deciced that I could not accept these terms and I broke up with her. She took it pretty bad, she explained that we got so serious fast and she felt that she was too young to be commited and wanted to experience other people. I told her that I love her but can't accept the way he has treated me taking me for granted. She wanted it all, me and other guys to feed her ego. I t was like she got over her illness got a good job and did'nt need me any more. We seldom talk but when we do it's for a long time and I know she really cares about me. I want to give her time to figure things out. But I know I need to move on. She told me I should date a few girls at a time because that is what she wants to do. I think she feels that eventually we will get back together. But I can't be with her if she has been intimate with someone else, I have my princilples to live by. I can't see several people and I would not date anyone who is seeing more than one person at a time. Our relationshihip has always been about her, me coming to the rescue and makeng things better. I have gone out with a couple of girls since, I have no problem meeting people I have a good career, a good heart, good looking, I'm not all that but over all, I'm a pretty good catch. But my heart belongs to her and I don't want anyone else. I don't know what to do, I know I need to give her her space, I can't keep on coming to the rescue and giving her what she wants when ever she needs me. I know she is scared because she thinks if we stay together she sees herself marrying me. She is freaked out by this because of her EX they were'nt engaged but she always thought she'd marry him, and he broke her heart. I have never told her that I want to get married or anything but she know that eventually I want to get married. I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't talk to her anymore so I can move on. My quustion is what should I do? I know that I can't push our relationship on her. She tells me that she has not met anyone else yet, she always reassures me of this, even if this is the case eventually she will meet someone. Should I tell her that I have gone out with other people? Even though it I am not interested in them romantically. Maybe it will make her think she could lose me for good. She says that she doesn't want anyone else to have me, but I think all girls say that. Then they go and find someone new. well any advice would be much appreciated thanks

What about your husband? How sad. I feel sorry for people who end up married to people like you.

Hey man, I feel your pain. I am in almost the same exact situation and trust me, I know exactly how you must feel. Please read my posting under " My girlfriend is thinking about leaving for her Ex boyfriend" You probally have that drowning feeling too, because there is not too much you can do. Your situation is complicated because you live together. This makes it harder to give her some space and time which she really needs right now. She is confused. I don't know how a girl who has a good thing can just lose all the common sense in the world, and leave a good guy for some @$$ hole that has treated her bad. She needs closure from her EX B/F. I'm sure she loves you and there is a reason you moved in and share your lived together. But there is something about women and abusive boyfriends, it is the rejection or something. Well what I have been doing is giving my girl her space. I don't call her, or see her which is easy since she lives 200 miles away. I just wrote her a letter telling her what she means to me, reminding her of what we have together, reminding her of the how her Ex abandoned her and I told her that I am going to move on with my life. I told her that ultimately it is up tp her what she wants to do. I told her to take her time and decide what she want but I am not going to put my life on hold. Boston, in the end all you have is your self respect and dignity. You have to be true to yourself, and realize that you deserve to be with someone who is going to love you and only you. You should not have to worry whether she is thinking about her EX, or seeing him behind your back. You deserve to have some one who will be loyal and appreciate you and the times you share. The hardest part is accepting that this girl may not be the girl for you. Trust me I know how you fell. I too have to accept that my girl may be very well be leaving me too. As much as I love her and as bad as I want her to be the one, the hardest thing I have to do is let go in my heart. But I can't wait around and keep being hurt by her. In the end you have to ask your self the following: Do I really want to be with someone who is going to consider leaving me for some guy who has hurt her? My advice is tell her how you feel, let her know she is hurting you, and give her the space and time to figure this out. After this don't pressure her don't bring up your relationship, don't put a guilt trip on her and be as supportive as you can be in her life. And for gods sake live man live! You will be alright in the end these things work out for the best, or I'm hoping at least. I hope this helps, good luck to you. Soul.....

First off, Yes, you are a jerk. But hey women do the same thing to men all the time. It doesn't make it right I know. You need to stop having sex with her and give her the closure she needs. If you don't it will mess her up in every other relationship she will ever have, and she does not deserve that. She is going to have trust issues and evntually she will meet someone who will love her the way she, deseves but she won't let herself love him and it will have alot to do with how you treated her. She gave you 3 years of her self man, she deserves better. So don't mess it up for the few good guys out there like me. Because we end up meeting these girls give them our entire heart, just for them to leave us for the @$$ hole that broke her heart years back. So take my advice for what it is worth.

Hey bro, Its tough to go through something like this, trust me I know. We are in a similar situation you can read my posting under "soul". If your girl is telling these things then its for a reason. There is not too much you can do about it. If she stays with you it will only be out of pitty, and she will just cheat on you. Then one day you will find out, and she will say she just didn't want to hurt you. You have to let her go and work on yourself. Be confident accomplish your goals. Don't stress your relationship when you do talk to her, or try not calling her anymore ( I know it is almost impossible). But she may miss you and decide she really wants to be with you after all. You must move on with your life who knows you may meet someone who may make you happier than she ever could make you. Well I hope this helps

I am going through the same thin as you. My g/f is thinking of leaving me for her EX b/f. Give her her space because if you don't it will drive her to him, be patient and worry about your self. If she wants some other guy then forget her, its not worth it. good luck

Hey Bro, I know its hard. I too was in a relationship for 5 yrs, and she left me for some other guy. You have to let this girl go. You have to worry about yourself and move on. See other peple don't be stupid like I was and not see other people for 2 yrs because you were still hurt. The funny thing is that l finally got a girlfriend after 3 years and things were great because I learned so much from my 5 yr relationship that has helped me in my current one. So move one and be the best you can be and others will notice this. May be your EX will notice. You never know life has its ups and downs. As for me, My girlfriend I am currenlty with just told me that she has been talking to her EX boyfried and she has feelings for him. You can read about my story under postings by "Soul" or "My girlfrind is thinking about leaving me for her EXboyfriend" Well any way I again began to slip into depression but, I know I can't let that happen I have been through it before. So take it from me if she spent five years with you and now and she wants nothing to do with you,then maybe she is not the person you thought she was. Then she is not wotrh you putting your life on hold for. good luck to you and be strong...... Soul

Hi everyone well I am new to this, but I would appreciate any advise you may have. Let me give you guys the situation. My GF and I have been to gether for 10 months I am 25 and she is 26. I met her during a difficult time in her life. She moved 200 miles away from home 4 months before we met. She had just lost her job, and was living off her life savings which were quickly running out. On top of everything she ended up coming down with an illnes that didnot allow her to work. Her illness lasted about 6 months the symptoms come and go. I have been by her side the whole time I tried to find her insurance,Doctors, I have helped financially, emotionally, I have tried my hardest to be there for her in everyway possible. We have spent a lot of time together sine she was not working, and I work only 14 days a month. We have fallen in love with each other. She told me that because of me she is happy ,that I love her like no one ever has, and she is happy with her self because of me. She eventually ran out of money and couldn't afford to live here any more. She missed her family and moved back home. The distance is a challenge but we get through it okay. We had been seeing each other about every other week, and I stay 3-5 days at a time, when we do see each other. She now has her health back and is starting a new career, and I am very proud of her. I just took her on vacation last month and we had the best time together. Just recently she has become distant and busy, she says she needs to concentrate on her career. I just went to see her, and she was emotionally distant. I got her to talk to me and tell me what has beengoing wrong. She said that she is not sure that she sees me in her future. She finally told me that she has been talking to her EX BF for about a month and she has feelings for him. The background on their relatonship is he was her first love. They were together 4 yrs. They lived together,while they were in college. As far as she was concernered they were going to graduate begin their careers get married and live happily ever after. He ended wanting his space and she ended up moving out. He moved another girl in. My GF found out about it they broke up and it broke her heart. I dont think she ever got over it. He would call her every now and then but they never got back togeter. They kept in touch over the years he would tell her he wants her back while he was with someone else they never got back together. Now three years later he hears that she moved back home he calls her and wants back into her life. After she told me about him she called me crying telling me that she does not know what she is doing and that she doesnt want to lose me. She said she needs me and wants to be wih me. I told her that I dont want to lose her either. As far as I know we are still together but she hasn't called me in 8 days. I am trying to give her the space and time she needs. I am sure she is still talking to her EX. It drives me crazzy to think she could being out with him. He lives 45 minutes awy from her. She tells me she hasn't seen him. I don't want to force myself on her. I dont know what to do. I love her and want to be with her. I was in a relationship before her for 5 years and it did not work out. I can understand wanting things to work out with some one you were with for so long but what we have is special and rare and real we are not only a couple but best friends. I would appreciate any advise especially from some one who has been in a similar situation thank you.